The Outback Bridal Rescue (6 page)

It didn’t so much as make him pause. He hitched himself onto the other side of her father’s desk, bringing his eye level down to a very direct line with hers, holding her gaze with a mocking intensity that squeezed her heart, making it thump in painful protest.

‘Did you ever make these comments about me to your father, Megan?’

‘No. Why would I? I’m sure he understood where you were at, Johnny,’ she returned with acid emphasis.

‘Yes, he did. He took the time to understand exactly where I was at when I was sixteen.’

‘Sixteen.’ She rol ed her eyes. ‘You weren’t a huge star then.’

‘No. I was a street-kid, whose only knowledge of how life worked was firmly planted in being used and using back, perpetuating a system of abuse.’

She frowned, not relating to this picture at al . ‘I remember you as always being a happy person.’

He shrugged. ‘I’d learnt that a smile could ward off many evils, as wel as hide what no-one wants to know about.’

‘Huh!’ she pounced. ‘I knew the legendary charm was al a pose.’

The satisfaction in her voice drew a quizzical look from him. ‘It began as a survival tactic. But now I like to make people feel good. Is that so wrong to you?’

‘It’s deceptive.’

‘Deceptive?’ he repeated critical y, goading her into ignoring a defensive caution.

‘It draws people into thinking they’re special to you and they’re not. They don’t real y touch your life at al .’

‘Every person is special, Megan.’ His eyes bored into hers, rattling her deep box of resentments as his voice gathered an emotional vehemence. ‘Didn’t your father teach you that? Didn’t your father show, by example, that he believed it? And lived by it?’

His gaze moved to the chair she had vacated in her anger, and the look on his face—the raw anguish of wanting to see her father there and knowing he never could be again—made her realise how offensive it had been to him to find her sitting in it, assuming a place that was irreplaceable in his mind.

He nodded to the chair. ‘Patrick taught me to value my own individuality. He explained why I shouldn’t let myself be used, why I shouldn’t accept any more abuse, how al owing it diminished the person I could be, and if I held on to a strong belief in the music I personal y loved and trod my own path, I could climb out of the belittling pattern of use and abuse which had been my life for as long as I could remember.’

Abuse…
She hadn’t thought about his life before he came to Gundamurra. Mitch had said something about her not appreciating where Johnny had come from. Had he suffered a traumatic childhood? But that was so long ago.

He’d become so successful, it couldn’t stil shadow his life…could it?

He turned a fierce glittery look back to her. ‘So I am who I am, Megan. I don’t have to belittle anyone else to make myself bigger. I don’t abuse the position I have by taking what is offered to me for al the wrong reasons. Far from being
tempted by the sweet shop,
I feel sorry for the people who populate it because they have never learnt to value themselves. They think if they get a piece of me, it wil make their lives better. But it won’t. Any change for the better has to come from within.’

It was an impressive speech, forcing her to reassess how she’d painted his life in her mind. Okay, he’d stepped away from continuing a cycle of abuse. Yes, she could see her father’s hand in that. But rejecting every attractive

‘freebie’ that came his way?

‘I don’t screw my fans, Megan,’ he went on, obviously reading the doubt in her eyes. ‘But they do touch my life and I try to touch theirs through the lyrics of my songs, which carry the same set of values that your father taught me.

Patrick knew that. I don’t know why you think otherwise.’

Oh, great! Now it was Saint Johnny, as wel as the king of charm. ‘You’re a man!’ she flashed at him, unable to swal ow such a pinnacle of nobility. ‘As for your songs, isn’t it simply clever commercialism to tap into the dreams people nurse for themselves? That’s street smart, Johnny.’

His eyes raked her derisively. ‘And you want to put me back in the gutter where I belong. Is that it, Megan?’

‘No. You’re perfectly welcome to the bril iant heights of Hol ywood.’

‘As long as I leave Gundamurra to you. To an embittered woman who’d rather let it die than accept the help of
a
man.
’

The sudden counterattack shocked her into hot denial. ‘I am not an embittered woman!’

‘What happened to you? Did you feel
used
by a man?

Did he only want sex from you instead of the whole package?’

‘That’s none of your business!’

‘Oh, yes, it is, Megan. You’ve made it my business by the way you treat me, giving me the low-life status of a rutting animal that doesn’t care what body he uses for sexual release.’

‘Okay! So you don’t do that,’ she granted, though some defence was cal ed for. ‘You can’t blame me for thinking it.

Pop-stars are notorious for taking what they can.’

‘Except I don’t have that reputation. Yet you lumped me with it anyway. Because I’m
a man?
’

‘Because you’re Johnny Charm,’ she jeered, hating the way he was turning the tables on her, digging into her life.

‘And you can’t deny that draws a lot of women to you.’

‘But not Megan Maguire,’ he mocked. ‘
She
won’t be one of the herd.
She’ll
stand aloof and scorn his company.’

That was too close. Far too close. She lashed back.

‘What’s the matter, Johnny? You can’t stand not having everyone worship you?’

He bored in again. ‘Why have you been so ready and wil ing to give me feet of clay, Megan? I haven’t used you or abused you. Did the guy you fel for at agricultural col ege turn out to be a womaniser, charming his way into one bed after another?’

‘Why haven’t you married if you’re not a womaniser yourself?’ she retorted, fighting for any foothold that would exonerate her attitude.

He grimaced, his expression changing to an inner musing. ‘There wasn’t anyone I could bring here. Not one in al these years.’ He shook his head, shifted off the desk, a wry look on his face as he turned away from her and strol ed back towards the chess table. ‘Ric had no hesitation in bringing Lara here…’

Megan couldn’t see the relevance. Lara had needed a safe refuge. What better place than an outback sheep station?

‘…Mitch brought Kathryn…’

He picked up the black king she had laid down on the chess table, his thumb running over the carved wood as though he wished he could bring it to life. Was he remembering that her father had played chess with Kathryn, as wel as Mitch?

‘They understood about Patrick. About Gundamurra,’ he went on, his voice dropping to the soft deep timbre that invariably stirred an emotional response in his songs. ‘They could take it on board, accept it, appreciate it, live with it.’

But they didn’t live here, Megan corrected in her mind.

Their lives were centred in the city.

He placed the king back on the chess table, standing it upright, nodding to it as though in respect, then swinging around to face her with a rueful little smile. ‘The companions I’ve had from time to time were happy to share Johnny Charm’s life, but they wouldn’t have wanted Johnny El is.’

She shook her head in confusion. ‘You’ve lost me.’

‘Oh, I lost you a long time ago, Megan,’ he drawled, cocking his head to one side as he looked her over in a distant, objective appraisal. ‘I think you lost yourself, as wel .

You do your utmost to deny that you’re a woman, neutering your femininity in men’s clothes, scraping back your hair…’

‘That’s purely practical for the work I do,’ she defended hotly.

His gaze dropped to her folded arms. ‘Whole body language telegraphing
keep away.
That guy at col ege sure must have done a number on you. I would have thought Patrick’s daughter would have had guts enough not to be a victim, to know her own worth…’

‘I do, dammit!’ She flung out her arms in defiance of his reading. ‘Which is why I won’t be bought with a marriage proposal from you!’

‘That was more a provocative thought than a proposal, Megan.’ His mouth curled in sardonic humour. ‘And it did provoke quite a lot, didn’t it?’

She burned over how much she had revealed. He hadn’t even been serious. He’d set a trap and she’d leapt right into it. The urge to return to her father’s chair, regain the authority she needed, had her swinging towards it, but the realisation hit her that Johnny would despise her if she claimed that seat again in these current circumstances.

Somehow she had to snatch some initiative. Reversing direction, she rounded the desk, placing herself against the front of it, hands propped on the edge, adopting a commanding though relaxed position, and tossed out the only thing she could think of to put Johnny El is on his back foot.

‘What if I’d said I
would
marry you?’

He had the nerve to grin at her, a grin she wished she could smack right off his face. Topping that irritation came his total y rocking reply, ‘Then we could very wel be planning a wedding.’

He didn’t mean it. Of course, he didn’t mean it! He was watching her, watching for a chink in her armour through which he could draw more blood. She tossed her head disdainful y and scoffed, ‘You’ve got to be joking.’

‘Am I? It wasn’t so long ago that marriage was al about consolidating property.’ His eyes seemed to sizzle a chal enge at her as he added, ‘
And
having heirs to it.’

Her stomach contracted at the thought of Johnny El is fathering her children. Her mind savagely denied any desire for a sexual connection with him and snatched at a pointedly mocking reply. ‘We don’t live in feudal times anymore and I would hate being stuck in a loveless marriage while my husband gal ivanted around the world doing his thing.’

His eyebrows lifted in equal y mocking surprise. ‘I thought you’d settled on Gundamurra as the love of your life.

Why would you care what your husband did as long as he provided you with a future here?’

He was twisting everything around to make the unacceptable sound reasonable. She had to end this ridiculous conversation. ‘I’l make my own future,’ she stated emphatical y.

‘Which you’l have to share with me, anyway,’ he reminded her.

‘Not…intimately!’

‘It could be productive.’

‘Oh, stop it, Johnny!’ she burst out in frustration, pushing off the front of the desk and almost folding her arms again, stopping herself by clenching her hands at her sides and flaming at him, ‘Don’t play this stupid game with me!’

He instantly sobered. ‘Not so stupid, Megan. It uncovered a prejudice you’ve been nursing for years. An unjust prejudice. I hope you’l now lay it aside so we can be friends.’

She didn’t want to be
friends
with him. She wanted…

‘Friends with a common purpose,’ he went on. ‘To save Gundamurra. It doesn’t matter where I’m coming from. It doesn’t matter where you’re coming from. We both care about this place. So just let it be, Megan. I supply the money. You put it to good use. It’s as simple as that. And what your father wanted.’

She looked at Johnny El is and saw a mountain of unshakeable purpose.

He wasn’t going to go away until she agreed.

Fighting him was futile.

Worse…it stirred up al she had to keep hidden from him.

Her father had ordained this.

Her father…

A huge lump of emotion blocked her throat. Tears pricked her eyes. She jerked into action, walking around the desk again, pausing by her father’s chair, her hand sliding up the worn leather of the back rest, gripping the top of its wooden frame, wanting the strength that had been embodied in this chair to seep into her. She swal owed hard and forced out the words that had to be said.

‘Al right. You supply the money and I’l use it however it wil best serve Gundamurra. If you’l go and get Mitch now, we’l sort out the necessary financial arrangements.’

‘Megan…’

The soft caress of his voice shivered down her spine.

‘Please…just go.’

She heard him heave a long sigh. ‘I just wanted to say…I know you consider Gundamurra as your birthright and you see me as an intruder. But in a very real sense, I was reborn here. It’s home to me, too. It always wil be.’

Always…

A shudder ran through her. Every muscle in her body tensed as she heard him move, relaxing only when she heard the office door being opened and shut.

Gone.

But he’d be back.

And if this was home to him, even without her father here, he might always come back. He had every right to. He owned forty-nine percent of Gundamurra. There was no escape from sharing it with him.

What if she said she would marry him?

Would he real y marry her…forsaking al others…til death do they part?

A pipedream.

A stupid, stupid pipedream!

The reality was he’d go off about his business whenever it suited him—a business
she
couldn’t share because Gundamurra needed al her time and attention—and she’d be left wondering who
was
sharing his life away from her.

A great marriage that would be!

But if he was unfaithful to her, she could divorce him and maybe get his share of Gundamurra in the settlement.

Dear God! She was thinking like a bitch! A horrible, nasty bitch! Al because… She closed her eyes and dredged up the real truth…the truth that had been festering behind al her responses to Johnny El is since she’d been old enough to acknowledge the deep down craving. She wanted him to love her. Love her as the one and only woman he wanted.

IT HAD
been a long tension-fil ed day for Johnny and he was glad when Mitch and Ric suggested a strol down to the jackeroos’ bunkhouse after dinner. The women were occupied, going through the funeral arrangements for the fol owing day. Jessie’s and Emily’s husbands had retreated to the games room for a quiet game of bil iards. Soon they would al go to bed, make it an early night, because tomorrow…was the last farewel .

It was a relief to be outside under the outback sky with its bril iant canopy of stars—a relief for it to be just the three of them for a while—old friends who’d forged an understanding that didn’t need words. They’d come here for six months when they were sixteen, and here they were again, twenty-two years later, silently sharing memories that belonged only to them…and the man whose spirit they carried in their minds.