Death Wish (29 page)

Shaz blinked a few times, his jade gaze taking in my bruised face. “Lex?”

I didn’t have the energy to be as furious with them as I was. Something had clearly gone on here, something that involved bloodletting between my two lovers, without me.

I shoved by Arys with my focus on the shower. “I’m not speaking to either of you right now.”

I slammed the bathroom door and peeled my clothes off. Bruises decorated my body, but like my face, they had healed substantially while I’d slept. Another day and it would be as if it had never happened. The worst of it was the killer shiner, nothing sunglasses couldn’t take care of in front of humans.

From beyond the door, I heard Arys say, “Well that went better than I expected.”

It was impossible to enjoy the hot shower. Knowing they were out there waiting for me put the pressure on. I should have gone to Kylarai’s.

I took my sweet time shampooing my hair and soaping my sore body. I didn’t turn the water off until the hot tap ran cold. Ranting and raving to myself beneath my breath, I wrapped a towel around my hair and slipped into Arys’s room where I dressed in yoga pants and a black tank top.

I should have been a number of things as I returned to the living room: angry, jealous, betrayed… Instead, I was just weary.

They both began to speak the moment I stepped into the room. I held up a hand to silence them while deciding whom I could stand to look at.

“Please, both of you just shut up and let me talk.” My voice was surprisingly calm. “The last twenty-four hours have really sucked ass. The FPA has Kale, and I got my ass beat by a gang of vampires. A fallen angel got them off me, the only reason I’m standing here right now.”

I let my gaze sweep over each of them in turn. They each sat on opposite ends of the couch. Shaz’s hair stood up on one side from the way he’d slept. His t-shirt was rumpled. Fatigue and guilt shone in his eyes. He clearly hadn’t slept well.

Our eyes met, and the sick sensation of betrayal began to gnaw at me again. I saw my pain reflected in his eyes. It was hard to look at him.

“Coming back to the two of you and the metaphysical stink in this place is not an improvement on top of everything else,” I continued, my gaze landing on Arys. “You want to tell me what the hell went on here? Or, do I even want to know?”

Arys was completely unruffled. He leaned back, arms folded across his chest. He regarded me with the wariness of one regarding a venomous snake, cautious and bracing for the unpredictable.

“Shaz came here when he couldn’t find you. He needed a fix. I’m not one to say no.” Arys shrugged, daring me to get mad.

“Maybe you should start,” I snapped.

“It was just a feed, Alexa. Nothing more.”

“Isn’t that what Bianca is for?” I glared daggers at Shaz. “To meet all your nasty little needs?”

Shaz fidgeted and squirmed, like he couldn’t get comfortable. “Not anymore. It’s over with her, Lex. I mean it. The look on your face when you opened that door, I’ll never forgive myself.”

“Oh,” I drawled sarcastically. “I guess that makes it ok then.”

“Alexa, watch your mouth,” Arys scolded. “You might say something you’ll regret.”

My temper flared. “You’ve been incredibly helpful, haven’t you? Conveniently so.”

A storm of emotion crashed over me. It was more than just anger or hurt. It was everything together in an overwhelming tornado of pain and fury. All I really wanted to do was cry. I hadn’t really had the chance yet. However, Arys was sitting there with a cocky know it all expression and a challenge in his eyes. He was the perfect target for my rage.

“Do you think it makes me happy to see you in so much pain? To be able to feel it and know there’s nothing I can do to take it away?” Arys asked, maintaining his calm, cool demeanor. “I told you I wanted to kill her. You refused. The pup has fucked up, but you could have stopped it.”

“Are you out of your mind?” My temperature rose steadily until I was flushed with heat. “I’m not taking responsibility for what he’s done.”

“Then take responsibility for refusing to be what he needs.” Flippant and self-assured, he oozed arrogance. He thought he was right. Unfortunately, he usually was. “The two of you could be feeding your hungers together. Your refusal is selfish ignorance.”

I couldn’t recall ever wanting to slap him as bad as I did then. I had a tirade ready to unleash on him. The need to vent everything was strong. Then I realized it was exactly what he wanted. Arys knew if I used up my fury on him, I wouldn’t lay into Shaz.

Suddenly, I didn’t want to rant and rave anymore. Having a willing outlet ruined my mood. I sat heavily in the leather recliner chair perpendicular to the couch. With my head in my hands, I cried.

Crystal clear tears streamed down my face. I tried unsuccessfully to wipe them away. They came in a torrent as everything I’d been burying inside over the past month exploded forth.

Shaz broke first, unable to sit and watch me cry. He sank to his knees before me on the floor and dared to lay a hand on my shoulder. “Lex, I’m so sorry.”

I froze at his touch. All I could think about was how his hands had been all over her. “Don’t touch me.”

He jerked back as if I’d burned him. In some way, I had. Numbness crept in to make me feel detached. I heard myself hollowly say, “I think you should leave.”

“No,” he shook his head desperately. “I need to make this right somehow. I need you to know how sorry I am.”

Shaz reached for me again, stopping himself when I stiffened. I was falling apart inside, and I didn’t want him to watch it happen. “I want to believe you. I do. I just can’t look at you right now.”

I couldn’t. Seeing the agony in his jade orbs caused the last of my strength to crumble. I longed for the forest, ached to be wolf. Leaving my human body wouldn’t erase the pain, but the union I shared with nature only as wolf was healing. Raoul’s house was gone. It was time to move closer to the forest.

Shaz waited another minute before walking out. I hated myself for throwing him out, but it was best for both of us. I had to fall apart and put the pieces back together before I’d be ready to face him.

I listened to his car pull away with a squeal of tires. He was upset and rightfully so. I turned to Arys to find him watching me with a mixed expression of intrigue and dismay.

“You wanted that all along, didn’t you?” I asked bitterly. “For him to come to you willingly.”

Arys inclined his head in a nod. “Of course. But, it’s not my intention to cross any lines with you. He came to me before, Alexa. You knew this could happen. Would you truly rather he seek out the thrill with someone else over me?”

“No.” I felt like a pouty child, but wasn’t I entitled to my feelings? “I trust you with him. I don’t like being left out of it though. Feels too much like him with her.”

“Fair enough. I apologize, but I assure you I would never take it farther than a quick bite. Not with him. He needs to be in a controlled situation, which I can provide for him.”

Arys made a good case. If Shaz was getting off on the bite of a vampire I trusted and loved, it would keep him away from The Wicked Kiss. I’d accept it, but I didn’t have to like it.

“Just another damn junkie. Like me. Like all of us.” Tears continued to roll down my face though the sobs had subsided.

I wiped them away angrily. The war between rage and pain continued inside me. Arys let me have my moment of angry tears. He really did understand me better than I gave him credit for.

I had to go back to the bathroom to blow my nose and splash some cold water on my face. My eyes were bloodshot from crying. I stood in there for a few minutes, regaining my composure. I pushed my damp hair back from my face and concentrated on deep breathing. I could do this; I had no choice. I’d had my heart trampled before, and I’d come out stronger for it.

When I returned to the living room, Arys was standing in front of the window, gazing out at the sunset. It was the most light I’d ever seen come through the window into his house. The sun was deep enough over the horizon to pose little threat. Its final beams were accompanied by dashes of orange and pink.

Much the way the moon drew me, so did the sun. Sunset in the forest was heavenly. It kissed goodbye to the day with the promise of night lurking so close.

“I don’t mean to gloss over what you’ve been through in the last day or so, but what do you plan to do about Lilah? Did you talk with Shya?” Arys continued to stare out the window, squinting against the sun’s final rays.

“I did. He bailed out when the FPA showed up. The only thing I can do about Lilah is find a way to bind her. To keep her from breaking the curse that holds her. The good news is Shya doesn’t want that curse broken either. I have an ally.”

“An ally you can’t trust.”

“I can trust him on this. I’m sure of it.” I shrugged. “Regardless, I can’t deal with Lilah until I get Kale back from the FPA. I told Juliet I was coming for him. I meant it.”

Arys rounded on me with the furious outburst I was expecting. “Like hell you are. You are not putting yourself in danger for Sinclair. He can take care of himself.”

“Save it.” I waved a hand dismissively. “I don’t need your permission, Arys.”

His temper had an uncanny ability to go from cool to raging hot in mere seconds. I knew him well enough to expect it. I concentrated on staying calm. If we both flipped out, this would get ugly.

“I wasn’t so keen on your ridiculous choice to take his debt for Shya, but now you’re really not thinking.” Arys’s voice rose steadily. “You’d be doing the entire world a service by binding Lilah. You can’t sacrifice that for Kale.”

“The FPA is issuing a challenge. They need to know I won’t be controlled like my sister. If I leave him there, they’ll kill him. Or worse.” A shudder racked my body. I didn’t want to imagine what they could be doing to Kale.

Arys scowled, looking at me as if I were an idiot. “They won’t kill him. As long as they have him, they have something you want. They won’t waste that. If you walk right into their hands, you’ll just be giving them what they want from you.”

“I’m not leaving him there,” I insisted. A fight with Arys had not been on the agenda. However, if he was going to pursue it, I’d be happy to put him in his place. A conflict between the two of us was never less than fiery.

 “You’ve lost your mind.” Arys’s eyes flashed dangerously. “You’re going to do something reckless, like usual, and torture Shaz and I by making us watch you die for him.”

That did it for my calm composure. The pressure had been mounting for days now. I snapped. “You wouldn’t be such a hard ass about this if I hadn’t screwed him. It happened once, dammit, and it’s never happened again.”

My intent was to storm out. I needed a good run on all fours. I needed escape. Arys had other ideas. He grabbed my arm as I stomped past him and jerked me around to face him.

“You think you know it all,” he spat the words in my face. “This isn’t about you fucking him. This is about you loving him.”

“Oh, this again.” I laughed bitterly. I tried to pull free of his grasp, but he held tight. “So Kale and I could screw until we’re blue in the face, and it wouldn’t bother you as long as there were no feelings involved? I call bullshit. I need to leave.”

“Wrong. You need to remember who you are and what you’re capable of.” He kissed me then, a hard, angry press of his lips to mine. “You can’t always let emotion drive you. To stay alive, you must also listen to logic.”

Just one kiss got my heart pounding. I gazed into his dark blue eyes, falling into their depths. “Logic left the building a long time ago. I’m not going to keep having this fight with you.”

“If you won’t accept my feelings and opinions as valid, then you have no choice.” The blue of his eyes slowly bled across the whites, going all wolf. It was no less terrifying this time than any other. “You are my other half, and I will not let you keep making decisions that threaten both of us.”

“Don’t try to control me,” I muttered, my wolf rising to the surface. “You should know better by now.”

“Ah, there’s my girl.” Arys grinned, revealing fangs. “I can handle your tears, but I prefer your temper.”

“Is that so? I might make you regret those words.”

“Do what you must, my love, but I’m not letting you go in after Kale.”

There it was. Challenge issued. Arys looked so damn sure of himself, so prepared to do what it took to bend me to his will. It had always been this way with us. The peace only lasted so long.
Conflict would follow the twins always…
It echoed in my mind, a dark reminder that the odds were not in our favor.

The two of us had faced off over many things, big and small. One of the biggest issues we’d faced was my choice to seek help from Arys’s sire, Harley. It was a dangerous and probably dumb move. It had set Arys off in ways I didn’t care to remember. However, I had learned a few things from Harley that had saved my ass since. I wasn’t sorry. Nor was I sorry that I’d killed him after.

If I was sorry for any of it, it was only that the death of his sire had hurt Arys. Of course, his little trip down memory lane with Harley hadn’t been so easy on me. Catching the two of them in bed bleeding a naked woman was one image I’d rather not have burned into my memory forever. Still, the image of Shaz and Bianca was worse, much worse.