Undead Much (34 page)

  “I didn’t understand it myself until last night.” I looked up into his eyes, willing him to see how much I cared about him. “I was sure I was going to die, and all I could think about was you. That I was stupid to have been so scared.”

  Ethan’s hand touched mine, just the barest brush of his fingers, but it was enough to make my entire self ache. “It wasn’t stupid. I know you’ve never been in a serious relationship before.”

  “No, it’s not just that. It’s not even sex, so much,” I said, blushing until my cheeks burned. Maybe I wasn’t so jaded and dark after all. I could still get embarrassed saying the
s
word. “It’s just… you mean so much to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. I’ve never loved someone-”

  “Then why the thing with the zombie, Megan?” Ethan asked, the hurt clear in his eyes, though he didn’t step away. “If you love me so much, why were you making out with another guy?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, fighting tears for the zillionth time in the past few days. “I think it was because I was so confused about us and he was safe.”

  “Safe?” He was mad again. “And what am I? A serial killer?”

  “I don’t love him,” I said, scrambling to explain myself. “Cliff is a super-nice guy, but he isn’t even alive, so there’s no way he could hurt me the way you could.”

  “I’d never hurt you. Don’t you realize that by-”

  “Maybe not on purpose, but what if you just fell out of love with me one day?” I asked, ignoring the stares we were getting from people headed back into the game. “Or got tired of me being younger? Or met someone you liked more?”

  “What if I got hit by a bus, or you got killed during one of these freakish Undead outbreaks you seem to attract like it’s going out of style?” he asked, squeezing my hand in his. “Don’t you think that scares me? Thinking about all the people who are going to want a piece of you if they find out what you are? Something bad could always happen, but if you’re too afraid of the bad, you can’t ever enjoy the good.”

  “I know!” God, Ethan totally got it. Of course he did. He was way smarter than I was when it came to stuff like this. “I finally figured that out. It just took me a while. I’m sorry. But I…” Okay, here it was, this was the BIG moment. I might have thought Ethan and I had been here before, but we hadn’t, not like this.

  “But you what?”

  “But I love you. I really love you.” My heart raced and I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up, but I didn’t let myself stop or look away from Ethan’s eyes. “If you can’t forgive me, I understand, but I really wish you would because I… I think things would be a lot better.”

  “You think?” The hand not holding mine snuck up to play at the back of my neck, making me shiver for reasons that had nothing to do with the cold night air.

  “I
know
.” I leaned closer, wanting to be in Ethan’s arms more than I have ever wanted anything. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, to kiss him and kiss him and let those kisses take us wherever they would. I didn’t want to hold back anymore, didn’t want to worry about anything, just wanted to be as close to him as I could get. I was finally ready. Completely ready. Too bad it had taken another near-death experience to make me realize that truth.

  He stared down at me and I could tell that he was thinking the same thing. But in the end, when he leaned down, his lips landed on my forehead, not my lips. “I love you, and it’s okay.”

  “You forgive me?”

  “I do.”

  “You do?” I asked.

  “I do, but I don’t think we should jump right back into anything. You’re right-you’ve been through a lot, and it’s not over yet. You and your parents have a lot to deal with, the Enforcers are going to be isolating you for special training, and I heard Kitty talking about full-time bodyguards for at least a few months, until they see who knows about you having witch blood. So… I think we should take our time.”

  I sighed, a part of me wanting to burst into full-blown sobs at the idea of “taking time,” but another part of me a little relieved. I wanted to be with Ethan more than anything, but I was also really, really tired. No matter how much I wanted my life back on track
right now
, it was going to take some adjustment to get used to the new lay of the land.

  “So what do you think? Friends for now?” he asked, still playing with my hair in a way that wasn’t really strictly friendly-not that I was going to complain.

  “Friends who hug.” I threw my arms around his waist and hugged him tight.

  “I can do hugs.” He wrapped his arms around me in a mostly platonic way, but I felt his lips brush the top of my head and heard the telltale sniff as he inhaled the scent of my shampoo. He’d told me a dozen times how just smelling that shampoo made him want to drag me into a dark corner and never let me go. “And maybe a kiss or two. If you’ll put your Frisbee hat back on.”

  “It’s called a beret, which sounds a lot cooler than ‘Frisbee hat.’”

  “Right, whatever,” he said, dropping another kiss on my forehead.

  I smiled, and a sense of calm settled in my usually angst-ridden guts. Ethan and I were going to be fine. We’d take our time, but in the end, when I was ready and he was ready, we’d be us again. I was sure of it.

  “So, you want to go get some ice cream? I heard you’re supposed to be pounding back the calories to help you heal,” he asked, pulling away from our hug.

  “I thought all details relating to my condition were supposed to be top secret?”

  “Yeah, they are, but Kitty gave Monica and me the scoop. I guess she figured we’d earned insider information for being the only two people smart enough to know you were innocent from the start.” He grinned, pleased with himself. “And I’m really craving a hot fudge sundae.”

  “How can you crave ice cream when it’s this cold?” I asked, holding on to the hand he placed in mine and following him to his car.

  “Not just ice cream, a
hot fudge sundae
. The fudge is hot, countering the coldness of the ice cream and making it the perfect all-weather snack food.”

  “Oh, I see.” I laughed and dug around in my coat pocket for my cell to call my parents, letting Ethan open the door for me. “I guess I can’t argue with-Oh, Ethan, what did you do?”

  “What?” he asked, acting like he didn’t know what I was talking about.

  “This.” I grabbed the elegantly wrapped black box with the silver ribbon from the passenger’s seat, marveling at the fact that Ethan had gone to the trouble to spell out my name on the gift tag with glitter. “It’s not anywhere close to my birthday.”

  “Megan, I didn’t-”

  But I was already tearing into the paper, revealing the carved wooden box inside. Impatiently, I fumbled with the ornate latch. I’m not one of those take-your-time-and-savor-it kind of unwrappers. I want to know what’s inside, and I want to know
now
.

  Of course, that might change. After this particular gift, I didn’t know if I’d ever look at wrapping paper the same way again.

  “Ohmygod!” I dropped the box as fast as I’d picked it up, which was my second mistake, because dropping it made the severed hand inside come rolling
out
.

  “What the heck?” Ethan crouched down to get a better look at the thing, wisely not touching it. He was in Protocol mode now. He wouldn’t touch evidence and risk losing fingerprints or any magical remnants that might be stuck to the skin. “There’s a note.”

  Ethan pulled a tissue from his pocket and used it to carefully pry open the edge of the crisply folded paper that had been resting beneath the hand.

  Dearest Megan,

  I heard from a little bird you’d taken your first heart. Don’t you know a good witch always starts with a hand? Here’s one to hold you over until your training can truly begin. All the best, love, Your father

  Ethan stood up fast and scanned the parking lot even as he grabbed his phone and dialed for backup, but I stayed where I was. If I stood up, if I spoke, then this would be real, and I didn’t want it to be real. Not yet. Not ever.

  Just when I’d thought it was over, it was really only beginning. My biological father had found me and scared me more than anyone ever had. All that, and I didn’t even know his name.

I do. His name is Addison Strain. He’s not here yet, but he will be. Soon.
I joined Ethan, spinning in a wild circle, searching for any sign of the boy who owned that voice. It was Cliff, speaking in my mind, just like he had when we’d shared a body for those brief moments last night.

Where are you? Did you see who-

I didn’t see who put it there, but I’ll keep my eyes open. And I’ll be here when you need me. Be careful, Megan.
Out of the corner of my eye I caught a flash of a dark green sweater and shoulder-length brown hair at the edge of the parking lot. It was Cliff, but a very pale Cliff, with a huge bandage wrapped around his neck.

  My stomach turned as I remembered the way his throat had been ripped open, then turned again as Cliff vanished and my gaze dropped to the hand. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

  “Right, we’ll see you in five.” Ethan snapped his phone shut and wrapped his arms around me. “Just take deep breaths. Kitty’s on her way back, and Monica is going to grab your parents and be right out. We’ll find out who did this and make sure you’re safe. Don’t worry.”

  I buried my face in Ethan’s chest and took a deep breath, pulling the comforting smell of him into my soul, searching for the calm I’d felt only a few minutes ago. Surprisingly, I found it was still there, buried beneath the fear and anxiety, waiting for me to call it to the surface.

  “Okay. I’m going to be okay.” I pulled away from Ethan and stood up a little straighter. What had just happened was crazy and horrible, but that seemed like it was the story of my life. This time, however, I was determined to be the one writing the next chapter.

  Ethan smiled, that special smile he only showed me. “Of course you are. I never doubted it.” He took my hand in his and squeezed as we turned to watch the gym doors, ready for whatever happened next.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thanks again to all the people at Razorbill who put their talent to work on “Undead Much”, with special thanks to Lexa Hillyer, my amazing editor. You made this book a joy, Lexa!

  More special thanks to my agent, Caren Johnson. I could never juggle everything without you, thanks for all you do.

  And then some more special thanks to the Diamond State Romance Authors, Jamie Fender, and Stacia Kane for friendship and girl talk.

  And then yet even more special thanks to my family-my mom and dad, my adorable husband who I love more every day, and my preshush children and stepchildren who keep me on my toes and have taught me as much as I’ll ever teach them.

  And then still more special, heartfelt thanks to my readers. Every email I’ve gotten about Megan and Ethan and the Settler world has completely blown me away. Thank you for reading and for loving my characters as much as I do.

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9/22/2010