What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20 (12 page)

Both the contractor story and the trial story highlight the fact that there is a significant difference between doing the right thing and rationalizing a decision that’s best for you. Your actions always affect how others see you, and, as mentioned innumerable times now, you will likely bump into these same people again. If nothing else, you can be sure they will remember how you handled yourself.

One of the biggest things that people do to get in their own way is to take on way too many responsibilities. This eventually leads to frustration all the way around. Life is a huge buffet of enticing platters of possibilities, but putting too much on your plate just leads to indigestion. Just like a real buffet, in life you
can
do it all, just not at the same time. One approach is to pick three priorities at any one time, knowing that these will change as your life changes. This concept is not new. In fact, the U.S. Marine Corps and other military services use the “Rule of Three” as a general principle. Through years of trial and error, they’ve found that most people can only track three things at once. As a result, the entire military system is designed to reflect this. A squad leader is in charge of three fire team leaders, a platoon leader is in charge of three squad leaders, and each company consists of three platoons. The military experimented with a Rule of Four and effectiveness dropped precipitously.

Limiting ourselves to three core priorities can feel frustrating. However, you can avoid the “Tyranny of the
Or
” (having to choose between this
or
that). Indeed some things must be done serially. For example, when you’re a new parent you have to let other things slide. And when you face a massive deadline everything else falls to the side. However, there are many ways to satisfy more than one desire at once. For instance, if you love to cook and want to spend time with friends, you can start a cooking club. I met a woman several years ago who had a group called “Chop and Chat.” Every Sunday six women got together to cook at a member’s home. Each member brought the ingredients to make a different recipe that was then split into six large portions. Members took home six different main courses for the week. Chop and Chat was an inventive way for the women to cook together, socialize, and prepare meals for their families.

You too can find innovative ways to combine your work and other activities about which you feel passionate. Take venture capitalist Fern Mandelbaum, for example. You would assume that meetings with Fern would take place in her office. But Fern is also an avid athlete, so when you want to discuss a new venture with her, be prepared to join her for a strenuous hike. Everyone who knows Fern knows to wear walking shoes and carry a bottle of water to a meeting with her. She finds that this strategy is a great way to really get to know each entrepreneur while also getting fresh air and exercise. Also, consider Linda Gass, an award-winning artist who specializes in painting on silk. In addition to her career as a painter, she is an avid environmentalist. Over the years she has found ways to combine her interests by using her artwork to communicate about important environmental issues.
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To summarize, with a little practice it’s easy to avoid obstacles and potholes that people often place in their own path. One of the best ways is to always show appreciation to those who help you. Keep a stack of thank-you notes on your desk and use them frequently. Also, never forget that the world is very small and you will likely bump into the same people time and time again. Protect and enhance your reputation—it’s your most valuable asset and should be guarded well. Learn how to apologize with a simple “I’m sorry.” Keep in mind that everything is negotiable and learn to navigate toward an outcome in which all parties win. Try to play to other’s strengths, making sure they’re doing what they do best. And do the right thing, as opposed to the smart thing, so you’ll be proud to tell your story later. Finally, don’t take on too much, lest you disappoint yourself and those who count on you.

I never use PowerPoint slides in my class, except on the first day when I describe what we’ll cover over the ten-week quarter. The final slide lists my commitments and what I expect of the students. The last bullet point is, “Never miss an opportunity to be fabulous.” I promise to deliver my very best in each class, and I expect the same from them. I also tell the students that I have no problem giving everyone an “A,” but that the bar is set very high. This is the first and last time I mention this.

So what happens? The students consistently deliver more than I or they ever imagined. They embrace the idea of being fabulous with remarkable enthusiasm, and they raise the bar repeatedly as the quarter progresses. In fact, a couple of years ago I arrived at class a few minutes early and found one of my students sitting outside listening to her new iPod nano. I hadn’t seen one before and asked to take a look. She handed it to me and turned it over. The back was engraved with the words, “Never miss an opportunity to be fabulous!” Apparently, when she ordered it online, she had the option of having it engraved. Instead of adding her name or contact information, she chose this message, which she wanted to remember every day. She certainly didn’t do this for me; she did it for herself.

I’ve been remarkably surprised by the stickiness of this message. It’s as though students are just waiting to get this instruction. They’re hungry for permission to do their very best, to hit the ball out of the park and to shine their brightest. Unfortunately, in most situations this doesn’t happen. We’re encouraged to “satisfice.” That is, we’re subtly or not so subtly encouraged to do the least amount we can to satisfy the requirements. For example, teachers give assignments and clearly state what’s required to get specific grades. The classic question posed to a teacher is, “Will this be on the exam?” Teachers hate this question. However, students have learned through years of reinforcement that all they need to do is meet the minimum requirement to get the grade they want. This happens at work as well, when bosses outline specific objectives for their staff and create rubrics and metrics for giving bonuses and promotions.

It’s easy to meet expectations, knowing exactly what you will get in return. But amazing things happen when you remove the cap. In fact, I believe there’s a huge pent-up drive in each of us to blow off the cap. Like a soda bottle that’s been shaken, individuals who remove perceived limits achieve remarkable results.

Consider Ashwini Doshi, who I first met several years ago when, as a graduate student, she applied for a research assistant job in our department. Despite my openness, I was really taken aback when she walked into my office for the job interview. Ashwini is a beautiful woman, but she is only three and a half feet tall. Her voice is that of a little girl, but her ideas are those of a mature adult. I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t hire her for the position. This happens to Ashwini a lot. People are so surprised by her appearance that it usually takes several interactions before they’re comfortable enough to see past her physical differences. I’m fortunate that she decided to take my course, because it gave me an opportunity to get to know her quite well. When another position became available in our group, I jumped at the chance to hire her. Ashwini’s work was exemplary, she was a terrific team player, and she always went way beyond what was expected.

Born in Mumbai (formerly Bombay), Ashwini grew up in a household of nineteen—her father, his three brothers, their wives, all of their children, and her grandparents. She was born normal size, but by the time she was a year old, it was clear that she wasn’t growing properly. The doctors in India weren’t able to provide guidance on her care, so her parents sent X-rays of her tiny skeleton to specialists in the United States. The only medical option was to put bone extensions in each of her extremities, a process that would have required extensive surgery over six years. She also would have been bedridden for months at a time, which was out of the question for this very active young girl.

Ashwini was fortunate that her family was so open-minded and loving. In many families, someone so different would have caused great embarrassment and, so, been hidden away. But they didn’t do this to Ashwini. In fact, she went to the best schools in Bombay and always excelled. She has a remarkably positive attitude, and from a young age felt strangely empowered by her differences. Ashwini still thinks of herself as a normal person living an extraordinary life.

Ashwini sincerely feels there’s nothing she can’t do and has demonstrated this time and again. She came to California all by herself to attend graduate school. In addition to the cultural differences and her physical limitations, she didn’t know anyone when she arrived. Many of her friends encouraged her to stay put, saying life would be much easier for her in India. But she persisted. Once she arrived at Stanford, the only accommodation she received was a small step stool in her apartment that would enable her to reach the stove. Out of necessity, she figures out ingenious solutions to all the physical obstacles that face her every single day.

When I asked Ashwini about the problems she faces, she had a hard time coming up with any. She just doesn’t see them. When pressed, she sited the difficulty of finding a driving school willing to accept her as a student. After years of depending on rides from friends and on public transportation, she decided to learn to drive and purchased a set of pedal extenders so she could reach the gas and brake pedals. It took dozens of calls before she found a driving school that would take her.

What is most impressive is that Ashwini always delivers more than 100 percent of what she’s called upon to do. Her only regret? She actually wishes she had taken even more risks when she was younger. Despite all she has overcome, Ashwini still thinks she took the safe path. She embraces the idea that life isn’t a dress rehearsal, and that you only get one chance to do the best job. Ashwini is the ideal model of someone who never misses an opportunity to be fabulous.

Being fabulous implies making the decision to go beyond what’s expected at all times. On the flip side, if you do the least you can to meet a baseline expectation, then you’re cheating yourself of that opportunity. This sounds like the lecturing of a school principal, but it’s true. The collection of missed opportunities adds up, leading to a huge deficit. Imagine the difference between investing $100 with a 5 percent return versus investing the same $100 with a 105 percent return. The divergence in value continues to compound over time. This is what happens in life. You get out of life what you put in, and the results are compounded daily.

Bernie Roth, a Stanford mechanical engineering professor, does a provocative exercise at the d.school to highlight this point. He selects a student to come up to the front of the room and says, “
Try
to take this empty water bottle out of my hand.” Bernie holds the bottle tightly and the student tries, and inevitably fails, to take it. Bernie then changes the phrasing slightly, saying, “
Take
the water bottle from my hand.” The student then makes a bigger effort, usually without result. Prodding the student further, Bernie insists that the student
take
the bottle from him. Usually the student succeeds on the third attempt. The lesson? There’s a big difference between trying to do something and actually doing it. We often say we’re trying to do something—losing weight, getting more exercise, finding a job. But the truth is, we’re either doing it or not doing it. Trying to do it is a cop-out. You have to focus your intention to make something happen by giving at least 100 percent commitment. Anything less and you’re the only one to blame for failing to reach your goals.

Bernie also tells students that excuses are irrelevant or, to use the technical term—bullshit. We use excuses to cover up the fact that we didn’t put in the required effort to deliver. This lesson is relevant in all parts of your life. There’s no excuse for being late, for not handing in an assignment, for failing an exam, for not spending time with your family, for not calling your girlfriend, and so forth. You can manufacture an excuse that’s socially acceptable, such as having too much work or being sick, but if you really wanted to deliver you’d figure out a way to make it happen.

These are harsh words, since we’re all so used to generating and hearing excuses. Bernie acknowledges that making excuses, or giving reasons for not delivering, is socially acceptable because it makes you sound “reasonable.” But even if you feel obliged to make excuses to others, you shouldn’t make them to yourself. You need to come to terms with the fact that if you really want to accomplish something, it’s up to you to do so. Make it a high priority or drop it from your list. To drive home this point, Bernie asks his students to write down their biggest goal and then to list every impediment that prevents them from reaching it. It typically takes several minutes to compose the list. He then challenges the students to see that the only item that should be on the list is their own name. We make excuses for not reaching our goals by blaming others and external factors for getting in the way or for not enabling us. Again, achieving is your responsibility from start to finish.

These exercises, and the lessons they deliver, reinforce the notion that you are ultimately in charge of your own life. You have no excuse for delivering anything short of your best effort at all times. A wonderful example is Chong-Moon Lee, a successful Korean American entrepreneur.
¹
His story is a terrific example of pushing through every barrier in his path in order to reach his goals. Mr. Lee had been trained in law, business, and library science and assumed he would pass his life as a university librarian. However, he was pulled into his family’s pharmaceutical business in Korea. Ultimately, the tension between the family members became so intense that Mr. Lee decided to leave the company. He came to Silicon Valley to begin a new career, selling American goods to Japan. He was making a decent living, and decided to buy each of his children a computer. He gave his son an IBM PC and his daughter an Apple IIe. In his traditional view, he assumed that his son needed a more “professional” computer since he was being groomed for a business career and that his daughter would use her computer for school. It turned out that both kids spent all of their time on the Apple computer. Mr. Lee saw the power of the Apple software and graphical interface, and was inspired to create a way for PCs to run Apple software. He thought the software could easily be developed in twelve months—it ended up taking six years. Mr. Lee put everything he had into this venture, Diamond Multimedia, which made graphics cards for PCs. At times he was so broke he ate the cabbage that grocery stores had thrown out. But he stuck with his goal and after fourteen long years Diamond Multimedia became the top producer of graphics accelerators in the United States. He believes his success comes from being able to focus with unrelenting persistence, and acknowledges that he put his heart and soul into everything he did.

Another example is Perry Klebahn, the snowshoe designer described previously. Perry is a master at delivering far beyond what’s expected of him. He recently became the president of Timbuk2, a maker of messenger bags and luggage. The San Francisco–based company was faltering badly before Perry arrived, mainly because it had outgrown its capacity to deliver. The infrastructure was stretched to its limits, employees were working in islands of isolation spread among many buildings, and morale was low. Perry was brought in to turn around the business. He scrutinized the situation with an eye toward making every aspect of it top-notch. His first step was to consolidate employees under one roof, in an effort to build a stronger sense of community. He then took the management team on a seven-day wilderness expedition, during which they had to rely on each other in the rawest sense. This made office issues seem mundane by comparison. Next, Perry decided to reward employees in a way that reflected and reinforced the company’s goals. Each month all employees fill out a survey about their interests and activities, and a name is drawn via a lottery. The chosen employee receives a custom messenger bag designed around his or her passions. The bags are wildly unique and a terrific physical artifact that demonstrates the creativity and innovation that are the hallmarks of the business.

Then, inspired by open-source design at companies like Mozilla, where the users are empowered and encouraged to improve the product, Perry opened up Timbuk2’s design process to an online community, inviting customers to weigh in on the features for the next wave of products. Hundreds of customers participated in the process the first time around, looking at drawings and providing great ideas that stretched the boundaries of Timbuk2’s products. The result is a constantly refreshed set of insights and ideas.

Timbuk2 would likely have become a successful company even if Perry’s team had just taken steps to fix the broken infrastructure, but he pushed those limits in his quest to make the company fabulous.

Those who accomplish amazing feats, such as Chong-Moon Lee and Perry Klebahn, are often assumed to be competitive. Many guess they accomplished their goals at the expense of others. But, this certainly isn’t the case. There’s a significant difference between being competitive and being driven toward an objective. Being competitive implies a zero-sum game in which you succeed at someone else’s expense. Being driven involves tapping into your own passion to make things happen. But many great leaders are inspired and motivated by the successes of those around them.

I would argue that to be successful in an entrepreneurial environment, it’s more productive to be driven than to be competitive, and I designed a simulation exercise to highlight this point. In the exercise I divide a group into six teams. I then unveil five completed jigsaw puzzles, each with a hundred pieces.
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Participants are allowed to see the puzzles for a minute or so, and then all the pieces from the five puzzles are dumped into a pillowcase and mixed up. All but a few pieces, which I hold back, are then randomly distributed to the six teams. Each team is also given twenty poker chips to use as currency. The teams are responsible for completing a puzzle within an hour. When the time is up, points are calculated. Each team counts the number of pieces in the largest completed section of the puzzle and receives one point for each piece. They then count the number of pieces in small islands of connected pieces and receive half a point for each piece. Each team that completes an entire jigsaw puzzle in an hour earns a twenty-five-point bonus.