The Mistress of Trevelyan (11 page)

Justin scuffed his feet

"I will have an answer, or you will have a consequence," he added quietly.

"You went away," Justin said under his breath. "Someday you will go away and not come back."

Benedict Trevelyan sighed and handed Justin back his pictures. "We have had this discussion before. I have a business to run, and being away sometimes is unavoidable. You need to stop imagining that I will not be coming back. It is senseless. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Justin kept his gaze on his shoes.

I dug my teeth into my tongue. Couldn't Benedict Trevelyan see how badly his son was hurting? How badly Justin needed reassurance, not a dressing-down?

Benedict Trevelyan stood, surprising me with the suddenness of his movements. "Miss Lovell, after you've finished with this outing, please meet me in my study."

Standing also, I met his gaze. "I will be there," I said tightly.

"I have no doubt of that, Miss Lovell."

Robert came up to his father and pulled on his coat In Robert's hand was my sketch of Trevelyan Manor and its hovering dragon. I suddenly found myself praying for a miracle. "Miss Wovell says you forgotted how to have fun."

"Indeed?" Benedict Trevelyan's brows lifted. He didn't sound pleased.

"Will you stay and learn to have fun with us?"

My word! Could this get any worse? I refused to stand there like a ninny while my life went up in flames. Maybe if I didn't draw attention to my sketchbook, it would go unnoticed. I had to force myself not to snatch it away from Robert and to turn my attention to our picnic.

Unpacking the basket, I placed the cheese, meat pies, and apples upon the blanket, spying a large chunk of chocolate cake, which I left in the basket until later. Everything smelled and looked heavenly. At least my last meal would be a tasty one. I'd have to thank Cook Thomas.

"It would seem you have an amazing talent for art as well, Miss Lovell," Benedict Trevelyan said.

I looked up to see him studying my sketch. My life seemed to be developing a penchant for marching from one disaster right into another.

"And an amazing imagination as well," he added, handing the sketch out to me.

I grasped my tablet between my numb fingers. "Thank you," I murmured, focusing my eyes on the middle of his chest. He wore a dark suit with a matching vest over a white ruffled shirt and a neatly knotted ascot. The cut and quality of his clothes had a distinct European richness to them without being flamboyant

I'd seen all manner of men upon the streets of San Francisco, from the pretentious frills of a dandy to the deadly roughness of a gunslinger. Benedict towered above them all in his elegant simplicity. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that he was more dangerous than any gunfighter whose spurs marked the West.

He left then, but his presence lingered, dimming the brightness of the day as a cloud dims the sun. I looked to Justin, remembering his reluctance to take pleasure in the day as if fearful it would be stolen away, and thought he'd been right after all.

I didn't look forward to my meeting with Benedict Trevelyan for I feared I'd not be able to hold my tongue. Actually, I knew I wouldn't, and that didn't portend well for my employment. So I set about making the picnic as much fun as I could muster, even as my stomach churned. My heart had wrapped around little Robert and Justin. I felt that more than just my future was now at stake.

C
HAPTER
S
IX

Though I approached Benedict Trevelyan's study armed with the two weeks worth of work that Justin and Robert had penned, I didn't expect it would sway the tide of his disapproval of my teaching methods. I found myself wishing that it was today Stephen Trevelyan had appeared in a drunken stupor and argued with his brother. Even being embarrassingly pinned beneath Stephen Trevelyan seemed preferable to the rocks churning around in my stomach.

I feared that part of my nervousness had nothing to do with my concerns for Justin and Robert or the status of my own employment. It stemmed from that heated moment of desire between the master of Trevelyan Hill and myself.

The notion that a man such as Benedict Trevelyan had, even for a brief beat of time, found me desirable intrigued me. Perhaps being christened Titania after the Queen of the Fairies had some effect upon me after all, because I in no way had the least inclination to run like the fair maidens fleeing from the demons upon the carved entry doors to the manor. Though fleeing would have been a response in keeping with the propriety I thought essential to my well-being, I found myself intensely curious, wishing to study this new revelation of attraction to a man as I would delve into a book about science. A magical queen wouldn't flee, would she?

Through the open door, Benedict Trevelyan's study looked just as gloomy and oppressive as it had before. Were I to choose a place within Trevelyan Manor for myself, it would be in the foyer, where the myriad rays of colored light from the stained glass windows would dance throughout the day, coloring every shadow with beauty.

Finding myself alone and unable to resist, I paused a moment in the entry hall and drank in the window's glorious display. I held my reddened, wash-worn hands out and spun around, watching the colors paint them and the boys' study papers I held with a beauty no woman would be ashamed to show. When I came to a stop, Benedict Trevelyan stood before me.

"Might these be for me, Miss Lovell?" He lifted an eyebrow. The movement sent a shiver through me that had nothing to do with cool temperatures. Nevertheless, I drew a steadying breath, straightened my shoulders, and set my mind upon the purpose of our meeting.

"Yes," I said, extending my hand to him. Within the intimacy of the colored light, the distance between us seemed to shrink to mere inches, and the dancing colors covered his broad chest. He'd removed his coat, ascot and vest, leaving only his white ruffled shirt to cling to the contours of his imposing frame.

My word, I thought I'd never be tempted to launder another man's clothes in my life, but somehow my fingers itched to touch what had lain against him, even if it were under the guise of laundering.

As he took the papers, his fingers brushed mine. I lifted my gaze to his. Within his dark eyes, I saw a spark of the look we'd exchanged in the park. That moment would most likely burn forever in my mind, but his presence now fanned the memory of it to a scorching flame of such heat that it shocked me back to reality. Fairy queen indeed! I had to have completely taken leave of my senses.

It suddenly seemed of great import that I reach the oppressiveness of his study. I jerked my gaze from his and marched that way. "We have much to discuss since you last asked me my impressions of Masters Justin and Robert. I have been able to formulate a deeper assessment of their needs since then."

"Why am I not surprised?" he said, his voice not far behind me.

Once inside his study, a sense of balance settled over my nerves. I sat in the chair before his massive desk, purposely avoided looking at him, and hurried on with what I felt was necessary to say. If he intended to dismiss me, then I'd at least have the comfort of speaking my mind. "I realize that a picnic in the park may not fit any conventional methods of teaching academics, but there are things in a child's development that are just as important as learning facts."

"I assume you are about to inform me of those things." He tossed the boys' papers on his desk. Disturbingly enough, he didn't sit down, and I was forced to twist around to see where he went.

Moving behind me, he walked to the curtained window and slid back the heavy green velvet drape to peer outside. My planned speech flew from my mind as a shaft of summer-bright sun pierced the gloom. The dark wood tones around me suddenly gleamed with light and warmth, mirroring what the heat of desire did to his dark eyes. Would the rest of Trevelyan Manor come to such life under the brightness of sunshine?

Thankfully, he dropped the curtain closed, and I dismissed my fancifulness.

"You were saying, Miss Lovell?"

I cleared my throat. "Yes, about Masters Justin and Robert. They are quite frankly starving for certain things." Unable to continue to sit and twist around to look him, I stood.

My words had brought a deep frown of displeasure to his brow. I plunged ahead before he could respond, pacing as I spoke. "Like the tiny acorns of the towering oaks, they need the warmth of sunshine and the richness of the earth to grow strong and tall. Master Robert is so young and eager to be loved. He needs some of the sunshine of life—fun and laughter, encouraging words and tender touches to free his mind from worry. How can he concentrate on learning if he sees nothing but heavy clouds on his horizon? And Master Justin doesn't believe there is any sunshine to be had. I think that—"

"Miss Lovell," he said sharply, cutting through my speech. I stopped pacing and stared at him. "My sons are not plants, nor are they poetry in need of flowery descriptions. What is the practical point to your"—he waved his hand as if swatting away an irritating bug—"allegorical lecture?"

I opened my mouth, shut it, then opened it again. "My point?"

"Exactly."

Squaring my shoulders, I drew a bolstering breath. He'd invited my directness and, in a roundabout way, my opinion when he asked for my assessment of the boys two weeks ago. Justin and Robert coveted their father's approval, and in my opinion, his relationship with them went right to the heart of the matter. "You may dismiss me for my impertinence and my honesty, but you give your sons stern discipline. Might I suggest you offer an encouraging word to temper that discipline?"

I expected to hear the sharp edge of his tongue rebuking me for even thinking of questioning him. Instead, he stared at me, fisting his hands. A dark emotion flooded the room as his eyes became blacker. I knew not if it was mere anger rushing through him or something more frighteningly elemental than that.

I took a step back from him. When I did, surprise flitted across his face before I thought I saw something akin to despair in his eyes. But he turned quickly away from me, and I wondered if I hadn't imagined the look—imagined it because of my own yearning for a crack in his harshness.

He kept his back to me as he poured himself a drink from a decanter on a small table not far from a hearth so clean and devoid of wood or utensils that I didn't think a fire had ever been lit there.

"On my desk you will find two weeks' wages."

Nausea and a wrenching pain inside me almost brought me to my knees. It wasn't as if I hadn't expected such an outcome, but the reality of it was more brutal than I had imagined. Turning so he wouldn't see the tears gathering in my eyes, I walked toward his desk. My knees trembled greatly, my heart more so.

Most of me wanted to leave without the money upon the desk; but I'd known too much of hunger in my life to let pride rule me. I would need funds to survive until I secured another respectable position—a daunting task for a woman alone in the West. The money felt crisply cold in my palm, and I found I could not leave without saying one more thing. "Please, in securing a tutor for Masters Justin and Robert, look for a teacher who knows kindness as well as academics."

"Miss Lovell! Are you leaving my employment?"

The sharpness in his voice forced me to face him. I blinked away the tears in my eyes to bring his face into focus. Perhaps I had been mistaken in what I thought to be anger in him before, because the room crackled with the force of know.

I gulped in air before I could speak. "Is that not what this meeting is about? Did you not just dismiss me?"

"I see my estimation of your amazing imagination earlier was an understatement.  If I no longer have use for your services, I assure you, Miss Lovell, that you will hear those words directly from my lips. I merely thought that, given your circumstances, rather than waiting for the month's end, you would have use for an allotment of your wages."

I blinked. "My circumstances?"

"To be blunt, I have noticed you've only two dresses and thought maybe..."

I blinked again. "Are you instructing me to purchase a dress?"

"Ironically enough, that would seem to be the situation. If you are going to be escorting my sons about, it is within keeping of the Trevelyan image that a certain manner of dress be adhered to. I have spoken with Mrs. Talbot, the owner of Talbot's Fashion Emporium, a dressmaker shop off Hyde Street. She has had the misfortune of being left with several dresses she made for a schoolteacher who ran back East after only a month in the West. I will, of course, cover the expense of the dresses, but thought there might be other things you would wish to purchase."

I was speechless for a few moments as we stared at each other. I knew not what mortified me more—that Benedict Trevelyan found me lacking, or that he'd spoken of my need to another. "I couldn't possibly accept—"

"I provide uniforms for all of the household staff. I consider this to be the same. And I suggest you select clothing in sunnier colors than gray or brown. I am sure Justin and Robert will appreciate that." He lifted his brows and inclined his head, giving added meaning to his words as he used my own reasoning to further his point.

The flood of my embarrassment ebbed a little. He'd only given me as honest an opinion of a situation as I'd given him. I lifted my chin, determined to say more about his dealings with Justin and Robert. "Might I also offer a suggestion?"

His lips curved to a wry angle. "I doubt you will comment upon your dress, so I assume this is in regard to my sons?" He waved his arm. "Please, do not feel the need to hold your tongue at this point, Miss Lovell."

"I will be instructing Master Justin in the game of chess. It's my opinion that maneuvering the pieces and learning the strategy of the game will give him a sense of control over at least some things, so he does not feel completely at the mercy of life's whims. If you were to play with him on occasion, encourage him, the insecurity he feels may lessen. As for Master Robert, I think both he and Master Justin will benefit from weekly outings. There are a great many things to learn in our city. Should you be available on occasion, accompanying us might afford you the opportunity to have a few moments of fun with them. If you disapprove of this as part of their instruction, I will be glad to schedule these outings on Saturday."