While Angels Slept (41 page)

Cantia was
listening intently to the stilted French with the heavy Germanic accent.
Moreover, the woman spoke very softly and it was difficult to hear. But the
story was essentially what Tevin had told her.

“If Kael was
with you for so long, why did you wait until Arabel was born before leaving?”
she wanted to know. “Why not leave right away?”

Louisa was
exhausted from all of the talking but, somehow, she felt the increasing need to
speak. She had not spoken of such things for fifteen years and in repeating the
memories, she was reliving them. Visions of her beloved Kael were coming to
mind and she could not help herself. From the dying woman’s heart, the words
were flowing forth.

“Since I am not
long for this world, it does not matter what I say,” she whispered. “You want
to know and I will tell you.”

“I just want to
know the truth.”

“But why?”

“For Tevin’s
sake. Please tell me the truth.”

Louisa regarded
her for a moment, the dark eyes glittering with the last embers of her life
force. “What has he told you?”

“Just what you
told me. He said you left him for another knight you were in love with from
your home land.”

Louisa listened,
digested, then took a deep breath.  Her mind began to wander. “That is what my
father told Tevin,” she murmured. “But it was not the truth. Not entirely,
anyway.”

Cantia’s brow
furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Louisa’s gaze
grew distant. “My beautiful Kael was my love, my heart, my life,” she murmured.
“Tevin was never unkind. In fact, he was inordinately sensitive to my position.
He seemed to understand I did not want to be married to him. I took advantage
of that kindness. I was horrible to him.”

“How?”

“Kael and I were
lovers,” she whispered, as if suddenly contrite after all of these years.
“Tevin would share my bed at night and when he would leave to go about his
duties, Kael would share it.  Shortly after we were married, I… I became
pregnant when Tevin went away. I knew he would more than likely send me away in
disgrace at the very least if he knew the child was not his, so upon his
return, I made sure to act as the attentive and affectionate wife, and we
coupled.  It was early enough in the pregnancy that I was able to tell Tevin
the child was his, but I knew differently. When Arabel was born, she looked
exactly like Kael. Terrified for my life, Kael convinced me to flee with him,
so I did.”

By this time,
Cantia was gazing at the woman with shock. “
Kael
is Arabel’s father?”
she hissed. “Not Tevin?”

Louisa shook her
head. “No.”

Cantia’s hand
ended up over her mouth in an astonished gesture, hardly believing what she was
hearing. “You are certain of this?”

“I am.”

“Then… then you
did not leave because she was crippled?”

Louisa sighed
heavily. “I left because Kael convinced me that Tevin would kill me if he
discovered the truth.” She paused as a hint of a smile crossed her lips. “Kael
and I lived together in Paris for three years until he left me for another
woman. I was alone, with no money, so I contacted my father, who proceeded to
inform me that he no longer had a daughter. He was ashamed of my behavior and
disowned me. So I stayed in Paris and made money the only way I could. I was a
prostitute.”

Cantia was
overwhelmingly astonished at the story.  Her mouth was hanging open and she had
to make a conscious effort to close it.

“Why did you not
contact Tevin?” she pressed. “Perhaps… perhaps he would have taken you back.”

Louisa shook her
head. “And bring more humiliation towards him? To have a wife abandon you is
bad enough, but to take her back… it would only make him look like a fool. I
would not do that to him, for he was kind to me.  I was simply a silly, foolish
girl who made a very bad decision.”

Cantia couldn’t
believe what she was hearing.  Louisa’s story rolled over and over in her mind
until she was nearly giddy with it. After several long moments, she simply
shook her head.

“I am sorry,”
she didn’t know what else to say. “I am sorry a mistake cost you your entire
life.”

Louisa’s dark
eyes warmed. “It is better for Tevin and Arabel this way,” she murmured.  Then,
the eyes took on a wistful gaze. “My daughter is still alive, then?”

Cantia nodded.
“She is frail but she is otherwise healthy,” she said. “Tevin is devoted to
her. She is beautiful and brilliant.”

The dark eyes
misted over and tears found their way onto Louisa’s temple. “I had always
wondered,” she whispered. “I never stopped praying for her but I knew she was
better off with Tevin. There was no life I could offer her. That is why I never
returned for her.”

Cantia began to
mist up as well, thinking of Hunt, of the baby she carried, and so thankful
that Louisa had that same mothering instinct in spite of the fact that she left
her child.  For Arabel’s sake, she was glad.  It was too little, too late, but
at least the woman was showing remorse.

“Thank you,” she
finally whispered, tears verging. “Thank you for telling me your story.”

Louisa merely
closed her eyes, her mind moving to times past, of the knight she had been in
love with and of the powerful husband she had betrayed because of that love. Her
exhaustion overwhelmed her and her breathing began to grow heavy again. The
emotions, the illness, were too much to bear.

It was clear the
conversation was over. Cantia watched the woman for several minutes before
struggling to her feet. As she silently turned for the door, Louisa stopped
her.

“My lady,” she
said softly. “I have no right, but I would like to ask something of you.”

Cantia paused.
“Of course.”

“I would like to
see my daughter. If it is possible, I would be grateful.”

Cantia could
only nod.  She could not give permission, as that was Tevin’s decision.  With a
lingering glance at the frail woman on the mattress, she quit the shack and
strolled out into the brisk air of the waning day.

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

“I told you not
to go near her,” Tevin was livid. “Why did you disobey me, Cantia? Do you know
what you have done? You have foolishly jeopardized your life and the life of
the baby by going there. I did not believe you to be so foolish until now.”

Cantia sat in
the solar, her head lowered as Tevin raged.  He was genuinely enraged, ever
since he saw her walking across the bailey of Rochester and intercepted her. 
He had been glad to see her until he asked her where she had been and she had been
truthful with him, mostly because she couldn’t think of a lie fast enough. 
Now, he was furious and it was only growing worse.

“Well?” he
barked. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Cantia’s head
remained lowered and she shook her head. She didn’t want to tell him about her
visit to Louisa, not until he calmed down, so she kept her mouth shut.  That
only seemed to make him madder.

“You have
nothing to say to me?” he put his hands on his hips, a sharp gesture. “Are you
just going to sit there?”

She nodded. He
threw up his hands and stomped around the solar, slamming the door in Myles’
face when the man heard the shouting and peeked in to see what was going on. 
Infuriated, Tevin kicked a chair out of the way, breaking it, as he marched
over to the lancet windows for a breath of cool air. He needed it before he
broke more furniture.

“Foolish,” he
growled, his gaze moving out over the bailey. “Foolish, stupid and idiotic. Are
those truly your qualities? I would have never guessed but today you have made
me rethink that opinion.”

His anger was
starting to hurt, right though it was. For lack of a better response, and to
force him to cool his anger sooner rather than later, she burst into quiet
tears. He whirled away from the window when he heard the sobs. As Cantia knew,
his anger took a dousing and he stared at her a moment, watching her heaving
shoulders, before sighing heavily.  All of the fight began to fizzle out of
him.

“Do not weep,”
he told her softly, gruffly. “I was not trying to hurt you but… Cantia, why did
you do it? I told you not to go there for a reason. I did not want you exposed
to her disease.”

Cantia only wept
louder and turned away from him. “I do not want to talk to you right now,” she
sobbed. “Go away and leave me alone. You are hateful and mean.”

He was starting
to fold and trying not to.  He began to make his way in her direction. “I am
not leaving,” he told her firmly but quietly. “I am sorry if I hurt your
feelings, but you know what you did was wrong.”

She put an arm
on the back of the chair and lay her forehead upon it, sobbing. “You are nasty and
terrible,” she wept. “Go away.”

“I am not going
away.”

“I am not going
to talk to you.”

“Then we shall
make an odd stand-off.”

She could hear
him moving around behind her as he pulled up a chair and plopped down on it. She
knew he wasn’t about to leave but that had been her plan; he was calming down
and that was all she wanted.  To further speed that process, she stood up from
the chair and rubbed at her belly, which always made Tevin want to rub it, too,
because when she did it was usually when the baby was kicking and he didn’t
want to miss it. But he stayed on his chair, watching her, his hands clasped on
his lap.  Wiping at her eyes, she still made sure to sniffle and hiccup appropriately
as she went to the lancet window and allowed the breeze to cool her warm
cheeks.

Several minutes
passed. Fifteen minutes passed and still, she said nothing. Tevin just watched
her. Approaching the half-hour mark, he finally broke their stalemate.

“Are you ever
going to speak to me?” he asked.

Cantia wasn’t
ready to fold.  She wanted him to feel very bad about yelling at her so she
turned away from the window and went to the solar door.

“I do not feel
very well,” she announced. “I am going to lie down for a while.”

He was on his
feet, moving towards her. “What is wrong?”

She opened the
door. “I am exhausted from all of your yelling.” She finally turned to him,
tears gone and a spark of anger in her eye. “You could have simply asked me,
quite calmly, what I had been doing rather than yelling at me and calling me
foolish. You did not have to react that way.”

His expression
tightened up and he struggled not to feel remorse. “I am not going to apologize
for becoming angry. I had every right.”

She turned her nose
up at him and went to the spiral stairs, carefully mounting them and
disappearing to the upper floors as he stood there and watched. That lasted all
of a few seconds before he hissed a curse and followed.

“Cantia,” he
followed her up the stairs. “Please wait.”

She ignored him.
“I want to lie down,” she said again as she cleared the third floor landing and
moved up to the fourth floor. “You have given me an aching head.”

Tevin felt like
the meanest man in the entire world as he followed her up to their chamber.  He
was a slave to her and he knew it, but he didn’t care. Still, he didn’t want to
back down completely. He had a point to make.

When they
reached the door to their chamber, he reached out to grasp her. She didn’t
resist but she was stiff in his arms as he pulled her against him and gazed
down into her beautiful face. His expression was a mix between disapproval and
repentance.

“I am sorry if I
was harsh,” he said softly. “But I asked you to stay away from her for your own
good. Do you not understand that?”

She was having a
difficult time resisting him. “I understand.”

“I told you to
stay away because I love you. I would be shattered if anything happened to
you.”

“I know.”

“Will you at
least forgive me for being hurtful?”

She thought a
moment on the request, or at least she pretended to. But she eventually folded
just like he did and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. He
swallowed her up in his big arms, thankful she wasn’t holding a grudge. Then he
kissed her on the forehead, on the cheek, and looked her in the eye.

“But from now
on,” he rumbled gently but sternly, “please stay away from her. It would
destroy me if you contracted whatever disease she has. Agreed?”

Cantia regarded
him, thinking on her conversation with Louisa. She remembered that the woman
told her that Tevin had always been kind to her in spite of their circumstances
and as she looked at him, she began to feel pangs of sympathy for him.  He was
such a wonderful man, sweet and wise and powerful, and her heart ached for him.
Arabel was not his child
. God, if she could only tell him. She wondered
if she even should, if it would even matter after all this time. But she could
not, in good conscience, withhold what Louisa had told her about Arabel. Tevin
would never forgive her if he found out she knew and hadn’t told him.

With a sigh, she
laid her head against his chest and snuggled against him.

“Have you spoken
with her at all?” she asked softly.

Tevin held her
close. “Not yet,” he said. “I have been occupied with Val and Arabel.”

“How did Arabel
take the news?”

“Better than I
did. She is a wise and reasonable girl. She was quite calm about it. She wants
to meet the woman but I am not sure that is a good idea.”

Cantia looked up
at him. “You must let her,” she said. “We are speaking of her mother.  No
matter what you feel, you must let Arabel form her own opinion of the woman.
She must be very curious so I would not forbid her from speaking to the woman.
You may do more harm than good.”

He lifted his
dark eyebrows in resignation. “That is what Val said,” he replied. “If both of
you are telling me the same thing, then perhaps I should listen. I… I just do
not want Arabel to be hurt or disappointed.”