Ties that Bind (Sunshine & Shadow Book 3) (5 page)

     “I’m sorry,” she said, “I don’t know why I did
that. You don’t have to say anything.”

     Kip didn’t answer, just continued to stare at
her, unmoving.

     April watched him, his eyebrows pulling together
above his confused eyes.

     “Okay,” she said, “Please say something. I just
thought…you’re my best friend and we’re flirty; we always have been, and I’m…”
She stopped herself, sighing. “I’m an idiot.” She stood up.

     “Please don’t go,” Kip said. He grabbed her wrist
and pulled her back onto the makeshift bench.

     “Why not? You don’t want to kiss me, so…”

     “I do!” Kip’s face transformed before her eyes.
“I do want to kiss you. It’s just…” He looked into the fire.

     “What?”

     “I’ve wanted this for so long, and…I don’t know
if I can…”

     April closed the gap between them without being
sure of what she was doing. She wrapped her arms around Kips neck and planted
her lips on his, feeling their softness transfer in a wordless sharing of
emotion.

     After a second, Kip moved, holding her close to
him with his hands on her waist, his fingers digging into her flesh like he
thought it was the first and last time they would ever touch. His lips were
soft, like a rose petal, but firmly pressed against her, in an almost painful
way. April let him pull her closer. Their lips parted, breath merging together
as one, the tip of their noses touching.

     “Wow,” Kip murmured.

     April swallowed. Guilt bubbled up inside her. She
had just kissed Kip, her best friend in the whole world, and he had said he’d
wanted this for a long time. How long was a long time? Years, perhaps? She had
gone to him for advice about Lex, had never known that he felt this way. She
couldn’t imagine how difficult it must have been for him.

     “I’d like you to take me home now,” she said. She
knew there had been something about Kip from the moment she met him, something
different from everyone else. They were soul mates, and seeing the fear of
rejection in his eyes made her even more determined to prove it to him.

     Kip’s eyes nearly popped out of his head.

     “Are you sure?” he asked.

     She nodded. “Yes.”

     Taking his hand she led him away from the fire.
Some people shouted goodbye, some ignored them. Kip’s eyes never left her face
as they walked together to the car and April smiled to herself.

     Kip had always been her safe place, her
protector, her advisor. Their chemistry was undeniable, their attraction,
unquestionable. But April had never seen him as a boyfriend. Their relationship
had gone up and down like a rollercoaster. They were too alike for their own
good.

     Being with Kip, even just being around him,
partly filled the hole in April’s heart. It made her feel safe again, and it
allowed her to smile and relax when deep down in her stomach she knew she
should be crying. There was a small amount of guilt too; shouldn’t she still be
grieving? Shouldn’t she still be sad and hurt because of what Lex had done? It
wasn’t fair for her heart to break and be healed again so soon. It couldn’t be
possible.

     But looking at Kip’s eager face as he lead her
into his cabin, nestled on the edge of the woods, April knew it was possible.
Because she was seeing and feeling it for herself. Being with Kip was the
perfect distraction.

     The morning sun streamed through the window and
onto April’s face. Her body ached, but in a good way. She stretched, testing
her muscles and joints and feeling the familiar strain of used strength.
Smiling, she rolled onto her side.

     “Good morning, beautiful,” Kip said.

     He traced a line down her face with one finger,
brushing a strand of hair away from her eyes. His own eyes were soft, caught in
between a love for the woman in front of him and the afterglow from the
previous night.

     Embarrassment washed over her at the weight of
what they had done. She shook it off. It was
Kip
, her best friend in the
entire world; she had nothing to feel embarrassed about.

     “Good morning,” she said. “How long have you been
awake?”

     “About an hour, I think. I like watching you
sleep. I’ve missed it. Plus you talk, which is always entertaining.”

     April reached up and kissed Kip gently. As they
pulled away, he kissed the tip of her nose once, making her laugh.

     The breakfast bell sounded at the lodge.

     April sat up quickly.

     “Oh my God!” She closed her eyes. “What am I going
to tell my parents?”

     “Why don’t you tell them the truth?”

     April sneered. “Why, so my dad shoots you? Do you
have a death wish?”

     “Maybe not a good idea.” He grimaced. “Tell them
a half truth.”

     “Which is?”

     “We fell asleep after watching a movie.”

     “Where’s the truth part come in?”

     “We did fall asleep…just after doing something
else,” Kip said, slowly.

     April jumped out of bed, pulling her jeans on and
buttoning her shirt. She had no idea what she was going to tell her dad, but
she did know it couldn’t be the truth. Kip would be fired, and she would be
shipped off to university again. She had only just unpacked the boxes that had
arrived from Seattle; she didn’t feel like going back and repacking everything.

     “April, calm down.”

     April shook her head. “No, you are too calm! What
do we say?”

     Kip laughed, pulling his clothes on and smiling
at her. “You’ve slept over here before,
platonically
. Just tell them
what I told you; we fell asleep after watching a movie. It’s believable. Just
please
don’t try to come up with a story. You suck at lying.”

     “I do not!” April said, throwing a pillow at him.

     He caught it and put it back in place, smoothing
the duvet. “You do. But it’s a good thing. Just try to stay as close to the
truth as possible and you’ll be fine.”

     April’s concern wasn’t warranted as nobody was in
the dining room when they entered the lodge for breakfast. She snuck upstairs
without being seen and changed her shirt. Running a brush through the tangled
nest of hair on top of her head proved to be too difficult, so she pulled it
back into a ponytail and decided to call it good enough.

     “Good morning!” her dad shouted from the kitchen
as she slid into her seat at the dining table. He wore an apron.

     “Dad…what are you doing?” April said, pouring
herself some coffee. Kip was setting the table and for some reason, she was
finding it hard to meet his eyes.

     “I’m cooking! Your mom wants to sleep in as its
Sunday, and I offered to make breakfast for everyone.”

     “I don’t think mom is sleeping in because it’s
Sunday…” April said, laughing. “Did she have a good night last night?”

     Her dad stuck his head around the kitchen door.
“Never you mind, missy. No matter how old you get, we are still your parents
and it’s very important that we look like superheroes in your eyes…” He carried
trays of food into the dining room and set them on the table. “…And superheroes
don’t get hangovers. Right?”

     April nodded, picking up a piece of bacon and
popping it in her mouth. “Right.”

     “Right,” Kip repeated, sitting down next to April,
bumping her foot with his. He smiled at her and she returned it quickly and
looked away. She felt a strange wave of awkwardness wash over her.

     Kip, who had been her platonic friend for years,
had seen her naked last night. Things would never be the same again.

     That day they were hanging the Christmas lights
on the porch and fences lining the driveway. April loved Christmas. The whole
ranch seemed to brush the snow off its wintered sleeves and pitch in to make
the holidays seem alive. The lights were multicolored and in the evening -
which, during the winter, began at 4:30 in the afternoon - reflected in the
snow. It looked like someone had had a paint fight on a white canvas.

     They hung the lights carefully, making sure each
one worked, until April’s mom came downstairs, wrapped in a housecoat.

     “Mom, you look fantastic,” April said, laughing
at her mom’s bedraggled appearance.

     “Sure,” her mom said. “I feel like a million bucks.”

     “There’s coffee in the kitchen,” Kip said. He bit
his lip to hide his laughter as April’s mom turned around.

     She saw his concealed smile and held up her
finger. “Not a word. I am still your boss, and you need to think of me as the
proper, put-together woman I am. You need to respect me.” She nodded to
herself.

     “I do respect you!” Kip dropped the lights onto
the porch and put his arm around her, turning her towards the kitchen. “I just
didn’t know you were such a party animal, ma’am. I really need to teach you how
to drink responsibly.”

     April laughed to herself as they disappeared
inside the lodge. She finished hanging her strand of lights and set to work on
Kip’s discarded pile. Wrapping them carefully around the railing, she felt
someone fold their arms around her waist.

     “What are you doing?” she said, continuing her
task, but enjoying the warmth.

     “What? No-one’s out here,” Kip said.

     “For now.” She turned around in Kip’s arms and,
reaching up on her tip-toes, kissed him quickly. “But that could change at any
moment, and then you’d have a gun pointed at you. Is that what you want?”

     Kip shook his head, lowering his arms. “No,
ma’am.”

     “So what are you going to do?”

     “Take you into the barn?” he said, putting a
question mark at the end.

     April wiggled her finger.

     “Sneak you into my cabin?” he guessed again.

     She put her hands on her hips, feigning
annoyance.

     Kip looked at the ground, pretending to pout.
“Finish my chores, ma’am.”

     April nodded, smiling. “Good boy.”

     “Then take you into the barn.”

     Kip wrapped his arms around April again and threw
her over his shoulder. While she struggled in his grip, he placed the last two
strands over the banister and heaved a dramatized sigh.

     “Well, I guess I’ve done my chores. Now what?”

     April laughed.

     Kip carried her into the barn, swinging as he
walked. As the entered, April was, as usual, greeted with the scent that made
her heart flutter. The horses in their stalls nickered a welcome and she smiled
to herself. Kip turned to his right sharply, causing April to swing. She tensed
up, fearing she would fall but he kept his hold on her tight, and she barely
moved on his shoulder. He swung the other way.

     “What are you doing?” she asked, laughing again.

     “Just trying to find something I left in here…”
He continued to swing this way and that.

     April was overcome in a fit of giggles.

     “Oh my God,” she gasped. “You are such an idiot!”

     “No name calling!” Kip laughed.

     He set April on the ground and she leaned on him.
Their eyes locked and she noticed the true caramel color of his irises. She’d
never noticed before.

     She sighed.

     She felt peaceful, fulfilled; a feeling she
hadn’t had since…she didn’t remember when.

     April reached up and kissed Kip firmly on the
cheek.

     He leaned down and whispered, “Want to have a
roll in the hay?” He nibbled her earlobe.  

     She laughed and pulled away, slapping him gently
on the chest. “You really do have a death wish!”

     Kip shook his head.

     Their eyes met again and April felt her heart
swell.

     April sat in her room, flicking through
university brochures.

     The second she was alone, the guilt started
creeping in. What was she doing? She felt like one of those girls from reality
shows, sleeping around for fun. And it was
Kip!
She would never forgive
herself if she hurt him because of her own selfish agenda.

     But surely he understood the situation. Surely he
knew they were just having fun. He wouldn’t get too serious. He wouldn’t think
she…
loved
him or anything; right?

     Was she in love with Kip? Or was she just
terrified of being alone?

     It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to anyone to
continue lying to herself and telling herself she was okay about Lex. Her
subconscious hadn’t forgotten. She had always loved Kip
platonically
,
but she’d never thought of him as anything more.     Being with Kip helped her
forget the betrayal, the pain, the unrequited love. When she was with him, Lex
didn’t cross her mind once. Kip was slowing removing him from her memory.

     But if that was true, why was Lex’s face in her
mind the second she was alone?

     The phone beside her rang. Without checking the
caller ID, she answered.

     “Hello?”

     “April?”

     The phone nearly fell out of her hand. April sat
up, barely breathing.

     “What do you want?” Just the sound of Lex’s voice
made her angry. She wanted nothing more than to eradicate the feeling and move
on, but the wounds were still wide open.

     “I want to talk to you.”

     “About what?  Because unless it’s life and death,
I’m hanging up now.”

     “It’s important, April. Is anyone around you
right now?”

     “No.” She got up and closed her bedroom door.
“I’m in my room, alone.”

     “April, I know you’re pissed, but you have to
hear me out. I can explain everything.”

     “You can try. But I don’t know what you hope to
achieve. I’m not coming back, Lex. You’re having a baby. With someone else. I…I
don’t know what you want.”

     “I want you to know the truth, April. I want you
to know I didn’t cheat on you, or lie to you. Since the music festival, I’ve
been nothing but honest and faithful to you, April, I swear.”

     “She’s pregnant, Lex. Do you think I’m stupid?”

     “No, April, I don’t. We did sleep together. We
did. But it was when I came back from the ranch. I didn’t think I’d ever see
you again. I thought you hated me. Violet was there for me. I was lonely and
heartbroken and I’d had way too much to drink. If I could turn back the clock,
knowing what I know now, there’s no way I would’ve gone through with it.”

     April stopped breathing all together. If what Lex
was saying was true, then she had jumped to conclusions. He hadn’t been
unfaithful. What he had done wasn’t any different from what she was doing now.

     “Is all this true?”

     “April, I swear to you, it’s true. I would never
lie to you.”

     “You lied to me once. Well, you kept something
from me at least.”

     “What do you mean?”

     “Violet texted you a few months ago. She asked
you if you’d told me yet. That I deserved to know the truth. What was that
about?”

     “I told Violet that I was going to be honest with
you about our relationship. It’s true that before I went to Blue Haven, Vi and
I were a couple. But it ended as soon as I met you.”

     “Except for that one night?”

     “Except for that one night. I fucked up, April.
Once. But I swear to you, it was only
once
.”

     “I don’t know why, but I believe you. I don’t
know why you’d call after weeks just to lie to me.”

     “After weeks? I’ve been calling nearly every day
and you haven’t picked up.”

     April’s cheeks burned. She was glad she was
alone. “I blocked your number,” she said, embarrassed.

     “That explains why you picked up when I called
from Cash’s phone. Why did you block my number?”

     “I was so angry, Lex. I was so hurt. I thought
you’d used me. I thought I was nothing but a pawn in your game.”

     “I would never use you. My feelings for you are one
hundred percent genuine. You’re my baby.”

     April’s heart swelled and she fought it. Things
hadn’t changed. Her anger was dissipating, but Lex was still having a baby.
With Violet. And it wasn’t right to get in the way of a child having a mother
and
a father.

     “I appreciate you calling, Lex,” April said,
determined to do the right thing, no matter how hard her heart was pulling her
in two separate directions, “And it’s nice to know that you didn’t lie to me,
but you’re still having a baby.”

     “I know that, but if you could just come
back…and…try, for me.”

     “I did try; I tried more than most people would
have.”

     “Just try a little more. It’ll be easier, April,
I swear. I’ll get you an apartment and a car, and we can be together.”

     “Yeah…in secret. That’s not a relationship.”

     “We could make it a relationship.”

     April closed her eyes. He wasn’t getting it. “No,
we couldn’t.”

     “You’ve made up your mind?”

     “I think so, yeah. I’m sorry, but I can’t get
over the fact that you’re having a child with her. I can’t break up a family.”

     “Okay. I just needed you to know the truth. I
love you and I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. But you’re right; I am
having a baby with Violet.”

     April’s eyes filled with tears. Her breath came
in short gasps and they overflowed and ran down her cheeks, hot against her
skin. It sounded like goodbye. She hated goodbyes.

     “I’m happy for you, Lex. I know how badly you
wanted a family.”

     “I did. To be honest, I thought it would be you
who I started my family with.”

     “I thought so, too,” April murmured.

     “This is not the way I saw this conversation
going. But…”

     “I know.”

     Lex made a croaking sound that resembled a sob.
“I love you, and it’s killing me to know that I can’t wake up with you, or kiss
you, or hold you as you fall asleep in my arms.”

     “Me too,” April murmured. Her eyes filled with
tears again and she bit her lip.

     “But,” Lex sniffed, “This is the right thing to
do…Isn’t it?”

     April nodded, wiping away the continuous tears
that were running down her cheeks. “It is.” She did her best to stop her voice
from shaking as the sobs wracked her body.

     “April, you have to make me a promise.”

     “What is it?”

     “If you change your mind…”

     “I know where to find you.”

     “Promise you’ll call, April.”

     “I promise.” April’s voice was a whisper, barely
fitting past the lump that had formed in her throat.

     This was goodbye.

     She was saying goodbye to the man she thought she
would spend her life with; the man who had been planning on proposing to her. But
this was the right thing to do. It just proved what kind of man he was that he
had decided to stand by his decision and give the best life possible to that
child. 

     April could picture Lex’s bright green eyes in a
delicate, round, chubby face. His child would be beautiful, just like he was.
And there was no doubt in her mind that he would be a great father. She knew
that his child would want for nothing. It would never go hungry, or thirsty,
and it would never know loss. Because Lex wouldn’t let that happen.

     It devastated April to know she’d never witness
it. She couldn’t believe what was happening, but she couldn’t hide from it
anymore. She couldn’t pretend it was all a dream, because the ache in her chest
was very real, and very painful. Knowing that she might never see Lex again terrified
her.

     “Goodbye, April,” Lex murmured.

     April’s voice was a whisper. “Bye.”

     She hung up, dabbing her cheeks as more tears
rolled from her eyes.

     A knock on her door startled her. She wiped her
nose on her sleeve and sat up in bed.

     “Come in!” she called.

     Kip entered the room. “I knew you weren’t looking
at university brochures,” he said.

     He smiled at her and April was filled with a
strong yearning to leap into his arms. She held out her hands and he sat on the
bed beside her. Crawling into his lap she sniffed.  He held her close to his
chest, rocking back and forth on the bed.

     “What’s wrong?” Kip said. He kissed her forehead,
his lips pressing gently into her skin.

     “I was looking at brochures, but then I…I just…”

     “It’s okay. You’re going through a lot.”

     April nodded. She knew Kip would understand. She
could always count on him. She smiled. There was no reason for Kip to know
about Lex’s phone call. She wasn’t going to change her mind. She would forget
about Lex. She would be happy, and free. It was time to begin living the life
she was meant to lead.

     Fine snow drifted down over the ranch, settling
in places, and melting where the ground was too wet for it to stick. From
inside the lodge, April wondered what the animals felt about this weather. She
thought it was beautiful; they probably thought it was annoying, covering
everything in a thick layer of moisture and soaking them to their skin. Behind
the barn she could just see a horse shaking its head, sending thousands of
raindrops into the powdery snow from the previous night.

     She decided to brave the cold and begin her day.
Pulling her tuque down over her ears and her boots on, she opened the lodge
door, feeling the chill hit her cheeks.

     April wandered over to the barn, admiring the way
the trees carried the snow in tunnels of white, encasing each branch like it
was clothed. She inhaled, the still air creating the perfect fragrance of a
sweet and crisp winter. Christmas was just days away. She had the whole day to
herself; Kip having gone to the city for supplies with her dad. She would go
for a ride through the snowy mountains on Chinook, catch up on a little
reading, and if there was time, organize the tack room.

     Her phone rang. She answered it.

     “Hello?”

     Elliot Campbell’s voice flowed through the
receiver.

     “Good morning, April. Long time, no talk.”