The Next Thing on My List (20 page)

I’ d gone to a park a few days before and had a conversation with a mom with two toddlers. I told her about the baby I was going to adopt as if it were fact and not speculation. And I liked the way it sounded coming out of my mouth. My baby will be here in August. I’ m making all sorts of plans for my baby. Of course, then the woman went and wrecked it all by saying, ‘ Your husband must be thrilled.’  To save face, I had to say, ‘ Yes, my partner is beside herself.’  She piped down pretty quickly after that.

A chance like this would never come along again, that was for sure. It felt as if I’ d won millions of dollars in the lottery and I was studying the ticket, deciding whether or not to cash it in. On the plus side, I’ d be rich. On the down side, I’ d never know if a potential suitor loved me for me or for my money.

Hell, who was I kidding? I’ d take the cash.

The idea of a baby, however, was much trickier.

One thing was certain: I needed to think things through on my own before I opened debate to the floor. Sure, getting input from friends and family would help me sort things out. That was, if I had a different group of friends and family. In my case, it was guaranteed I’ d be bombarded with opinions. Better to know where I stood and then see if the winds of public opinion could topple me.

Having recently discovered that lists can be quite helpful in setting one’ s life on a new course, I pulled out a pencil and piece of paper and made a list of my own.

Reasons to Adopt the Baby

1. There is a baby who needs a mother

2. I would be awesome mom-would never yell at child and would feed her organic vegetables and hardly ever doughnuts

3. Am 34

4. Almost 35

5. May be only chance to be a mom

6. Could cross off #3: Change someone’ s life in bold strokes

7. Taking action = getting what you want from life, i.e., Alison Freeman *1

Reasons Not to Adopt the Baby

1. Being a single mom perhaps not all it’ s cracked up to be

2. I want a baby, but do I want a baby now?

3. Could I love baby that wasn’ t ‘ mine’ ?

4. Possibility of suddenly meeting man of dreams, having fairytale wedding, and starting own family with own biological children sooner than expected, i.e., Alison Freeman *2

As soon as I wrote the pros and cons, I dismissed #3 under Reasons Not to Adopt the Baby. Of course I’ d love the baby. Look at Angelina Jolie. Would anyone ever believe that a woman who wore a vial of blood around her neck could form a maternal bond so deeply and so quickly? Yet she can’ t seem to collect enough of the little tykes. Love wasn’ t the issue.

There were decidedly more yeas than nays on the list. But that alone wasn’ t enough to tip the scales. What was the weight of each argument? Was there any one that trumped them all? Was there a deal breaker in there? I couldn’ t be sure. Perhaps I could call my old friend Linda who’ d done the boyfriend spreadsheet for me to see if she could whip up a logical calculation determining what I should do now.

I sighed and tossed aside the list. This was not a decision I’ d make logically.

It would be an act of the heart.

Whatever I chose to do-to adopt or not to adopt-my life would be forever altered. This could be my chance to make up for everything I’ d ever let slide.

Then again, it could be the biggest mistake I’ d ever make.

‘ SO AM I CRAZY for considering it?’  I asked Martucci on our Monday morning run. I was running a nine-minute mile at this point. More important, what I was doing resembled running, versus the walking with spurts of gasping and collapsing I’ d started out doing. Without a bathroom scale I didn’ t know if I’ d dropped any weight, but my skinny clothes were fitting better. That was a hopeful sign.

‘ Sounds as if you’ ve more than considered it. Sounds like you’ ve made up your mind. And it’ s great you’ re going to adopt this kid. Being a parent is the best thing that can happen to a person.’

I’ d learned enough about Martucci from running with him to know that he didn’ t have children himself. Or a wife, for that matter. Not sure about the girlfriend-I preferred to remain ignorant. ‘ What do you know about kids?’

‘ With these Italian genes? I’ ve got thirteen nieces and nephews. Two more in the oven as we speak. My brother in Pittsburgh’ s got a wife that pops them out like toaster pastries.’  He glanced at his watch. ‘ Okay, let’ s move it. Sixty seconds of sprinting& go!’

I hurled myself around the track. The 5K race was in two weeks. I wasn’ t going to win it, but thanks to my training, I wouldn’ t make a fool of myself, either. After the minute, which felt like an hour, I slowed to a jog again. ‘ You plan to have any of your own?’  I asked, huffing. ‘ Kids?’

‘ Someday. I’ m in no hurry. God favors us men. We can spread our seed even when we need a gallon of Viagra to get it up. A woman in her thirties, though& I’ ll bet your clock’ s ticking like a bomb.’

‘ It wasn’ t before. I mean, I knew I wanted kids. But I was never panicked about it. Now all of a sudden I am.’

He mulled it over and then said, ‘ Makes perfect sense. It’ s like how sometimes you don’ t feel hungry. But you go by a fast-food place and smell the food. Next thing you know, you’ re starved. It’ s not that you didn’ t need food before. You just didn’ t know how hungry you were until food came along.’

‘ Exactly!’  Who knew Martucci was so wise? ‘ But why is it,’  I asked him, ‘ you think I’ ve made up my mind?’

‘ You told me point-blank when you got here that you were going to adopt a kid in a couple months.’

I stopped in my tracks. ‘ I did?’

Martucci circled back around and stood jogging in place in front of me. ‘ Yeah.’

‘ Just like that? I said it?’

He reminded me of the conversation, and he was right. I’ d said it. Popped out of my mouth. I’ m going to adopt a kid in a few months. It hadn’ t been ‘ I might’  or ‘ Maybe I will.’  I’ d said, ‘ I’ m going to.’  That was when I realized. It wasn’ t a decision of the mind. Or even of the heart.

It was pure gut.

And my gut said yes.

Yes, yes, yes!

‘ Oh, my God!’  I said. ‘ I’ m going to be a mother!’

‘ Congratulations.’

‘ Thanks.’  My mind swirled with endorphins and excitement. Even my elbows felt buzzy. Oh, I knew there was still much to do before anything was 100 percent certain. I’ d need to get a lawyer that specialized in this sort of thing, or at the very least download legal forms off the Internet. I’ d have to sit down with Deedee and her mom to work out the kinks. But there was no doubt in my mind, or in my belly, anyway: I’ d do what it took to make it happen.

‘ So what’ s your family say about this?’  Martucci asked.

‘ I haven’ t told them. I haven’ t told anybody.’

‘ I’ m the first to know?’

‘ Guess so.’

‘ Parker, I’ m honored.’  He grabbed me and engulfed me in a hug. I cringed as sweat poured off him, running down my neck and soaking through my clothes. Although, I reminded myself, I was about to be a mom (!), so I’ d need to get used to dealing with bodily fluids as bad as or worse than this. ‘ I had no idea you thought so much of me,’  Martucci said, releasing me from the hug.

I used my shirt to wipe up his sweat. ‘ Are you kidding? You’ re my jogging buddy.’

No need to hurt his feelings. Martucci had been easy to tell. He was the flagpole I’ d run it up, confident that he’ d salute. I suspected the other people in my life might not be quite so easy to win over.

Chapter 16

#3 Change someone’ s life

#5 Run a 5K

#7 Make Buddy Fitch pay

#15 Mom and Grandma to see Wayne Newton

#16 Get a massage

#19 Show my brother how grateful I am for him

#20 Make a big donation to charity

With seven weeks left until Marissa’ s birthday, I called an emergency meeting at the Brass Monkey. A bar near work famous for its happy hour, it was also the scene of the crime, where I’ d kissed the busboy months prior. Although today must’ ve been his day off. Or he’ d quit, tired of sexual harassment from the customers. Maybe he’ d spotted me and was hiding in the back. At any rate, I didn’ t see him.

I’ d gathered the troops-Susan, Brie, and Martucci-promising I’ d buy all the two-dollar margaritas they could suck down. Because I needed help. Desperately.

The cold, hard truth: I was getting scared. Marissa had started the list with two items crossed off. I’ d completed eleven. Seven remained. Although I’ m no math genius, even I could see that I had to pick up the pace if I was to succeed. And, true to form, I’ d left the hardest for last. Sure, I could rally. But with so much of my focus now on adopting the baby, I feared I might not.

It was karaoke night, so once again the place was hopping. And for the record, there wasn’ t enough tequila in my drink, and perhaps in the world, to make me sing karaoke. I gave a prayer of thanks to Marissa on a daily basis that she hadn’ t put that on her list. Nonetheless, the singing served as a lively backdrop, and who doesn’ t enjoy hearing ‘ I Will Survive’  being bludgeoned by two drunk Japanese ladies?

The four of us sat at a corner table, shoveling chips into our mouths and poring over the list. I clarify: not the list itself. To avoid the risk that drinks might get spilled on the original list, I’ d written the remaining tasks on a separate piece of paper. Marissa’ s list had become like the Declaration of Independence-a priceless document to be protected in a glass box (or in this case, my wallet) until such time as it was ready to be presented and toured about to the masses.

‘ We know what you’ re going to do to change someone’ s life.’  Martucci beamed, riding high on the fact that he was the first to know about the adoption.

‘ I can’ t believe you’ re gonna have a kid,’  Brie added.

Susan’ s fingers tapped on the list. ‘ Although a backup plan might be a good idea& in case the adoption doesn’ t go through.’

‘ It’ ll go through,’  I said with more confidence than I felt.

Two weeks ago, after my revelation to Martucci, I’ d hired a lawyer. There were so many factors to work out that I hadn’ t thought about, such as paying for hospital extras, the birth father’ s rights, and so on. But so far, so good. Deedee started crying when I told her I was going to adopt the baby-that was, after having Kip call her mother to make sure Maria was okay with the plan. On the couple of visits I’ d had with Deedee since then, she’ d chattered endlessly about how it was going to be so cool when she and I were both big sisters.

Although the adoption smacked strangely of a business deal at this point, I knew it would feel real the moment I held the baby in my arms. Still, I was trying to stay on the down low in case everything fell through. I hadn’ t even mentioned it to my parents. It was hard enough to keep my own emotions from spiraling out of control-it’ d be cruel to tell them they were going to be grandparents only to snatch it away.

Of the handful of people I’ d told so far, the only negative reaction was from Susan, which didn’ t surprise me. She kept asking, ‘ But why?’  so many times that I started to wonder if I were actually talking to her five-year-old sons. About the hundredth time she’ d said, ‘ I never got the feeling that a baby was that important to you,’  I’ d turned to her and snapped, ‘ That’ s because it never felt possible before. I also don’ t walk around talking about how I want to sleep with Orlando Bloom, but believe me: The day he shows up wearing nothing but a towel and asking me if I’ ll rub lotion on his back, the answer, for the record, is, Hell, yes.’

‘ A backup plan’ s not a bad idea,’  Martucci said, shaking me from my thoughts. ‘ In case you fail at changing this girl’ s life. What else could you do?’

We sat silent. A beefy guy in a cowboy hat sang that country song about living like you were dying. A good choice since he was in fact dying onstage.

‘ Money,’  Brie said. ‘ I always say, ‘ Money changes everything.’ ‘

‘ Cyndi Lauper said it first,’  I joked, only to meet a table of blank stares. ‘ It was a song! Don’ t make me go get that karaoke list and prove it!’

Martucci smacked the table excitedly. ‘ Lottery tickets! You buy a hundred lottery tickets and hand them out to people you know. One of them hits, and boom, you’ ve changed that person’ s life.’

‘ Ooh, that’ s a good one,’  Brie said, and then turned to me. ‘ I got Lotto numbers I play, so ask me before you buy mine. I always play my age, my birthday, the number of guys I’ ve had sex with-’

‘ Lotto numbers only go up to forty-six,’  Martucci said, and chortled.

‘ I know. That’ s why I got to split it up.’

‘ It’ s settled, then. Even though I’ m certain that the adoption will work out’ -here I narrowed my eyes at Susan as if daring her to challenge me-’ the Lotto is the backup plan. So that’ s one down, six to go. Moving things along& ‘

‘ What’ s your rush? You may as well enjoy your nights out while you can,’  Susan purred. ‘ It’ s the last you’ ll have of them for a long while. That’ s how it is when you have kids.’

I scowled at her. ‘ You’ re out. You have kids.’

‘ They’ re home with my husband. Do you have one of those?’

Ouch.

My expression must have shown the sting because she said, ‘ I’ m sorry. That was out of line. I’ m worried about you, that’ s all. Being a single mother isn’ t easy-believe me, I know plenty of them. But I’ ll play nice. I promise.’

‘ All’ s forgiven,’  I replied, and I meant it. For every bit of haranguing Susan was giving me, I knew she’ d also be the first to help me when the time came. Lord knew I’ d need plenty of baby-sitting.

‘ Next: Run a 5K,’  Martucci read from the list. ‘ That will be handled this weekend, you stud muffin.’

‘ Martucci’ s running with me,’  I told Brie and Susan. ‘ Anyone is welcome to join us. Brie& you run?’

‘ Depends.’  She shoved a chip in her mouth. ‘ Somebody chasing me?’

‘ I’ ll take that as a no.’

Susan promised to bring Chase and the boys to cheer for me, and then it was on to one of the more troublesome on the list: #7, Make Buddy Fitch pay.

I reported to them how Sebastian had recently called me with an update. His private investigator had searched the United States and found three guys named Buddy Fitch. There was a sixty-eight-year-old retiree in Florida, a thirty-seven-year-old autoworker in Michigan, and a forty-four-year-old in Texas, currently unemployed. That was it. Sebastian explained that it had been particularly challenging, with Buddy being a common nickname. For all we know, he’ d said, Buddy could’ ve been a special name between him and Marissa. It might be a dead end. Crossing my fingers for luck, I’ d called the Buddys. I’ d told each one that I believed he knew a Marissa Jones and that he might want to know she’ d passed away recently. And I’ d turned up nothing.