The Straw Halter (6 page)

She was crumpled in a heap on the floor of the closet in the yard and quickly he knelt beside her. ‘Betsy.’ Gathering her in his arms he realized she was breathing. He carried her back to the bedroom and gently laid her on the covers. ‘My darling, speak to me,’ he whispered, rubbing her hands gently in his, ‘what happened, what is it? Betsy, Bet …’

Her eyes opened – she seemed to have difficulty focusing on him but eventually she did and then her beautiful dark-blue eyes widened even more before filling with tears. ‘Our baby. I’ve lost our baby,’ she wailed.

The following night Betsy was delirious. Daniel sponged her hot face and body and tried to get her to have sips of water, but by morning he thought she was going to die. The raging
temperature had gone but she lay limp and pale, and the only time she roused herself at all was when great bursts of sobbing racked her. After two days like this Daniel went for the doctor. He was worn out himself, with looking after her and the farm and getting very little sleep. As he harnessed the trap he said to the faithful farm-hand, ‘I have to go out Jim, the missus is poorly. I’ll fetch the doctor.’

Jim nodded. ‘I’ll stay around ’til you’re back,’ he said.

The doctor, a brisk no-nonsense man said it happened all the time in childbirth and she simply needed to rest a bit, work a bit and stop feeling sorry for herself. ‘And have another go quickly,’ he added.

Very slowly Betsy recovered. Daniel tried to get her to talk about the baby. ‘It was my fault for persuading you to go to the funeral,’ he said one evening when they were sitting together. ‘You hadn’t wanted to go and none of this would have happened if—’

For the first time for weeks Betsy roused herself to something like her old passion. ‘No Daniel, you were right that I should go. It’s no use dodging unpleasant things. I’m glad now that I know the secret of my birth. I had no idea and it was a terrible shock but I’ve come to a decision.’

‘And what’s that, my darling.’

‘I shall find my father – maybe not to tell him who I am but I want to see the stock I came from.’

‘One question, Betsy. Why?’

Her beautiful eyes searched his face, then she said quietly, ‘I never belonged in my family and I never knew why. This reason never entered my head, but now I do know I want to see the man who messed around with two sisters and fathered me. How many more of us are there? Has he a wife and family – a
family who are half-related to me? I don’t want to know them but I do want to know about them.’

Daniel sighed. He recognized the determination in his wife’s voice and thought her search would probably bring her more anguish, yet he was so glad to hear her sounding more like his Betsy, fighting back instead of blaming herself for the loss of the baby he had not known she was expecting.

‘I was going to tell you in another week or so,’ she said the day after the miscarriage, ‘it was at such an early stage and – and I wanted to be sure …’ Her pale tear-streaked face haunted him still and if searching for the father she had just found out about would give her back her spirit he would go along with that.

Once Betsy had made her mind up to search for her father all her energies were directed towards the project. She returned to helping Daniel on the farm and all the while she was planning her next move in her quest. At first Daniel was co-operative but after a while he grew impatient with her. ‘Why don’t you leave it alone, Betsy?’ he said one night. ‘It’s taking you over.’

‘Can’t you see I need to know?’ she said. ‘Maybe that’s where this restlessness comes from, this need to get on. Perhaps it’s inbred in my bones. Sir Benjamin Choicely. He’s not from round here, is he, Daniel?’

‘I’ve never heard of the man. I expect your aunt made the story up.’

‘No,’ she cried loudly, ‘it was true. You can tell when someone is telling the truth. Well I can and Aunt Agnes was speaking the truth that day. Sir Benjamin Choicely’s son, she said.’

‘All right. I accept that. I can’t see what finding him is going to prove or disprove.’

‘I need to. I just need to. I never felt part of the family but I
didn’t know why. I don’t
look
like any of them. And yet I never wondered, never thought. Now I want to explore the life of the man who fathered me. Is that wrong?’

‘Not wrong Betsy,’ Daniel said gently, ‘but maybe not wise.’

She wrapped her arms around him, ‘But I need to do this Daniel. I need to know, I really do.’

‘Why?’ But she had no answer for him.

She returned from the fields one day the following week and went into the farmhouse kitchen to find Daniel’s brother Joseph there.

‘Ah, the beauty herself,’ he said, walking towards her. ‘The beauty who married the beast.’

‘Don’t say things like that, Joseph.’ She stood still as he reached her.

‘But you wouldn’t have married him of your own free will – you had no choice, did you? My brother bought you in the market-place, so let’s have none of your high and mighty ways. You’re a beauty though and if you’re nice to me I’ll see you all right. Pretty dresses to come out in and—’ He got no further, for Betsy’s hand was up and the stinging slap left his face smarting.
I seem to be doing a lot of this lately, she thought, what is it about me that makes men think I would be willing?

‘I am not a doll to be dressed in pretty clothes in return for my favours,’ she said, ‘and I am married to your brother. Now get out.’

‘You’re a fiery one – I like ’em with a bit of spirit. Come here, wench.’ He reached forward. Betsy was too fast for him. She was off at speed and didn’t stop until she was in the field next to where Daniel was working.
No, he has enough to do,
she thought,
I’ll handle this one myself.
She turned and walked slowly back towards the farm.

Joseph was sitting on the ground by the corner which went round to the stable. He was leaning against the wall and watched her coming towards him.

‘If you want your brother he’s in the second field,’ she called. ‘Just keep away from the kitchen.’ She went indoors and pushed the bolts of the door along.

A short while later she saw from the kitchen window Daniel stamping across the yard to where his brother was still sitting. She moved from the window so as not to be seen, then she unbolted the kitchen door. She thought her husband would kill his brother if he suspected anything and with the door locked and his knowledge of his brother’s inclinations and reputation he would know.

She had no desire to protect Joseph but she knew Daniel’s passionate temper and she wanted no man’s blood on her conscience. The thought that Daniel might believe she had encouraged Joseph also crossed her mind. For all his strength he was vulnerable where relationships were concerned.

‘I just hope Joseph isn’t here for long,’ she said to Dumbo. The cat had followed her indoors and was now rubbing round her skirt. ‘He’ll be wanting something, that’s for sure, and I would have simply been a bonus.’

When Daniel and Jim came in for their meal Daniel said nothing about his brother and there was no sign of Joseph. Daniel didn’t linger and went out with his cowman as soon as they had eaten. Often Jim went first, and she and Daniel were able to sit a few moments longer, sometimes in companionable silence and sometimes speaking and planning the afternoon’s work.

Jim was never there for the evening meal and when they sat down for it that night, Daniel said his usual grace, ‘For what we
are about to receive may the Lord make us truly grateful.’ Then, before he picked up his knife and fork, he said, ‘How long had Joseph been hanging about this afternoon, Betsy?’

She had her answer planned. ‘I don’t really know, Daniel. I looked out of the kitchen window and saw you talking to him.’

‘Did he come into the kitchen?’

‘Why, no,’ she answered truthfully.

‘He said he had been in to see you and you told him where I was, so he waited.’

She was silent and looking across to her he said quietly, ‘I was in the second field this afternoon and I sensed you were near, Betsy. I looked up and you were by the first field and hurrying away back here. Why was that?’

‘Yes, I did see him,’ she admitted. ‘I was coming to tell you he was here, but then I realized how busy you were and came back before I reached the second field. I told him you were busy and I had cooking to do and went indoors. The next time I looked you were outside talking to him.’

‘He – well, he hinted at certain things. Said he had been in to see my beautiful and seductive wife, and …’ he laid down his cutlery and walked round to her side of the table, ‘I didn’t believe him but I was worried in case he had pestered you.’

His arm was round her shoulders now and she reached up and patted it tenderly, ‘There’s no need to worry, Daniel my love. I learnt to deal with the likes of your brother years ago in service,’ she said. Then she added for reassurance, ‘He never came inside the kitchen.’

‘He wanted money again,’ said Daniel, and was it her
imagination
? Was there relief in his voice?

‘You didn’t—’

‘Of course not. Joseph’s money goes on women and drink.
What we have is ours and he will never have a penny of it.’ She felt his lips brush the side of her cheek, then he returned to his meal and began talking about the crops and the animals. A great feeling of love and protection for this man almost overwhelmed her. In spite of being so much younger than her husband she often felt years older and infinitely wiser in the ways of people.

‘Daniel,’ she said now, ‘next market-day I will come with you and maybe I can find out something about Sir Benjamin Choicely and his son. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I expect he came from these parts, don’t you?’

Daniel drew his lips together in a hard line, then he looked across the table at her. ‘You are determined to go through with this stupid idea, then?’

She nodded and knew immediately it was the wrong gesture, remembering too late how angry it had made him on that first day.

‘Yes,’ she said, quickly following up her action with speech. ‘I simply want to know a little bit about him, that’s all. Please try to understand, Daniel.’

He capitulated so suddenly it took her by surprise. ‘I suppose I do in a way, but we are so different in our attitudes, Betsy. I would want to leave everything as it is, not try to disturb things, but you want to turf and dig until you know the truth about everything and sometimes this isn’t good for anyone.’

She sent him a dazzling smile, and he felt again that surge of wonder that she was his. He knew he could not deny her anything she wanted for long.

That night she turned into his arms with an abandonment she hadn’t shown him since that last miscarriage and her resultant illness.

Since her mother’s funeral she had not communicated with the rest of her family, nor they with her. She knew that part of her life was over for ever, and in truth she had not enjoyed returning but Daniel’s strong sense of duty and her desire to please him had been the driving force.

She sometimes felt guilty over her lack of feeling for her family when he talked about them but since the day of her mother’s funeral she knew there was no need. Yet she could not help speculating about what Benjamin Choicely and his son were like. Especially his son. From what her dreadful aunt had said she must resemble that side of her family. She couldn’t say any of this to Daniel, but she began making plans for the big adventure of finding out about her father’s family.

She talked to Dumbo about it sometimes when she had returned from helping her husband in the fields and the cat silently followed her into the house. He was never far from her and Daniel had taken to calling him her shadow. For her part she loved the creature dearly and when she was alone often rested her chin in his soft black fur and found comfort for the babies she had lost. Now she told the cat about her plans to find her father. ‘I never knew the man I thought was my father, and I want to know something about the real one,’ she murmured and felt Dumbo’s body tremble in response.

When Daniel next went to market he said gruffly, ‘Do you want to come, Betsy?’

‘Yes. We need a few bits and I can get them while you are doing the business.’

They agreed to meet at noon. On the drive back Daniel said, ‘A Sir Richard Choicely lives near Canterbury.’

‘Richard, not Benjamin?’

‘Benjamin was his father.’

She could have hugged him but she didn’t want him to drive off the road, so containing her excitement as best she could said, ‘Oh Daniel, that’s great news. Is he – is he married?’

‘He was. He is a widower with two sons. But before you let your imagination go any further remember he may
not
be your father. Your mother could have been telling you the truth when she said your father died when you were a baby.’

‘No, she wasn’t. This makes sense. It explains why I was treated so differently from the rest of the family. Do you think they knew, Daniel, or – or …’

He slowed the horse a little and glanced at her set face. ‘No, I’m sure they didn’t. They took their lead from your mother in the way they behaved towards you. But there is no proof, Betsy. No proof at all. I only found out who he was and where he lived because you are so eager to know. I doubt if
he
will be and, true or not, he will probably deny the story anyway.’

That night she was awake long after their love-making finished and Daniel lay contentedly by her side. She was the daughter of Sir Richard Choicely – she should have been born to a grander life, a richer life. Her practical nature soon took over, however, and she reminded herself of Daniel’s warnings. Of course he wouldn’t acknowledge her, and yes, there was a part of her that accepted that the story might not be true. In her heart she was as sure as she could be that it was. Aunt Agnes couldn’t play-act if she tried and on the day of the funeral she had blurted out the truth under her niece’s questioning. Betsy was convinced about it.

She decided to mull the ideas around in her head for a few days. She had the information she needed now, and sometime in the future she would find out more. For the moment she was happy to have knowledge of Sir Richard’s whereabouts. She fell
asleep eventually, to dream of a large house with acres of grounds, and a happy family who never needed to wonder where the next meal was coming from as she often had before she went into service when she was ten years old.