Blurred Lies (The Blurred Series Book 1) (16 page)

I love that lip-ring
.

The noise is encouraging, and I begin moving my hips involuntarily, as my tongue joins his.

“You’re so beautiful,” Ryan murmurs, as his kisses move along my jaw and down my neck.

I tug his hair, encouraging him to continue, and a moan escapes from my parted lips.

“Will you go somewhere with me?” he pants next to my ear; his question barely registers in my lust-filled brain.

“What?” I ask breathily.

“I want to take you somewhere and watch the stars for a while. Will you go with me?” he clarifies.

“Okay,” I answer, knowing we’ll be doing more than just watching stars, and I want all of it.

* * *

“I come here sometimes, just to relax and think,” Ryan explains as we pull-up in a quiet, dark field of grass, with sparse trees dotted around. They’re barely visible in the summer-night darkness, but there’s still enough lingering light to see the silhouettes, along with the ones clearly visible in the truck’s headlights.

The stars have just begun to sparkle in the deep-blue sky, and the butterflies in my stomach have been fluttering constantly ever since we left the drive-in movie. I don’t know what Ryan has planned, if anything, but I’m not scared. For once.

It is with that though that I realize I trust him. For the first time, ever, I trust Ryan to not do anything that will hurt me. I know he’ll listen and comply if I say stop, I know he won’t make me feel inferior, I know he’ll take care of me.

It’s a revelation. It’s...freeing.

“Stay here for just a minute,” he says with a little excitement in his tone.

I look on with bemusement as Ryan exits the truck and goes to the back. I don’t know what he’s doing, but I feel the movement of him climbing in the truck-bed and rustling around back there.

What in the world?

After a couple of minutes, he opens my door and reaches for my hand, tugging gently to indicate that I should exit the vehicle.

When we round the back of the truck, I see blankets and pillows arranged in the bed.

“Did you plan this?”

“Not exactly. I hoped you’d agree to come out here with me to watch the stars - maybe talk for a while. That’s it. I didn’t have any expectations. I didn’t even think you’d say yes. I just wanted to be prepared,” he explains with a nervous expression.

“Well, I said yes. So what happens now?”

“That’s entirely up to you.”

Lying quietly in the back of Ryan’s truck, on comfortable blankets and pillows, I will myself not to slip into my usual train of thought. I don’t want to lose this feeling.

“Can I touch you while we lay here?” Ryan rests on his elbow, looking over me as I lay facing the stars above.

I don’t know exactly what he means, but my answer is instantaneous, anyway.

“Yes.”

He places a warm hand on my thigh, over my skirt again, and I ache to feel his skin on mine.

“What are you thinking?” he asks as he gently strokes with his fingertips.

“Why do you treat me so differently now, compared to how you were with me back when we were kids?” I ask with a slight tremble in my voice.
Damn nerves
.

It’s not what I
was
thinking, but it’s one of the last barriers that stand between me and Ryan, and I want it cleared away. I don’t want anything between us.

He looks a little pained, like he doesn’t really want to tell me or doesn’t know how.

“We were kids. I was an asshole. I still am, sometimes. I had a rough home life, Natty, you know that. I guess that messed with me for a while. Why do any of us do what we do? The important thing is I’m different
now
. I don’t want the past to affect what could be.”

“Of course it affects what could be, Ryan. I had a huge crush on you and you made me feel inferior...constantly,” I explain with regret. I can’t look at him as I say what’s been lingering in the back of my mind for half my life.

“You had a crush on me? Since when?” he asks with shock and, I think, a little awe.

Okay, seriously? This is ridiculous. He must have known. That’s why he was always such a bastard to me.

“Um, since always, Ryan. You know that. I irritated you with my constant need to be around you, so you picked on me incessantly.”

“I didn’t know, Natty. I picked on you because...I didn’t cope very well with women, girls, anyone being nice to me. I was keeping you away. It’s too much to get into now, but I never knew you actually had a crush on me. I swear. I’m not saying things would have been different if I’d known, but I didn’t know,” he says with honesty shining in his green eyes, which I can see only because of the bright full-moon shining overhead.

“Oh…” I don’t know what to say, or even what I think about that confession.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for anything I ever did to hurt you.” His sincerity is disarming and making tears well-up in my eyes. “Can you forgive me?” he asks as he grips my thigh in anticipation of my answer.

“I already forgave you, Ryan. Why do you think I’m here?” I ask, meeting his intense gaze with equal emotion.

And then he’s over me, one hand still on my thigh that’s now creeping around his waist, the other in my hair as he uses that same arm to brace himself above me.

The kiss is intense, but soft. His lips dance with mine like he’s trying to tell me something with each careful movement.

He lightly sucks my bottom lip, eliciting a quiet moan from me, which encourages him to slide his tongue against mine. It’s slow, deliberate and I need more, but of what, I’m not sure.

I feel his hand on my thigh, skin on skin now that my skirt has fallen farther up with the movement of my leg around him. His touch makes my stomach clench and toes curl.

How far am I willing to let him go?

He slowly moves his palm from above my knee to the end of my thigh, where the edge of my underwear rests. His fingertips brush along the lace-covered elastic, eliciting memories of the dream I had just a few weeks ago.

He teases the edge of my underwear again, and licks the sensitive skin of my neck. All coherent thought leaves me, and I’m nothing but lust for the guy who’s driving me to the edge of insanity with his touch…

I’m a burning ember of need, but my lack of experience prevents me from progressing. I don’t have the guts to ask Ryan to go further, knowing it would change everything, but if he asks, I know I’ll let him, unable to resist the pull between us.

He must hear my thoughts, because he breaks the beautiful kiss and leans back a little, ensuring he can see my eyes when I answer his next question.

“Do you want me to keep going, Natty?” I know he doesn’t just mean more kissing. He’s asking if he can go further than where we’ve been so far.

“Yes. Please,” I practically beg with my breathy moan. I barely recognize myself in this moment. Gone is the anxiety and worry that usually consume me. I never want this feeling to end. Apart from the ache building inside me; I need relief from that feeling as soon as possible.

Without further preamble, Ryan is kissing me again, but harder this time; it feels like he can’t get enough of my mouth and I welcome it with the same fervor.

As he continues his assault of my mouth, his fingers are a contradiction; moving with gentleness beneath the edge of my panties. With painful slowness, his fingertips caress the same area, just beneath the edge of lace, and it drives me crazy with want.

Why won’t he go further?

Is he worried I’ll freak out? Does he need me to tell him how much I need him to touch me?

“Please, Ryan.”

“Please, what, baby?” he murmurs as he moves his lips to my neck, where he licks and sucks and gently nips my overheated skin.

Oh, God
. He’s going to make me say it.

I feel the heat rise to my cheeks, and I’m suddenly thankful for the darkness bathing us, as I’m sure it masks the intense blush spreading all over me.

Trust him
.

“Please, touch me.” My plea comes out as more of a quiet whimper, making me blush anew.

“Okay, baby. Just relax.” His lips move back to mine as his fingers delve further into my underwear, barely brushing where the need has built exponentially.

I gasp at the same time as a low groan emanates from Ryan, passing from his lips to mine, and it’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard.

Moving his lips to the line of my jaw, his fingers delve deeper, then back again, and my cheeks heat at the realization of what he’s feeling.

“Damn, Natalie. You’re so wet,” he says appreciatively as his fingers begin to work their magic, never moving from the tiny bundle of nerves they’re circling.

There are noises coming from me that I barely recognize as my own, and before I know what’s happening, the tingle beneath my skin intensifies, spreading throughout my body, from my toes to my fingertips, and culminating in the most intense feeling where Ryan’s touch has slowed and softened.

I sigh as I come down from the high he gave me, and my eyes flutter open to find him staring down at me with what looks like awe.

“You’re so beautiful when you come,” he whispers, reverently, before claiming my mouth again.

Moving his hand from my panties, he braces himself above me and, instinctively, I part my legs so he can settle his body between them. Nothing ever felt so...natural.

I can feel how turned on he is as he grinds into me.

“What about you? Do you want me to-”

“No, Natty. Tonight is about you. Only you.”

“But-”

“Shh,” he silences me with another kiss. “I’ll be fine.”

And I know, when he says those words, that I’ll be fine, too.

As long as I have Ryan, I’ll be fine.

* * *

When we get back to the apartment, around midnight, Ryan stops me outside our front door, pushing me against it and kissing me with a smile.

“So am I still friend-zoned?” he asks with an impish glint in his eyes.

“I’ll have to get back to you on that,” I say with equal mischief.

“Is that so? Maybe I wasn’t persuasive enough in the bed of my truck. I can continue stating my case in your bed if you want?” he says before kissing my neck, causing the ache to start building again.

“Whoa, there, Mr. Persuasive,” I say pushing lightly at his chest.

Just as we part and turn to the door, it opens, revealing a very pissed-off Nate,

Uh-oh
.

“Where the hell have you two been? I’ve been worried sick!” He whisper-shouts at us, keeping the noise down for the benefit of the neighbors across the hall.

“The neighbors are on vacation, so there’s no need for that whisper-yelling thing you’re doing,” Ryan states as he crosses the threshold, effectively moving Nate out of the doorway so I can enter, too.

“Whatever,” Nate says at a normal level now. “Why haven’t either of you been answering my calls or texts. I had no idea where you were!”

“I never knew you cared about me this much, man. It’s touching, really, but I’m a big boy now,” Ryan says with humor, and it’s doing nothing to calm Nate’s ire.

“Ha-ha. You’re hilarious. Stop being an annoying shit, Ryan. I was worried about Natalie,” he fumes.

“It’s okay, Nate. I’m fine. We went to a movie and lost track of time. Our phones are on silent because of the movie. Sorry we worried you.” I feel really bad for forgetting to let Nate know we were going out tonight. I know he worries about me, a lot.

“You went to a movie until midnight? You’ve been gone for like five hours.”

Crap!
How do I explain that?
“Oh yeah, me and your best friend were just hanging out in his truck and I let him put his hands in my underwear while he kissed me senseless.”

Luckily, Ryan is faster than I am at thinking up a plausible explanation, and he explains the time away, easily.

“Sorry, dude. It was a last minute thing, hence not telling you, and we didn’t have time to eat beforehand, so I took Natalie for a late dinner and a couple of drinks afterwards.”

This seems to calm Nate, marginally, but the lie is sitting heavy in my empty stomach and I’m not even the one who told it. I am grateful, however, for Ryan’s believable explanation of our absence.

I’m just not ready for Nate to know there’s anything going on between Ryan and I. It might make things...weird. I’m not ready for a change in dynamic.

“Okay, well, please just leave me a note or text me or something to let me know you’re okay next time,” he gives me a pointed look, and then actually points at Ryan. “And you let me know she’s with you if you’re going to keep her out all damn night. I’m going to bed; I have to be up at six.” And with that, he walks off in the direction of the bedrooms.

“I’m sorry, Nate. Good night,” I call after him.

“G’night Little N.” He calls back; exasperation still lingering in his tone.

“Well I think that went well,” Ryan muses.

I roll my eyes and head for the kitchen. The mention of food has made me realize I haven’t eaten anything but some popcorn in more than five hours, but I can’t stomach food right now, so I settle for a glass of water to fill me up and replace some of the fluids I lost sweating it up in that darn truck.

When I turn back around from the sink, water sloshes all over my hand when I’m startled by a hard chest right in front of my face.

“Crap, Ryan, do you have to sneak up on me like that?”

“Sorry.” He grins as he reaches for a towel to dry my hand. His touch lingers on my hand long after he’s finished drying and it calms my shaky nerves. Tonight has been...a lot.

He drops the towel on the counter and releases my hand, allowing me to down the cool water. When I’m done, I put the empty glass in the sink and turn back to face him.

“So…” I don’t know what to say.

“So…” Apparently, neither does he.

“I guess we should go to bed. It’s late and I have work tomorrow,” I say, regretfully.

“Together?” He asks with anticipation, doing an amusing wiggle of his eyebrows.

“I don’t know if that would be wise,” I say, feeling a little deflated. I hate that I feel the need to make good decisions right now.

“It depends on your point of view, I guess.”

“I guess,” I respond, feeling the ever-present magnetism between us.

He kisses me gently, without the heat of earlier. A sweet, goodnight kiss. He’s going to honor my wishes and be a gentleman, and it makes me want him that much more.

“Sweet dreams, Natty,” he whispers when he pulls away. Then he heads to his bedroom, giving me one last glance before entering his room.

I wish I was going to his bedroom.

I shake that thought from my head, knowing that if I really wanted to, Ryan would welcome the decision to spend the night with him.

When I fall into bed after my nightly routine, my head is spinning with various emotions. Happiness, anxiety, fear, excitement,
lust
.

As I’m trying to make sense of it all, my phone lights up the darkness with a text notification.

Ryan: Thank you for tonight. You’re amazing. I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow. Good night, sweet girl.

My heart swells with all the good emotions I’ve been feeling, shutting out the bad. And as I drift off to sleep, I know my dreams will be full of Ryan and no one else.