Faded Perfection (Beautifully Flawed Book 2) (10 page)

Adam successfully distracted me, so I never brought up what was on my mind the night before. I closed my eyes as I snapped the backdrop in place and then pulled the gold fabric over it as I began to drape it. Then I moved on to setting up the lights, umbrellas and other equipment I needed for the shoot. I was tired today like I was every other day and I hadn’t slept the night prior, which was also like every other day. I fought the fatigue in my arms as I adjusted the fabric. A smile came to my face, at least today it was because Adam spent the whole night with me. Tingles shot up my spine as I inhaled.

“You don’t have anyone to do that for you?” a voice asked from behind me.

My body tensed. Thinking about
that
with
him
behind me was awkward. I turned slowly, knowing exactly who it was, and it wasn’t someone I wanted to see. “What are you doing here, Alec?”

For the first time since I was a child, using his first name came easily. Maybe it was because I just didn’t care what he thought of me anymore.

“You’ve blocked our calls,” he said, stepping forward into the direct light of my setup. Bobby and Adam’s father aged in the months since the funeral. Deep lines creased his forehead, and marionettes pulled the thin lips he shared with Adam down. His blue eyes raced over my face as he stepped closer, and I saw the dark shadows beneath them. He looked like he slept about as much as I did.

“Yes, we asked for space,” I replied, turning my back on him.

Rude, River.
I grit my teeth. I may not have cared what he thought, but I still had a conscience.

He closed the gap between us, and his large frame cast a shadow over me. I pressed my eyes shut as I tried to remain calm. “We’ve given you a lot of space, River.”

I turned slowly, my chest rising as I breathed in. “It’s still not enough time.”

“What exactly did we do?” Alec asked as he looked down at me.

I clenched my jaw. How could I be level headed with exactly what had been said and done? I inhaled deeply, softening my eyes so I wouldn’t look like a total bitch. “Look, Alec — we overheard a conversation at the funeral…and it rubbed both of us wrong. Please don’t make me repeat what was said–you have to know–“

“Yes,” Alec replied as he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “I don’t know that’s what she meant.”

I went to my tripod and began adjusting the settings.

“Listen, River, Vickie and I have our problems. I’m not saying what she said was right–”

My hand numbed against the grip I now had on my tripod as I stared at him. “You could’ve–“

“Should’ve—would’ve, none of that matters now. You know that as much as I do,” he interrupted, and as I glanced over at him, his shoulders slumped.

I looked down at my tripod and released my grip. I stretched my hand before asking,  “Why did you come here?”

“You’re the last connection I have to
both
of my sons…and some things need to be taken care of.”

My stomach dropped at the final words, knowing he meant the apartment, Bobby’s things– and whatever else. I was slowly working on organizing the items into boxes, and I didn’t want anyone else to touch them. I knew where they needed to go–what Bobby would want. I doubted anyone else would.

“River Ahlers?” the model I selected came into the room.

I put my clammy hand to my forehead, its cold icing down my mind as I looked around Alec. “Yeah, come on in. I’m just finishing setting up, and we have to wait for Valerie and a few other models.”

My gaze returned to the stone of a man in front of me. He looked lost as he stared down at me, large arms tensed and eyes tired. “Please, River.”

“Obviously, I have a shoot to do;” I began, the harsh words not matching my soft tone as I watched his shoulders slump. “This one should take about two hours once Valerie gets here. She’s the owner of the store and needs to style the models. You can stay if you want, and then we can get dinner or something.”

“What about Adam?” Alec asked, his brows furrowing.

I pursed my lips. “He has work, and he’s just getting back on his feet. I don’t want to burden him with this right now.”

Alec’s blue eyes deepened, just like Bobby’s did when he was upset. “So it’s true?”

“What?” I asked, tipping on my toes as the other models entered the room and started chatting. I fought the hard blinking of my eyes.

Alec stepped forward and lowered his head so only I could hear what he said. “He’s drinking.”

Dad.

My body tensing appeared to be answer enough, and his eyes dropped from mine before he nodded to a chair in the corner. “You don’t mind?”

Yes.

I shook my head, signaling with my hand for him to sit down. “Of course not.”

I was glad to have my tripod for the shots because there was no way I could hold my camera without the stabilizer going nuts trying to compensate for my shaking hands. I concentrated on the models, positioning them, adjusting them and trying to get them to look as natural as possible.

“Listen,” I said to them as tightness clenched my chest. The shots were not going the way I wanted them to today. “We’re going to do this a bit differently. I know this is probably going to seem odd to you, but I’m going to talk to you throughout this whole thing—and I don’t mean I’m going to be telling you how to stand. I want you to really
feel
. What I’m getting right now is empty; hollow. I need to see something
real
.”

The confusion set in on their faces, just like it did with other models that were new to my style. It made me feel like I was insane for doing it, but sometimes I just needed to; otherwise my photos were static. In marketing, we needed photographs that pulled at people’s emotions, and standard models didn’t always know how to do that. I inhaled, letting the air rattle in my lungs before I gave them a smile.

“So Joey, any hot dates lately?” I asked.

He raised an eyebrow and the girls around him broke into laughter. I snapped the shot. Then another as I asked ridiculous questions, or simply just got to know the people in front of me. I arranged them, and rearranged them, asking them questions as I went along—pulling out their souls to place them on my digital screen.

I clicked the final picture. “That’s it, guys!”

“That was seriously cool,” Joey said as he slipped off the leather jacket Valerie had put on him. “I’ve never actually interacted like that before.”

“It’s the only way I’m able to get the shots I want.”

“Perfection is all River will accept,” Alec said, standing and coming towards us.

“I can seriously not wait to see those pictures,” Valerie replied as she took the jacket from Joey, her eyes on Alec. “And who is this?”

“I’m sorry,” I began, my face reddening at how unprofessional it was to have him there.

Alec stepped forward, sticking his hand out and giving Valerie a smile  I used to see Bobby use to seduce girls. I swallowed the ball forming in my throat. They were so similar.

“Alec Beckerson, proud father… of her boyfriend,” he replied, the smile twitching only slightly.

“Ah, the handsome fellow in the salon shots,” Valerie said, nodding as she dropped his hand. Her eyes ran up and down his body as she appraised him. “You have the same lips, but other than that you don’t look very alike.”

“Looks more like his mother.”

Valerie stiffened at that, seeing the band glittering on his hand.

“Very lucky woman, I’m sure,” she said before turning to me. I felt faint from watching the interaction, mortification driving my head down. “When can we expect some initial advertisements?”

“In two weeks we’ll have the entire campaign for your new line available to you,” I answered.

“Perfection is what I’ll expect!” she said as she tossed the jacket in her trunk before snapping it closed.

“I can help you with that,” Alec said, and she nodded, watching him pick it up and carry it out.

“You’ll let me know if he gets divorced, right?” she asked before following him out.

I watched her back fade before sitting down on the prop chair.
Holy God
, I thought to myself as I looked at the empty room around me. I closed my eyes as I counted my breathing.
Alec was Bobby thirty years from now.

My eyes popped open as the dread closed my throat.

Except he’s dead.

I stood, busying myself with cleaning up. Alec came in just as my backdrop stand gave in and threatened to take me out with it.

“Whoa!” he said as he rushed into the room, reaching me just in time to help me keep it from toppling over. “You really do this by yourself all the time?”

I huffed, chewing the inside of my cheek as the fabric backdrop slid onto the floor. “Usually, I’m smart enough to take the fabric off first,” I replied as I leaned forward and stuffed it into a ball before throwing it in my bin.

He looked down at the stand, unscrewing the final piece to make it collapse cleanly. “I’m sorry I threw you off kilter.”

I shook my head. “No worries, that’s my life now.”

He tensed at the comment. “You seem—”

“Harder?”

“Sad.”

I stopped, my hand hovering over my lens cap. “You too.”

We finished packing everything in silence.

“Any suggestions on where to eat?” Alex asked as he shut the trunk of my car.

I pulled out my cell phone and texted Adam.

Eating out with a client. Be home a little later. Can I get you something to eat?

I didn’t expect my phone to buzz almost instantly.

I’ll miss you. A burger and fries?

I smiled before replying.

And a shake we can split?

Perfect
was the quick response.

“Looks like Adam’s having a good day,” I replied as I tucked my phone back in my purse. “He wants me to bring him home a burger and fries, and I could go for one myself—you?”

I watched as Alec’s blue eyes brightened. “Glad to hear it, and I’d love that myself.”

“Meet you at Vanek’s?” I suggested. Alec nodded before sliding into his BMW.

I inhaled through my teeth as I watched him merge into the traffic along the city street before pulling out myself. I cranked up the Bring Me the Horizon CD as we moved along. Alec seemed different; not the cold, arrogant man I grew up watching Bobby admire. He seemed sad and as if what happened took him down a notch. I parked behind him, and I grabbed my purse as he opened my door for me. His lips tipped in a weak smile, causing my stomach to rise before plummeting. For the first time I saw the resemblance between Adam and his father; the sadness I knew I couldn’t remove flickered through his eyes, weakening the smile on his lips and he heaved a sigh.

“Please don’t hate me, River,” he said. “I know I’ve been a shitty father.”

I shook my head as I stood. “No, you weren’t.”

“To Bobby.”

I bit my lip as I glanced over at him. He held the door for me, and I gave him a small smile that I hoped was reassuring. He didn’t need to feel any crappier than he already did. This was hard enough.

“I wish I could make it up to Adam now,” Alec said, and the cracking in his voice showed he truly meant it.

I looked at the ground, waiting as the hostess grabbed us menus and showed us to a booth before I answered, “I can’t help you with that right now.”

He nodded, looking down at his menu but not opening it. “I’m sorry. I know I’m saying that a lot here, but I feel like I have to say it to
you
.”

“Why me?” I asked, smiling at the waitress as she filled two glasses with water.

“Anything else I can get you to drink?” she asked as she placed a basket of freshly made potato chips in front of us.

“This is fine,” I replied.

“I’m good too,” Alec said, and when the waitress left he continued. “I know we haven’t treated you fairly either.”

“You were never
that
bad,” I replied as I flicked through the menu. I wasn’t really hungry, and I was pretty sure this conversation was going to drive away any appetite I did have.

“River, my wife hasn’t been a very nice person to you—or Adam, for that matter.”

My eyes rose to meet his. “Especially Adam.”

He scratched his blond head, where his hair was beginning to thin. “Especially Adam.”

“Ready to order?” the waitress asked as she came back over. We placed our orders, and I let her know what we would need to take to go.

We sat in silence for a moment, and I watched as Alec played with his straw before finally speaking. “When do you think Adam will talk to us again?”

“Honestly?” I began, and his eyes met mine. “I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive your wife. You? I’m not sure about either.”

“What about you, do you forgive us?”

I clenched my jaw as I stared back at him, a man, once a pillar of strength, aged beyond his years in months; one who seemed just as lost as Adam and me.

My body tingled. I hadn’t even forgiven Mom. It seemed easier to hold onto that anger than deal with it–until that moment. Forgiving someone felt like the right thing to do. “Forgiveness has to be earned.” His eyes dropped as he sucked in his cheeks, and I did something I never thought I would do. I reached across the table and put my hands over his. His eyes rose back up to mine, and I gave him a smile I reserved for Bobby. “I think you’ve earned it. I know coming here must’ve been hard, and I appreciate that you’re trying. I forgive you.”

Not Vickie, though.

His eyes pressed shut, the wrinkles around them deepening. They opened as he inhaled. “Thank you.”

His thumb came up caressing my hand in a manner that reminded me of Dad. I didn’t pull away. “There’s something you should know…” he began, and his body tensed before he finished,  “I left Vickie.”

My hands withdrew slowly from the shock.  “Why?”

“I reminded her too much of Bobby…she became bitter…mean—” he paused watching my expression. “Meaner.”

I raised an eyebrow.

He pulled his hands back under the table as he continued. “Things have been hard. She was also livid with Bobby.”

“Bobby?” I asked.

He nodded, reaching into his pocket and pulling out two folded checks. “He left you and Adam everything.”