The Storm Inside (2 page)

Old memories of those hands roaming my body flashed through my mind. My stomach, my breasts, caressing my face… he loved to touch me any chance I’d give him. Jake was a toucher, he understood the world through his hands.

I started to panic—thoughts like that were dangerous.

“I’m sorry,” he called softly.

It made a little piece of me ache deep down inside where I still unconditionally loved that man. I knew part of me was his, no matter what happened or what he did, that piece of me belonged to Jake Spencer.

But the rest was completely heartbroken, even all these years later. “I hate you.” I said firmly. I meant it. I hated him. I’d given him everything: my heart, my soul, my life… and he’d run away. It didn’t matter that Jake was a screwed up kid from a screwed up family. It didn’t matter that running away from his life was a sane option. All that mattered was how he left- suddenly and without explanation.

Ten years.

You don’t leave someone you love—without any communication—for ten years and then suddenly show up on her front doorstep unannounced.

Who does that?

He took a step toward me and I took a step back, right into the side of my car. “Baby, please let me explain everything.” He was clearly upset, his brow was furrowed and his green eyes were dark. For the life of me I couldn’t get over his transformation. Ten years had done him good. The last time I saw him he was tall and lean—and by lean I mean he needed a good meal or ten. But he had always been strong. Despite his scrawny appearance his body was made of pure muscle, even then.

But now… he could get a job as a cover model. The wavy dark hair and flashing green eyes were deadly enough, but add in fifty pounds of new muscle and the designer suit he was wearing… he was fucking gorgeous. Not to mention he still had that chipped front tooth and crooked smile that promised he was someone who knew his way around.

And then there was the hint of a dimple in his right cheek.

My dimple.

At least that was what he used to call it.

Because I was the only one who ever noticed it. It was mine. When we were alone, away from the world and all the troubles that seemed to follow him, Jake smiled all the time. And I could never resist touching it; running my fingers over the soft, smooth skin of his cheek and down into the little dent. He’d smile even bigger and then grab me, kissing me hard. If I was lucky I wouldn’t escape from his hold for the next hour, not that I would have tried.

But that was then.

The air sizzled with electricity as the temperature dropped again. The storm front was approaching fast. It was just a matter of time before the rain hit.

“So talk fast, Jake Spencer.”

He pulled himself up straight, amplifying just how large and strong he was now. And damn it all, my body responded like a high performance engine ready to hit the racetrack.

“Can we please go inside before we get struck by lightning?”

“Only a handful of people die every year from lightning strikes. I think I’ll take my chances.”

He arched a speculative eyebrow. Jake was not amused. “Suit yourself, Eve.” He took another step toward me and I froze, I had nowhere else to escape to. My back was already pressed up against my car. I felt trapped and caged even though we were in my driveway out in the open. He sighed and rolled his eyes, “What the hell do you think I’m gonna do to you? I just want to talk.”

“You know, you keep saying that, but I’m not hearing anything useful.”

I think I pissed him off a little with that comment because suddenly his eyes flashed and the muscle in his jaw flexed. “Damn it, Eve,” he muttered, running his fingers through that gorgeous hair of his. Part of me wanted to reach out and run my own fingers through it.

I was an idiot. Obviously.

“Give me a damn good reason to listen to you.” I really wanted him to say something magical because I wanted to take him inside, sit down and talk like we used to. Pretend a decade hadn’t been lost. We would lay at opposite ends of the couch and he’d grab my foot, massaging it with his ridiculously large thumbs while he spoke.

His voice.

Oh, god his voice. It was actually better than I remembered it. Deep and distinctive with this deliciously rough vibration that reverberated through my body when he talked.

“You know what happened that night,” he said softly while looking me in the eye.

It took my breath away. “Yes,” I said nodding. I knew he had his reasons for leaving, I just didn’t understand why he had to toss me aside like a piece of trash. “You knew how much I loved you, Jake…”

He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fist, “Baby, I am so sorry I hurt you.” His eyes shot back open, “You are the last person I have ever wanted to hurt, Eve. I will never, ever be able to make it up to you.”

Damn right he wouldn’t. Having the person you love disappear is like dying—and I never wanted to feel that way again.

Somehow he’d moved closer. I think maybe he was inching toward me as he spoke, like I was a wounded animal he might spook if he moved too fast. Hell, maybe that was exactly what I was. Maybe he was doing the right thing. But it didn’t matter. Either way I felt more and more panicked the closer he got. My heart was racing and it was getting harder to control my breathing.

“But you did hurt me. Why? Why couldn’t you call… explain… anything?” I asked shaking my head. The panic was getting worse.

He was only inches away now. The wind was really kicking up, tossing my dark hair around and blowing my clothing. I could smell him. It was the same, but different. The old Jake was like an undercurrent to the new one. They mixed and mingled and I had trouble separating the two. They were both intoxicating, weaving their way inside me and bringing back all of those old feelings of desire and need.

That was what it always was with Jake—
need
. I needed him, to be with him and around him. I needed his touch and his reassurance. When he was gone it was like I was empty, when he was with me, I was full. He was my drug and I could never, ever get enough.

He licked his lips and looked away as he spoke, “I was in a total daze. I barely remember Tom cleaning me up and taking me away. Next thing I knew we were in a hotel in D.C. while he got my paperwork together. Then I was in Iraq with him working on his contract.” He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, “It was months before I had my head on straight enough to really realize where I was and what had happened.”

I don’t know why I did it, but I reached up and turned his head toward me. I wanted to see his eyes. They were always the most expressive part of Jake. I could see a thousand things he’d never said in those deep depths. The contact of my skin against his was almost too much—it didn’t feel real. And when his eyes finally connected with mine again… I couldn’t breathe. There was a storm inside Jake: two opposing lives fighting to live in one body. There was the life he couldn’t quite leave behind, and the life he had created for himself. Jake was clearly a different person than the boy I’d last met, but inside him there was still that longing and regret. And it was all directed at me.

“Why didn’t you call?” I whispered. I was trembling. Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was fear or desire, I had no clue. All I knew was that I was overwhelmed by it all and having Jake so close again was like an overdose.

Those green eyes of his drank all of me in, memorizing me. He searched my face, finally landing on my lips. That was when I realized how hard Jake was breathing. He placed his hands on the car behind me, trapping me where I was, Jake in front and around me, the car pressed up against my back. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to run, and no desire to do either.

His delicious scent, mixed with his expensive cologne, was making me dizzy and warm; but having him so physically close was really the killer. It made me completely paralyzed.

He swallowed, “Eve… I wanted to call. I can’t tell you how many times I stood there with a phone in my hands.” He was breathing even harder now and a real look of pain crossed his handsome face. “Can I please kiss you?”

I wanted to scream, “
Yes!
Oh, god yes, please kiss me. Take me right here against the car. I don’t care if my neighbors watch.”
But instead I just stood there, staring at him staring at me. He looked like he wanted to devour me.

I wanted to be devoured.

He kissed me.

His soft lips pressed gently against mine and it was as if the entire world just stopped. Time ceased to exist. It was just his lips and mine, a perfectly chaste kiss, and yet… he may as well have been inside me. I could feel him everywhere and my body ached for more.

Then he pulled back and pressed his forehead to mine. For a minute we both mourned. It was our one chance to cry and feel everything we’d been keeping back. I needed to feel it with him, I realize that now. He had been my soul mate, my very best friend, and no one else on earth could possibly understand how heartbroken I’d been when he left. This was finally my chance to connect with someone who truly understood my desperation.

And then he broke my heart all over again.

“Baby, you loved me too much. I would have drowned you if I’d stayed.”

I loved him too much?
Was there such a thing? Could you really love someone
too much
?

“Fuck you, Jake,” I whispered hoarsely. He was tall and strong and overwhelming. I needed him away from me, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to push him away. I’d finally gotten him back…

He shook his head, our foreheads still pressed together. His voice cracked when he spoke, “I knew you were better off without me, so I stayed away. I wanted you to move on and make a good life for yourself. I was no good for you, Eve.” He pressed his forehead harder against mine and squeezed his eyes shut, “I didn’t want to stay away, darlin’, believe me. The only place I’ve ever wanted be is here, with you.”

That set something off inside me. It was like an explosion detonating right at my core. I placed my hands firmly against his chest and pushed as hard as I could. He took a deep breath and stepped back, his head low as he looked down at me. I wanted to scream and punch, but what I really wanted to do was strangle the bastard. “Then why didn’t you come home?” The anger was in control and I had absolutely no desire to rein it in. Rage felt pretty damn good. “You don’t leave the people you love. We would have figured it out, Jake. We would have.”

He shook his head and his eyes hardened, “No. I didn’t have the tools to deal with my life. I needed help,
real help
, and that’s what I got. I worked my ass off for the last ten years to create a whole new person. As much as you loved me, Eve, you couldn’t do that for me. And if I’d tried to do that here, with you, it would have ruined us. I promise you that.”

It hurt, really it did. To have someone you loved so much tell you that you weren’t enough. And as all that sank in I finally began to wonder… why was Jake here? He’d already let ten years pass- what had suddenly changed to bring him home? A feeling of dread quickly crept up inside me. My skin tingled and the hairs on my arm shot up. Or maybe we really were about to get struck by lightning. “Why are you on my lawn, Jake?”

“I’m back,” he said simply. But it was so much more complicated than that.

“Back from the dead, back for a vacation… what exactly do you mean?”

“I mean I live here now. I have an apartment and a business and my life is back here in Tampa.”

I was dumbfounded. Finally, after years of wondering and wishing, Jake had decided to return home… and it was the worst news I could think of.

I had finally,
finally
, gotten over him. I had a good life, good friends, and a fantastic career. I was happy. Sure, I wasn’t married with a house full of little munchkins. And no, I hadn’t fallen in love with anyone else. But I was
happy
.

Jake was misery.

And I knew without a shadow of a doubt having him back in my life would lead to more pain and heartbreak. It was just what we did to each other. We were too much.

Maybe he was right when he said I loved him too much. Maybe he loved me too much too. The two of us together were self destructive and blind. We blocked out the world and allowed ourselves to be consumed.

I didn’t care what he’d done in the last ten years… he was still the man who broke my heart and left me behind to pick up the pieces.

There was absolutely no way I was letting someone like that back into my life. Happiness wasn’t something you could find on every street corner. It had taken hard work and I would be damned if I’d let this cocky son of a bitch just show up, say a few magic words, and have me eating out of the palm of his hand again.

“Oh, so I’m good enough for you now?” I bit out the words like they didn’t belong in my mouth.

Jake just about burned a whole through me with his stare. His eyes were dark and smoldering with a fire so hot it scared the pants off me. He was rigid, like every muscle in his body was suddenly tensed, and a vein in his neck bulged. “No,
I
am.” He said it so softly, so firmly, I could tell it had taken every ounce of strength in his powerful body to say it. “I wasn’t good enough for you. You don’t hurt the ones you love, and you don’t use them to make yourself feel better. That was what I was doing to you, Eve. It wasn’t right. Maybe leaving wasn’t right either, but it’s what happened. Like it or not, I left. But I’m back now, and I’m ready to be the man you deserve.”