Dreams (New Beginnings Book 3) (6 page)

“Hey.” Abigail reached over and squeezed her hand. “It’s okay. I’m a good listener, you know.”

Taylor sighed and leaned her head against the cool glass of the window. She thought of Sarah back in Portland, and all the things they used to talk about. Their girl chats were epic, but that was before everything changed. She wanted more than anything to be that girl again. Only hours ago she’d run through the rain, laughing and having fun for the first time in a long time. It was a start. But then …

“I kissed someone tonight,” Taylor finally admitted. It was something she wasn’t going to tell Sarah because she’d be so proud of her, thinking it was a step to getting back to normal. No, it was easier to talk to someone who only knew this version of herself.

“That’s awesome.” Abigail grinned. “Please tell me he was cute.”

“The cutest.” She sighed.

“Then why did I have to come find you in the rain?” She dropped her voice. “Are you a virgin?”

“What? No!” How did Taylor explain that the guilt she felt for kissing Josh threatened to consume her? She wasn’t ready to explain Danny to this new friend.
Was she a friend yet?
How could Taylor explain that at nineteen years old, she felt like she’d never be able to love someone again, not like she loved Danny? That she thought it’d be a betrayal if she did. Abigail wouldn’t understand.

“It’s just complicated,” Taylor explained.

“Sure it is.” She didn’t try to pry any further, and Taylor appreciated it.

Abigail went off to meet up with Colin when they got back. They were in the early dating stages. This left Taylor on her own, just as she liked it. She took a hot shower to try and wash the entire night away. When she was finished, she put on her warmest pyjamas and crawled into bed. She rested her laptop on her knees and powered it up. There was only one face she wanted to see.

There was a longer video that Taylor’s Dad had pieced together from some of the short ones she had. It played at his funeral. Danny’s face appeared on the screen, a familiar foolish grin on his face.

“My name is Danny,” he said. “And I am an addict.” He was standing outside in a field near Taylor’s house. When the weather was nice, they’d spend a lot of time together out there. The camera panned towards Taylor’s sleeping figure as she sprawled across one of their blankets. She was his addiction.

The image changed to a clip of Danny with a few of his teammates as they sang at the top of their lungs, arms slung over each other’s shoulders. There was highlight reel stuff, some of Danny’s best moves on the ice.

Then it was back to just Danny and Taylor. He had a guitar in his lap. Closing his eyes as he sang, his voice was sweet. Taylor sat next to him and held the camera out to get both of them in the shot. He stopped singing long enough to kiss her.

“Maybe you should be a singer instead of a hockey player,” she told him.

“Babe, why can’t I do it all?” He looked into the camera one last time and winked.

The video ended, and Taylor pushed the computer off her lap so she could pull her knees up to her chest. Tears rolled down her face as she buried it in her arms. She wanted more than anything to stop this feeling. She wanted to be able to move on, but every time she tried it struck her. He was still gone. She was still left behind.

Maybe if he had wanted to be a singer he’d still be with her.

Taylor wiped her face on her sleeve and grabbed her phone from where she had it drying near her bed. The rain hadn’t spared it, so she was hoping it could be saved. Popping the battery back into place, she powered it up and was relieved when the screen lit up.

She had two missed calls and a text from Josh. He was worried about her, wanting to make sure she got home. She sent him a text that just said
I’m OK.

Her family had tried everything over the last year to get her to smile or to cry or to just feel something. Josh had done it in one night. Taylor didn’t know what that meant. She didn’t know if it could mean anything. Not when she still loved Danny with everything she had.

Six

“About damn time we get to start playing some real games,” Mack said, sitting in the locker next to Josh’s.

“Yeah,” Josh responded.

“Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?” Mack shoved his shoulder, trying to get a reaction. “You’ve been morose all week.”

“Morose?” he faked a laugh.

“Sad. Pain in the ass. A regular kill-joy. That better?”

“Whatever, man.”

The coaches walked in and stared around the room.

“Opening night,” Coach Peterson said. “We’re on
Hockey Night in Canada.
You ready?”

“Yes, sir,” they all said.

“Well, you know I’m not one for speeches,” the coach continued. “So just go out there and start the season right.”

Carter sat on the edge of his locker with his head in his hands. “Man up, Neiler!” Mack said. “This is the biggest night of your life, kid.”

Carter shook himself and then looked up at Josh.

“Just remember what I told you,” Josh said. “Play your game. You’ve got this.”

Carter made the team out of camp as a fourth-liner, but Josh knew he was too good to stay there for long. He was just young. Young guys had bad habits. They didn’t play defense. They took penalties. Josh was young too, but he’d been in the league a couple years and had those habits coached out of him.

They filed out of the room single file and marched down the hallway. It was Toronto’s opener as well and they were making quite a show of it. The arena was dark, except for the spotlight that followed the Toronto players to their spot on the blue line.

The roar of the crowd was deafening. Josh’s stomach clenched. He still got nervous every time he stepped out onto the ice in front of thousands of people. It wasn’t something he thought he’d ever get used to. He looked back at Carter and grinned, knowing the kid was feeling the energy for the first time.

Toronto finished up their opening-night show, and it was time for hockey. The starting line-up was announced overhead and Josh stood next to Mack on the ice as both the Canadian and American national anthems were sung.

Mack bent down to take the opening face-off, and the game was underway. Toronto scored on the very first shift, deflating the Jackets’ bench a bit.

On his next shift, Josh raced after the Leaf player who controlled the puck. He hit him into the boards, but not before the Leaf passed the puck off to his teammate, who had come streaking down center ice.

By the end of the second period, the Jackets were down 3-0. The third goal had come on a power-play. Josh was on the ice for all three goals.

Coach Peterson didn’t bother to come into the locker room during second intermission. He sent a fuming Coach Scott instead.

“You’re embarrassing yourselves out there,” he said, obviously trying not to explode on them. “Do you really want to start the season on this note?” He paused. “Walker, I don’t know what is wrong with you today, but you need to get your head in the game. It isn’t like you to have that many turnovers. Everything outside of this building stays out there. You got that? That goes for everyone. Leave your problems out of this room and off of that ice. You are professionals, for Christ’s sake. Mack, you need to start winning more of those face-offs or I’ll have Olle take yours. Now, there’s still time to win this. Let’s get ourselves the win and try to forget the first two periods.”

They didn’t forget the first two periods, losing the game 5-1. The locker room was quiet as the players showered and donned their suits. Originally, they’d planned on staying the night in Toronto, but now Coach had them boarding the plane for Montreal. Their coach said there was one good thing about the game - that it wasn’t at home where their fans could see them shit the bed.

Josh settled into his seat on the plane next to a glum Carter, but his mind wasn’t on the game. That had been the problem all night. His mind had been invaded by a certain girl he hadn’t heard from all week. He called, but she didn’t answer. The last thing he heard from her was the text saying she was OK after she’d run out into the rain.

He’d screwed up tonight. He knew that. It was probably his worst game since his rookie year, and he hated it. It just reinforced his view on distractions. There was nothing he could do about it now, though. He’d just have to figure out a way to have her in his life that wouldn’t interfere with his game. He knew he had to be careful with her after everything she’d been through and for now, he just wanted her to let him be her friend. He got the impression she could use one of those.

He sighed and closed his eyes, letting himself succumb to the post game exhaustion he was so familiar with.

###

The rest of their road trip was just as rough, and they’d started the season with three straight losses. No one was happy and no one was playing well. It wasn’t anything new to them. Last season the Jackets started off on a losing streak. It took months for them to play themselves back into the playoff race.

It was late when the team got through customs at the Columbus airport and everyone was anxious to get home to their own beds. Luckily they had the next few games at home before heading out on the road again.

The coaches gathered the team around them.

“Push the last week from your minds, Gentlemen,” Coach Peterson said. “Get home and get rested. You have tomorrow off, and then it’s back to work. We’ve got three days until our next game, and we’ve got plenty we need to work on. Practice is at nine on Tuesday. Tuesday night, we’re doing the annual coaches’ dinner. Coach Scott is hosting this year. We’ll have a team meeting there at four, and then we’ll eat. I expect you all there on time. Now, get out of here and go see your families.”

Dinner at the Scott house. Josh wondered if Taylor would be there. Coach rarely mentioned her to the team. His youngest, Evie, had been around the locker room a few times during training camp. The guys on the team adored her, but he wasn’t sure many of his teammates even knew Coach Scott had another daughter - one who was beautiful, with a heartbreaking smile, sad eyes, and the softest lips.

He shifted his bag higher on his shoulder and pulled his phone out of his pocket. The screen lit up and he scrolled through names until finding hers. His thumb hovered above it in hesitation then pressed down lightly. There was only one ring before her voice-mail came on. He hung up and climbed into Mack’s truck.

“So,” Mack started before stifling a yawn. “What are we doing with our day off?”

“I have a training session with Carter.” Josh shrugged.

“What training session?”

“Boxing.” It wasn’t just boxing. Josh started working on his fighting over the summer. It was a training program specifically for hockey fights. Fighting would always be part of the game and Josh wanted to be whatever kind of player his team needed. As a grinder, it was his job to provide energy. Big hits and fights did just that. He didn’t particularly like getting punched, but he’d do anything to stay in this league.

“Come on, Josher,” Mack faked a whine. “Blow it off and let’s have some fun.”

“Stop it, Mack,” he snapped. “You have no idea, do you? You have this enormous amount of God-given talent. You don’t have to work yourself to death just to keep your head afloat. If you don’t play well, you might lose a few minutes of ice time. If I suck long enough, I could be finished.”

“Whoa, dude. Calm down.”

“No. I’m sick of you not taking this seriously. We get to play hockey for a living. Don’t you get that? They pay us to do this. I’ve had to work harder than most to get here. I didn’t coast on my talent. I don’t have the option of blowing it off. If I don’t constantly improve, the young guys coming up will pass me. Look at what happened this week - I let myself get distracted and I played like shit.”

“Everyone played like shit,” Mack said quietly.

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

Mack drove in silence for a few minutes. Josh doubted anything he said would actually sink in to his friend’s thick skull. He’d never understand.

“Who is she?” He finally asked.

“What?” Josh responded.

“I assume a girl was the reason you were distracted.” Mack grinned sideways at his friend and everything was back to normal between them.

“No one. It’s nothing.”

“The Josh I know doesn’t let anything affect his game.”

“It’s complicated,” Josh paused, considering if Mack was the right person to talk to. They’d been close since he made the team, so he continued. “Her name is Taylor. You remember that kid on the Winterhawks who died last year?”

“Of course I do. It really freaked me out.”

“Yeah, me too. She was his girlfriend.”

Mack’s breath whistled out. “Shit.”

“She’s still pretty broken because of it.”

“I’d imagine she would be. And you want to be her knight in hockey pads to help her finally get past it.”

“Something like that,” Josh sighed.

“Want my advice?” Mack asked.

“On girls? No.”

Mack ignored him. “There are loads of girls who would kill to go out with you. Ones that aren’t a mess.”

“You seriously giving me the ‘plenty of other fish in the sea’ speech?” Josh scowled.

Mack shrugged, but didn’t respond.

“There’s something else,” Josh admitted.

“What more could there be?”

“She’s kind of Coach Scott’s daughter.”

Josh didn’t see Mack’s hand coming before it hit him upside the head.

“What the hell?” he yelled.

“You have a death wish?” Mack asked. “Coach Scott is a scary dude. For someone who is so worried about his hockey career, you’re being pretty stupid, dude.”

“Yeah.” Josh slumped back in his seat. “I know.”

“You need to stop hanging out with her.”

“I know.” 

###

Taylor finished pressing her Panini before picking up her tray and walking across the dining hall to join Abigail at her table.

“Hey, Roomie.” Abigail looked up and smiled.

“Hi.” Taylor sat down, still not completely comfortable with her new friend. They’d spent a lot of time together over the past week, and Taylor was glad to keep her mind busy. It gave her less time to think about Danny. Or Josh. The latter had called a few times since she ran out on him, but she decided it was easier to just cut the cord. She wasn’t ready for the kinds of things she was feeling for him.

“We haven’t even been here that long,” Abigail started, “and I’m already sick of dining hall food. I mean, come on, is it so hard to make it edible?”

“It’s not that bad.” Taylor took a bite of her lunch.

“Stop being so damn nice and just bitch with me for once.” Abigail scrunched her forehead.

“Fine,” Taylor said. “It sucks.”

Abigail laughed loudly. “You’re so bad at that.”

Taylor shrugged and continued eating.

“You’re so lucky you can go home for a home-cooked meal whenever you want.”

“I guess.” The truth was, Taylor hadn’t been home once in the couple of weeks since school started. In fact, the only times she left campus was to spend time with Josh.

Josh had been taking over he thoughts a lot since the night at his apartment. She looked down at her tray and smiled, not realizing Abigail was still talking until she squealed.

“Oh, perfect idea! Let’s go to your house for dinner tonight.”

“I don’t know.”

“Please. Pretty please!” Abigail reached across the table and grabbed Taylor’s hand. “It’d be so good to get off campus.”

Taylor sighed. “Okay.”

“Do you think your mom will mind?”

“No, she’ll just be happy I’m home. We’ll surprise her.”

“Yay!”

“Be at the room around five,” Taylor said. “We’ll go then.”

They finished eating, and then Taylor had to rush off to class. On the one hand, she was looking forward to seeing her family, especially her sister. She just hoped her mom wouldn’t bring up the past in front of Abigail. Maybe she’d just be happy that Taylor was making friends.

Her afternoon classes passed quickly, and before long, she was back in her dorm room, waiting on Abigail. She grabbed a sweatshirt out of her closet and pulled it on before running a brush through her hair. It had grown a bit, making the use of product a must on most days. She didn’t bother now, though, because she was just going home. No one there cared what she looked like.

Abigail breezed in and dropped her bag on the floor. “Sorry I’m late. I ran into Colin.”

“Are you two going to be okay spending a few hours apart?” Taylor meant for it to be a joke, but it didn’t sound that way coming out. It was probably the serious look on her face.

Luckily, Abigail seemed to get it and she laughed enough for the both of them. “We’ll be fine.”

It wasn’t long before Taylor pulled onto her parents’ street. She’d only picked up her car from the shop the day before and it felt good to have it back. As they got closer to the house, more and more cars lined the street. Their long driveway was basically a parking lot.