The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (4 page)

Inequality

Feminists call these societies patriarchies and believe that males and females are treated and valued unequally under such systems, which is correct. However, they believe that females are being oppressed and valued
less
in these societies, while the opposite is actually true. Females are not oppressed by males in patriarchal societies; they are being protected by them, and they are not valued less than males, they are valued more. If not, it would not make any sense to protect them. If males were seen as more important than females, females would sacrifice themselves for males, not the other way around.

From nature’s perspective, males and females are equals. But from society’s perspective, females are more valuable than males, and the majority of males have always been of less worth in successful societies, sometimes even completely disposable. This does not necessarily mean that females have been treated better, however, and it does not mean that the tiny minority at the top of the social pyramid have been females, or that the few male leaders at the top also were disposable. But at the end of the day, when human survival was at stake, females have been rescued first from sinking ships, while males were expected to accept sure death; females never had the obligation of going to war to defend their societies, while males always have; and neither is a female expected to rescue a male in distress, while a male is always expected to
risk his life to protect a female. This is why both nations and boats are referred to as females by the way, as males have always felt more at ease with the thought of dying for a female rather than an abstract idea, like a nation, or for a replaceable object, like a boat.

The societies that have prospered until today were inevitably the ones that aligned their social structures with this unequal valuation of males and females, because it is more important that females survive than males do for the sake of a society that wants to survive and expand. One male and a hundred females can in theory re-populate a region a hundred times as fast as a hundred males and one female ever could, and in practice much faster than that since one female cannot bear a hundred children in her lifetime. As far as society is concerned, males are the disposable sex, almost worthless, while females are far more valuable. This is the basis for every social difference between males and females you can think of, not only for high-level formalities like females not being obligated to defend their nation in wartime, but including low-level informalities like boys being expected to pay for a girl’s ice cream on their date. These differences only make sense if females are to be treated as more vulnerable but also as more valuable than males.

However, it is not necessary to be explicitly told this; simply being born into a society where these formal and informal structures are already in place is enough for us to learn it, consciously or not. The process by which a society teaches its citizens these beliefs is called social conditioning, or socialization, and I will reference its influence on almost every single page because it has more influence over our behavior than you can imagine and it greatly interferes with the natural seduction process.

Chapter Two

SOCIALIZATION

Social conditioning is the process through which individuals inherit the grand beliefs and behavior of their society; in other words, it is the way they learn to believe what everyone else around them believes and to act accordingly. It is about the influence that causes people to nonconsciously conform to the prevailing attitudes, standards, and practices of society.

Most of us are aware that we are influenced by people such as our parents during our formative years and even that we are influenced by our peers throughout our lives, but few are aware of the extent of this influence, what it actually is that we are led to believe without question, or how great the implications can be of some of the behavior we adopt. Plus, we rarely realize that there might be other ways to look at things when ideas are instilled in us from a very early age. Not many question these ideas because it is not obvious that there is anything to question in the first place.

One cannot escape social conditioning, because it is an inevitable process and phenomenon that will always exist; it is impossible
and even detrimental to avoid. In general, socialization is a good thing, but chances are that it is severely hindering a male’s progress when it comes to getting the girls he wants. Being aware of these nonconscious beliefs and how they affect your behavior is vital because, without awareness, you will not understand why you think or act as you do.

It is because of socialization that people make sure they look carefully before crossing a street and they face a certain direction in an elevator. We are all raised to follow certain procedures, most of which are helpful. But socialization also causes people to adopt behavior that interferes with the natural seduction process, such as to feel embarrassed over their sexual desires and to avoid being selfish. In these cases, our conditioning gets in the way of getting girls, because you have to both reveal your sexual interest and go for what you want to seduce women.

Social conditioning is the source of several beliefs that keep you in line with everyone else, so although you may have all the freedom and free will in the world, you will still not stray too far from the pack. Beliefs deep inside us are the source of much of our behavior. Everything that we do is constantly subjected to our beliefs, including what we believe we are capable of, how we believe something should be done, and how we think others will react as a consequence of our actions.

Changing your mindset by adopting new beliefs can thus have a dramatic effect on your behavior and therefore the quality of your life. For example, if an overweight person stops looking at food as a source of pleasure and entertainment and instead sees it only as a source of nutrition, energy, and building blocks for the body, he or she can easily return to a normal weight over time, as such beliefs would alter his or her behavior. That way of thinking is often the only difference between overweight people and those
who have always been slim, and similar difference of beliefs is the only difference between many males who are successful with women and those who are not.

Changing one’s mindset is also a much more effective approach than only trying to adopt specific techniques such as diets or tricks. And just like being overweight, if you are not having the success you want with women, it is your own fault. This is
good
news, as this means you can do something about it. If someone else were to blame, it would be near impossible to do much about it.

Accepted

We learn which behaviors are acceptable in our culture today through social conditioning. As an adult, you automatically know what is okay and what is not, but you probably do not remember how you learned it as a child. If someone were to ask you to take off your pants in public just to make a point, you would simply refuse because you know that it is unacceptable to do so even though there is no law against it. If someone unexpectedly pulled your pants down you would most likely feel embarrassed without being able to explain where those feelings all of a sudden came from. Yet, in some parts of the world, tribes are still walking around naked, and that is still how we all come into the world when we are born. This proves that even some of our personal feelings, such as shame, are actually learned responses; they are not natural. But if you learned it a very long time ago, you will have a hard time telling the difference.

Most of our socialization is good and helps speed up our learning process of how the world works. Since humans are social creatures, we have the ability to learn from others, which saves us a lot of time and trouble as opposed to relying on trial and
error and firsthand experience. However, there is a flip side of the coin; not everything we learn through socialization is accurate or helpful. Some of the beliefs and behavior we inherit are actually bad, and when it comes to dating,
most
beliefs are actually inaccurate and most behaviors are actually counterproductive.

The interesting thing then is how social conditioning applies to all aspects of dating. What are the grand beliefs that we inherit regarding women and how to attract them? By studying our language, the words and phrases that we use, our stories, how movies are structured, how products are marketed, people’s attitudes, and the way in which everyday discussions go, it becomes obvious how males are
supposed
to get girls: Females must be earned.

Earned

A common plot in stories told through literature and film is a situation involving a damsel in distress. While this scene may no longer be as obvious as it once was, with an utterly helpless princess trapped in an ivory tower waiting for a hero to come and rescue her, the same formula lives on today. The modern hero might no longer be a knight in shining armor or a prince, but instead an average male with extraordinary abilities or a superhero with superpowers who lives through an ordeal and gets the sexy girl in the end.

Think about what happened to the main male character in the last few movies you have seen. What did he get in the end after saving the entire world from evil aliens, monkeys, asteroids, zombies, pirates, clones, orchs, robots, monsters, terrorists, or Nazis? What did he get after winning the race, tournament, league, war, or fight against all odds?

He got the beautiful girl, the one he met at the beginning of the movie who was not particularly interested in him. In the end, he
got her as though she were some sort of reward for his extraordinary achievement, once he proved that he deserved her.

Everywhere you look, male’s achievements are being associated with getting girls, an idea males learn in much the same way Pavlov’s dogs were conditioned to link the sound of a bell to the serving of food. That is the environment most of us have grown up in: an environment filled with the message that a male is not good enough for a female until he has proved his worth. Achieve something great, and then you can have the woman you want. To succeed is to become sexy and good enough for a woman. Success equals sex.

Simply growing up immersed in an environment that is based on this idea — reading books, listening to stories, watching movies, seeing ads, and overhearing conversations based on it — is more than enough to communicate the idea and instill in you the very same belief, that without doing something incredible, you do not deserve women and that you
do
have to deserve them.

All of us are very receptive to adopting beliefs when we are young, but the idea that success leads to sex is not something that is only hammered into kids as they grow up; this is an ongoing process, and most are unaware of it. Our culture is full of expressions that are based on these beliefs and used without any thought of their implications, such as, “getting lucky,” “that girl is out of your league,” “you do not deserve her,” “win her heart,” and “losers do not get laid.”

If you think about the phrase “getting lucky,” referring to when a male gets a female into bed, you can see that the phrase carries several embedded messages: The male should feel lucky (1) as if the female did him a favor by giving him the sex that only he wants, but she did not enjoy as much, (2) as if he really was unworthy of her, and (3) that his own actions had nothing to do
with getting laid. It was just luck! That is a lot of meaning embedded into two words.

Other expressions are also heavy with the same meaning. To refer to a woman as being “out of your league” implies that she is unreachable and not even worth pursuing because she is too good for you. In line with this theme of competition comes the expression, “losers do not get laid.” This implies that winners do get laid and that it is impossible to get girls if you fail in sports, school, or your career. To “win her heart” also implies that a male must compete for females in some way, and an expression such as “you do not deserve her” leaves no question as to its meaning.

Every time these expressions are used, social conditioning is being passed on and reinforced, usually without any thought or awareness. Through this process, males learn not only to pursue females like trophies, but also that they are
less
valuable than women since they have to work to pursue women and prove themselves to them. Even if they do not believe it, they will still act like it if they adopt such behavior.

Controlled

However, if males are led to believe that they must earn females, then females cannot simply spread their legs for every male that comes along and shows interest in them. Females have to play their part as well. They must not be promiscuous to be something to be earned, and this is why females’ sexuality has been controlled throughout history and why it still is — in all cultures.

This should come as no surprise, but a quick look at how females have been treated throughout history, how they are treated today, how they are spoken to, what labels they get, how laws affect them, and how modern discussions go makes this very apparent.

For instance, sexual promiscuity in females has always been
considered a sin, and most religions preach stories about “virtuous” females who are all virgins to emphasize the importance of avoiding sex. However, such ideas still live on even outside religion, and today we have plenty of everyday expressions that are based on these ideas. It is common to refer to a female who has not yet had sex as a “good girl” or “innocent.” Otherwise she is “bad” or “naughty,” implying that she has done something wrong and is guilty of something, even if she has not committed any crime. Even today, females are typically raised to be “good girls,” which pretty much means that they stay at home instead of going out late at night and avoid getting pregnant before marriage. But the institution of marriage was invented long ago as yet another way to control females’ sexuality, and it is even called wed
lock
to keep females from being “loose.”

In addition, females are not allowed, either formally or informally, to show as much skin as males are. This is obvious in the Muslim world. Muslim females cover their bodies, sometimes entirely, and similar attempts to control females’ sexuality persist in the modern civilizations of the Western world too; it is just not as obvious. The same people who think that the way Muslim females cover their bodies is both outrageous and unacceptable usually get upset when their own teenage daughters want to leave the house in a tiny skirt. These people also often live in countries that have made it illegal for females to expose their naked chest in public. There are no such laws for males, and the movies that contain topless females are rated with stricter age restrictions than those that display shirtless males.

Another modern example of this idea is the sentiment that all forms of pornography (made for males) are degrading to females and that women in porn only do it for the money, a view shared by most feminists. The fact that half the actors in your average
porno production are males and that they too are paid to be there goes unmentioned. This does not need to be mentioned, because everyone knows that
males
enjoy sex. Those guys therefore have the best jobs in the world, unlike the females, who are only doing it for the money, right?

No. In reality, females in the adult entertainment industry make several times more money than their male colleagues, not because they do not enjoy sex or they really feel degraded on film, but because they need to be compensated for all that they have to put up with when they are
not
naked in front of the camera, that is, the social pressure from the rest of society, particularly from feminists, that comes as a result of their defying their socialization. Only females receive this kind of opposition when they refuse to conform to rules concerning their sexuality that are unwritten but are supposed to be followed. This is something that their male colleagues do not have to deal with, since males’ sexuality does not need to be controlled to the same extent.

The truth is that pornography is only degrading to females if one believes they are not supposed to enjoy sex as much as males do or that the value of females lies in their sexual exclusivity, as we are traditionally led to believe. Hence, a female who does not conform deserves less respect, and if you disagree with the notion that a female’s value lies in her sexual exclusivity, then you are disrespecting her if you treat her otherwise. This is nonsense. At the end of the day, pornography is rarely degrading to females but denying their sexuality always is, and denying their sexuality has done more harm to womankind than pornography ever will. Therefore, one might think that today’s feminists, who are supposed to fight for “women’s” rightful treatment, would actually celebrate those who defy the socialization that attempts to condemn their sexuality, particularly in the only industry in the
world where females earn a lot more money than males do for performing the same job. Instead, no other group on earth is as anti-porn as feminists.

By the way, it is interesting to note that what we call pornography in everyday speech is material that excites males primarily. “Pornography” is mainly
visual
depictions or suggestions of sexually attractive females, such as photographs of young, naked girls. The equivalent material for females is not the simple opposite. Females are less visually stimulated, hence the material that excites them comes closer to spoken or written descriptions of confident and charming grown males, which is why romance novels for females are full of detailed descriptions of such men. These romance novels make multibillion-dollar revenues each year but are not considered to be part of the adult entertainment industry. Most males do not realize that these novels are pornography too, as they are clueless to what attracts females and these novels do not bother the general public as much, since text does not ruin the politically correct idea of females as much as images do.