Underbelly (83 page)

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Why?”

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It’ll make it easier to breathe. We’re not here to harm you. We came to help you, and your deceit doesn’t alter that. It merely proves how much you do need our help. Drink,” Father Rossi said and Grey shook his head slowly, unwilling to drink anything here.

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I’m okay,” Grey said, trying to alleviate their concern. “It’s not a heart attack. I haven’t lied to you; I told you I wasn’t going to tell you anything about Laura. I’m leaving. Thank you for your concern about my moral welfare.”

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You misled us. This was a test of your character. The Ninth Heretic is dead, yet still you pick her side over ours. Consider this notice that you are under observation.”

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This is America. I can choose how to live my life however I see fit. I’m not seeking conflict. I’m saying that I have the freedom to make my own mistakes. I don’t want this...maybe you have good intentions. I can’t say, my instincts are lame at judging people. I’d say yours could do with refining too, because there are plenty of worse folks out there than me you could work at reforming. What do you mean by observation?” Grey said anxiously.

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You can stay and discuss it or go and see Father Marquez. I believe that you’ll make the right choice.”

Grey pushed his trolley out of the room, though was very unhappy with how he had left it. Unfortunately he needed to get out as he had to sit down and he didn’t want them to know how bad he felt. He sat in his office chair and went over what had been said. What would be the consequences if he didn’t comply? Would he face confinement like he proposed for Laura, which he had said even though he knew she was dead? Father Rossi made him out to be a liar for omitting to mention that Laura was dead, though by that logic he was at fault too, for he had talked of her as being alive which he knew to be false. He finished off his shift and went up to his suite and locked the door and put a chair under the handle for good measure.

Del grew concerned about Grey as he kept in his room into the next week and, for the umpteenth time, he tried to lift his spirits.

From my childhood I know all about Catholic priests and the bottom line is they always make you feel like you’ve done something wrong. The amount of times me and my brothers got caught out misbehaving in town by the priest...it’s like they have eyes everywhere. It didn’t stop us, and it shouldn’t stop you.

It’s not.

Then get out of that room. I dare you.

What would that prove?

That you dare. Look, would going to see this priest be so bad?

Are you serious?

You’ve got two choices. The Catholic way isn’t so bad, honest, and they’d get off your back. If you don’t comply they’re going to scare you with tales of damnation but don’t take that personally, pal, because we’ve all had that threat. I can promise you now that they won’t touch you – it’s only the kids who get the rough treatment if they stray out of line. You must admit that your life is going down the toilet of late – joining my band will change that, guaranteed, because once you’re in with them, they take responsibility for you, like it or not.

What’s choice two then?

Choice two is the one I think you’ll pick. Fuck ‘em. Go out and live your life and pay no heed to it. Get on with living. Either choice is fine by me, as long as it gets you out of that room. You know better than anyone how precious life is and you’re wasting it sat breathing in your old stale farts.

So I’m supposed to pick myself up again and dust myself down and get on with it. To what end?

What’s the alternative?

I’m not gonna kill myself, Del. Being a spirit would be worse than a shit life. Just don’t expect me to be upbeat.

You need to get out of this paranoid state. Go back to Detroit and have a few jars with George.

How can you call it paranoia when they told me they were watching me?

It’s like what the cops say to the crooks. I’m keeping an eye on you. It’s something the authorities say to make you behave. Don’t take it to heart. It’s down to the company you keep, that’s all. We both know you can’t see Laura again so it’ll blow over.

They know that too. They know she’s dead. They tricked me, making out they didn’t know.

Five days without leaving your room isn’t healthy. Especially as you haven’t seen anybody in that time.

If anyone knocked I’d let them in. I’m not Mr Popular like you, Del.

Not if you carry on like this. Get out of the hotel, go to the bar. You don’t have to talk to anyone. You can just sit there by yourself and stare into your pint. Have you run out of tobacco yet.

Yesterday.

Go out and get some of that then.

They’ll be expecting that.

You’re not the centre of the universe. Hell, you’re not even at the edges of it anymore. You’re slipping off the map. What would Germaine say if she could see you now?

She’d tell me I have to shave before I can kiss her. Should I run to the bathroom now and lather up then?

You’re making my job hard,
Del said, exasperated with him.

Then stop playing devil’s advocate. I know how things are. I’m not delusional. I’m not insane.

I know that. If you keep yourself holed up like this it wouldn’t be hard to paint you as nuts, would it? Don’t give them the rope, Jimmy. I’m happy to talk to you, Del, if you can bear to listen to me, but I’m not taking your advice. I know you mean well.

I know how this story ends. Remember what George said about Baska?

I promise you now I won’t kill myself.

Them jokers in the kitchen will think you’re running scared. Do one more shift, show your face.

They can think what they like. I don’t care about that.

You don’t go back and that’s how you’ll be remembered, the coward they drove away.

I’m living like a fugitive and you think I should be avenging a childish joke? I overreacted to it at the time. It’s done.

A bit like you. Get out of this mindset.

If I were dead, or if I’d had another heart attack and couldn’t call for help, I’d be lying here still waiting. I am alone,
Grey said to Del. He’d still not left the apartment for 22 days and was running low on supplies and in that time nobody had even tried to contact him. Del tried to rouse Grey with yet another pep talk without success. He could never be alone; that was his benison and burden, yet the company of spirits suddenly meant very little to him. They’d already had their lives, and it was slowly dawning on him that he’d had the best years of his already. Germaine Cremont and Laura Spencer were irreplaceable. He could take another lover, or wife, and he could make more friends, but it would never be the same. He had thought his life would be split into two periods, pre and post war, and now he knew that it was these twin deaths that separated his life, from the happy times to the sleepwalking through life era.

Del didn’t give up easily and kept trying to talk sense into him, refusing to let him continue to slump into degeneracy. He was clearly depressed, which was understandable though Del tried to snap him out of this too, though it was his sanity that troubled him more. Grey had changed dramatically and he didn’t seem to be able to reach him. Del kept on gnawing in his ear until finally Grey responded. He’d come a long way and was far more adept with his power now and he shut the door. No more spirits. A week later, with all of his food supplies exhausted and his funds gone, he left the hotel and his belongings and hitched a ride out of the city, away from a life that had lost all meaning. The hotel room was a tomb, and possibly bugged. He needed a brand new start and continued his travels again and this time, free of spirits, he led the way.