For the Love of a Goblin Warrior (Shadowlands) (22 page)

“Yes.” What did he say? Take me to Roan? The pause extended into an awkward silence.

“Would you prefer me to come over and talk face to face?”

It wasn’t the use of the phone that was the problem. Meryn blinked slowly as he pulled together what was left of his pride and courage, ready to sacrifice them before his king. He had to do this, so he might as well just get it done. “It’s time I saw the king—if he’ll see me.”

“He’s been waiting. Less than patiently.”

That sounded like the Roan he knew. The air in his apartment swelled and sighed, then Dai was standing in the living room with a phone in his hand and an unnatural gleam in his eye.

Meryn stared at his cousin. It never seemed real that Dai could vanish and appear at will. A thought slid across his mind and caught, offering a glimmer of hope. Could Dai bend time so he could go back and give Nadine the cross? Go back so he never stole it?

“What else can you do?”

Dai slipped the phone into his pocket. “It’s not what I can do. It’s more of what I’m allowed to do. True magic is very rare now and fewer believe.”

“Can you change the past?” Meryn put the phone on the table.

“No, and I wouldn’t try. One change would have ripples that could cause damage never intended. It’s not worth the risk. Besides, the past is what made you. Changing it would change you. Even
I
don’t want to alter that.”

Meryn nodded. If he changed the past he might never meet Nadine. He had to keep moving forward. “Will you take me to see my king?”

“You don’t have to call him king.”

“Until he tells me otherwise, he is still my king.” And Meryn had no idea how much Roan had changed.

Dai offered his hand. “Come.”

Meryn eyed Dai’s hand. “We will travel by magic?”

“That’s how I got here. It’s not that bad and easier than driving a car.”

Meryn took Dai’s hand not sure what to expect. The ground vanished then slapped the soles of his shoes as he landed. His stomach bounced at the sudden shift in location. The dizziness and gut lurching was the same as being pulled from the Shadowlands. It took a couple of deep breaths to overcome the unnatural sensations of traveling via magic.

In a blink he’d gone from his house to the entrance of a palace—white tiles and walls, sparkling lights, and a grand staircase. Meryn let his gaze drift over the interior. This was truly a residence fit for a king.

“You’ll get used to it.” Dai kept his hand on Meryn’s shoulder as if expecting him to fall over.

Meryn rolled his shoulder, throwing off the touch. No. He wouldn’t be getting used to it. Men didn’t pop in and out of air on a whim like gods.

“I’m fine,” he lied as his stomach twisted into another knot. It was fear. And like any warrior about to face battle, he ignored it. It was there to let him know he was alive and that was all. Would it have been easier to see Roan at the park than coming here? It was never going to be easy; however, he was glad he’d waited until he was ready. If he’d stayed in Dai’s tower and re-met Roan while he was half goblin and confused, all he would’ve seen was pity in Roan’s eyes, and possibly disgust. This way they met as men.

“I thought we’d agreed that you’d knock.” A man’s voice rolled down the stairs.

Dai walked over and rapped on the wall twice. “I brought a guest.”

Footsteps followed. Then a man in a paint splattered T-shirt and black multi-pocketed pants came down the stairs. Roan’s feet were bare. No torque adorned his neck and no sword hung at his side, yet he was obviously a king. His king.

Meryn knelt and bowed his head. He didn’t even have his sword to lay down before him because he’d lost it his first night in the Fixed Realm. Next to him Dai didn’t move. Once Meryn would have stood and looked Roan in the eye, but he’d been a different man then. One worthy of a king’s friendship.

“Meryn, cousin. Rise,” Roan said in Decangli, his footsteps drawing closer.

Meryn lifted his head but remained on his knees. “I would if I were worthy to stand.” He’d seen men ask for forgiveness for lawbreaking and beg for leniency, yet he’d never suspected it would one day be him. He’d never pitied supplicants before, and he wasn’t going to start now with himself. He swallowed, then forced out the words. “I abandoned my duty when I was most needed. I understand the nature of my crime and also the penalty. I accept your decision as law.”

Once spoken, the burden he’d been carrying became lighter. He couldn’t change the past—no man could, not even Dai had that power—but he could make reparation. And this was a start.

“That first night in the Shadowlands was hard on us all. I know what you saw and I’m sorry for your loss, for all the lives lost because of the rebellion I led.”

“We all supported it.” Dai spoke softly.

“But I had the final say. I have to live with that. There wasn’t a day I didn’t wonder if I could have done something differently. We all have to live with regrets. We don’t have to let them rule us.” Roan held out his hand. “You’re forgiven.”

Meryn looked at his cousin’s hand. “You forgive me that fast?”

Roan squatted down. “I forgave you years ago. Thoughts of you kept us going when fading to goblin seemed like an easy way to end it. Your sacrifice gave us the strength to fight the curse.” Roan’s jaw tightened as if he were remembering those that didn’t survive. “If you hadn’t lost heart, we’d all have lost our souls to the curse.” Roan stood, his hand outstretched. “Get up, Meryn. Here I’m no one’s king.”

Meryn took Roan’s hand and rose. Almost as tall as Roan, it had been a long time since they’d been anything but king and council.

Roan drew him into an embrace. “It’s good to have you back.” Then he released Meryn, but Roan’s gaze lingered on his cousin’s face. “You did bring the Shadowlands with you.”

“It was all I saw for too many years.” The dullness and nothingness had gotten caught in his eyes and in his soul. But no more nightmares had crept out since he’d killed the goblin. He glanced at Dai, wondering how much Roan knew.

For a second, Dai’s eyes glimmered with magic. “Meryn’s ties to the Shadowlands are gone.” He gave a small nod as if to reassure Meryn.

But Meryn already knew that connection was gone; he’d severed it with hope and the dreams of the life he wanted. While he might still have the occasional nightmare, at least they wouldn’t follow him through into this world.

The three of them stood silent. With two millennia between them, no one knew where to start. Did Meryn want to know everything they had done? Would they want to know what he had done as a goblin? All that was best left well alone.

But it should’ve been six standing here reunited.

“Dai told me Brac, Fane, and Anfri didn’t make it.” None of them should’ve died. Their deaths, the deaths of all the Decangli, were the traitor’s fault. One man had condemned the whole tribe. “I know it will change nothing, but I would like to know who the traitor was.”

A look passed between Roan and Dai. Meryn’s gut tightened. He wasn’t going to like the answer.

“It was Drem.” Roan said. “Dai saw his body in the general’s quarters that night.”

Meryn lowered his gaze to the floor, the betrayal by his brother twisting in his gut even though it had happened so long ago. “I should’ve known.”

Maybe if he’d been paying more attention to what was going on and less attention to Idella and the baby—no, he couldn’t think like that. Every second he’d had with her had been worth it.

“None of us did,” Dai muttered.

Roan cut in, “We’ve had a long time to get used to these things, Meryn. Drem was his own man, however poor his choices; you aren’t responsible for his actions. We have made a memorial for Fane, Brac, and Anfri if you’d like to see it?”

Meryn nodded and Roan let them out into the garden. Beneath a little house wedged up in a tree was a plaque. Meryn stared at the metal as the engraved letters un-jumbled. Reading, even with magic, required effort. Three words. The names of the three who didn’t make it and who had died in the Shadowlands. Meryn closed his eyes for a moment.
May
they
find
peace
in
the
hall
of
the
gods
and
a
new
life
on
the
other
side.

“We buried their torques and swords. Ours too. No one has swords these days.”

“I’d noticed.” No one carried weapons; it was odd. Being weaponless was akin to being naked. “Mine was taken.”

“I can get that back,” Dai offered.

“With paperwork, not magic.” Roan lips were smiling but his words were firm. Dai’s magic use wasn’t well accepted.

Dai smiled. “Yeah, yeah, of course. How about a drink for the dead?”

Roan glanced at Meryn. “You’re staying.”

Meryn nodded. He could stay for a while, but he had to be back home by morning for the wedding with Nadine. “I would like to sleep in my own bed.”

In Dai’s hands three beers appeared. He handed them out. The bottles were icy against Meryn’s palm. He copied his cousins as they twisted off the tops and then sat on the grass.

“For the fallen, all of them,” Roan said. He raised his drink and then took a long swallow.

Meryn and Dai did the same. Meryn coughed on the cold liquid. It wasn’t what he was expecting. “What is this?”

“Beer, hundreds of different flavors, these days. You should try the wine. Much better than the Roman swill.” Roan took another drink. “For a while there I didn’t think we’d ever see you again.”

“Particularly after you broke my sliding door to get out of my apartment.”

Meryn winced; Dai had kept nothing from Roan. “I didn’t know what was going on. I barely knew who I was when I was pulled out of the Shadowlands.”

“I know,” said Dai. “I checked on you in the hospital. What I saw filled me with doubt about how well you’d heal. You were tied to the Shadowlands after living and breathing it for so long.”

“It’s good you are well again; we lost too many.” Roan’s gaze was on the plaque.

It was such a small reminder of what had happened. The Roman coins in Meryn’s pocket became heavy. He’d carried them for so long, as if in his heart he knew they had meaning even after his mind forgot. He couldn’t spend them in this life, but the gold and silver could be put to use. He took out the coins and handed them to Dai. “Do you remember how Idella and the girls looked?”

Dai nodded. He should. Idella had looked after Mave, Roan and Dai’s younger sister, and Dai had been a frequent visitor.

“Can you make the coins into something to honor them?”

Dai closed his eyes. For a few moments nothing happened, then the metal began to quiver. How much power did Dai have to melt gold and silver without heat? Enough to make the world bend to his will? In Dai’s hand a gold disk formed. At the center, in silver, was a pregnant woman, each hand held by a little girl. “Will this serve?”

Meryn studied the image. He touched his wife’s face, the likeness as he remembered her. “Add Mave, she was part of the family.”

The surface of the metal behind Branna shimmered and an older girl appeared in silver. Dai met Meryn’s gaze. “Thank you. She ought to be remembered.”

Meryn inclined his head. Had Dai ever had a chance to really grieve after his sister’s murder or had he always been wary of spilling the secret of her death? He touched the golden disk again. His family was long gone, living only in his mind. While he would always have his memories of Idella, he wanted a woman of flesh and blood, not whispers and shadows.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Roan put his hand on Meryn’s shoulder.

“I know.” Meryn let the disk go.

With magic, Dai stuck the new plaque to the tree. The past was there for all to see. It was a pity the future wasn’t so clear, but he saw a glimmer when he was with Nadine.

Meryn raised the beer. “To Idella and the girls, I hope the lives they’ve lived since have been filled with joy.”

Roan and Dai raised their bottles in salute before taking a drink. If they drank for everyone who’d died the night of the failed rebellion they’d be here all night and unable to walk in the morning.

Meryn switched the bottle to his other hand, his skin like ice. Sitting with his cousins felt so familiar it was almost as if no time had passed, and yet so much had. He stared at the tree, but the loss no longer cut him. The wound had healed so only the scar remained. Idella would want him to live, but tonight was about catching up with the past. Tomorrow he’d face his future.

“So, what did I miss while I was running with the goblins?”

Several beers later they were lying on the grass, looking up at the stars. Eliza had come out and introduced herself by bringing food and water, should they choose to start sobering up. The stars weren’t spinning. He hadn’t had that much to drink, but he had eaten well—toasted sandwiches; dips; crunchy, salty biscuits; and three types of cheeses. Even the Romans would be impressed with all the different foods available now.