The Tenth Song (35 page)

“Of course I’m going to go!” Kayla exclaimed. “But I first need to find Daniel and my mother.”

“Isn’t that them over there?” Michael pointed toward the road up from the caravans.

It was. Daniel was holding her mother’s arm. She looked pale in the moonlight. Kayla ran down to meet them. “Have you heard the news, Mom?”

“Yes. Some miraculous prophecy risen up out of the desert earth…” She smiled.

“That’s what they say.” Kayla nodded, smiling back. “Rav Natan is going with his family. Daniel, are you coming?”

“Of course,” he said, nodding. “But I think your mother should stay here and rest.”

“I’m fine.” Abigail shrugged. “Just a little indigestion. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

“Are you sure?” Kayla asked, concerned, feeling a sudden new softness for her mother, feeling for the first time in her life that they were equals, on a journey together through a wilderness of wild possibilities. She respected her mother’s journey, and felt validated in her own, touched by her mother’s sudden
revelation during the dance circle. For the first time, she had suddenly glimpsed her mother as a fragile, aging human being, not some invincible, all-knowing pillar of authority cast in immutable stone. In her hug, she had felt unconditional love, the kind she had despaired of ever receiving. It was also, simultaneously, an acknowledgment that her mother considered her own perfect life a failure.

This confluence of ideas had both shocked and thrilled the daughter. For Kayla, who had been throwing herself against the unyielding wall of her parents’ perfection and expectations her entire life, that wall had suddenly collapsed, opening up vistas of freedom that she had never dared glimpse in the past. She was grateful that her mother had allowed her this vision, feeling the stirrings of something new in her heart toward her that was selfless and true. A real connection.

“Well, we need to get ready then,” Daniel urged. “Take as much water as you can. Some food, head coverings, sleeping bags. It could take a day or two.”

“Two? As much as that?” Kayla asked, worried.

“Well, it depends on how fast we walk, Kayla.” He smiled.

“Mom, do you really feel up to this?”

“I’ll walk at my own pace. I’m not so over-the-hill that I can’t get over the hills, my dear. Don’t worry so much!” Abigail laughed.

Daniel took Kayla’s hand and pulled her aside. “It’s not a good idea,” he whispered.

“Why not? Is she ill?”

“Well, she isn’t used to the desert heat. I don’t know if she’s been drinking enough.”

“I’ll make sure she drinks, Daniel. I know her. If we insist she stay behind, she’ll take it personally. And I think she’d go anyway. She seems to need to do this.”

He took her hand, nodding in understanding. “Then we’ll both watch over her.”

She reached up and kissed him. ‘Thanks. Let me get dressed and packed then.”

She hurried to her tent, packing what she needed, and taking spares for her mother. She layered her clothes, starting out with the lightest layer and covering it with her baggy, faded sweats that she could shed as the sun rose. She
filled empty bottles with water, packed some crackers and cans of hummus, then went outside to join the others.

There in the pale moonlight, looking as dapper as if he’d just stepped out of Harvard’s Old Austin Hall, was Seth.

At first, she thought it was a mirage.

“Kayla?” Seth said.

Mirages didn’t speak. “Seth! What are you doing here?”

As he moved closer, she saw he was red-eyed, shivering in the freezing desert air. His face was streaked with sweaty grime, his pristine striped Brooks Brothers shirt collar stained by drying perspiration.

He stared at her, rummaging furiously through the image of the woman before him for something that connected her with the lovely, cool, sophisticated girl he was engaged to marry. “Your hair!” he said, reaching out to finger a few strands of the curly, undisciplined tangle. Was it the lack of light, or was she really almost unrecognizable?

She stepped back, tossing her head defiantly. “When did you fly in?”

“About five hours ago.”

His teeth were chattering from the cold, she saw with sudden sympathy. “Let me get you a blanket. You’re freezing. Come in; sit down!”

“Come in? You mean, this is where you live, in a tent?”

“You’re tired. Here, take something to drink?” She gave him an unopened bottle of mineral water. He uncapped it, gulping greedily.

“I drove for hours. Got lost at least six times…”

“You drove yourself here? That’s crazy!”

“I didn’t want to waste a second. I had to see you…”

“And you found the place, in the dark.” She shook her head in wonder.

“You know I’m good with directions. At least, I thought I was. The ride was terrifying.”

“You shouldn’t have driven straight after the flight! Especially here! You could have fallen asleep at the wheel; something could have happened to you, God forbid!” She felt a horrifying surge of guilt and terror as various tragic scenarios flashed with lightning speed through her mind.

He put down the bottle and took her in his arms. “Would you have cared?” he whispered.

“Seth…” She lowered her eyes, wondering how she really felt, which was by no means simple or clear but a muddled combination of feelings. She could make out surprise most of all, and a streak of trouble and complication, and yes, a bright yellow tinge of happiness. In the middle of the desert, in the middle of the night, at the beginning of an odd and perhaps painful quest to discover the world might just be about to end, here was a familiar face from home representing sanity, and ease, and practicality. A fallback position.

She leaned forward, hugging him. “It’s good to see you, Seth.”

He hugged her back, then separated, his lips seeking affirmation and familiarity in hers, but she pulled back. “Please…”

“Yes, all right. I respect that you’re confused. But I’m not…” Then he drew upon the words he had practiced all through the flight as he imagined this moment, saying them by rote: “I love you. I want you back. That’s why I’m here.”

“After everything I’ve done? The way I’ve treated you?”

He didn’t respond from the gut. The important thing now, he told himself, was not to hash out the truth. That would come later. What was important now was to accomplish the task he had set for himself any way he could. He swallowed hard. “I’m not exactly putting up my candidacy for sainthood either. I also did horrible things. I abandoned you when you needed me most. I put other considerations in front of our love for each other. I’d do anything if I could turn back time, Kayla. It’s not too late. Is it?”

She had never seen him so vulnerable and uncertain. It was unnerving. “Why didn’t tell me you were coming?”

He shrugged. “Why didn’t you call me before you left?”

She fidgeted with the straps of her backpack. She hated to have to answer such a valid question. “I could say because I was angry and confused. And that wouldn’t be a lie. But it wouldn’t be the whole truth either. The truth is, I didn’t call because I believed you were part of a world I didn’t want to be part of anymore.”

He was stunned. That, of all things, had never occurred to him. “And what do you think now?”

“I think that I’m exactly where I should be for now. I think that you shouldn’t have come.”

He felt as if she’d reached out and slapped him.

“Well, I don’t happen to agree with you. And neither does your father. This is just killing him, by the way, in case you need a reminder.”

Her lips tightened. “NO, no. You don’t get to use the guilt card on behalf of my parents! Not you who told me that I—we—had to ‘distance ourselves.’ Remember that?” She felt some of the goodwill he’d earned with his bloodshot eyes and perspiration stains dissipate.

“Listen, it was your father who called me, begging me to come and rescue you!”

“My dad told you to come?”

He nodded. “I’ve grown really close to your father over the past few weeks. I care about him. And I care about you. That’s why I’m here. Not to pass judgment.”

She softened. “How is my dad?”

“He’s been through hell. And he is all alone. I tried. I’ve been over there often, telling him the things you wanted me to tell him. But he needs you and your mother.”

“Seth, I don’t know how to thank you! It… was so good of you to get involved. I’m so grateful…”

He took her in his arms impulsively. “Come home, Kayla,” he said simply. “All of this will soon be over. Your father will be exonerated. I’m sure of it. I’ve rented a car. A Subaru with plenty of trunk space. There’s enough room for you and your mother. We’ll drive to the airport in the morning and get the next plane out of here. You can be with your father for Friday night dinner. We can have the engagement party in two weeks, with an announcement in the paper—and my parents can just go to hell if they don’t like it… As for school, you can start again next year. So it will take you a little longer to earn your degree. There will still be plenty of firms still hiring.”

Voices grew closer.

“Kayla, we are just about to… Oh.” Daniel stood still, his eyes flicking in confusion from Kayla to Seth.

“Daniel, this is Seth; Seth, Daniel,” she said breathlessly.

The two men nodded at each other, staring like boxers waiting for the starting bell. Daniel took in the tall young man’s clothing, the good cut of his hair. He had the clean-shaven look of the prosperous, judgmental Americans who
travel the world simply to reassure themselves they couldn’t live anywhere else, Daniel thought, particularly places where natives don’t speak English and have less-than-pristine bathrooms. Was this the man Kayla loved? Still loved? And what did that say about her? And where did that leave him?

Seth stared back. Here he was, the “someone” Kayla’s father mentioned. He put out his hand. “
Shalom,
Daniel.
Ma nishmah?
” he said forcefully, his handshake firm and committed.

“I speak perfectly good English,” Daniel replied, smiling. He would have liked Seth more if he hadn’t smiled so brightly, hadn’t offered his hand. He would have respected a fist flying, an angry shout, something primal and real. All this phony gentlemanly civility was a bit nauseating to him. “So, you’ve come to take your fiancée back home?” Daniel said, looking questioningly at Kayla, who looked away, mortified.

“That’s the general idea.” Seth nodded cheerfully.

“And your fiancée, she is ready to go home?” The question was directed at Kayla, who said nothing. “By the way, Kayla, your mother is looking for you.”

“Could you ask her to come in here please, Daniel?”

He nodded, turning around to leave, when Abigail burst in.

“Oh, there you are. Are you ready? Because people are beginning to move out…”

“Mom, look who’s here.”

Abigail turned, squinting in the dim light. She stood stock-still, doing a double take, something elaborate and theatrical like an actor in a situation comedy. “It’s not my imagination, is it?” she asked Kayla, who shook her head. “Seth, is that really you?”

“Yes, Mrs. Samuels, it’s me. Regards from your husband.”

“OH!” Abigail sat down on Kayla’s mattress, hugging herself. She looked up: “What are you doing here?”

“He’s come to take us to the airport, Mom. He’s rented a car. A Subaru. With plenty of trunk space. Dad sent him.”

Abigail looked up. “But we can’t go. Not now. Everyone is leaving with Rav Natan. You are still coming, aren’t you, Kayla?”

Kayla didn’t move.

“Well, I’m going. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Abigail reached out to Daniel. “Here, give me a hand.”

Daniel pulled her up gently.

“Good-bye, Seth.” Her voice was curt and cold. Adam had sent him, to force her into doing his bidding, she thought resentfully. As if she were a child. All she had told him had meant nothing.

“Mrs. Samuels, Abigail…” Seth called after her, but she was too fast for him, disappearing into the night.

Kayla adjusted the straps of her backpack. “I’m going, too.”

“Now, in the middle of the night? To where?” Seth protested.

“There’s been this incredible archaeological find. Some say a book of prophecy. I can’t explain it to you, Seth. You’ll just sneer. But I have to go. I’m sorry.”

“When will you be back?”

“I don’t know. A few days.”

He got up. “I’m coming with you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re exhausted.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“You’re not dressed for the desert.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight. Not after I’ve found you.”

“I wasn’t lost,” she said softly. She filled up two more bottles with water. “Here. Take these. Do you have a backpack, a hat, some warmer clothes, a sleeping bag? Some shorts?”

“I’ve got some stuff in the car. I’ll go get it and meet you back here.”

Kayla nodded, about to tell him to hurry, but thought better of it. He’d come so far, all for her. The least she could do was wait patiently for him for a few more minutes.

She walked outside and looked at the gathering crowds: women in long, flowing skirts and head scarves, or shorts and jeans; men in knitted white skullcaps or baseball caps. They were an odd bunch of pilgrims, not at all as she envisioned the Israelites embarking on their epochal journey from one existence to another. Yet, like that ancient desert tribe, the desert would also be the medium that washed them clean of their old lives, preparing them to absorb the demands of the new era ahead of them.

She crossed her arms over her chest. Would Seth’s presence allow her to be
part of the group, or force her to look at them through his outsider’s vision? Would the force of habit, the long-established patterns of her old self, reassert themselves to reclaim her, demolishing her fragile new knowledge of the world and her place in it? And what of Daniel? Was their connection as tenuous as it was new? Would it, too, be unable to withstand the threat of serious inquiry into what was real and what was transitory?

She stepped out onto the long, moonlit path that led to the edge of the inhabited space she had come to know and be part of. Someone was already opening the locks on the iron gate that separated them from the wilderness. People began flowing through it, down to the path that led through the unexplored mountains and valleys.