Read The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 Online

Authors: Athol Kay

The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (5 page)

BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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(1.13) Sperm Warfare

 

Having discussed concealed ovulation and how women are designed to be able to deceive their man and poach another man’s genes on the sly, we come to the way the male body attempts to counter that female strategy. Men have ways of fighting back and trying to stop another man getting his partner pregnant.
One defense against another man’s sperm is the way the penis is shaped. A penis being thrust into a vagina actually creates a mild suction and will slowly draw out any other semen present. Long and vigorous sex will create greater suction. A larger penis probably creates greater suction than a smaller one. It seems counter-intuitive, but if a wife’s infidelity is discovered or suspected, a husband can become both extremely angry and wildly sexually aroused as well. It’s a natural biological reaction to seek to immediately enter her and thrust very aggressively, unconsciously seeking to displace the other man’s semen by pumping it out. This is what makes women find rough sex enjoyable, it’s a signal of the male being sexually powerful.
 
Having just terrorized every man with less than a monstrous sized penis that he is inadequate as a lover, it’s best to consider that it’s in a sense like getting excited over the length of the barrel of a gun.
Ooooh so big.
Yet the penis is simply a delivery system for the more important thing – semen.
 
A primary purpose of men is to be walking semen factories. Each day a healthy male will make millions of sperm. This is why teenage boys lean on everything and can hardly stand up straight. Making 100 million sperm before breakfast is work. Women coast on juggling a single – maybe two – eggs a month which just seems lazy by comparison. The goal for a man is to ejaculate as much as possible into a fertile female and make a baby. Interestingly you cannot fool your own body. Your Body Agenda knows the difference between masturbation and sexual intercourse. Wikipedia…
 
“
Sperm samples obtained via sexual intercourse contain 70-120% more sperm, with sperm having a slightly higher motility and slightly more normal morphology, compared with sperm samples obtained via masturbation. Sexual intercourse also generates a 25-45% increase in ejaculate volume, mainly by increased prostate secretion.”
 
This is all done unconsciously; a man’s own body can adjust the volume of semen and the sperm content of the semen depending on whether or not he is masturbating or ejaculating inside his woman. Also a male will unconsciously adjust the amount of sperm in his semen depending on how long it was since he last had sex with her. The longer it was since the last sex, the more sperm he gives her.
 
The male typically has no idea when the female will be ovulating and able to become pregnant, so the biological point of sex as far as the male is concerned is to constantly try and “top off” a female’s reproductive tract with sperm. Sperm can survive for up to five days inside a female, so the plan is that as long as he can keep her topped off with his sperm swimming around inside her, he’ll eventually get lucky and get her pregnant.
 
The other reason a male wants to keep a female topped off with sperm is that not all sperm are actually designed to make a run at the egg. Sperm come in three basic types: runners, blockers and killers. Only 1-2% of all the sperm are “runners” designed to make a break for the egg and fertilize it. The rest of the sperm split into two basic groups of “blockers” and “killers”. The blockers act like a defensive line in football, they form chains of themselves and attempt to block up the females reproductive tract and deny access to any other male’s competing sperm. The killers live up to their name too and patrol around looking to attack any other male’s sperm as well.
 
If hearing the names “runners,” “blockers” and “killers” sounds like sperm play a game of football against other sperm, you have it completely right. On a biological level, the
Male Body Agenda assumes that the female he is having sex with will be unfaithful.
By constantly seeking to top off a female’s reproductive tract with sperm, he assures himself a standing army inside her ready to repel another male’s sperm if she cheats on him.
 
A wife can avoid having a standing army of her husband’s sperm inside her by simply denying him sex. A couple can have fairly frequent sex, but if she avoids sex with him, or just gives him handjobs or blowjobs in the three or four days before she ovulates, the husband is rendered defenseless from a sperm warfare perspective if she meets a lover for sex. There’s no standing army of the husband’s sperm to fight off the lover’s sperm. Importantly because the lover is not likely to have many attempts at sex with the wife, his ejaculation will be extremely large and flood her vagina. The husband is at a decided disadvantage.
 
It’s important to wave the flag again that this sort of planned deceit on the wife’s part can happen completely unconsciously; the Rationalization Hamster can likely supply several excellent reasons as to why she avoided her husband’s semen in her vagina for a few days before she ovulated. Plus obviously the hook-up with the lover was just an appalling lapse of character. She’s not that kind of girl. In fact she’s just realized from that hook-up how very empty sex without love can be and she now knows that deep down she really loves her husband and wants to make it work with him. So perhaps some good came of the whole thing. The Rationalization Hamster is holding off on telling her she’s pregnant for a bit…missed periods sometimes just happen you know. (See how the Rationalization Hamster works?)
 
Sperm warfare also explains why if a husband is denied regular sex with his wife, he typically becomes fixated on the lack of sex with her to the exclusion of every other issue in the relationship. After five days of no vaginal sex, all his sperm inside her are either dead or have dripped out of her. In a “get her pregnant” sense it’s like he’s never had sex with her. He wants her topped off; instead she’s completely empty of his sperm. She is therefore providing him with a very strong expression of disinterest in him. She may
say
that she loves him, but he will typically experience her actions as a deeply concerning rejection.
 
As a variant on this, if a wife has sex with a lover, she will often return to her husband and immediately seek sex from him as well. The husband may be quite surprised by her initiation of sex and her highly sexual intensity. What is happening is her Body Agenda is seeking to actively play the sperm armies against each other in a survival of the fittest game to find the winning sperm. If the husband is unaware of the lover, he likely just experiences this as a wonderfully intense sex experience that likely extends over several sessions. For those involved in the Hotwife or Cuckolding lifestyles, this return of the wife after being with a lover for immediate sex with the husband is a point of purposeful enjoyment.
(1.14) Semen is Good for Women

 

Not all women cheat, but like men, they are designed for the possibility to do so. As long as a husband is attractive to her, a wife will typically bond to him securely and remain faithful to him, but the effects of her husband’s semen does have greater effects than simply the ability to get her pregnant.
Semen is known to contain several hormones: testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, luteinizing hormone and prostaglandins, all of which then pass through the vagina's walls into the bloodstream. These hormones can make her both happier and more interested in sex. There have been studies done on the use of condoms showing a link between condom use and depression compared to women that have sex and don’t use condoms. When the semen is blocked from her vagina, she misses out on the positive mood enhancing effects of the hormones in the semen. Plus the testosterone in the semen triggers her sex drive further.
 
Or like the old joke says, grumpy women really do just need to get laid. Plus there’s an element of being able to fake it until you make it as well. If a lower sex drive woman has frequent sex, eventually her sex drive can increase from exposure to all the extra testosterone.
 
The husband’s semen volume is an important marker to a wife that affects her attraction to him. This is so basic that even men watching porn movies seeing a tiny dribbling cumshot feel disappointed watching it. Big arcs of jetting semen are clearly superior to a little dribble. So imagine how a wife’s Body Agenda reacts to that happening inside her vagina. Clearly a great pulsing flood creates a vastly better standing army of sperm than a little dribble, so it’s sexier.
 
There’s also a question of semen quality. A fitter and healthier male will have a better quality of semen. Again, his wife’s Body Agenda is going to know this and it’s going to affect her attraction to him. A couch potato swilling alcohol, smoking and eating terrible food will make absolutely terrible semen. When he has sex with his wife, he will send her a clear signal of his poor quality as a mate and poison her attraction to him.
 

 

 
(1.15) Attraction is Not a Choice

 

While who we have sex with is a choice, who we are attracted to is not a choice. We are deeply and unconsciously influenced by our bodies to even simply be able to experience attraction, so our own Body Agenda is controlling who we get attracted to.
 
As an example – a man seeing a wonderful pair of naked breasts will have a completely uncontrollable positive interest in them. He may choose to gaze on them or look away, but he can’t control his interest in them. There’s no rational thought passing through his mind when he looks at cleavage thinking
“Oh wow, I’m looking at cleavage. I should probably like that and get aroused.”
You simply see the cleavage and drool. The rational part of your brain says stuff like
“I’m going to get called in to Human Resources again if I don’t stop drooling at her tits.”
 
A woman will have no control over the way her body tells her to react to a man either. There’s even evidence that a woman can unconsciously assess a man for his genetic compatibility to her by sense of smell. Things like his body shape and semen volume and quality affect her unconsciously just the same. A wife may even very much desperately want to feel attraction for her husband, but if his body and semen simply revolts her Body Agenda, it’s not that she
won’t
feel attraction for him, it’s that she
can’t.
(1.16) Female Appearance is Important

 

A woman’s physical appearance is extremely important in mate selection. It’s absolutely not superficial for a man to focus on the physical health and body shape of a woman. In fact, of all the factors making up a woman’s sexiness it is the one that is weighted the heaviest.

 

There is a huge body of evidence that suggests feminine physical beauty is a well agreed upon thing across cultures worldwide. It all comes down to quite measurable things like: waist to hip ratio, skin tone, health and length of hair, symmetry, good immune system, good teeth and so on. All these things are positive indicators of the woman’s ability to have a good pregnancy, give birth to a healthy baby and then manage to stay alive to raise it to adulthood. As I’ve said before, whatever is sexy is whatever is good for making and raising babies.

 

So when a male looks at a female, his brain literally looks her over and sums up her baby making ability and then decides whether or not to inform the rest of his body that a healthy, sexy female is in proximity to him. Men have no control over sexual attraction, it’s simply a response to stimuli.

 

(1.17) Birth Control

 

As an aside, birth control is always problematic in that you are interfering with what a few million years of evolutionary fine tuning has planned as the way sex works. The best possible sex is two highly fertile people going at it without interference. Of course endless children appearing is regarded as highly problematic, so the majority of us turn to birth control in some fashion
.
For a married couple you're looking for the version of birth control that causes the lowest number of negative effects. All birth control will have some sort of side effect or risk and there is no one size fits all solution. Generally I advise trying the easier options first before trying a surgical one. Bad surgical outcomes on your sexual organs can result in a very poor sex life and cripple your marriage.
For myself, a vasectomy would be the very last thing I would try.
 
Because I am asked so frequently… Before we had kids Jennifer and I used a combination of the rhythm method and condoms during her fertile period. Since the kids we've had her on birth control pills and she's had very minimal side effects, so we've stuck with that. If Jennifer had issues with the pill we would have likely started looking for a different option. Possibly we’d go back to condoms as I actually find them mildly erotic, though more likely something like a copper IUD as Jennifer doesn’t like the condom “scrunching” inside her.
 
(1.18) The Time Before Writing

 

Most importantly, the biological wiring for determining what is sexy is unchanged from 10,000 years ago. We are still evaluating potential sex partners now, through much the same eyes as our tribal ancestors on the ancient savannah did. But we’re also highly social creatures as well and we’re trying to court one another in the Information Age. In a sense we’re all still cavemen, we’re just dressed in jeans and have cell phones.
BOOK: The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011
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