When We Collide (35 page)

A break in the forest, a barely visible overgrown
road.

My spirit stirred.

They were here.

Steeling myself, I took the gun in a sweaty palm and
stepped from the car.

Torpid air belted my face, a rush too warm, my skin
tacky and moist. Loose rocks crunched under my feet as I inched up
the road veiled in branches and bushes, gun braced by two hands and
pointed out in front of me.

Curls of aggression snaked around my limbs, muscles
tensed as I came up around the bend. Shallow, uncontrolled breaths
filled the night.

A roll of hatred tripped my senses when the tail of
Troy’s truck came into view. My pulse stuttered when I edged around
the side.

To the right, Maggie lay in ash and soot with her
back propped halfway against a log. Her head lolled, her eyes
fluttering as she drifted in and out. Dried blood was caked around
a gash on her forehead. Matted, tangled hair stuck to her face. Her
lips moved with incoherent sounds and disregarded pleas.

At the far right fringes of the field was Jonathan.
He rocked beneath a tree, hugging his knees to his chest. Nearly
imperceptible convulsions jerked his shoulders, the child silent as
he cried.

And across the long deadened fire, to my left, Troy
stood behind a log. One heavy boot was braced near the top and a
shotgun was balanced across his thigh.

I emerged into the open field, the gun drawn in
front of me.

“Knew you’d come.” Troy didn’t look my way, just
stared across the space at Maggie as he spoke. He shifted in
agitation and hiked the barrel higher as he resituated his aim on
Maggie. Evil palpitated as a stagnant breeze, rippled and hovered
in the air.

In it, I hesitated to even breathe.

Then I heard Maggie moan my name.

I so badly wanted to look at her, to call out that
it would be okay. That soon we would be together and I’d never
allow Troy to hurt her or Jonathan again. Instead I trained my
attention on the sickness in front of me. Troy’s face twitched and
pinched, a combination of hurt and fury. Derision barked from his
mouth, as if he were choking back a sob. He turned his face to me,
though the barrel remained steady on Maggie.

“Did you fuck my wife?” Delusional impressions of
betrayal clouded his eyes, the sum of insanity, derangement and
desperation lurking in the depths. Confusion and anger, as if he
hadn’t forced Maggie with his vicious hand. I saw it there—the
genuine belief that Maggie had been the one who’d hurt him.

I knew the combination made Troy more dangerous than
I ever could have imagined.

Swallowing hard, I gripped the gun tighter, my
finger firm on the trigger.

“You don’t want to do this, Troy. Just...let them
go...and you and I...we’ll talk about this.”

This time an uncontained cry escaped Troy’s
mouth.

“Talk about this? You
touched
her. I watched
her, sneaking out your door...like a
whore
.” He tucked his
face into the sleeve of his shirt and wiped his eyes, then jerked
his attention back to Maggie. “How could you do this to me, Maggie?
I loved you.”

I inched toward Maggie while facing Troy, desperate
to make myself a barrier between them. I slid my feet along the
soft dirt, each movement calculated, hoping to distract him without
setting him off.

“And Jonathan…oh, God. Look at him. How didn’t I see
it?”

“Come on, Troy...leave the boy out of it.” I hated
the way my voice cracked, my fear set on display. I steadied
myself, seeking some kind of control, fisting the grip of the gun
firmer in my hand. I licked my lips and my heart pounded harder.
“This is between you and me.”

Scorn lined Troy’s forehead. “Leave the boy
out
of it? Leave my family out of it? All these years that I
took care of him. Worked every day to provide for him. I should
have known.”

My family
, I wanted to scream. Somehow I
reined it in and kept it simmering inside. As much as I wanted to
confront him, rush him and make him pay for what he’d done, I knew
fighting with Troy was not going to save Maggie and Jonathan. I
just had to keep Troy talking and keep the focus on myself.
Stalling...praying the police would hurry and get there.

I shuffled an inch closer, but was still off to the
side.

“It was me, Troy, you know I wanted her...that I
went after her.” I edged closer, goading him.
Come on, you piece
of shit, look at me, take it out on me.

In the distance, a siren trilled.

Troy’s head jerked with the sound, and the barrel of
the shotgun shook as he raised it higher in front of him, tears
filling his eyes as he aimed. “Can’t believe you made me do this,
Maggie. I warned you.”

Oh God...no
.

I squeezed the trigger.

A shot broke through the night, rang in my ears.
Time seemed to slow as the sound echoed and ricocheted in the
space. I watched in shock as blood gushed from the small hole in
the side of Troy’s head and streamed as darkened trails down the
side of his face. I shook, the gun trembling out in front of me as
I witnessed the shotgun tumble from Troy’s hands, the man frozen
wide-eyed before he fell to the ground.

How many times had I imagined taking Troy’s life?
I’d imagined the satisfaction in making him feel some of the pain
he’d inflicted on Maggie. I’d thought it would somehow feel like
justice, a punishment for every wrong he’d done.

I swallowed down the bile that rose in my throat
when I looked down at Troy’s lifeless body. There was no pleasure,
only overwhelming relief that Maggie was finally free.

The gun slipped from my hand and landed with a soft
thud on the ground. I turned slowly, my movements burdened by what
had just occurred. I met Maggie’s eyes. They were so wide—too wide.
She stared back at me as her hand sought her stomach. When she
raised her hand in front of her face, blood dripped from her
fingertips.

In the moment, I’d been too lost in the horror
unfolding in front of me that I’d been unable to recognize an even
greater horror was taking place. I’d not even heard another
shot.

The girl, the one who’d taken me whole, struggled to
take in a breath.

My spirit thrashed.

Crossing the space in five steps, I fell to my
knees.

“Nnnn...no...oh God, Maggie, no. Baby, no.” My hands
flitted inches over her torso. My eyes blurred, and I was powerless
to do anything but watch the blood spread from the wound in her
belly, soaking the front of her shirt.

Her eyes fluttered as she drifted, and her head
bobbed to the side. I grabbed her face with both hands, held her
firm as I shook her, kissed her mouth. I pressed my forehead to
hers. “Don’t leave me, Maggie! Don’t you dare leave me!”

She struggled against the tide pulling her away, a
sharp breath sucked between her lips.

I held her face firmer, pulled back to search her
eyes as I yelled, “Look at me! Do you hear me! Do not close your
eyes.”

Her mouth lifted at one side, a smile I knew meant
so many things.
I love you...thank you...goodbye.
Her eyes
pled as she managed to force out our son’s name.

“No, no, no...Maggie, no!” I shook her shoulders
when her eyes fluttered again. Her head rolled back and snapped
forward with no resistance.

I was screaming, begging, I didn’t know. Everything
tilted and spiraled, the field spinning in my vision.

“Help!” It raked from my throat as I screamed.
“Somebody help us!” My cries were drowned out by the helicopter
that was suddenly overhead, and a blinding light flooded the field.
Trees strained and bowed as they were pushed aside by the fierce
gust. Blue and red lights flashed down the road from behind Troy’s
truck.

Still, I screamed, burying my face in the hair she’d
always hidden herself behind. The long strands of auburn were
matted, knotted with dirt, but to me they felt soft...so
soft...smelled of the girl and the goodness and of my life. If I
just got close enough, maybe I could disappear in her. Maybe she’d
take my breath and live.

I’d give it all.

I always would have.

“Get back!” The demand was shouted from six feet
away, though it barely penetrated my ears.

I clung to her and cried again, “Help her!”

Footsteps quickened and I was dragged back. The
Earth seemed to swallow me as I dug my heels into the ground and
scooted away. Flurries of ash filled the air, a smothering haze as
the chopper stirred the ground. A crushing weight constricted my
chest. I felt as if I were being buried alive.

No
.

Uniformed men and women swarmed the area, police and
EMTs. Paramedics surrounded her, the chopper blades a constant
thwump thwump thwump
overhead.

Need collided with my soul. It was a fear so strong
I could taste it.

Jonathan.

I jerked my head to the vacant spot beneath the
tree.

Laboring to stand, I could barely make out the woman
screaming at me to get back on the ground. I never considered
stopping. I pushed forward, drawn into the dusky haze. Wind whipped
at my feet and blasts of hot air blew against my face.

“Jonathan!” I screamed as I stumbled into the edge
of the forest. The name slipped and rustled through the leaves.

My footsteps pounded in my ears. This time there was
no laughter or mirth, no child’s voice teasing at my senses. There
were no big-brown eyes staring back at me. There was only
devastation and pain as I hurtled through the forest. Roots worked
to hold me back, branches slapping my face as I flung myself into
its depths, frantic as I searched. “Jonathan!” I screamed.

The boy ran just ahead.

I rushed, winding my arms around him as I pulled his
back to my chest. His legs flailed, and his fingernails dug into my
hands as he fought to get away.

My mouth was at his ear, promising, “I’ve got you,
Jonathan. I’ve got you. Shh...shh...I’ve got you,” I said again as
I shifted him around.

Jonathan crumpled in my hold and pressed his face
into my chest. His tears wet my shirt that was stained with
Maggie’s blood. I held my son as he wept, running my fingers
through his hair, hugging him as close as I could. “I’ve got
you.”

I would never let him go.

“I’ve got you.”

Our spirits met in a tangle of too many emotions.
Trust and love and grief. I knew Jonathan felt the connection we
shared. I had witnessed it in his eyes the few times I’d been
blessed with his presence. I also knew instinctively it was not the
same, and the dreams had been given to me alone.

I’d been called to be here this day.

“I’ve got you.”

I wound us back through the forest, clinging to my
son while he clung to me. When we came to the field, I held
Jonathan tight, my hand on the back of his head as if I could
shield him from what was happening. Officers worked over Troy’s
body. Measurements were drawn. Evidence gathered. An orange tag was
staked in the spot where I had dropped the gun. I didn’t take the
time to contemplate whether they’d question my motive.

The only thing that mattered was Maggie.

She was strapped to a stretcher, her hair hanging
limp over the top. Paramedics worked in a controlled chaos,
shouting, moving, prodding. The police chopper had gone, and a
MedEvac flew in low overhead to take its place. It hovered and
dipped, and then disappeared behind the trees to land on the paved
road.

I just stood there, my world falling apart while I
tried to hold my son’s together. Her smile echoed in my mind, her
caress an imprint on my skin. I’d lost her once. I didn’t think I
would survive it again.

And I prayed, the word silent on my lips.

Please
.

William ~ Present Day

I sat in a plastic chair beside the emergency room
bed, twisting my fingers through my son’s hair. His breaths were
uneven, shallow then deep as he slept through the exhaustion and
trauma. When the paramedics in the field had first attempted to get
him onto the stretcher, Jonathan had fisted his hands in my shirt,
begging no. It tore at me and filled me the same, knowing Jonathan
needed me. I’d coaxed him, convincing him they just had to make
sure he wasn’t hurt and promising I wouldn’t leave his side. With
my hand on his chest, Jonathan had finally conceded. The ambulance
ride had been taken in silence, Jonathan’s hand in mine the entire
time. I’d felt the tremors rolling through him as the shock was
finally expelled from his body.

Now he slept in the quiet room, awaiting discharge.
He was uninjured—all except for the emotional trauma that I wasn’t
sure could ever be healed.

I released a tortured breath, and shifted closer to
lay my head on the bed next to my son’s. So innocent. I traced the
back of my hand down the soft roundness of his cheek. When I’d
fallen in love with him, I wasn’t sure. Maybe it had been the same
as it had been with his mother—in that first moment when my spirit
had stirred in awareness. It’d been a moment I’d fought to deny
with both of them. They both had seemed such an impossibility.

Outside the door, Amber spoke with the staff,
stepping in as next of kin when the hospital realized I had no
legal rights to speak for Jonathan. Troy was on his birth
certificate, and his mother was still in surgery somewhere
upstairs.

Inching closer, I touched my forehead to Jonathan’s,
just needing to feel the connection.

Everything hurt. It was a throbbing that emanated
from my soul and reached out to consume my heart and mind, burned
beneath my skin. I was stripped bare, left abraded and raw. It
destroyed me to imagine what Maggie had been through, what she was
going through now. Destroyed me to imagine life without her.

The door cracked open. Light streamed in from behind
and cast Amber’s face in shadow. She entered slowly, every step
tentative as she crossed to the other side of the bed. She and I
had said little. When she arrived, she’d appeared almost numb, as
if she refused to accept what Troy had done. Now that stupor seemed
to have cleared, and her eyes were watery as she stretched out a
hand to caress Jonathan’s back. I lifted my head to look at
her.