For the Love of a Goblin Warrior (Shadowlands) (19 page)

He cupped her cheek as he learned the shape of her mouth—cautious, as if he’d forgotten what true tenderness was after centuries of fighting just to stay alive. Her hand slid around his neck, her fingers threading into his hair. Nadine wasn’t shy about what she wanted. Her lips parted and her tongue darted over his lip. Smooth like silk, enticing and teasing, seeking more. He returned in kind and the game fueled the fire, hardening his flesh and knotting his stomach with desire. He didn’t just want sex for the first time in centuries; he wanted Nadine.

With a last caress, he drew back and her fingers trailed along his shoulders before falling away. He missed her touch immediately.

She gave a little sigh, but she was smiling and her brown eyes shimmered with desire. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. He drew a sharp breath as he realized that what he felt was moving beyond friendship, or even attraction.

Nadine took his hand. “It is a good morning, but it’s not going to last. There’s another storm front coming.”

“I thought as much.” A winter with permanently blue skies and mild weather was too much to ask. They started walking toward the café.

He could almost hear the questions forming on her lips about whatever she’d found out about him. He decided to make the first move and bring it into the open, instead of leaving it to fester.

“So what did you learn about me on the Internet?” He still didn’t know what that was, but it was obviously a place where knowledge was kept—a very big place if it contained records on everyone.

“That you were in the army. That you were married. That after…after Idella you went AWOL and were discharged.” She turned her head to look at him as if hoping he’d fill in a few more details. “You’re not working now are you?”

“No.” He didn’t know what he could do. The only job he’d known he didn’t want and he was pretty sure swords were obsolete—he hadn’t seen one since he’d been here. “I moved here for a second chance, a clean start without being surrounded by the past. It followed.”

She probably thought him weak for still being haunted by his wife’s death, but the pain had faded, as if the passage of time had dulled the edge.

Nadine stopped walking and turned to face him. “I know you’ve probably heard it all before, but I
do
understand what you’re going through. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love.”

He frowned. Had she been married before?

“My mother was killed twenty years ago. I didn’t speak for months after she died. The psychologist said I’d suffered a great trauma.” Her free hand fluttered to her neck, as if she expected the cross to be there. “I still have the occasional nightmare. So I get that it still hurts.”

The cross he’d stolen was somehow connected her to her mother. The guilt he’d been carrying burst like a boil and left a bitter taste in his mouth. “Does it get easier?”

She shrugged. “I think you learn to live with it. It’s always there and never goes away, and the scar becomes a part of you.”

“I’m sorry you had to grow up without a mother.” He was sorry he’d taken her cross, not that he could ever say that. How could he give her back her cross without Nadine hating him? He knew if he kept it he’d hate himself and it would be there between them, like a poisoned blade every time they spoke, every time they touched, every time they kissed.

“I had plenty, lots of foster parents.”

Foster parents? “What happened to your father?”

She glanced up sharply, her lips pressed tight as if she didn’t want to talk about it.

“I shouldn’t have asked.” Meryn backtracked, but he wanted to know about Nadine, how she’d grown up, what she’d done. What she liked to do when she wasn’t running or working.

“It’s okay, you would’ve found out eventually.” She glanced away as if she couldn’t look at him while she told him. “My father killed my mother. He spent twenty years in prison. He’s a free man now, but I still have the nightmares of breaking glass and endless screaming.”

Meryn touched her cheek, but there were no tears to brush away; it was just a fact of her life. Her scar. “You were there?”

She rested her head against his hand. “I was, but I don’t remember anything. Whatever I saw, I’ve suppressed, according to the shrinks.”

Shrinks? They were obviously people who offered advice. What would they say about him? He couldn’t imagine a man who would kill his wife in front of their child.

Nadine took a breath. “Were you there?”

Meryn nodded. “I was too late, and I couldn’t do anything but watch as they killed my daughters first, and then Idella and the baby she carried.”

“That’s awful and you remember it all.”

“Every scream.” He looked away. “I was numb for a long time trying to hide from it, but that didn’t help.” The lie slid out so easily because it was almost true—if by numb he meant goblin.

She covered his hand with hers. He wanted her to know the truth and understand the kind of life he’d lived before, but he couldn’t. He felt the weight of the past around his neck.

He touched the torque he’d worn since accepting the responsibility of aiding Roan. He couldn’t tell her, but he could share it with her. She saw the gesture but said nothing, waiting for him to explain.

“It was a gift, many years ago.” He pulled it off and handed it to her. “From a life I no longer have.”

She ran her fingers over the smooth metal, her fingers tracing the heads of the wolves as the faced each other on each end. “It’s beautiful.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, not missing the weight or what it had meant. Nadine went to hand the torque back to him. He looked at it, and then at her and her bare throat. It was a fair exchange. They would each own a piece of the other’s past.

“Keep it,” he said with a smile.

Nadine gasped. “Oh, I couldn’t.”

Meryn lifted it from her hand and placed it on her neck. His fingers brushed against her skin for a moment, but the contact simmered in his veins stronger than any yearning for gold. It had literally been centuries since he’d even thought about having a woman. Yet around Nadine, he knew the feeling and welcomed it. He’d had his heart cut out once, but he wasn’t afraid to risk it again. A life without love wasn’t worth living.

***

Nadine let the torque settle around her neck. The metal was warm from his skin. Her fingers touched the wolves. Were they snarling or grinning? She couldn’t be sure; she hadn’t been able to study them and taking it off now wasn’t the right thing to do. “Why wolves?”

“Pack animals.” His fingers traced up her neck, caressed the curve of her jaw. She turned her head into his touch. His hands were roughened yet gentle.

“You miss your old life.”

“I can miss it all I want, but it won’t change anything. It’s gone.” He sounded resigned. “I have to appreciate what I have now.” He placed a kiss on her lips that left no doubt how much he appreciated her in his life.

Nadine had exactly the same feeling. She looked forward to seeing Meryn each morning. His stubble grazed her cheek, but she liked that he wasn’t clean-shaven and smooth-skinned.

Her stomach did a little spin and she knew this was growing faster than she thought possible. Maybe that was a good sign, and it meant everything was good. Or maybe she was jumping blindly off a cliff and she should have let Bryce do a more detailed search on who Meryn was. No, she couldn’t go through life researching boyfriends. It took away the fun and the thrill of discovery.

She smiled against his lips and drew back. “I need that coffee.” And the sugar fix.

This time Meryn pulled out what looked like a new leather wallet and paid.

Her hand fluttered to the torque as they walked to a table in a sunny corner—the same one as last time. The torque had to be valuable. Had his wife given it to him, was that why he wore it? It was an odd piece of jewelry, but then he was Welsh, so maybe he’d been into all that Celtic revival stuff, the crafts and reenactments. She glanced at Meryn and tried to imagine him in a plaid cloak, brandishing a sword. It wasn’t that hard. That first night he’d been wearing a cloak, and the cops had taken his sword.

He caught her staring. “Do you not like it?”

“I do, but won’t you want it back?”

Meryn looked at her as if he was seeing her in a new light. “No. Seeing it on you makes me happy.” He smiled and the dimple formed in his cheek.

Nadine sat, stretched out her legs, and rested her elbows on the table, determined to continue getting to know Meryn while her coffee cooled. Only this time she wouldn’t ask questions that came with loaded answers.

“So, what did you do in the army?”

“Battle planning, strategy.”

“Officer?”

He looked at her for a moment.

“Or will you have to kill me if you tell me?” she said with a smile.

“I was high ranking.”

And he’d fallen about as far as anyone could. He’d had everything and in a few violent moments it had been taken. She knew that feeling, even if she didn’t really remember what it had felt like to have a real family. She had impressions and memories, but how could she trust them when all she remembered of her father was laughter and joy?

She took a bite of cake. She probably shouldn’t be eating cake this early in the morning, but it was the end of the day for her. Cake for dinner was probably just as bad. Last time it had been a muffin; around Meryn she was developing bad habits. She glanced at him but he didn’t seem to care what was appropriate breakfast food as he sampled his cake, white chocolate and berries.

Who made the rule that cake wasn’t breakfast food anyway?

Around Meryn, rules didn’t seem to matter, although he must have obeyed and followed orders once. “The army won’t take you back?”

“No. I broke, Nadine. I’m still mending. I like spending time with you, but maybe I am not the man you want to be around.”

But she did want to be around him. She bit the inside of her lip. Should she ask? What was the harm? What if he said no? She took a breath. It was short notice, but it would be nice not to go to a wedding alone. It was more than that; she wanted to go to the wedding with him. Be seen with him—and see her friends’ eyes widen in disbelief.

“Are you doing anything tomorrow?” Her heart raced, and it had nothing to do with the coffee or the run she’d done. Tension crawled down her back as he frowned. “It’s okay if you are, it’s nothing.”

“I’m free—what am I agreeing to?”

“It’s Gina’s wedding. Would you like to come as my date?” That wasn’t so hard, was it? She wanted to wilt. That one little question had sucked up all her courage and strength of will.

“I’d like that very much.” He reached out and touched her hand for just a second. “Thank you for inviting me.”

Nadine let out a relived sigh. “Right, it’s at ten in the big rotunda. I’ll have to meet you there, as I’m a bridesmaid and have stuff to do, but afterward, there’ll be a lunch and drinks.” And she was talking too much. He’d already said yes.

For a few minutes they ate in silence, as she realized she didn’t know the basics about him. “Can I be nosy?”

He took a drink of his coffee. “If I can be.”

Her heart gave a nervous stutter, but he already knew about her mother, and she couldn’t ask him questions without giving something back. Maybe getting to know someone wasn’t that hard…all it took was the right person to make it easy. “Okay. How old are you?”

“Thirty-seven. You?” He took a small spoonful of cake, watching her as he ate.

“Twenty-six.” She wrapped her hands around the cup and let the heat soak into her skin. It wasn’t the kind of heat she wanted to be feeling. She wanted skin on skin. “You saw action in the army?”

He nodded. “Do you like being a nurse?”

“I do.” She broke of a small piece of orange and almond cake and chased it around the plate before stabbing it. “I broke my arm when I was eight. No one believed me at first.” Her crying at night and being unable to sleep was nothing out of the ordinary. “When my arm swelled up, I was finally taken to the hospital. The nurse there was so kind. She didn’t think I was weird or strange.”

“I don’t think you’re strange.”

“That’s because you don’t know enough about me yet.”

“Try me.”

“I can’t sleep at night because I’m scared of the dark.” She put the piece of cake in her mouth and waited for him to speak, sure she was never going to see him again after this and yet enjoying being able to talk freely.

“It’s not the dark you need to be scared of, but the things it hides.”

She forced herself to swallow the lump of cake. Was he being serious or making a very dry joke? She couldn’t tell. “Thanks, that makes me feel so much safer.”

“My eldest daughter, Branna, was scared of the dark. She always found a way to creep into our bed.” Meryn’s gaze flicked between her and his cake as if he were debating a more serious question.

“You look like you want to ask me something weighty.”

Meryn nodded. “You would’ve been very small when your mother died. Do you remember her?”

Apparently he wasn’t worried about sticking to the safe questions. Geez, they hadn’t even covered favorite bands, movies, they’d gone straight for the deep and meaningfuls. What did she tell him? That she remembered her mother’s cries for help, her orders for Nadine to run and hide? Then the raw screams of terror when she realized no one was going to help her as she was dragged out the window. For the first time she didn’t feel like a freak. Meryn would know exactly what she meant.