The Promises We Keep (Made for Love Book 1) (7 page)

“
Addison
…”

She stops walking and turns to face me.
“
I know for the past four years we
’
ve had nothing but time, but now we
’
re running out of time. We have a year left before you head off to whatever medical school you get accepted into and I start teaching.
A year.
That
’
s practically
nothing
. I
’
d prefer for both of those things to happen in the same place. I
’
d prefer to be
married
by then. Is it seriously a possibility that we won
’
t be? Are you going to ask me to follow you without marrying you? Or are we going to do long distance? I mean
—
what are you saying?
”

She isn
’
t yelling, but I can read the panic in her eyes just as well as I can feel the fear in my gut. She is right. For a while now, time has been on my side. We could talk about the future and it was so far away that it was simply that
—
the future
. I didn
’
t have to act on my promises just yet and that was okay, so long as I meant them. And I did
—
I do
. I mean them. Looking down at my girl, I know that she
’
s the only woman that I want. I know that I want to marry her. All the conversations we
’
ve had about spending our lives together were genuine. But now that
the future
is all too quickly morphing into
the present
, I can
’
t help but feel a bit anxious.

Right now, I like the idea of the future being in the distance. I
’
m not ready for it to be
here
. I don
’
t know the first thing about being a husband. Yes, I
’
ve got a dad who has loved my mom for over twenty years, but his ability to keep his marriage together isn
’
t exactly something he can pass down to me. Sure, the Bible outlines the role of husband pretty specifically, but God
’
s commandments aren
’
t that easy. If they were, everyone would follow them all the time. But that
’
s not how it works and we aren
’
t perfect. Thank God perfection is not mandatory, because I
’
m so far from it. But, more importantly,
I
’
m not ready to get married!
And
that
truth scares me more than the future.

I can
’
t tell Addie this. I can
’
t. She wouldn
’
t understand. The last thing I want her to believe is that I don
’
t want her
—
because that
’
s not it. I don
’
t know how to say what I
’
m feeling while at the same time guaranteeing that she knows that she shouldn
’
t be insecure about my insecurities.
Is that even possible?

“
Beckham,
”
she whispers. The gentle way that she calls my name pulls me from my thoughts and I see that her eyes are pooling with tears. My heart rate speeds up. I hate that my hesitation is causing her pain.

I cup my hands around her cheeks and step closer to her, eliminating even the slightest bit of space between us.
“
Addison Jane
—
I love you so much. Right now, right here, in this moment, I don
’
t have answers to your questions. That doesn
’
t mean anything, though. It doesn
’
t change anything. I love you. I want you.
You
. Always. Okay?
”

She nods, the act causing a couple tears to spill from her eyes. I wipe them away with the pads of my thumbs before leaning down to press my lips against hers. I kiss her hard, needing her to know that I mean what I said
—
that I love her with all of my heart. She reciprocates my affection and my nerves relax, my fear and anxiety deflating as I hold onto this kiss. When I open my mouth to kiss her deeper, she does the same, her hands finding their way to my waist. It isn
’
t until we hear a wolf whistle from a passerby that we pull away from each other. When we do, I pay the pedestrian no mind, but align my gaze with hers.

“
Are you okay?
”
She nods and offers me a small smile. I search her big brown eyes, seeking her genuine assurance that she
’
s with me, that she trusts me.
“
I love you,
”
I murmur.

“
I love you, too.
”

“
I don
’
t want you to worry, alright?
”
She nods once more.

I don
’
t tell her that I
’
m already worried enough for the both of us.

Since Avery and I both wanted to do a little studying before our movie night, I invite her over to work at my place, bribing her with grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch.
Not that I really had to convince her. We might not be dating, but we do enjoy each others company quite a bit.

As soon as Beck drops us off, she walks with Sarah back to their apartment to grab her things while I hurry back to my place to get lunch started. I kick my shoes off at the door, like we always do, and pad my way to the kitchen. I
’
m pulling out bread, cheese, and butter when I hear Jackson
’
s bedroom door open. I look up to find Claire quietly making her exit.

She
’
s being swallowed by one of Jack
’
s t-shirts and I can barely make out the hem of the tiny sleeping shorts she
’
s got on underneath. She has legs for days and olive skin that always looks really soft. Her honey, brown hair, which usually lays straight and loose just above her shoulders, is pulled up into a messy ponytail. As she closes the door, her sleepy hazel eyes meet mine and she shoots me a small smile. I nod my greeting as she makes her way towards me. She pulls out one of the barstools, on the other side of the island on which I work, and takes a seat.

“
Hey,
”
she murmurs, her voice groggy and endearing.

“
Hey.
”

Jack and Claire have been together for almost a year and a half. They met at a party over a keg of beer
—
Jack had been doling out drinks. Let him tell the story and he
’
ll swear it was love at first sight. I doubted the validity of his statement in the beginning, but now it seems irrefutable. They
’
ve been together ever since.

Claire is pretty great. She
’
s studying to be a nurse, which fits her personality really well. She
’
s kind and sweet, laid back and fun, and generally mild-mannered yet strong and opinionated. I say
generally
mild because she has her moments when she can be pretty vocal
…
mostly in bed. Yeah, that
’
s information I
’
d rather not know, but Jackson
’
s room isn
’
t sound proof.

It took Beck a while to be comfortable with Claire staying the night in our apartment. She
’
s not over every day but weekends are pretty guaranteed. It never really fazed me. In fact, I appreciated that the sleepy girl who I
’
d run into some mornings was familiar. I knew her name and her favorite kind of ice cream
—
because Jack always makes sure we
’
ve got some in the freezer
—
and her presence in our space was normal.
It
’
s definitely better than the nameless strangers I sometimes ran into in my father
’
s house.
Anyway, Beck got used to Claire and we
’
ve all become good friends.

“
Late night?
”
I ask with a smirk as she rubs her hands over her face.

“
Yeah. I think it
’
s safe to say that last night was the
last night
we
’
ll be going to a party before the end of the semester. I think we got in around three? But I
’
m not sure when we actually fell asleep.
”
She shrugs before she stands and heads into the kitchen, grabbing herself a glass of water.
“
How was church?
”

“
It was good. Pastor Doug is starting a series on relationships.
”

“
Like,
romantic
relationships?
”
she asks, taking her seat once more.

“
No. Well
—
yes, he will touch on that; but he
’
s also going to talk about other kinds. You might want to check it out.
”

“
Mmm,
”
she hums as she swallows a mouth full of water.
“
I might just let you tell me about it, instead.
”
I shrug as if to say,
suit yourself.
I
’
m not surprised she turned me down but it
’
s always worth a try.
“
How many grilled cheese sandwiches are you planning on making, anyway?
”
she asks, nodding toward my growing stack.

“
Oh, Ave will be here in a sec. Would you like one?
”

“
I
’
d be a fool to turn down a famous O
’
Conner grilled cheese,
”
she insists with a grin.

I shake my head with a laugh as I prep for one more sandwich. I wouldn
’
t dub my grilled cheese
famous
, but they are pretty popular amongst our group. Not that they couldn
’
t recreate the same thing. It
’
s just a slice of cheddar, a slice of pepper jack, and another slice of cheddar between two pieces of pumpernickel bread. I always make sure to have the ingredients on hand.

“
Sooo, you
’
re making your girl lunch, today, huh?
”

I roll my eyes at her.
“
Are you guys ever going to stop?
”

“
Yup. As soon as you finally ask her out.
”
When I look over at her, she
’
s taking another sip of water. Her eyes meet mine and she lifts her eyebrows at me in a sort of silent challenge. I can
’
t seem to find the words to say, so I simply shake my head.
“
God
—
no wonder you and Beck are best friends. You two are just alike. You both seem to be scared of the inevitable.
”