Girl Alone: Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control. (12 page)

We both fastened our belts. I started the engine and then drove the couple of minutes to Joss’s school, where I parked on the road outside.

‘You don’t have to come in with me,’ Joss said, one hand on the door, ready to get out.

‘I know, but I will, to save the secretary having to phone to tell me you’ve arrived.’

‘You won’t tell the school what happened, will you?’ Joss said, turning to me, worried.

‘No, but I will need to tell your social worker.’ I held her gaze and my tone softened. ‘Joss, please make this the last incident, for both our sakes. You can’t keep going on like this. I hate to see you get into more and more trouble. You’re an intelligent girl. Save yourself and make the right choices, please. You must.’

‘I’ll try,’ she said too easily. ‘Can I go out tonight? I’ve only been out once this week.’

‘We’ll see how the rest of the day goes,’ I said. I knew I couldn’t rein her in too much all at once or there would be a backlash and I’d achieve nothing, and of course the behaviour contract was still running. But I thought it was positive that she was at least asking me if she could go out, rather than simply assuming she would be.

We got out of the car, went up the path and into the reception, where the school secretary sat at her computer behind the open-plan counter. She recognized me from when I’d had the appointment with Miss Pryce. ‘You’re very late, Joss,’ she said, placing the late book on the counter ready for Joss to sign in. It was now nearly 10.30 a.m. ‘She’ll be kept in for an hour’s detention tonight,’ she confirmed to me.

I nodded.

‘Can I go to my lessons now?’ Joss asked, slightly subdued.

‘Do you know where you’re supposed to be?’ the secretary asked.

‘Maths, room twelve M,’ Joss said, and she turned and sauntered off down the corridor.

‘Goodbye,’ I called after her. ‘See you at five o’clock.’

She didn’t reply, and the secretary looked at me questioningly. ‘She’s not very happy with me at present,’ I said.

‘She was very late. Where’s she been?’ she asked.

‘She got lost,’ I said, rolling my eyes in exasperation. Then, saying goodbye, I left the building. The secretary didn’t need to know what had happened.

Joss arrived home after the detention at exactly five o’clock, as she was supposed to, and when I asked her she said she’d had a good day. Before she began her homework, and without being reminded to, she gathered together all the (stolen) magazines and put them in the bin. We ate at 6.30 and as we finished Joss asked if she could go out.

‘Yes, but I want you back by eight-thirty,’ I said.

‘That’s not fair!’ she exclaimed. Adrian, Paula and Lucy tensed, sensing another confrontation.

‘It’s very fair,’ I said firmly. ‘Given what happened this morning, you’re lucky to be going out at all. Where are you going?’

‘Dunno yet,’ she said, standing, eager to be away. ‘All right, I’ll be back by eight-thirty. See ya later.’

Everyone relaxed and we called goodbye.

Would she be back by 8.30? It was anyone’s guess, although I felt that maybe she was starting to accept my authority. Going after her on Tuesday evening when she’d disobeyed me and left to meet Zach at the end of the road had possibly helped. It had proved that I meant what I said and the lengths I would go to. I hoped she realized I was doing it for her own good, because I cared about her and wanted to keep her safe. I’d said it enough times.

Joss did arrive home at 8.30. ‘Well done,’ I said. ‘You’ve earned back your allowance.’

I fetched my purse straight away and gave her the money to reinforce the benefit of doing what she was supposed to. But the following day and over that weekend, a new problem came to light that made me realize we’d made no progress at all.

On Friday evening, while Joss was out, Paula came to me looking worried.

‘Mum,’ she said. ‘I’ve lost my pocket money and I need it for tomorrow.’

‘That’s not like you,’ I said. ‘Where did you lose it? In the street?’

‘No. I’m not sure. I thought I left it on my bedside cabinet, but it’s not there now. I’ve searched my room.’

‘It can’t have gone far if it’s in the house,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry. I’m sure it will turn up. I’ll give you the money and when you find it you can repay me. OK?’

She smiled. ‘Yes, thanks. I’ll go and have another look now.’

I thought nothing more of this. Paula was usually good with money, as were Adrian and Lucy, and I thought the five-pound note must simply have fallen out of view in her room and she’d find it before long. But the next day, Saturday, while Joss was out seeing her mother and brother, Lucy came to me.

‘I’m not accusing anyone,’ she began with a mixture of anger and concern, ‘but ten pounds is missing from my money box.’

‘Are you sure?’ I asked her. ‘You haven’t spent it?’

‘No. Definitely not. I was saving up for something. I know for sure I had thirty-five pounds in there and now I only have twenty-five.’

All three of my children each had an ornate silver money box given to them as a present from my parents: Adrian and Paula for their first birthdays, and Lucy when she had a birthday after she’d arrived. None of the money boxes had a lock.

I looked at Lucy and, of course, thought of the unexplained disappearance of Paula’s money.

‘I hate to say it,’ Lucy continued, ‘but there is only one person who could have taken it.’ Which was true, for I trusted my own children unreservedly.

‘Assuming it has been taken,’ I said. ‘I’m not doubting what you’re telling me, but I’ll need to be a hundred per cent certain. I’ll give you the money, and if the ten pounds reappears, tell me at once. And obviously don’t accuse Joss. There may be another explanation.’

‘I won’t,’ Lucy said quietly. ‘Although I can’t think what else it could be.’ I could see that she felt as wretched as I did at the possibility of Joss stealing from us.

It’s a horrible feeling, suspecting a child of dishonesty, and it creates an uncomfortable atmosphere in the house, with everyone on their guard. Sadly, I’d been in this position before with children I’d fostered. Some children are very honest, but others are not, having been allowed to thieve by their parents or even encouraged to do so. Some children, aware that their parents are poor, steal money on their behalf for food and heating, and give them their pocket money too, which is pitiful. But whatever the reason, if Joss was stealing from us, I needed to handle it carefully. My relationship with her was already very delicate, and while I didn’t doubt what Paula and Lucy had told me, the only way I would feel confident approaching Joss was if I caught her red-handed.

On Sunday Joss was going to be with me all day – until her social worker told me otherwise, this was how I was interpreting the contract of behaviour. Joss moaned and groaned, said it wasn’t fair and then settled down to a relaxing day. I’d already told Lucy and Paula to keep their money boxes in a drawer in their rooms for the time being, and Adrian always kept his in a drawer anyway, as he felt the cute sliver-bear box wasn’t quite his style now he was sixteen. My purse was in my handbag in the hall where I usually left it, but today I knew exactly how much money it contained. It was possible Joss had been stealing from me; if she’d only taken small amounts I wouldn’t have noticed, as I only kept a rough tally of the cash I had so I knew when to draw out more. But today, much as I hated doing it, I’d counted my money and knew there were three ten-pound notes, a five-pound note, two one-pound coins and some coppers.

I checked my purse just before lunch and to my relief all the money was still there, but when I checked it again in the afternoon the five-pound note and a one-pound coin were missing. I felt sick. I was so hoping my suspicions were wrong and that no money would go missing, and Paula and Lucy would find theirs. But now I had the proof I needed, I couldn’t put off any longer approaching Joss, although I would do it in private.

Ten minutes later I had the opportunity I needed. Joss went up to her room and I went after her, hating what I was about to do. She’d left her bedroom door open and I knocked on it and went in. ‘Hi,’ she said, rummaging in her wardrobe.

‘Joss, leave that for a moment, please,’ I said. ‘I need to talk to you about something serious.’

‘What is it?’ she asked, turning to face me. Her expression was completely innocent and I felt so guilty for believing she was capable of stealing.

‘Joss, this is very difficult, but it needs to be dealt with. I’ll come straight to the point. Some money has gone missing in the house. Do you know where it might be?’

‘No!’ she said indignantly. ‘Are you accusing me?’

‘No. I trust everyone in this family. But I want you to think very carefully about whether you know where the money might be. If so, it’s best if you say so now, so we can find a way of putting it right.’ I hoped my non-accusatory approach would encourage her to be honest.

‘How do you know the money has been stolen?’ she asked. ‘Perhaps it’s been spent.’

‘I know exactly how much money I had in my purse this morning, and I haven’t been shopping. A five-pound note and one-pound coin is missing.’

Joss looked shocked and then, quickly recovering, said nonchalantly, ‘Oh, that. I didn’t think you’d mind if I borrowed some money. I used to help myself from Mum’s purse when I was at home.’

‘Did she know?’

Joss shrugged and turned to fiddle with something in her wardrobe. ‘Sometimes. She didn’t mind.’

‘And what about your brother, Kevin? Did he let you help yourself to his money too?’

‘No, of course not,’ Joss said, spinning round again to face me. ‘That’s not –’ She stopped, realizing the connection.

‘Exactly. That wouldn’t have been right, would it? To take money from Kevin. But you felt it was OK to take money from Paula and Lucy. Joss, everyone in this house treats you like family and trusts you. As I hope you do us. Families have to trust each other in order to function. You wouldn’t dream of stealing from Kevin, but it’s equally wrong to steal from Paula, Lucy, Adrian or me. If your mother allowed you to take money without asking her then that was her decision. I don’t agree with it, and you don’t do it here. Adrian, Paula and Lucy always ask me if they need to borrow money and I expect you to do the same. Do you understand?’

She nodded in a desultory, half-hearted way.

‘I hope you do, Joss. Now, we’ll start with the money you’ve taken from me today – six pounds. I’d like it back, please.’ I knew she must still have it, as she hadn’t left the house.

Joss hesitated and then went to the chest of drawers, opened the middle one, delved under some clothes and pulled out the five-pound note and one-pound coin. She closed the drawer and handed me the money.

‘Thank you. Do you have Paula’s and Lucy’s money in there too?’

‘No. I spent it.’ Which I thought seemed very likely, as the money had probably been taken during the week.

‘So how do you think you can best pay it back?’ I asked.

‘Stop it out of my allowance,’ Joss said. ‘That’s what Mum did.’

I didn’t point out that she’d just told me her mother didn’t mind her taking money from her purse. ‘That’s acceptable,’ I said. ‘I’ll stop one pound a week from your allowance until it’s all paid back. But Joss, why are you stealing? You always have at least half your allowance and you usually earn back the rest through good behaviour. I buy all your clothes, toiletries and everything else you need. And you told me Zach’s very generous and always pays for you when you’re out with him. You don’t need to steal.’

‘Zach doesn’t pay when it’s just Chelsea and me out together,’ Joss said as though that justified it. ‘And Chelsea’s dad is always broke, so he doesn’t give her any money.’

‘It’s greed then, Joss,’ I said. ‘We all have to budget, so choose an activity that doesn’t cost money. I’ve told you before you can always invite a friend here. That would be a low-cost evening. But alcohol, cigarettes and whatever else you may be smoking cost a lot of money, don’t they? As well as being very bad for your health.’ I wondered how many times I would have to say this before I finally got through to Joss.

‘I know,’ she agreed too easily, and I sighed inwardly.

I thought I would try to shame her to make her see sense. ‘Joss, money has other uses apart from spending it on ourselves. Lucy saves a lot of her allowance. She likes to buy birthday and Christmas presents for friends and family. She’s very generous – too generous, sometimes. She still sees her birth mother a couple of times a year and she always gives her a present, even when it’s not her birthday. That’s why she was saving up – to give her mother a nice present – and you’ve taken that from her.’ I stopped and waited.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

‘I hope you are, Joss, because you can’t go on like this.’

‘What will you do?’ she asked. ‘Send me away like the others did.’

‘No. Absolutely not. But if you continue like this, the decision on where you live will be made for us. And we both know where that will be.’ I paused to let the message sink in. Whether it did or not, I couldn’t tell, but I’d said what I wanted to for now, so it was time to move on.

‘OK, Joss, come downstairs when you’re ready. I thought we’d all go out somewhere later and I’m not spoiling it for the others by not going.’

She didn’t reply, so I left her room and went downstairs. I knew part of Joss’s challenging behaviour was to test my commitment to her – hence her comment about sending her away – but there was more to it than that. Until she addressed the demons from her past that haunted her, there was little more I could do, other than support and guide her in the hope that eventually there would be a breakthrough – but it needed to come soon.

I told Lucy and Paula that the matter of the missing money had been sorted and left it at that. There was then a discussion on where we should go and everyone agreed on ice skating. Joss had been a few times before with her mother and brother, but that had been some years ago. However, she quickly proved a proficient and fearless skater. While the rest of us went round at a steady, slightly tentative pace – me especially – Joss whizzed round, overtaking other skaters with the same reckless determination with which she approached life in general. When she fell, which she did a couple of times, she picked herself up, brushed herself down and continued undaunted. It was a fun afternoon, and I was pleased Joss had been able to enjoy it with us. All the bad feeling about the missing money had gone, and of course the outing hadn’t cost Joss a penny, as I always paid for everyone when we were out together as a family.

On Monday Joss stopped by her home on the way back from school – to see her mum and Kevin, and also check that her mother was coming to the review on Wednesday and wouldn’t be bringing Eric. Her mother told her Eric would be looking after Kevin while she attended the review, so that was all right. That evening and Tuesday evening Joss was only ten minutes late back after going out, but came in sucking a mint. I again expressed my concern that she’d been drinking and smoking.

‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘Zach and Carl were with us the whole evening and brought me home in the car.’ How that made it all right I didn’t know!

On Tuesday, during the day, Jill and Amelia had both telephoned for updates on how Joss was doing in preparation for the review the following day. We were on the phone for quite a long time and although I always tried to be positive in what I said about Joss, it was proving more and more difficult. ‘We had a nice day on Sunday,’ I said. ‘And she’s doing homework most days.’

To her credit, though, Joss came straight home from school on Wednesday, as I’d told her to, so we were able to start her review on time – at 4.30 p.m. Amelia, Jill, Linda, Miss Pryce, Joss, the independent reviewing officer – Mark – and I were all in the living room, while Adrian, Lucy, Paula and Toscha amused themselves elsewhere in the house. My family were used to meetings connected with fostering taking place in the house and knew they weren’t to disturb us unless there was an emergency.

Mark, the IRO who was also chairing and minuting the review, thanked us all for coming and then officially opened the meeting by asking us to introduce ourselves, which is usual practice. We went round one at a time, stating our names and our role in Joss’s life, while Mark made a note of who was present. When it was Joss’s turn she was only a little self-conscious, having attended previous reviews, and said clearly, ‘Joss, foster child.’

‘Thank you,’ Mark said with a reassuring smile. Then he asked Amelia if we were expecting anyone else at the review and she confirmed we were not. Mark, who would be an experienced social worker, was in his late forties, smartly but casually dressed and had a quietly confident manner. Having met Joss at her previous reviews, he said he was pleased to see her and her mother again. Linda and Joss were sitting next to each other on the sofa and Linda returned a polite smile.

‘So, Joss,’ Mark now said, looking at her, ‘perhaps you’d like to start by telling us how you’re settling in here.’

‘It’s OK,’ Joss said, with a small shrug.

‘Cathy’s children are a similar age to you. How is that working out?’ Mark asked her.

‘OK.’ Joss said.

‘So you are all getting along and talking to each other?’

‘Yes,’ Joss said.

I’ve found before at reviews that children who usually have plenty to say can become self-conscious and lost for words in the formality of a review, when all eyes are on them.

‘And what do you like to do in your spare time?’ Mark now asked Joss.

‘Go out,’ Joss said.

‘And when you’re not out, what do you do when you’re in – with Cathy and her family, in the evening, for example?’

‘My homework,’ Joss said.

‘Anything else?’

‘Listen to music, watch television and talk to Lucy and Paula.’