Up High in the Trees (14 page)

I take my red piece of gum out of my mouth and stick it next to the name Rachel. I tell myself to remember how I lay under the table and stuck my piece of gum there. If I tell myself to remember something like that, then it stays in my head.

I remember I locked myself in the bathroom at home and lay down on the floor. It was my birthday and I was wearing my new spaceman pajamas that Mother gave me. I took the piece of grape gum I was chewing out of my mouth and stuck it all the way at the back of the cabinet under the sink. The gum was my birthday present from Leo. He gave me ten packs of grape bubblegum and Mother said it would ruin all my nice new teeth. I had three new teeth on the bottom, but I still had my baby teeth on top. I stuck my piece of grape gum in the back of the cabinet and I told myself to remember lying down there on the floor on my birthday and it worked, so that's how I know how to make myself remember.

Dear Ms. Lambert,

I do know what happened to Mother. I wasn't there, but I was.

I was sleeping and I could see Mother running in the dark. She was holding her stomach. There weren't any cars, so she was running in the middle of the street.

I want to remember everything that Mother did, but if I try too hard, then I'm thinking, and thinking is not the same as remembering.

Bye, Sebby

Dad's upstairs when the doorbell rings and he doesn't come down so I have to answer it. I only open the door a tiny bit and I can see it's the boy, Jackson, with his sister standing behind him.

Come on, open up, Jackson says.

I open the door a little more, but I stand in the open space so that he can't come in.

What do you want? I ask him.

We came to find out what you're going to be for Halloween, says Jackson.

I don't say anything. I look down at Jackson's feet. He's wearing his red cowboy boots and also jean shorts. I can see his knees are purply red from the cold.

I'm going to be a street-fighting ninja, Jackson says.

I'm going to be Robin, says his sister.

She wants to be Robin even though I'm not going to be Batman this year, Jackson says. It's stupid.

Jackson, you shut up, his sister says. She has big, watery eyes.

What are you going to be? Jackson asks me again.

I don't know, I tell him.

Sebby, Dad's voice says from behind me.

I turn around and look at him at the top of the stairs. He's wearing his white T-shirt and his gray sweatpants with one sweatpant leg pushed up around his knee.

Who's there? he asks.

I open the door more so he can see Jackson and his sister.

Oh, Dad says and walks away.

That's your Dad? Jackson asks.

If you take your glasses off, you could be Batman, his sister says to me. She moves closer so she's standing next to Jackson and not behind him anymore. Her face has freckles all over it and her lips are chapped. They're chapped because she keeps licking them. She looks sad with her big, watery eyes.

No, I tell her. I don't really know anything about Batman.

Nobody wants to be Batman and Robin with you, says Jackson.

Then she kicks him hard and low on the leg. Jackson pushes her away with one hand.

Cut it out, he tells her.

Did you see
Batman Returns
? she asks.

I shake my head.

Are you going to be anything or what? Jackson asks me.

Maybe, I say.

I want him to go away now. I don't care about Halloween.

You got anything in there you could wear that's scary? asks Jackson.

I shrug.

You're weird, his sister says to me and then she licks her lips. Her bottom lip is cracked in the middle and it's bleeding now.

You at least got a white sheet, Jackson says. You could be a ghost.

Okay, I tell him.

Come on, his sister says and she pulls on Jackson's arm.

Jackson shakes his arm to make her let go.

Come on, she says again.

Jackson pretends he can't hear her.

Well, he says to me. He keeps looking at my face, so I look away.

See ya, he says.

His sister's already walking away and he runs to catch up so he can walk in front.

Bye, I say.

Dad says I have to sit down at the table and do my homework. He brings me a glass of water and crackers for a snack.

How many pages do I have to do? I ask.

Two, says Dad.

I eat one cracker and then copy all the spelling words three times. On the fraction page, I make up answers.

Finished, I tell him.

That was quick, Dad says and he comes over to the table to see.

I show him the spelling words.

What about the math page? he asks.

No, I tell him.

Dad sits down and shows me how to draw fractions like pies with slices cut out. Then I can see them in my head and I know how they work. Dad stays with me and watches me do the problems.

Good, he keeps telling me. After I do the last one, he walks over to the refrigerator and looks inside. So, you know those kids? he asks.

They live in the blue house, I tell him.

Dad yawns. We should go to the store, he says.

Yes, I say, I need a white sheet because I'm going to be a ghost.

What are you talking about? asks Dad. He walks back over to me.

I want to be a ghost, I tell him, a ghost is scary.

Dad scratches the top of his head. His hair is messy and greasy.

Your mother is not a ghost, he says.

I know, I tell him, it's Halloween.

When? Dad asks.

Dear Ms. Lambert,

I want to tell you something.

The night she left, Mother woke me up. She said, Sebby, you have to hear this. On the tape, the man said, And now to sing this lovely ballad, here is Mama Cass. Mother stopped the music then to make it start over. She said, Listen, Sebby. If you listen carefully, you can hear Mama Cass clearing her throat. The song started over again and she asked me did I hear it and I did, so I said yes and Mother loved me then. She picked me up out of bed and held me. I love you, little boy, she whispered. Mother whispered close to my ear and she kissed my face. I put my head down on her shoulder and I loved her, too. We listened to the song and Mother whispered the words to me about saying good night and dreaming about each other.

After the song, she put me back in bed and stayed there with me until I fell asleep. In the morning I found a piece of paper folded up under my pillow. The paper had all the words of the song written on it.

Bye, Sebby

We don't have a plain white sheet, so Dad gives me one that's white with little yellow flowers all over it.

You can turn it inside out, he says, then we'll cut two holes for eyes.

I tell him that we don't have any scissors.

I'm going to the store, says Dad.

I follow him to the door.

I'll buy scissors, he says. Lock the door behind me.

Then he goes.

I stand over by the window and watch him walking away. He forgot to wear his coat.

I don't like the sheet because even on the white side, the yellow flowers show through and I know I'm going to look stupid. I leave the sheet there on the floor and I put on my puffy green coat.

Outside, it's windy and the trees are loud. All the leaves are blowing away. I walk slow and count my steps so I can know how many it takes to get to the blue house. I count all the way up to 203 and then I stop counting because it's cold and I want to run, so I run the rest of the way.

I knock on the door and wait. The girl, Shelly, answers.

Hello, she says. She's wearing a blue sweatshirt that has white sheep all over it except for one black sheep at the bottom.

I have a question, I tell her.

Then Jackson comes running to the door to see who it is. When he sees me, he pushes his sister out of the way.

What day is Halloween? I ask him.

He scrunches up his face at me.

You don't know? asks Jackson. He shakes his head. It's today, he says.

I think about how that means it has been a whole year since last Halloween. Mother was alive then and she dressed me up as a white cat, like the cat named Duncan that she had when she was a girl.

Go get ready, he tells me, I'll come get you when it's dark.