Wish for You (11 page)

“
I under—what?” I blink up at her, my mouth dropping open.

“
Lacey, I never should have had that conversation at work. Venting should only be done at home. Half the stuff I said, I didn’t mean. There were extenuating circumstances regarding that conversation. Wyatt, his father, and I had argued that morning, about school. We were giving ultimatums, and he was… resisting. Of course, I blamed you, because what else could it be? My son has always done as we asked, without question.” She gives me an apologetic smile, and I manage to close my mouth. “You’re a hard worker, a good student from what Wyatt has said, a great sportswoman, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with what you want to do with your life. If you’re Wyatt’s choice, then who am I to get involved and complain to my sister? Who am I to put doubts in your head about professionalism and a strong work ethic?”

Shocked, I sit there, staring at her, unable to say a thing. This can’t be happening. In a million years, I never expected Mrs. Tanaka to apologize. She’s one of those self-assured businesswomen. So confident and sure of her decisions that everyone agrees with her without question, including me.

“
I want you to forget about the promise you made, because I refuse to hold you to it. There was no promise. My son’s no longer smiling, no longer coming home as often, and his brothers miss him. I miss him.” She stands, moving closer to me. “Help him smile again, Lacey.” Her eyes cloud with tears. “Help him find his way home again.”

I can’t stop the tears that pool in my own eyes. “There’s nothing I want to do more, but—”

“
No buts, no promises… nothing. You’re perfect for him, and I won’t hear any different.” With that final statement, she leaves the office, but I stay seated. I’m not perfect for him. I’m a freak who can barely handle all the changes in her life right now.

But last night, I hadn’t had an episode. I’d been strong. I’d been brave. I’d had faith. Just like my mom said. Hope blossoms inside of me, and I jump to my feet, heading to the back of the restaurant and out the door.

I can do this. I can be brave and strong for Wyatt. I can control my body.

Breaking into a run, I make it to the bus stop in record time. A couple of minutes later, the bus shows up and I’m the first one on, sitting at the front, counting each stop as I get closer and closer to home. Only one more, and all I have to do is go up two blocks, then over one.

The bus stops and I jog down the stairs, and then across the street. I’m so excited that I want to dance the rest of the way home.

Brave. Strong. That’s me. From now on, that’s me.

Who cares about practice tonight? All I want to do is practice kissing Wyatt. All I want to do is throw him to the floor and show him how much I do
not
want to be friends. I want to be his lover. I want to be brave and strong for him.

For us.

My hands shake in excitement as I get out the key to unlock the door. Wyatt’s name is on the tip of my tongue as I step inside. But the sound of soft laughter and Japanese being spoken makes me smash my lips together. Maybe one of Wyatt’s cousins is visiting. I quietly close the door, taking my keys with me and shoving them in my bag.

My heart starts to pound, and then my vision sparks. I blink. Wyatt is sitting on the sofa, leaning into a girl with black and pink-streaked hair.
Ella
.

Oh God, he’s with Ella. Again.

Don’t worry. I won’t invade your personal space anymore. But I for damn sure will be having girls over who won’t mind me in theirs.

A whimper leaves me before I can stop it. Wyatt and Ella turn at the same time, practically jumping apart, confirming everything. I have no one to blame but myself.

“
Are you okay?” Ella asks, her face scrunching with concern. “You look like you’ve just lost your—”

“
Her family is moving to Turkey tomorrow,” Wyatt says, and without my permission, my gaze swings to his. His face is nearly identical to hers, both of them so beautiful and self-assured. Both of them staring at me like I’m a lost child. “I’m taking her to the airport tomorrow to say good-bye.”

Stop explaining me
, I want to scream. Only I can’t say anything. I should have known that after continually pushing Wyatt away, he’d eventually get the message and stop coming back. Last night had been the final push, and he’d heard me loud and clear.

My throat starts to tighten.

“
Oh.” Ella’s gaze turns even softer, even more concerned.

“
Lace?” Wyatt gets up from the sofa and walks around it, heading straight to me, but I back up and keep backing up until I hit the door. I grab at my throat, my palms damp. “Sweetheart, start taking deep breaths for me.”

“
I’m breathing just fine,” I wheeze. “I don’t always need you to rescue me.”

He flinches, his lips thinning, and I think we’re going to argue in front of Ella of all people, but he takes a deep breath. “I know you don’t, Lawless. But this time, let me help you.” His voice is even lower now, and part of me believes that he’s trying to save me from embarrassment, from Ella catching me off guard like this.

Gently taking my hand, he places it in the middle of my chest. “Feel that? Your heart is beating just right… so breathe to match it. You can do it.” I grab his wrist before he can pull away. I want to keep him there, keep him so close to my heart, where he’s always been, that he never leaves.

He steps closer and I close my eyes, breathing deeply. In and out. Out and In. The scent of him fills my lungs, flows through me, and makes me want to wrap my arms around his body, not just his wrist.

“
After we say goodbye to your family, how about we go out to dinner? Maybe a movie? That new Romanov movie looks good,” he murmurs. I know he’s not looking for an answer. Wyatt’s just doing what he always does.

He’s being the man I love, and I hate it, because he’ll never be mine now.

Chapter Twelve

Wyatt

Ever since I’ve known Lacey, she’s had panic attacks. The first one I remember happening was at school, my junior year, and she’d been cornered by some mean girls, making fun of her clothes. It had only been her second day of school, freshman year. She’d looked so small and scared, her face pale and her dark eyes searching for an exit. I couldn’t help but notice how fast her chest rose and fell—and not because I was being a perv either.

Just like now.

This beautiful girl, leaning against the door to our shared apartment, is practically shaking, her face devoid of color. Only this time, she holds my hand to her heart instead of pushing me away. This time, her eyes are closed, auburn lashes resting on her pale cheeks, while she trusts me to help her. Her pink lips part as she breathes, as she tries to get control, and I stand there helpless, trying to protect her, trying to help her, and trying not be pissed off at the mixed signals she’s giving.

But in the end, I’m the man who loves her, the man who’ll always love her, and I’ll always protect her, even from things that don’t go bump in the night, even when she tells me she doesn’t need me.

Slowly but surely, Lacey’s breathing steadies, as does the beat of her heart. Only she doesn’t move my hand away, and I sure as hell won’t move it first.

“
Is everything okay?” Ella calls out, and I want to groan. I had almost forgotten she was here, that this moment I was having with Lacey involved only the two of us.

Ella’s visit had been unexpected. I had just woken up, heard the knock on the door, and had hoped against hope it was Cole stopping by. I haven’t talked to him in weeks, but I’m not sure if it’s all me, or a combination of what’s going on with Rae. Either way, I need to make a point to go spend some time with him, to get back into some really good habits, like playing Texas Hold ‘Em with the boys. But instead of Cole, there Ella was, with a sheepish smile, a six-pack of my favorite beer, and an apology. All in all, a completely innocent encounter, even when Lacey walked in.

“
Yeah, be right there,” I say.

Lacey’s eyes flutter open. “Don’t let me keep you.”

“
Keep me from what?” Is she jealous? Does it matter if she is? Will her potential jealousy of Ella change anything? Based on last night, before I left, she had made it clear, after muddying the waters once again, that all we will ever be is friends. Friends who just so happen to be inconveniently attracted to one another.

Based on last night, and on the nights before that one, I don’t deserve to touch her. I don’t deserve to be with her at all.

“
From Ella.” Lacey looks away.

I try to capture her gaze, dipping my head a little. It doesn’t matter if she’s jealous or not, because I won’t have her uncomfortable in her own house. “We’re having drinks. Do you want to join us?”

She shakes her head. “I have practice.”

“
Then why are you here?”

“
I left something.”

This from the girl who repacks her bag every day. This from the girl who cleans her skates
nightly
. I’d helped her once, while we sat at a picnic table at the skate park, and she’d instructed me how to get the dirt out of the grooves of the wheels. It wasn’t that different from learning how to clean a gun properly, but I’d rather have her voice in my ear than a drill sergeant shouting at me.

“
So go get it, and I’ll drive you to practice.”

“
I don’t need a ride,” she says, her chin tipping up. “But Ella might.”

This flash of jealousy would be more enjoyable if it didn’t drive me insane, if it didn’t give me hope I didn’t deserve. “She drove herself over here.”

“
She might want a ride from you anyway.”

I don’t have an answer that wouldn’t come off as rude, or that wouldn’t start another argument, so I stare pointedly at her hands until she lets me go. “Guess I’ll see you later, roomie. You still want a ride to your old house tomorrow, right?”

Her mouth opens, and then closes, as she fixes her gaze on me. Her eyes are glistening, and it’s like a punch to the gut. I just had to get that
roomie
dig in, didn’t I—like a real man would.

Lacey nods and then abruptly turns, throwing open the door and running down the hall. Catching it, I watch her until she jerks open the door to the stairwell and disappears inside.

“
Why are you fighting it?” Ella asks, her voice so close that I know she’s right behind me.

“
I’m not fighting anything.” I close the door, crossing my arms over my chest as I turn to face her.

Ella rolls her eyes. “It’s obvious the two of you are into each other, and that’s why you weren’t into me.”

Her confidence is kick ass, but there’s no way I’m admitting she’s right. “We’re friends.”

“
So you say.” Ella brushes a pink strand of hair out of her eyes.

“
Yeah.”

“
Fine. Have it your way.” She marches up to me, rises up on her tiptoes, and leans in. Automatically, I lean back, throwing my hands up to create a barrier between us. She grins. “See?”

“
Proves nothing.”

“
Proves plenty.”

I grunt. “For all you know, I could be with a different girl every night, not bothering with names or kissing.” I can’t believe what I just admitted, to a stranger no less.

“
You, with a different girl a night?” She laughs, disbelief all over her face. “No way, no how. I’ve known you for like, three hours, and there’s no way you could be a man whore.”

“
You’d be surprised at what people do in their private time.”

She shrugs. “I guess. Look, I’m into you, but I don’t think you’re into me, at least not like that, but I think we could still hang out and have a good time. You up for that?”

Hang out with a girl like Ella, a girl who is perfect for me in every way, who’s not Lacey and therefore not perfect for me at all? Maybe this is what I need. Maybe I need someone like Ella, someone who expects nothing but friendship while I sort out my feelings for Lacey. It would be a hell of lot better to spend time with her than the other females I’ve been hooking up with lately.

“
You know what?” I ask, nodding. “I think I’d like hanging out with you.”

“
Awesome.” She smiles and steps back. “I better get to practice. I’ll check on Lacey for you and see if she’ll take me up on a ride home.”