Bittersweet (20 page)

She showed up just as Tyler was about to finish work. Alex was on leave, being due in only a few weeks, and this was the only way she figured she’d be able to get him alone.

“Did I come at a bad time?” she asked after letting herself into his office. Without waiting for him to answer, she closed the door.

She guessed he was having a bad day just by looking at him, but she didn’t care whether he wanted this or not, she was confronting him. Jayden deserved better.

“I was wondering how long it was going to take for you to show up.” He cleared his throat and looked uncomfortable before he had the nerve to smile.

“This is not a game,” she snapped and narrowed her eyes. “This is about our son and why he doesn’t seem to matter all of a sudden.”

Tyler’s expression hardened, and she could instantly tell she’d hit a nerve. “He matters,” he snapped back. “Don’t ever imply that he doesn’t.”

She laughed humorlessly. “Then please enlighten me, why don’t you? You have seen him all of three times in the last four months, Tyler. How is that sufficient?”

He slammed a book on his desk and leaned forward so they were almost touching and stared at her in silence.

She refused to break eye contact with him. She wanted answers and hated that he always made everything about him. She was leaving to go on her trip soon and hoped to get this all resolved before she did.

“Tyler, I didn’t come here to fight with you.” Okay, well, that had been her initial intention, but when she was actually face-to-face with him, she just couldn’t avoid it. Despite everything he’d done, she still had strong feelings for him and probably always would. Damn, that realization sucked. Tyler had hurt her badly, but this was about Jayden. She forced herself to stay focused.

“Then why did you come?” he asked and looked down at her mouth and back up to her eyes before she took a step away from him.

“I came to see what’s going on with you. I came because I wanted to know if you were okay, and most importantly, I came hoping that I could salvage the relationship you have with our son.”

She exhaled loudly as if she’d been holding her breath. Man, she’d thought she might lose it a second ago and was pretty sure that if she hadn’t taken a step backward, Tyler would have kissed her. Then nothing would have been accomplished. It would have been bad, really, really bad.

He laughed suddenly, hysterically, making Jenna smile. Raking his fingers through his thick head of hair, he finally said, “I’m sorry, Jenna. It’s just been work, hectic and as crazy as ever, and Alex is driving me nuts. She complains all the time. We’ve been getting ready for the baby and all of that fun stuff.” He paused for a second. “And I’ve been selfish, which is not a good enough excuse at all. Last time we made everything so final, and I hadn’t believed until then that you were never going to take me back. Since then it’s been hard for me to be around you.”

Hearing about the baby still hurt, but to learn that it was hard for him to be around her was something else altogether. She was shocked. “So you avoided our son because you couldn’t bear the thought of being near me?” She had to be sure she understood this idiocy properly. “Because if that is the case, then you’re definitely right, but I could also think of a few other words to call you besides
selfish
.”

Her temper was about to get the best of her. He smiled again, putting more fuel on the already ignited flame inside her.

“I’m sure you could,” he teased. Typical Tyler, trying to make everything into a joke.

Her hands rolled into fists at her sides. “You’re not funny, Tyler,” she snapped, “and if you know what’s good for you—”

“It’s over. I get it now, but I don’t have to like it.”

She could feel another argument coming on and sighed heavily, really tired of it all.

“But you’re also right,” he continued. “My actions have been inexcusable, and I promise to make some more time for him. Maybe one day we could work on you and I being friends again too.”

“I think I’d like that,” she said and decided that now was a good time to make her exit before he pushed her buttons again. “He’ll be around for another couple of weeks, so now is as good a time as any to see him while you can. Then he’ll be at my parents’ for his annual vacation.” She looked back and smiled when she reached the door, hoping her visit had worked.

“Ah, your trip to Ireland,” he said.

Jenna decided the best way to answer was with another smile. “Good-bye, Tyler. I really hope to see you around.”

She’d done the best she could to talk some sense into him. It was up to him now to make an effort to be part of his son’s life. It was time for him to grow up. Just as Jenna began to get herself together, things seemed to get worse for Tyler, but she couldn’t feel any pity. All she could think was,
Welcome to my world.
She’d been suffering for almost a year and a half by then, and it was about time that reality hit him. The worst part was that this was the reality he chose to live when he decided to be with Alex, and Jenna was more ready than ever to move on with her life.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Her confrontation with Tyler seemed to work for the first week, and he made the effort he should have all along to be with Jayden. He saw him almost every day, and it was almost like old times. Unfortunately, it didn’t lasted very long. The following week Tyler saw him only once and hadn’t even bothered to call to say good-bye or wish him well before Jayden went to his grandparents’ for the summer.

Jenna later found out that Alex had gone into labor and had the baby. It was Tyler’s last distraction from his son, and she understood. It just would have been nice, though, if he’d included Jayden by allowing him to meet his new sister, but she kept that to herself. Her conclusion was that maybe they were better off without him, no matter how harsh that sounded. Tyler had created a new life that carried nothing but hurt and disappointment as far as they were concerned. Although her door would always be open, she just knew that he didn’t plan on using it anymore.

It was heartbreaking.

***

She was alone and all packed. Jayden had left for his summer vacation that afternoon. It was an emotional good-bye for Jenna this time, because she had never been away from him for this long—willingly, anyway.

She couldn’t sleep that night. Her nerves were getting the best of her, and she figured that sleeping on the plane would make her trip seem shorter, so she sat there fantasizing about Brady and what she would say if she saw him in real life, wondering if she’d be nervous or not. Who was she kidding? Of course she would be. She’d have the urge to touch him, to make sure it wasn’t a dream. She smiled thinking about it.

She’d been alone about a year and a half now and had gone without sex for just as long. She missed having someone to cuddle with and be there for her as well, although she had to admit the sex was something to look forward to. Substitutes just weren’t the same.

She got comfortable and decided she needed some type of release. She ran her fingers down her body and cupped a breast with one hand. As she rubbed and tweaked the nipple, she slid her other hand inside her shorts to the girly bits that ached the most. She was wet the instant she pictured her Irish dream man and moaned, “Hmm, Brady—”

Jenna lifted her hips and applied pressure. She circled her budding nub while picturing his tongue there, sliding between her folds to eat her, taste her. She would run her hands through his soft, thick, dark hair to hold him in place, and he knew what she liked, hitting just the right spots.

Her breath turned rapid. Release was so close, and her excitement built as the fantasy continued. She moaned again.

“Jenna?”

Holy shit, had someone just called her name? Or was it her overactive imagination? Please, not now.

“Jenna, are you up there?”

“Shit,” she groaned, and her playtime came to a crashing halt.
So close, so damn close.
“Yeah, Sam, I’m in my room. I’ll be down in a minute.” With a sigh she covered her face to try to calm down before she went downstairs. She met Sam in the kitchen a few minutes later and started a pot of coffee.

“I couldn’t sleep, and I saw your light on, so I came over. I’m so anxious.” Sam rubbed her hands together and sat down.

Jenna smiled. “Me either, I’m just too excited.”
Literally and figuratively.
“I feel nervous and excited at the same time, actually, but it also feels so surreal right now, you know? I’ve waited to go for so long, and I just want to be there already. I need answers.”

Sam looked like a kid on Christmas Morning. “I know.
Eeee
, I can’t believe it. In just a few short hours, we’ll be on the plane and on our way. I haven’t been this stoked for a long time.”

Jenna laughed and was glad she wasn’t the only one feeling that way. Then she sighed. “I seriously have to stop drinking this coffee,” she said, pushing her cup aside. “I’ll never get to sleep if I don’t.” She needed to come down from the high for a bit, but it was easier said than done.

“All right, that’s my cue to go. We really should get some sleep,” Sam advised, looking bug-eyed and ready to climb the walls. “Thanks for the coffee, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

Hugging Sam, Jenna laughed again. “We’ll at least try to sleep, although you look like you’ve drunk about ten pots already.”

“Very funny,” Sam mocked. “I’d say the same for you, and I only said that we should get some sleep, not that I was going to.” She winked. “I’ll see you in a few hours, Jenna. I’m going to go home and try to count some sheep now.”

***

In theory, counting sheep didn’t sound that bad, but it never worked. Jenna’s bags were packed and ready by the door. Her clothes for tomorrow were laid out, and the alarm was set to make sure she wouldn’t sleep in the next morning. That is, if she actually was able to fall asleep. Crawling into bed, she forced herself to relax. With her eyes closed, she thought of only happy things and the possibility of them coming true, hoping they would. She was a little embarrassed to admit it, but she needed Brady to be real, wanted him desperately, and didn’t know what she would do if he wasn’t there. That just couldn’t happen. She wouldn’t think that way.

His face was picture-perfect in her mind: those piercing blue eyes and that thick, wavy, black hair, his athletic body and full, kissable lips. The visions she’d been having lately were so clear, and most of them were replays of the times she’d already seen. Deep down, she knew it was her way of trying to convince herself she was going to find him. That everything would be okay. Oh, how she hoped it would be. Soon she’d become relaxed enough that he came back to her.

They were in his bed cuddling close, and she reveled in the sense of security being with him gave her.

“Together again shortly,” he whispered and she smiled.

“Together for real,” she corrected him. She could feel his silent laughter in the vibration of his stomach. His excitement, she could feel against her leg.

“Is it bad that I’m not sure I want to wake up?” Jenna whispered.

He adjusted himself onto his side so he could get a better look at her, then traced her lips with his finger and smiled before he kissed her. “Ye have to wake up, love. Otherwise it’ll never happen, and it’s goin’ te happen.”

Her heart fluttered, and the butterflies in her stomach flew to her throat to release her last ounce of fear.

His beautiful eyes studied her, and his attention took her breath away. He examined her and then laughed. “God, I love ye, Jenna.”

Knowing she felt the same way and knowing instantly because of all of this, that it was going to be love at first sight the moment she glimpsed him, she replied, “And I love you too, Brady.”

She pressed herself against him and decided to take control again as they started to make love. She needed to have him, especially then, in case this was their last time. Imaginary or not, she wanted him always, but then he began to fade away with the annoying beeping sound in the distance, and she struggled to hold on as long as she possibly could.

“No,” she groaned and reached out to nothing but the empty spot beside her. Reality came back to her, and she managed to shut off the alarm clock while still half asleep. It felt as though she’d just closed her eyes, and she was at such a good part in the dream.

Closing her eyes in a stubborn attempt to go back to sleep, she finally realized what day it was.
Oh my God, this is it.
She gasped as she sat up with a sudden, overwhelming burst of energy.

She jumped out of bed and headed straight into the shower. After drying off she got herself dressed and did her hair and makeup. She was sure she wouldn’t look as good when she finally landed, but if the vision was correct, she would see him for the first time at the airport, so she had to do what she could to at least look decent. Okay, she was more nervous than she had been, ever.

She rolled her luggage downstairs and decided to call Sam. “Just making sure you’re up, and I’m making a fresh pot of coffee if you want some before we leave,” she told her.

Sam laughed. “Sounds good. Just give me five minutes and I’ll be there.”

Her best friend let herself in while Jenna sat at the kitchen table, more anxious than ever to go on their trip.

“Oh my God,” Sam said and laughed at her. “How much coffee did you have?”

It was only her first cup. “Very funny,” Jenna mocked, giving her a smile. “I’m just a big bundle of nerves over here. That’s all.”

“But are you ready?” she asked.

“In more ways than one, Sam, in more ways than one.”

The cab ride to the airport was refreshing, bringing them that much closer to their destination, but the wait at the airport was excruciating. Having to be there hours before they were actually due to board sucked, but it was either twiddle her thumbs there or at home. But at least she knew they weren’t going to be late, and they’d cleared security with no problems.

Then finally after what felt like a lifetime, it came time to board. She received her first international stamp in her passport and couldn’t stop staring at it. As pathetic it felt, that just made everything official.

It’d been a long journey to get where she was, and she worked on calming her nerves with alcoholic beverages aboard, so the flight wasn’t so bad. The drinks relaxed her, and she slept dreamlessly for the first time in a long time for a good portion of the flight.

***

The first thing she did when they got to the terminal was look around, but she couldn’t see him.
Of course, it’s just my kind of luck
, she thought with disappointment.

Sam could see it in her transparent expression, and she rubbed her arm sympathetically with a smile. “Patience, Jenna. We have weeks to find them.”

Hearing how confident her friend sounded always made her want to laugh. Was she the only one who still doubted herself?

Apparently.

It was more fear than anything else, and it scared her to know that deep down she needed Brady to be there. But he wasn’t.

“You’re right,” she said and took a deep breath. Sam looked just as anxious as she did. Walking arm in arm, they headed toward the baggage claim to retrieve their bags.

“By the way, thanks.” Jenna said, trying to stall a little longer. “I wanted to tell you that, in case I forget to do it later. If it hadn’t been for your push to get us here, God only knows if it would have ever happened. It’s an experience of a lifetime, and I can’t wait to see the beautiful scenery up close and in person.”

“Anytime, hon.” Sam smiled and gave her a hug. “Besides, I love Ireland, so it’s no big deal.” She looked around the airport, and Jenna did the same. “Now if only we could bag us some dream men.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“If only.”

They had their bags in hand, and it was time to go. Jenna sighed heavily and tried her best to exude confidence despite her lingering doubt.

“Are you ready?” Sam asked, and she reluctantly nodded but took her time to move forward.

“Okay, let’s go.” After taking one last look around, she picked up the pace to a normal speed, and they were on their way.

As they approached the doors, Sam pulled Jenna to a stop. She cleared her throat before speaking and looked at Jenna with hope evident on her face. “Speaking of beautiful scenery.”

Jenna’s eyes widened as Sam nodded to the right, but she couldn’t stop looking at her because she was too afraid to be disappointed already.

“Sam, don’t toy with me,” Jenna warned but then became breathless. “Please?”

“Jenna, I’m not toying, just look.”

Her friend turned her around with force. Although two men were staring at them, they weren’t the right ones.
Damn it!

“It’s not them.” Jenna turned around and clutched her chest as that would help calm her heart rate. Her hopes had plummeted, and she was shaking with nerves. “I’m sorry, I really wish it was.”

“It’s okay, honey.” Sam squeezed her hand and then threw an arm around her as they exited. “I saw them looking and had to take a shot. It’s too bad too, because they were hot as hell. But nothing is set in stone, and I’m not giving up. Neither are you, okay? We’ve come too far for that.”

And Jenna knew she was talking about more than their traveling. Sam was talking about the big shitstorm Jenna had been through since the accident, because she was one of the people who’d helped her survive it, and it hadn’t been pretty.

She nodded. “Thanks, Sam. I love that you believe in me so much. You’re totally awesome, babe.” With the wrong airport men forgotten, they hailed a cab and headed for their hotel to start their search and enjoy their vacation time.

Indeed, not everything turned out the way it had the first time Jenna was there. It was hard to believe it had been an illusion when it felt as real then as it did now, but that was life, at least hers anyway, since the car accident. One severe hit on the head and a near-death experience, among other things, and she was blessed with the second sight—or cursed, depending on how you looked at it. Lord knew she could use a few more blessings, but then again, so could everyone.