Woman On The Edge Of Time (53 page)

“But last time I got better and they let me out without any operation!”

“And here you are again. Aren’t you? Your brother … what’s his name?”

“Lewis Camacho,” Patty read. “From Bound Brook, New Jersey.”

“Your brother … er … in New Jersey … Mr. Coman-chee? … has signed the permission. The procedure will be carried out Monday. In a month you’ll be released. Consider that, Connie, and you’ll realize your fears are as irrational and as much a part of the pattern of your illness behavior as your hostile episodes. Okay, let’s break!”

The staff leaned back in their chairs and turned to each other as Connie got up, all except Miss Moynihan, who brushed past her in a hurry. Her face was twisted and she raced toward the staff ladies’ bathroom. Tony had been standing outside, sneaking a smoke, wrapped in a plastic bag of music from his transistor radio. “They done with you?” he asked.

“I don’t know!” She held up her hands. “I don’t understand what they’re doing. You ask them. They keep talking about my brother Luis. I don’t understand what they want me to do.”

“Wait here. Just hold on.” Tony stuck his head into the room, where she saw past him the doctors pushing back their chairs and beginning to rise, small knots of conversation forming. Argent and Redding had their heads together over the proposal, plotting. Morgan hovered, ignored and nervous. Redding nodded briskly at the little notes. Five thousand more chimpanzees? Prisoners? Women on welfare? They had disposed of her. “They said I could have some coffee,” she said out loud, and moved at once into the alcove where the doctors’ big shiny coffee machine stood. Quickly she dumped the contents of the old pot, emptied a premeasured packet into the filter, and pressed the Brew button. Then she fished the bottle from her purse and dripped the oily liquid into the glass pot as the coffee began to fill it. She hoped they would realize this was fresh coffee, and not discard it to make more.

When Tony came out the water was still pouring down. “Come on, Ramos. They’re done with you. Leave the doctors’ coffee alone, don’t mess up now. You can get a cup on the patients’ side.”

“They don’t want me anymore?” She blinked confusion.

“What do you think, they need all day to make up their minds about you? They’re big-shot doctors. That Redding, he had his picture in
Time.
Patty showed me, she keeps a scrap-book on him. Dr. Argent, he goes up to Washington to testify before Congress to set them straight on things. You don’t think they got all day to waste making up their minds about what to do with you!”

She washed her hands in the bathroom, she washed them again and again. “I just killed six people,” she said to the mirror, but she washed her hands because she was terrified of the poison. “I murdered them dead. Because
they
are the violence-prone. Theirs is the money and the power, theirs the poisons that slow the mind and dull the heart. Theirs are the powers of life and death. I killed them. Because it is war.” Her hands shook like a willow branch used by dowsers in Texas, a willow branch pulled by water deep in the ground. “I’m a dead woman now too. I know it. But I did fight them. I’m not ashamed. I tried.”

She broke the bottle under running water without touching it and washed the pieces down the shower. They’d most likely find them, but it was the best she could think up. Then she washed her hands a last time and went in search of Sybil. When she found her in the lounge she said to her only, “Soon!” Sybil looked into her face. A tear formed and hung in her eye. Then she looked down and said nothing, alert, ingathered, ready. Connie went to her room. As she passed Valente, knitting, the attendant nodded to her.

She thought of Luciente, but she could no longer reach over. She could no longer catch. She had annealed her mind and she was not a receptive woman. She had hardened. But she thought of Mattapoisett.

For Skip, for Alice, for Tina, for Captain Cream and Orville, for Claud, for you who will be born from my best hopes, to you I dedicate my act of war. At least once I fought and won.

After a while she heard the commotion and they came with stretchers—four. Dr. Morgan was trying to cut down on coffee, and Miss Moynihan was being sick in the staff bathroom. I am not sorry, she thought, her heard pounding terribly, and she sat on her bed, waiting.

State of New York—Department of Mental Hygiene
Bellevue Hospital

CLINICAL SUMMARY

IDENTIFICATION
: This 35-year-old Mexican-American Catholic woman separated from her husband Edward for the past three years has one child, Angelina, aged 4. The patient has been on Aid to Dependent Children since last May.

PRESENTING PROBLEM
: This patient brought her child into emergency at N.Y.U., stating that she had accidentally broken her wrist. The child was bruised. When questioned by caseworker, the patient readily admitted beating her daughter, while drunk or drugged. The patient was incoherent, weeping, and exhibited bizarre behavior.

PAST HISTORY
: This socially disorganized individual has been in an increasingly deteriorating state since the breakup of her marriage. Whereabouts of husband unknown. This patient has been in conflict with the law for two years. Convicted of aiding and abetting a pickpocket and given a suspended sentence and a year’s probation last April. The patient refers to an illegal
abortion, followed by severe hemorrhaging and complications, for which a hysterectomy was performed at Metropolitan. The patient has recent alcohol and barbiturate problems. Seems hostile and suspicious toward authority. Lack of control and frustration tolerance. The patient has a tendency to act out problems with violent expression and hostile and extrapunitive tendencies.

MENTAL STATUS
: This patient is disheveled and appears to be older than her stated age. She readily admits needing help. She is cooperative but confused and occasionally suspicious. Has not demonstrated assaultive behavior on the ward.

STREAM OF MENTAL ACTIVITY
: The patient is incoherent. The patient’s thinking is extremely concrete.

EMOTIONAL REACTIONS
: The patient’s general mood is anxious and exhibits extreme guilt. The patient’s affect is inappropriate, marked by crying without cause.

CONTENT OF THOUGHTS
: Denies suicidal ideation. Denies delusions or hallucinations.

SENSORIUM, MENTAL GRASP AND CAPACITY
: Sensorium clear. Oriented times three. Recent and remote memory appear weak. The patient has somewhat slow intelligence and answers questions poorly.

DIAGNOSIS
: Schizophrenia, undiff. type 295.90.

State of New York—Department of Mental Hygiene
Rockover State Psychiatric Hospital

DISCHARGE NOTE

Dr. Messinger

HISTORY
: This 35-year-old Mexican-American woman, Catholic mother of one daughter, was hospitalized at Bellevue
because of child abuse, alcohol problems, confusion, and bizarre behavior, and admitted here February 8.

HOSPITAL COURSE
: The pt. responded well to medication, although with pronounced side effects, swollen tongue, etc. Her behavior slowly normalized and the pt. exhibited decreased psychiatric signs and symptoms.

PRESENT MENTAL STATUS
: Alert, cooperative, coherent, relevant, with no abnormalities of stream of thought or content of thought. Acceptable insight. Oriented times three.

PHYSICAL CONDITION
: Ambulatory—no physical abnormalities. Can care for self.

TREATMENT PLAN
: Pt. discharged to welfare hotel until welfare finds her an apartment. She will report to Aftercare Clinic at Bellevue weekly.

MEDICATION
: 1. Thorazine 200 mg. o.d. at 5
P.M.
                 2. Prolixin 1 cc IM every 2 weeks.
                 3. Artane 2 mg t.i.d.

CONDITION
: Improved

DIAGNOSIS
: Paranoid Schizophrenia, type 295.3.

From Bellevue Admission Notes:
This evening this 37-year-old obese Puerto Rican woman allegedly attacked a relative and a relative’s fiancé with a bottle. Upon examination she was found lying on the floor, groaning incoherently, and proved disoriented as to time and place. She was hostile, uncooperative, and threatening. She was abusive to relative and relative’s fiancé. Admit. Thorazine 1000 mg by injection. Restraint.

From Rockover State Admission Notes:
This patient is a 37-year-old Mexican-American Catholic mother, separated from her husband Edward, whose child has been put out for adoption through the state agency. Has a history of violent psychotic episodes, including robbery, assault, and child abuse.
Eleven days ago this patient attacked her niece Dolores Campos and her niece’s fiancé. This patient is known to us and has been previously hospitalized in Rockover. After ten days at Bellevue, transferred here. Remained acutely psychotic. During hospitalization, she has been mute and withdrawn with occasional violent outbursts. She has been uncooperative, attempting to refuse medication, and has no insight into her illness. Has delusions of persecution by niece’s fiancé and speaks of the State of New York as “murdering” a Negro boyfriend. This patient also constantly complains about the child put out for adoption. The patient has no consistent notions of right or wrong. She said that for the last two years she didn’t drink at all. She smokes about a pkg. a day. She denies any drug addiction, although she admits use of barbiturates in the past. She claims not to have had any relations with men in the past three years. She doesn’t admit any attachments to women either. This patient is a socially maladjusted individual subject to periodic dysphorias accompanied by fear, leading to violent episodes and aggressions. Admit to Ward L-6. Restrict to ward. Violence precautions.

Escape Report:
After a fight with another patient on the ward, causing mild concussion, this patient wandered out of the hospital and was lost in the woods for two whole nights and days. She was recovered in a bus station in Fairview very confused and uncertain where she was trying to go. She was covered with mosquito bites. It was decided to place her on close supervision … .

From New York Neuro-Psychiatric Institute Notes:
This 37-year-old female did not appear to have any motor difficulties. The patient appears to have learned to walk and talk at the normal time. Sent to Texas for birth records. Patient was delivered by midwife. No definite documentation of premature birth or birth traumas. History of blackouts and violent episodes in which patient felt as if she couldn’t control herself.

… Mr. Camacho is a well-dressed man (gray business suit) who appears to be in his 40’s. He operates a wholesale-retail nursery and has a confident, expansive manner. I would consider him to
be a reliable informant who expresses genuine concern for his sister … .

LIST OF PROBLEMS AND TREATMENT PLANS

1. Repeated hospitalizations
   

2. Psychotic sy
   

3. Episodic violence
   

4. Lack of insight
   

5. Lack of motivation
   

6. Toothache
   

7. Cracked rib
   

8. Negativism
   

ORIENTED
: Fully oriented

REMOTE MEMORY
: Intact

RECENT MEMORY
: Slightly impaired

RETENTION AND IMMEDIATE RECALL:
Intact

COUNTING AND CALCULATIONS
: Impaired (mistake in serial 7’s)

READING
: Read with ease

SCHOOLING AND GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
: Commensurate.
Claims to have 2 yrs college? Welfare records indicate only 1 yr., 3 mths. in community college.

INTELLIGENCE RATING
: Average

COURSE OF MENTAL ILLNESS
: Deteriorative process

ABSTRACTING ABILITY
: Impaired

ABILITY TO MAINTAIN SET OR ASSOCIATIVE
: Intact

… After the implantation patient was markedly better with no episodes for two months. Symptoms then recurred. Amygdalotomy indicated but not carried out because of incident … .

There were one hundred thirteen more pages. They all followed Connie back to Rockover.