Whisky State of Mind (12 page)

Sky pulled desperately at the door handle but it remained locked. Damn it. Frustrated tears began to gather, and this time spill over and she couldn’t stem the flow no matter how hard she tried. Covering her face with her hands, she felt her shoulders shake with a sob that
racked her body. Damn it, she never fell apart like this and to do it in front of Sawyer Riley was even more humiliating, but something inside her just cracked.

Being trapped by that guy tonight, her arm held tightly
, and the terror she’d been determined to keep hidden from everyone else had taken more of her self-control than she’d expected. She’d wanted desperately to throw herself into her father’s arms tonight; to let herself be held and remember what it felt like to feel safe again…but she didn’t. She’d walked away and stubbornly held onto her anger instead. But suddenly, strong arms
did
comfort her. They weren’t her father’s, they were Sawyer’s and she was too busy being overrun by long-denied emotions to try to pull away.

She didn’t know how long she cried for. After the tears subsided, she lay exhausted against Sawyer, his arms still holding her, his head resting against her hair. She could see his chest moving up and down, could smell leather and something else manly, uniquely Sawyer. Her hands, tucked beneath her chin, rested against his chest and she nervously unclenched her fists until her palms flattened against his white t-shirt. 

She wasn’t sure who moved first, but one minute she was breathing in the scent of warm male and the next she was staring into heavy, dark eyes that had her drowning with no life jacket in sight.

   His rough whiskers grazed her and she didn’t care. His lips drank from her, and it wasn’t gentle. He demanded rather than asked as his tongue plunged, stroking and ravishing her own. Her lips felt red and raw, teeth bumped and groans were
swallowed. She felt his hand at the base of her head, supporting, cushioning it as he continued the assault on her senses, the other hand braced against the window as he leaned across her.

  A low, deep groan escaped and she felt him instantly grow harder against her stomach. His hand was on the top button of her jeans and she lifted her hips slightly as he pulled down the zip and guided the stiff fabric down her thighs.

This was insane,
the thought echoed inside her head but her body was aching for fulfillment. She was on fire, desperate for his touch and greedy for his taste. The touch of his fingers as they covered her sent a bolt of longing through her so fierce her back arched and a long, slow hiss of desire escaped between her lips.

“Do that again baby, I want to hear you moan just for me.” His voice was low and raspy, completely intoxicated with lust. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long…you have no idea how hard it’s been to watch you from the sidelines all this time.”

Sky froze as his words sunk in. All this time? It took a minute for her thoughts to clear and override her overheated body. “Wait,” she said, pushing against his chest and trying to catch his eye. “What do you mean
all this time
?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it, baby,” he said dropping his head back down to take her lips once more and almost successfully wiping all logic from her mind…almost.

“Sawyer.” She pulled away from his too-tempting mouth and stared up at him.

Seeing that she wasn’t letting it go, he let out a long sigh, resigned to the fact he wasn’t going to distract her until she had an answer. “I haven’t
just
found you, Whisk.”  At her deepening frown, he gave a small groan and withdrew his hand from her jeans, and straightened up a little. “Your dad’s always kept tabs on you. Over the last year or so, he’s had me keeping an eye on you.”

“You’ve been
watching
me…for a year?”

“Not all the time…just now and again. Keeping an eye on you. Making sure you were okay.”

Sky blinked in complete disbelief. How could she not know someone had been watching her…it was creepy…and more than a little disconcerting.

“It’s not like it sounds, Whisk,” he said as she scooted out from under him and quickly pulled her clothes back in place.

“It’s
exactly
as it sounds—weird.”

“You think your father would just let you fend for yourself?”

“Oh gee, let me think about it… yes!”

Sawyer swore roughly and zipped his own jeans, pushing the door open to follow her as she exited the car quickly. “It wasn’t always for your father.”

“What?” she stopped to face him.

“Following you. I didn’t always do it because your
father told me to. It became a …habit. I had to come and see you.” He stood with his head lowered and hands planted low on his hips. “Damn it, Whisk, there’s something between us—there always has been.”

Sky gave a snort of disbelief. “I was eleven when I last saw you, Sawyer. Hardly old enough to spark the desire of a sixteen
-year-old.”

“It wasn’t like that,” he growled, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “You were like a kid sister to me…back then I felt like I was your protector.  Then I saw you at your graduation and I
realized I didn’t think of you as a kid sister anymore,” he said, eyeing her with a dark look. “I stayed away because Johnny told me to. He didn’t want anyone messin’ up your life…so I agreed. I kept my distance. Then when he—” he paused but regathered himself quickly, so fast she almost missed it.  “When he told me to keep an eye on you a few months ago, I knew I couldn’t stay away from you. I feel something, Sky and I haven’t felt it with anyone one else—ever.”

Sky wasn’t sure what to say to that. Sawyer, bad
-boy biker turned businessman had a
thing
for
her?
  She’d always thought she’d imagined their bond, had put it down to a pre-teen infatuation or hero worship…or something. Never in a million years would she have thought he’d felt the same thing. She still wasn’t sure the whole
keeping an eye on her thing
wasn’t a little too creepy…wasn’t this how people actually ended up having restraining orders taken out on them?

Sky shook her head as she stared up at him. She was truly at a loss for words. It was too much to process right now. One minute she’d been making out with a man who was part of a life she’d vowed she never wanted to be part of ever again, and the next she finds out her whole independent, city girl lifestyle was pretty much a farce. Had one thing gone wrong, chances were her father or Sawyer would have been there to step in and handle things. Everything she’d been so proud of over the last twelve months had been a joke.

“Damn it, Sawyer! Why the hell did the two of you have to come back into my life?”

“Whisky—” he reached out to touch her and she pulled away.

“It’s
Sky
, Sawyer. Whisky doesn’t exist. She’s gone. Don’t you get it? I’m not that same little girl anymore.”

“Yes
, you are. You’re just too scared to see her. She’s still there, Whisk, and when you finally wake up and realize that you’ll see what you’re throwing away. I just hope for your sake it doesn’t take you too long…cause you can’t take back time. ”

****

Sky locked the door behind her and threw down her bag on the hall table. She sank down on the lounge and dropped her head in her hands. What a night. The beep of her message machine indicated she had a missed call and she summoned her last bit of energy to reach for the phone.

“Sky, it’s Caleb. I want to see you again. I guess you’re working or something. Look, call me when you get home...bye.”

Then there was Caleb.

Her face felt warm as she suddenly recalled her moment of insanity in the car with Sawyer only a few short minutes ago. What had she been thinking?
Seriously?
This was so not Sky McKenna. Sky, who in high school had been the social outcast and could only look on and wish she was part of the popular crowd, could only dream of having a boyfriend. Suddenly she’s not happy with one man—she’s having weird make-out sessions on the side with Sawyer,
Mr. Bad Boy
himself…and what’s more, she can’t even lie convincingly to herself any more…she was beginning to find herself at odd moments recalling those sessions in minute detail.

She should be thinking about Caleb. He was no
disappointment in the kissing department either…but for some reason when she woke up all hot and bothered through the night, she saw Sawyer and not Caleb’s face in her mind. Sawyer with that slow, sexy grin and those smoldering, just got out of bed eyes.

Damn him!

Chapter
9

“So how you liking it so far?”

Sky looked up and saw her father leaning in the doorway, watching her. It was still new, this fragile bond they’d somehow forged over the last few days, but it was…getting there. Johnny had always been a gruff kind of man at the best
of times. He had a fearsome façade that went with his title as leader of a motorcycle club. Few people truly got to see the gentle giant that lay dormant just below the surface. Now, though, he seemed to let it come through a little more often. Maybe it was the absence of stress. Maybe this new, cleaned-up version of the club allowed him to let down his guard a little more. Whatever it was, she liked it.

“It’s good. Better than my last job,” she added, moving over so he could sit down beside her.

“I heard your old boss was a bit of a dick.”

“You could say that,” she said, smiling.

“You want me to send a few of the boys around for a chat?”

Sky sent him a look that he seemed to find extremely funny.

“Oh okay, I’ll stay out of it.”

“You really do seem to have made a difference around here,” she said after a moment of silence, not awkward, but not exactly relaxed either. There were still too many memories floating around to be completely at ease just yet.

“It wasn’t easy—and it didn’t happen overnight, but we manage to keep the peace around here, and still stay clean.”

“So there’s no more violence?”

Johnny gave a slight shrug of his broad shoulders. “Now and again a situation comes along that needs a firmer hand to get the message across, but they’re few and far between nowadays.” He sent a tired smile across at her. “I’d love to tell you we didn’t need to use muscle at all any more—but that would be lying.

“
The world is a violent place, baby. If you’re lucky, most people never have to see it…and that’s because there’s people like us out there who deal with it. We’re lucky, we have enough of the right likeminded people in our club. We have Sawyer, he’s smart—resourceful. We use our brains to make money the right way. Most clubs get stuck with men who can’t see beyond the world they were brought up in. They hold on to their hate and their outdated hatred. They ignore what most motorcycle clubs were built on—the very fundamentals that gave birth to our way of life,” he said, looking out through the window as though into the past.

“They weren’t created to deal drugs and guns…they were created to unite outcasts and brothers who didn’t feel as though they belonged anywhere else…they forget it’s about the people and get side-tracked by greed and power. It hasn’t been the easy path to take, this one the club’s taken,” he said looking back at her steadily. “
It’s hard work keeping the wolf from the door…but it’s worth fighting for. It’s worth holding on to.” His sad smile made her swallow hard.

“I wanted you to see what I had to sacrifice to get to this place, Sky. I gave up the most important thing in my life to make peace with my past…I needed you to come back and see that it was worth it…and that I never forgot you…ever.”

It hurt so much to see her father looking so vulnerable.

“It was a long time ago,” she finally managed to push past her lips and was relieved it didn’t come out sounding like a croak.

He covered the hand resting on her knee with his large, calloused one. Sky looked down at their hands and blinked quickly. Those hands…she remembered his hands. They dwarfed hers, but she’d always loved them. The nails, stained from years of working on engines, the black grease wedged underneath short nails, the skin leathered and tough, just like the rest of him.

“I
am
sorry, baby. I’m sorry that I let you down.”

“Oh
, Dad,” she said feeling the first hot splash of tears fall from her cheeks. It was too much. She’d spent so many years pushing away these feelings in order to protect her heart that the flood of emotion boiling up inside now terrified her.  Sky tugged her hand out from under his, wiping her face as she stood. “I better get back to it. Don’t want to get fired,” she said, turning to face him with a watery smile. “I hear the boss can be pretty scary.”

She saw his sad smile before he rubbed his hands along his lap, resting his arms on his knees and staring down at the floor beneath his boots.

She left the room quickly, before she broke down completely and lost what little control she still had over her life.

****

Sawyer paused outside the office when he overheard Johnny and Sky talking. He had to move out of the way, seconds later when Sky came barreling through the door, almost colliding with him. She mumbled a muffled apology but didn’t look at him.