What a Boy Needs (9 page)

She doesn
'
t turn around to face me
,
but her shoulders start
to shake
and I know she
'
s crying.

"
I
'
m sorry
...
,"
I tell her again
,
wishing I was man enough to tell her why.

That
'
s when she whips around. Her eyes are swollen and red and I
'
m about to apologize again when she puts both hands on my chest and shoves. I stumble backward and she
'
s going a million miles an hour
,
speaking in Spanish even though I have no clue what she
'
s saying. She always talks in Spanish when she
'
s mad or she
'
s insulting someone. Right now
,
I know it
'
s both.

"
What are you sorry for
,
Jaden
,
huh? Why don
'
t you tell me?
"
Her eyes are filled with fire. I don
'
t know anyone who burns this brightly.

"
I
'
m just sorry.
"
I shrug.
Say it
,
Jay. Open your mouth and talk to her.

"
That
'
s what I thought
,
Jaden.
Whatever.
Bail on us.
Go to Texas. Do whatever you want.
"

I don
'
t want to go to Texas. I want to go with them. Keep the plan. Hang out. Go to school. Be with her.
Say it.
"
It
'
s for the best.
"

"
You should have told me.
"

"
I just did.
"

She rolls her eyes.
"
You
'
re right. I don
'
t know what I was thinking. Why would I be different to you than anyone else?
"

Pris
'
s eyes start to water again and I flash back to the party on her birthday weekend last summer. I was hitting on a girl—I don
'
t even remember her name. And we started kissing. Pris had been talking to the idiots they met at the pool hall
,
which made sense. She should have been with them and not me
,
but for some reason I pulled away. Pris wasn
'
t with the guys anymore and I left to find her. She was sitting out back
,
her shoulders shaking like they just were and somehow I knew she was crying over me.

A real man would have gone to her.
Wiped her tears.
But I
'
d been too scared because I knew I couldn
'
t be what she needed.

The second I turned to walk away
,
I knew she saw me
,
so I manned-up and headed for her.
"
What
'
s up
,
Pris? Did someone mess with you?
"

Yeah
...
me.

Quickly she
'
d wiped her eyes. Closer
...
I kept getting closer
...
.
And closer
...
I don
'
t know if it was the alcohol or what
,
but
that was
the moment everything started to get screwed up. We
'
d played it off
,
for a while after that
,
but I knew everything would be screwed up.

And I left her out there. I went inside and went to bed
,
ignoring the party downstairs.

I hated Craig for hurting her. I
'
d hate anyone for hurting her
,
which
is
just another reason to hate myself.

"
I want to go with you—you guys
,
I mean. I want to go with you guys.
"

She stills
,
but then says
,
"
Don
'
t do me any favors.
"

I shake my head.
"
I
'
m not. I
want
to go. I
need
to go
...
"
It
'
s true. I need this trip with them.
This last time to just be
us
.
The way we were before everything got so messed up.
"
You know what? Forget Texas. We
'
ve planned this trip forever. Let
'
s just do it. Let
'
s go and have fun and like Bastian
'
s dumbass says
,
it
'
ll be epic.
"

"
And then?
"
Her eyes are all soft and vulnerable. I don
'
t know why she
'
s asking because I can tell she knows.

The words want to stick in my mouth
,
but I find a way to push them out.
"
And then you
'
ll go to NYU and you
'
ll rock it
,
just like you do everything else.
"
I take a deep breath.
"
And I
'
ll be in Texas.
"

Chapter Five

The next couple weeks
...
well
,
they pretty much suck. Pris isn
'
t around much. Sebastian keeps saying it
'
s because her parents want to do all this stuff with her before she goes to New York
,
but I
'
m not that dumb. That might be part of it
,
but I know she
'
s avoiding me. Not that I can blame her.

I haven
'
t talked to Mom since graduation.

Honestly
,
I
'
m not sure how I feel about that
,
but whatever. It
'
s not like I can change anything.

Apparently the DA isn
'
t moving forward with charges
,
either.
Like it really matters.

Finally it
'
s the day after Pris
'
s eighteenth birthday. The day we
'
re leaving.

Sebastian
'
s lame ass has been freaking out like he
'
s hopped up on caffeine for two days straight. Last night
,
Courtney and Roger took us out for a goodbye dinner. Aspen
'
s been with her parents and Pris with hers. And like I said
,
for me?
Nothing.

It
'
s five in the morning and Sebastian and I are sitting in his room. The girls are supposed to be here soon. I can
'
t stop myself from wondering if Pris
'
s parents know I
'
m going with them
.
They know Sebastian is
,
of course. They definitely made sure it would only be Aspen and Pris staying in the apartment they
'
re renting. Oh
,
another thing for me to feel like shit about. How
'
s Bastian supposed to afford a place without me?

"
Can you believe we
'
re finally doing this?
"
he asks
,
sitting on the edge of his bed. His leg is bouncing and he actually looks a little nervous.

"
Don
'
t tell me you
'
re getting cold feet now. This is New York. You
'
ll be out there with your girl and all that.
"
This is always the way we
'
ve worked. I know out of anyone in the world
,
Sebastian would
be the first one at my back
,
but we don
'
t do that emotional stuff real often. One of us is always down to lighten the mood.

"
Hell no.
You know it
'
s not that
.
It
'
s just
...
We
'
re
,
like
,
grown and shit now. I mean
,
our parents are helping with the apartments
,
but we
'
re driving across the country by ourselves.
Going to college.
We have to find jobs. It
'
s just
...
crazy.
"

His words hit me in the stomach because I won
'
t be there. I was always supposed to be there.
"
It
'
ll work out. You guys will love it.
"
I push to my feet
,
feeling the pockets in my baggy shorts to make sure I have my wallet and the cell phone Courtney helped me get. I didn
'
t want her help
,
but she said there
'
s no way she
'
d let us drive across the country unless each of her boys had a phone. It makes me feel guilty.

"
It won
'
t be the same without you.
"
Sebastian looks over at me. There
'
s no joking in his face. It makes me want to get out of this room.

"
Don
'
t get all soft on me
,
Bastian. At least you won
'
t have to worry about having a guy who
'
s better looking than you around.
"

"
First of all
,
you
'
re nuts. I
'
m way hotter than you
.
And
second
,
I
'
m being serious
,
man. We
'
re like
,
Batman and Robin.
Scooby and Shaggy.
Actually
,
none of those duos have shit on us. We
'
re
Sebastian and Jaden
. Who am I going to get to help me watch the girls? I mean
,
who else could pull off that ‘I
'
m Sexy and I
Know
It
,'
dance
,
but us?
"

He won
'
t ask me to go. I know that
,
but this is almost as bad. It feels like crap
,
which is exactly the reason we don
'
t usually do this mushy stuff.
"
You
'
ll figure it out. Nothing holds Sebastian Hawkins down.
"

The look on his face tells me
that
'
s
not what he wanted me to say.
"
Well
,
obviously. Not the same
,
though. Jay
...
What
'
s
going on with your parents? Don
'
t let their shit get you down.
"