Wizard Squared (36 page)

Still holding on to Melissande, he kissed her cheek. “Don’t give up hope just yet,” he said softly. “I know things look bleak but… please, don’t give up.”

“Professor,”
said the other Gerald. He sounded dangerous now.

He let her go and turned. “Yes. All right. I’m coming.”

“You’d be wise not to try me, you know,” said the other Gerald, slamming the kitchen door shut behind them and stalking off along the corridor. “My plans have reached a critical phase and waiting puts me in
a very bad mood. So don’t make me testy. Because while it might not suit me to hurt you I can always hurt
her
. Cross me and I will. My word as a wizard.” A scathing backwards glance. “Do you believe me, Professor? Say you believe me.”

Oh, lord.
“Yes, Gerald. I believe you.”

“Good,” said the other Gerald, and picked up his pace.

Bibbie was waiting at the old house’s front door, changed out of her scanty scarlet dress into an exotically shimmering neck-to-ankle garment made entirely of multi-colored Fandawandi silk. To complete her decorous deception she’d added a hat that seemed to be adorned«d tmme with enough bits of parrot to render an entire flock extinct.

“There you are,” she said, seeing them, her shiny pink lips pouting. “All that shouting and waving your arms about and now here I am twiddling my thumbs while you—”

“Put a sock in it, Bibs,” growled the other Gerald. “Before I put a sock in it for you.”

Bibbie wilted. “Sorry, Gerald,” she murmured, and meekly followed him outside.

Gerald, his heart painfully thumping, fell into step behind the appalling pair. Parked outside the front gate was an enormous gleaming silver car, the most luxurious and expensive-looking model he’d ever seen. He couldn’t be sure, but he thought it was a Kingsmark. Remembering Monk’s dilapidated and unreliable jalopy, and despite his current predicament, he couldn’t help a soft whistle of admiration.

The other Gerald flicked him a disdainful look.
“What, you were expecting a clunker? Hardly. You can ride in the back.”

He nodded. “Of course, Gerald. Whatever you say.”

And that would have to be his mantra for the next little while. Until he knew what his other self wanted from him… and he’d worked out a way to make sure the mad bastard never got it.

As well as being a stunning example of automotive design, the other Gerald’s expensive car—like the house—was hexed, smothered bumper to bumper in powerful incants designed to deflect both physical and thaumaturgical attack. Interesting. It surely suggested that even with his fist gripping tight, he still had powerful enemies. Or was afraid he might have powerful enemies. Something certainly worth bearing in mind.

If I can find out who he’s scared of—make contact with them—maybe we could work together. I’ll work with anyone to see him brought down, even Errol Haythwaite. Because the enemy of my enemy is absolutely my new best friend.

The Kingsmark’s engine turned over smoothly, purring like Tavistock. Behind the wheel the other Gerald pulled away from the pavement, Bibbie pretty and poisonous at his side.

Gerald let his head fall back against the seat.

Bloody hell, Reg. Wish me luck, ducky, wherever you are.

“All right, Professor,” said the other Gerald, after they’d been driving for about twenty minutes. “The time has come for you to close your eyes.”

Now there was an idea. If he closed his eyes maybe
when he opened them again he’d find himself back in his real bed, in Monk’s real house, at home in real Ottosland. That would be nice.

Oh, give it a rest, Dunnywood. This really is happening. You’re never going to wish it away.

Looking out of the passenger window had proven pointless—every piece of glass save the windshield was hexed to keep the world beyond it a mystery. It was like traveling inside a luxurious shoebox. He’d done his best to peer between the front seats and out of the more lightly-hexed windshield, but the other Gerald had sw«r Gingorn at him and told him to bloody well sit back and stop wriggling or else. Still. He’d seen enough to know that they were definitely heading down to the city center. And what was there? Government House. Various ministry buildings, including the Department of Thaumaturgy’s stately home. The Botanical Gardens. The Old Parade Ground. The Mint. The National Art Gallery. The Opera—

“Eyes
closed
, Gerry,” said Bibbie, squirmed around in the front passenger seat and frowning at him. “Aren’t you paying attention?”

Dear lord, she was
appalling
. How could she possibly be related—thaumaturgically or otherwise—to his own sweet Emmerabiblia?

“Sorry,” he muttered. “Eyes closing now.”

But slowly, so he could try to snatch one last glimpse of the world outside their car. As his eyelids drifted shut he caught sight of the city’s world famous Botanical Gardens, and with them a corner hint of the Department of Thaumaturgy building. Above and beyond them a tiny snatch of airship floated in the cloudy sky, he thought above the Grand Ott
Portal Station.
Ha. Maybe it’s one of Ambrose Wycliffe’s, if he’s still alive here.
And then, because he couldn’t stall any longer, he let his eyes close completely and the world beyond the windshield disappeared.

He felt the car take a right-hand turn, away from the Gardens and his old stamping ground, the DoT. And that meant—that meant—what was in this specific direction? Oh yes. They must be heading for Ott’s big ceremonial parade ground, smack bang in the middle of the sprawling metropolis. Not that it was used for ceremonial parades anymore. At least, not often. Not in his world anyway. Back home the empty space was used for open-air theatrical productions and Keys to the City ceremonies and War Remembrance services. Jolly civic get-togethers like that. What it was used for in this Ott, he couldn’t imagine… although
nothing jolly
seemed a pretty safe bet. Whatever the truth was, he was starting to think it would turn out to be something else he really didn’t want to know.

And what I do want to know, this Gerald won’t tell me.

While he sat silently in the back seat, feeling stupid with his eyes closed, Bibbie prattled on about some upcoming grand society reception. A glittering event, all the important people coming. She started to name names but her Gerald shut her up. After a moment’s frightened silence she started prattling again, her voice brittle beneath the gaiety. This time she was careful to talk only of clothes and jewels and who was yet to be invited and what she wanted on the menu. Then she and her Gerald started arguing about the merits of smoked salmon and caviar.

With his captors momentarily distracted, he grabbed his chance with both hands and took a closer
look at Bibbie’s aura. He had to know what she’d done to herself. She was nowhere near as rotten as this Gerald, but she’d warped her sweetness somehow. If he could work out what incants she’d absorbed then maybe, just maybe, he could undo the damage. If he could restore her to the Bibbie he knew and—and cared for—perhaps he’d have found his first ally.

God knows I need all the help I can get.

And the thought of leaving her like this, twisted and distorted, was more than he could stomach. But before he’d managed to«he’="0 identify the first dark incant tainting her etheretic aura the other Gerald shushed Monk’s sister with a sharp word and started to slow the car.

“All right, Professor,” he said, so abominably
cheerful
. “We’re here. And we’ve just enough time to spare to have ourselves a nice little stroll around.”

“Stroll around?” he said, lifting his eyelids.
Ha, I was right. This is the parade ground.
“In public? Don’t you want to keep me under wraps? I mean, aren’t I going to be a bit difficult to explain?”

Looking over his shoulder, the other Gerald smiled the blood-chilling smile that rendered him a perfect stranger. “That won’t be a problem. I’ve had the area closed. Come along!”

So Melissande really hadn’t been exaggerating. This Gerald had the power to arrange the city’s workings to suit himself. Even incomplete, the picture was getting worse and worse. Beneath his plain cotton shirt and his drab brown suit his skin was sticky with sweat. He had to wait for his counterpart to unhex his door and open it.

“Just one more thing, Professor,” the other Gerald
said, out of the car now and leaning down, his hand on the rear passenger door’s handle, his body blocking escape. Deep in his eyes, the crimson flames flickered. “You’ll notice that as a courtesy I’ve not restrained you. No shadbolt. No booby-traps. Not even a little
docilianti
to keep you at my heels. I’m going to assume you appreciate that gesture. I’m going to assume you’ll not disrespect my hospitality or betray my trust by trying anything stupid—say, like running away.”

Keep him sweet, keep him sweet…
“Of course not, Gerald.”

“Good,” said his counterpart. “Because I wasn’t joking. I will make Melissande pay for your mistakes. And if those mistakes are big enough, well, I’ll kick your ass too. And you might as well know now, Professor, so there aren’t any misunderstandings. Compared to me? Lional of New Ottosland was a slobbering sentimentalist.”

A bolt of the darkest, purest fear he’d ever felt shafted through him. “This is crazy,” he whispered. “Gerald, what
happened
to you? What went wrong? We weren’t brought up to be cruel, or—or despotic. Our parents are—were—lovely people. And we were—we were
good
. I can’t believe that even
Grummen’s Lexicon
and those other grimoires could’ve changed you
this
much.”

The other Gerald laughed. “Don’t be an idiot. You think I stopped there? Uffitzi’s paltry library was only the beginning.”

“Oh,” he said blankly. “Well. That probably explains it.” He swallowed. “So… we’re talking the entire Internationally Proscribed Index?”

“And one or two collections that slipped through
the cracks,” said his counterpart. “Let’s just say I’m the most well-rounded wizard
you’re
ever likely to meet. And that I can deal with you as easily as swatting a fly.”

He nodded, bacon and fried egg churning in his guts. “It’s all right. I believe you.”
Except—if that’s the case, then why do you need me? Whatever you’re planning, Gerald, why don’t you just get on with it?
“And like I said, I won’t try anything. I promise.”

“
Excellent,
” said the other Gerald, and stepped back from the car. “But you know—just in case you’re trying to pull a swifty? If you’re thinking you might, I don’t know, bide your time and try something foolish when my guard’s down? There are one or two things I really need you to see.”

Which means I really don’t want to see them, doesn’t it?

But he had no choice. All he could do was play along until he had a chance to come up with some kind of plan.

Because there’s still the Monk in this world. I have to believe that Melissande’s right and he’s not let himself be corrupted too. And my Monk, he’s a bloody genius. He’ll work out what’s happened and he’ll find a way to get me home. Bibbie—my Bibbie—she’ll help him. And Sir Alec. The whole Department. All the janitors—even Mr. Dalby. I’m not alone. It just feels that way.

Steeling himself, he clambered out of the posh car—and nearly fell on his ass.

“Bloody hell!”

What had been an open air civic gathering place was now a forbiddingly-walled enclosure, the red brick barriers standing some fifteen feet high.
Enormous wrought-iron gates guarded a locked entrance, and frozen over the gates in a nightmare greeting—or warning—

His counterpart sighed. “Magnificent, isn’t she? Quite the souvenir if I do say so myself.”

She
was the dragon he—they—had made for Lional. Even in the glum, cloud-filtered light the creature’s crimson and emerald scales flashed brilliant. Suspended in mid-air, wings spread wide, lower jaw unhinged to display its full array of fearsome, poison-slicked teeth, tail poised to lash, taloned feet outstretched, the dragon reared above the wrought-iron gates so lifelike, so terrifying—

“God,” he said, turning. “It’s dead, isn’t it? Tell me it’s dead!”

Bibbie giggled. “You big baby. Of
course
it’s dead.”

“Dead and thaumaturgically preserved,” added the other Gerald. “For posterity. Because she really is bloody beautiful, isn’t she?”

The last thing he wanted to do was agree, but he had no choice. Indeed the dragon was—had always been—beautiful. He nodded. “Yes.”

The other Gerald sighed. “Such a shame I had to replace two of the teeth with thaumaturgical fakes.”

“They got broken?”

“Sort of.”

Oh. Well. All moral considerations aside it was a shame, really. Like a magnet the dragon drew his horrified, fascinated gaze. Cautiously he stretched out his
potentia
. The strength of the incants surrounding the creature did knock him back a step, but he managed to keep his balance and stay on his feet.

Beneath the complex network of preservation and
immobilization hexes he could feel decaying remnants of the
Tantigliani sympathetico…
and mingled with that, a lingering memory of Li«ng on onal.

He felt his belly turn over as bile flooded his mouth.

The other Gerald laughed. “You know what they say, Professor. Look, but don’t touch.”