Dreams (New Beginnings Book 3) (8 page)

Josh leaned back on his elbows and looked towards the sky. “I think so,” he finally said. “It’s all I’ve ever really known. I started playing when I was so young that I never thought of doing anything else.”

“I used to draw,” Taylor admitted. “For a little while, I even thought I could get an art degree.”

“You
used
to draw?” he asked, raising one eyebrow.

“Things happened. I quit.” She looked away from his questioning gaze and busied herself by picking up the trash from their lunch.

Josh sat up and reached out to still her hand. She stared at their touching hands but didn’t speak.

“Taylor,” he said. “Tell me about him.”

She didn’t know how this boy she barely knew could read her so easily.

“I’ve never had to explain him to anyone before,” she whispered. “Everyone in my life already knew him. All they want to know is how I’m dealing.”

“I met him once,” Josh said. “But it was brief. If you want to talk about him, I’d love to listen.”

“I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“Just tell me what you loved about him.” He released her hand and scooted around so he was sitting next to her.

A tear fell down her cheek and she felt Josh’s arm come around her; friendly, comforting. It gave her the courage to speak. She wiped the tears from her eyes.

“He was infuriating.” A small laugh rumbled in her chest. “We were opposites. I was shy and quiet, preferring to hang out at home and read or draw. He liked parties and noise. He could get along with anyone. He was a goof, but everyone loved him. For some reason, he loved me.”

“Did you like him right away?”

Taylor laughed harder as she looked at him. “No. Not at all. He moved there around the same time I did. That’s when I became friends with Sarah. He lived with her, so I saw him a lot. I found him way too full of himself. He must have asked me like a million times before I agreed to go out with him.”

“He saw something in you,” he said quietly.

The words were suddenly stolen from her lips as she studied her friend. His kind eyes, crinkling at the corners as he smiled. His blond hair that constantly fell past his eyebrows. And those lips, thick, inviting. Taylor sucked in a breath and got to her feet. This wasn’t right.
Danny
. Danny was still on her mind.

“We should go,” she said.

“You’re probably right.” He stood beside her and brushed off his pants.

The walk back to the car was silent, and the ride to campus was almost unbearable. When they reached her building, Josh surprised her by getting out and walking her inside. Standing in front of the row of elevators, he finally turned to her.

“Taylor …” He ran a palm over the top of his head nervously before putting a hand on each of her shoulders. “It’s okay to miss him.” He pulled her against his chest and wrapped his strong arms around her. ”And it’s okay to move on.”   

Eight

The team’s plane got in late from Detroit where they’d beaten the Red Wings in overtime. Mack had his third career hat trick, so the media scrum after the game was insane. Other than that, it was your average game. The odd thing about Detroit is that they never failed to sell out their games, but the arena never felt full. Josh found he missed the energy of the Jackets’ arena when they traveled that short distance north.

Throwing his bag on the ground near the door, he pulled his phone out before heading straight for his room to get some much needed sleep. The screen lit up and the phone chimed to alert him to a new voicemail.

“Son,” his dad’s message started. “I’m sorry to miss you. You probably have a game right now.” There was a note of pride in the man’s voice. He’d always bragged about his professional athlete son. “I have a triple bypass to perform, so I’ll be quick. I’m going to be in Columbus in a couple of weeks to do a talk at Ohio State University. I’ve already checked your game schedule and you’ll be home, so I’d like to catch a game. I’ll have one of the girls send over the information for you.”

Josh winced. ‘One of the girls’ meant one of the two receptionists that worked for him and were rumored affairs of his father’s. It was why he loved the man, but couldn’t respect him. The rest of the world didn’t agree as they stumbled over themselves to get the great surgeon to do lectures at their universities.

“I’ll see you soon, Josh.”

The message ended as a tired grin stretched across Josh’s face. He plugged the phone in and kicked off his shoes before collapsing onto his bed. It would be good to see his dad. In contrast to the rest of his family, the man was free with his affections and easy to please. He didn’t have disapproval streaming from his pores like Josh’s mother.

As excited as he was for his dad to see him play, exhaustion won over and Josh fell into a dreamless sleep.

###

“Hey, Mom!” Taylor called as she burst through the front door and ran up the stairs.

Her mom yelled something back, but Taylor didn’t hear her as she reached her room. She didn’t know what possessed her to come, but talking to Josh suddenly made her realize she had it all wrong. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to draw since Danny’s death. He’d loved watching her, and he’d been her favorite subject. It hadn’t felt right to just carry on doing what she loved when he didn’t get to. But, that’s not what he would’ve wanted.

She’d had a dream once. He’d been a part of it, but he hadn’t been the whole dream.

It’s okay to move on.

Josh wasn’t the first person to say that to her. Her parents had been saying the same thing for over a year, but she hadn’t wanted to listen. She didn’t understand why it suddenly made sense. She’d spent the last couple days trying to figure it out. Then she realized why she couldn’t.

Her sketches were how she’d always made sense of the world. With the charcoal in her hand, her mind would clear.
Peace.
It was that peace Josh had talked about. It gave her the space to think, to create her own reality. It wasn’t going to be easy, but it was time. Time to try to make sense of a world that didn’t have Danny in it. Time to find something in it other than the cruelty of death.

But it wasn’t there. Taylor started rifling through the piles on her desk. She opened each drawer, throwing notebooks and papers out onto the floor to continue her search. The last drawer came up empty.

“Damn it,” she grunted, slamming the drawer shut with her foot.

Looking around the room, trying to figure out where to look next, Taylor noticed her mom watching her from the doorway.

“Are you okay, Taylor?” she asked, concern drawing down the corners of her mouth.

“Yes,” Taylor barked in frustration. “Please don’t ask me that. It’s been a year with nothing but that damn question.”

Her brow furrowed as she regarded her daughter. “I’m going to let that tone slide because you’re obviously upset.”

Taylor leaned back in her desk chair and breathed deeply, trying to calm herself down. She didn’t know why she was so upset, but the sketchbook she’d never wanted to see again suddenly felt like a lifeline and she had to find it.

“Sorry, Mom,” she said quietly. One nod acknowledged the apology. “Do you know where my sketchbook is?”

Her mom’s lips tilted up, a new hope in her eyes. She walked forward slowly and bent down to fold her arms around Taylor. She sighed and squeezed tighter.

“Uh,” Taylor said after a long moment. “Mom.”

“Right,” she released her and straightened up, wiping a tear from her eye. “I caught your sister with it last week, so it’s hidden in your father’s desk downstairs.”

“Thanks.”

She found the spiral-bound book on the bookshelf in her dad’s office. Pulling it down slowly, she ran a palm over the smooth blue cover and closed her eyes, remembering.

When she walked out into the living room, Evie was standing close to the TV as
The Lion King
played for the millionth time. Her little feet moved quickly, dancing to the music. Taylor laughed at the sight and sat down on the couch, flipping open her sketchbook as she did.

Evie stopped dancing and ran to the couch, jumping onto it face first and then wiggling up next to her sister. “Who’s that?” she asked as Taylor stilled. Danny’s face smiled back at her. She touched a single finger to his cheek, drawing it down to that patented goofy smile. She’d always been able to draw that so perfectly because it was burned into her mind.

Taylor was surprised to find herself smiling, not a single tear in her eyes. “That’s Danny.” It hurt her to think her sister was too young to remember the face of the boy who had been such a part of their family, but she’d tell her about him, often and in detail. She wanted Evie to know him, to love him.

When she’s older,
Taylor thought.
I’ll explain everything.

She flipped through the rest of the book. It was almost full even though she’d only gotten it weeks before his death. She went through sketchbooks like kids went through candy.

Leaning forward, she threw her phone on the table to keep from losing it in the cushions of the couch and then grabbed one of the charcoal pencils she’d put there. This one she’d have to do from memory. Closing her eyes, she developed the picture in her mind.

Evie leaned in, watching her as she started to draw. Suddenly, she didn’t know why she’d quit. This feeling, of control, of creation, was what she’d needed.

Evie jumped off the couch when the front door slammed and ran to their dad. He scooped her up and walked into the room.

“This is a nice surprise,” he said.

Taylor barely glanced up as she concentrated.

“Doug,” her mother said, coming in from the kitchen and pointing to the book that was perched on their daughter’s knees and the small smile gracing her lips.

He was silent as he made his way towards her and sat down, not wanting to interrupt. Taylor finally glanced up to find her father’s eyes shining. He moved closer and pulled her against his side and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

“We’ve missed that smile, sweetheart,” he whispered.

She treated him to a wider one as she looked up and then glanced pointedly back at the drawing she was working on.

“Right,” he chuckled. “I remember. Don’t interrupt the artist when she’s hard at work.”

She nodded, and he stood. Before he walked too far, her phone chimed from its spot on the coffee table.

“I’ll grab that for you,” her dad said, reaching forward. His hand stilled as he looked at the screen. Instead of handing it to her waiting hand, he answered it and held it to his ear.

“Walker,” he barked. Taylor snapped her eyes up to look at him. “This is my daughter’s phone.”

He listened for a moment.

“Don’t try to back down now,” he snapped. “I want to know what’s going on.”

Another beat of silence, and Taylor held her breath.

“I’ll deal with you tomorrow at practice.”

He hung up the phone and set it back on the table, not meeting her eyes.

“Let me just ask you this,” he finally said. “Does Josh have something to do with the smiling and the drawing?”

“Yeah, Dad. We’re friends. He’s …” A tear slid down her cheek and landed on the crumbling castle stage she was drawing. “Please, don’t scare him away.”

He sighed and pulled her into another hug. “Walker’s a good kid. I won’t keep him from being friends with you. Not if he keeps making you smile. It’s been too long since we’ve seen that, and I’ve missed it.”

###

Sitting in his locker stall before practice, Josh needed something to take his mind off Coach Scott’s imminent arrival. It was all he could think about ever since the phone call. Taylor hadn’t called him back, but he hadn’t expected her to. She, too, had to face her father.

A part of him wondered why Coach would be upset. He seemed to like Josh well enough. There was only a few years’ age difference between him and Taylor. But then he remembered Danny, and how any father would be protective of their daughter’s heart after that.

He had to remind himself daily that they were just friends. Maybe Coach wouldn’t be so mad. They became better friends every moment they spent together. Watching her talk about Danny had nearly broken his heart. He’d do anything for her to not have to feel that pain anymore, but pain makes you who you are. Hers made her strong. Others might not see it through the tears that came easy to her eyes, but Josh saw it in the way she walked through life. She was still going and little pieces of herself were returning. It was something special to watch.

Sighing, he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and flipped through emails on his phone. His agent wanted to set up a meeting to start talking about his expectations for his new contract this summer.
Too soon,
he thought. He still had a lot to prove and it was a long season.

There was an email from his dad’s assistant. A request for two tickets to a game and flight information. If he was free, he’d be expected to have dinner with his father and whoever his companion was on the night they arrived. Wanting to see what the girl’s name was this time, he scrolled down, stopping when he got to a name.

“Shit,” he groaned, throwing his phone into his bag.

“You okay, man?” Zak asked, walking up to him.

“Fine,” he groaned.

“Yeah,” Zak scoffed, “you look fine. Look, it’s none of my business, but you might want to get it together for practice.”

“I know.” Josh glanced back to his bag where the phone with the offending email sat nestled in with his street clothes.

Ethan. Josh’s brother was coming to Columbus with his dad. He’d tried to reach Josh a few more times over the last month, but Josh wanted nothing to do with him - he hadn’t for two years. Now, there was no more avoiding it. They’d have to have it out.

Just what I needed,
Josh thought.
Something else to stress about today.

Coach Peterson came into the room, snapping Josh’s thoughts back to the task at hand. The other coaches were behind him. Coach Scott locked eyes with Josh, but Josh couldn’t figure out if it was anger he saw. After a moment, Coach Scott gave him a nod of acknowledgment and then broke eye contact.

Josh let out a breath before following his teammates out onto the ice.  

###

“He really didn’t say anything to you?” Taylor asked as Josh unlocked the door to his apartment.

“I told you this last week,” Josh said. “And again yesterday. He hasn’t mentioned it.”

“Guys,” Abigail said, “I don’t think I should be here.”

“Relax.” Josh smirked. “Mack isn’t even here.”

Abigail’s shoulders relaxed, and Taylor laughed.

“You know,” Abigail nudged her roommate. “I used to think you didn’t know how to laugh.”

“And I used to think you didn’t know how to keep your legs closed.” Taylor’s clamped her lips shut as if she couldn’t believe what she just said, but Abigail burst into a fit of giggles beside her.

“I like this side of you.”

Josh watched the girls with a grin on his face.

“It’s just, I haven’t seen him since he learned we were friends.” She paused, thinking. “I mean, I used to be friends with all the guys on his team in Portland. That was different though. We were just kids. Now there’s the whole professional athlete thing. I hate to break it to you, but you guys kind of have a bad reputation.”

Abigail snorted beside her and a low laugh rumbled through Josh’s chest before he said, “You’re feisty today.”

She shrugged and dropped the bag of Chinese food on the table.

“I want to show you something.” Taylor’s face turned serious, all trace of laughter disappearing. She reached into her messenger bag and pulled out her sketchbook, flipping through it until she found the picture she was looking for.

The nerves caused her arms to shake as she slowly held it out to him. He looked down and inhaled quickly. “This is amazing,” he whispered, taking the book from her hands to continue his perusal. She’d drawn the castle he’d taken her to by the river in such detail.