Girl Alone: Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control. (25 page)

‘Are you the foster carer?’ she asked a moment later.

‘Yes.’

‘Is Eric still outside?’

‘I don’t know. Do you want me to look?’

‘Only if you can see without going out.’

‘I’ll use the security spyhole,’ I said, standing.

With the phone in my hand I took the step to the front door and looked through the spyhole. The porch was empty.

‘He appears to have gone, unless he’s hiding out of sight,’ I said.

‘OK. Don’t go outside. Lock your doors and I’ll send the nearest available police car.’

‘Thank you.’

The doors were already locked. I replaced the handset and looked again through the spyhole, but the porch was still empty. I felt cold and scared; not because of the harm he could do me – he was physically quite small and pathetic, rather than aggressive – but because of his sickening lies and the way he’d tried to justify what he’d done by blaming the children and saying they had misinterpreted his actions. So plausible and sincere it was chilling. But then abusers are good liars, having had plenty of practice covering up their evil ways. Did I believe him? Not for one moment.

The girls were still upstairs talking in Lucy’s room, and I hoped they hadn’t heard. I wanted to keep Joss out of this, if possible. It would be upsetting for her if she knew he’d come to the door. I went into the front room and, leaving the light off so I couldn’t be seen, I stood behind the window and looked out for the arrival of the police. The night was clear and still. Fifteen minutes later a police car pulled up outside the house. I could make out two officers in the front, and someone sitting in the rear. The officer in the passenger seat opened his door and got out. I reached the front door before he’d rung the bell.

‘Mrs Glass?’ he asked.

‘Yes.’

‘Just to let you know we have Eric – in the car. We picked him up at the end of your road, so there’s no need for you to worry further.’

‘Thank you,’ I said.

‘You’re welcome. Thank you for your prompt action. We’ve been looking for him for a while.’

I hesitated – I didn’t want to get anyone into trouble, but then I thought it would probably come out anyway. ‘He told me he’d been hiding at his house all along.’

‘I’ll pass it on,’ the officer said. ‘Thanks again, and goodnight.’

‘Goodnight.’

I went upstairs and into Lucy’s room, where I told Joss that Eric had been found and was in police custody.

Once I’d recovered from the shock of finding Eric on my doorstep, I telephoned Jill.

‘Incredible. The gall of the man, turning up like that!’ she said, as astounded as I was. ‘Had he been at home the whole time?’

‘I think so. Should I phone the grandparents and tell them he’s been found?’ I asked.

‘No. Leave it to the social services. I’ll phone the duty social worker now,’ Jill said. ‘Once Eric has been questioned, he’s likely to be released, pending further enquiries and the court case. In law he’s innocent until proven guilty, but obviously if he comes to your house again, call the police straight away. Just seeing him could be very intimidating for Joss.’

‘I understand,’ I said. ‘I think we might have a day out tomorrow and give everyone a change of scenery after everything that’s happened this week.’

‘Good idea. It could be some time before the cases against Eric and Zach go to court, so it’s best for Joss if she continues her life as normally as possible.’

‘Yes,’ I said. Although easier said than done, I thought.

I returned upstairs and told the girls that if everyone had completed most of their homework by the end of the evening, I was thinking we could go out for the day on Saturday. They were delighted and I asked them to think about where they’d like to go. I then went into Adrian’s room and asked him what he thought, and he agreed it was a good idea. Ten minutes later they came down and said they’d made a unanimous decision that they’d like to go to the seaside for the day. I was slightly surprised, as it was out of the holiday season.

‘OK, but I doubt it will be warm enough to swim in the sea.’

‘I’ll take my shorts anyway,’ Adrian said.

‘We can paddle if it’s too cold,’ Paula suggested.

‘And make sandcastles,’ Lucy said.

‘And have fish and chips like we did when we went in the summer holidays, and just chill out right away from everything,’ Joss added.

‘Sounds good to me,’ I said.

So, with most of their homework done, the following morning we were up earlier than usual for a Saturday. We packed the buckets and spades I kept for when I fostered younger children in the boot of the car, together with our quilted jackets (it can be windy on the coast in September), and set off. It was a bright, clear day and the traffic was light, so we were on the motorway by 8 a.m. Everyone was in good spirits as we left the enormity of all that had happened during the week behind us. The radio was on and the girls began singing along to pop songs while Adrian listened to his music on his earphones. We made one stop for the toilet and a drink just over halfway and were walking barefoot on the beach by 11.30 a.m.

As I breathed in the fresh, blustery air, which really did blow the cobwebs away, I gazed out to the horizon, tantalizingly close yet unattainably far away. I find that looking into the distance, like gazing up at the stars, helps put problems and anxieties into perspective, and yet I was still worried. While I didn’t for one moment doubt Joss’s claim that Eric had been abusing her, I’d become unsettled by the plausibility of his excuse: that not having had any previous experience of children, he had mismanaged his care of Joss and Kevin and had never intended them any harm. Added to this was his previous assertion that Joss, having resented him from the start, was lying and had persuaded Kevin to lie too. If there was no DNA evidence – unlikely after the amount of time that had elapsed – it would just be his word against theirs. I knew that many cases of child abuse never reached court simply because there wasn’t enough evidence to stand a reasonable chance of securing a prosecution, which left the victims without closure and finding it very difficult to move on with their lives. Since Eric’s visit, it had been playing on my mind.

I was jolted from my thoughts by the girls’ squeals of ‘It’s too cold, Adrian! You must be mad!’ I looked over to where Adrian stood on the beach in his swimming shorts, surveying the water, ready for a swim. Although there were others walking along the beach, there was only one other person brave enough to swim, a little further along. ‘One, two, three,’ Adrian counted, psyching himself up. He ran down to the shoreline and into the water, splashing the girls as he went and causing more squeals of laughter. We all cheered as he dived in and a man walking by with his partner called out, ‘Well done, that man!’

Adrian didn’t stay in the water for long – it was very cold – but when he came out he was invigorated rather than shivering. We all turned our backs while he dried himself and dressed, and then we were ready for lunch. Brushing the sand from our feet, we slipped on our socks and trainers and crossed the road to a café overlooking the beach, where we ate a hearty all-day breakfast and drank hot chocolate. Once we’d finished, we decided to walk along the coastal path to the historic site of an old fort we’d been to years before. It was about half an hour away and there were others walking the path too. When we arrived we perched on the boulders, the last vestiges of the fort, and with seagulls circling overhead we gazed around. We could see a long way, including round the headland and partly into the next bay. The sea breeze and unadulterated view were refreshing and cathartic. We could have been in another country it was so different from where we lived.

Once we’d had our fill of the view, we continued along the coastal path a little further, and then turned and took a different path back, ending up at a tea house where we ate toasted sandwiches and a cream tea before setting off home. As often happens with a full day out, we felt we’d been away for much longer than a day. Clearly Toscha thought so too, as she wanted lots of strokes and attention before settling into her basket for the night.

It was only when I climbed into bed that night that I realized not only had Joss’s behaviour improved dramatically since she’d disclosed the abuse from Eric, but she’d also stopped having nightmares. She hadn’t had a single one since, whereas before it had been nearly every night. I’d seen this before in children I’d fostered who’d suffered from night terrors before they could tell what was worrying them. The mind is very clever and a little like a pressure-cooker, so that if the pressure builds up to an unsafe level it will release it in any way it can, including challenging behaviour and nightmares, in order for the child to function. Joss had been doing this, but whereas I’d thought it was solely due to her father’s suicide and her mother remarrying, it was more because of the abuse she’d suffered, and then not being believed when she’d told her mother. Now her disclosures were out in the open and being acted on, she could sleep easier.

The following morning, when I mentioned to Joss that she no longer had nightmares, she said, ‘I have nice dreams now. Last night I dreamt we were on the beach.’

‘That wasn’t a dream,’ I said, smiling. ‘We went there.’

‘I know, but in my dream we were
all
there. You, Adrian, Lucy, Paula and my mum, dad and Kevin. It was a lovely dream, Cathy. We were having so much fun, I didn’t want it to end.’

‘That was a nice dream,’ I said. ‘I’m sure you’ll have plenty more like that.’ I knew from my amateur psychology that this was a good sign, a sign of recovery, and that the parts of Joss’s previously fractured life were gradually coming together to be reconciled.

‘Where do you think Mum and Kevin are now?’ she asked.

‘I don’t know, love. I haven’t heard anything since I spoke to Jill on Friday evening. I’m sure we’ll know more when everyone is back at work tomorrow.’

‘Can I phone Nana and Grandpa again? They might know where they are, and even if they don’t, I’d like to talk to them.’

This was a decision I could make – I didn’t have to phone my agency for advice – but I had some concerns.

‘You can,’ I said after a moment, ‘but I’d like to make the call to check it’s convenient with your grandparents. If it is, I’ll put the phone on speaker while you chat.’ I was playing safe. There’d already been too many mistakes and oversights with Joss’s case; I didn’t want to be responsible for any more.

‘All right,’ Joss agreed. ‘Thanks.’

The two of us went into the living room where we sat side by side on the sofa. Adrian, Lucy and Paula were upstairs having a leisurely morning after our busy Saturday at the coast. I picked up the handset and pressed the number for Joss’s grandparents, which I now had stored in the phone. Her grandfather, Andrew, answered with a rather formal, ‘Good morning.’

‘Good morning, Andrew. It’s Cathy, Joss’s foster carer.’

There was a short pause. ‘I see. How can I help you?’ he said reservedly.

‘Joss would like to talk to you, but I wanted to make sure it was convenient with you first.’

‘Yes, that’s fine,’ he said, relaxing. ‘We’re going to church later, but we’ve plenty of time.’

‘I’ll put her on, but I need to tell you that my phone will be on speaker.’ (I was obliged to tell him I would be listening to the call.) ‘I thought it sensible with everything that’s been going on so there can’t be any misunderstanding.’

‘Most definitely,’ he said reasonably. ‘Quite understand. We’ve got nothing to hide.’

‘Thank you. I haven’t heard anything from the social services since Friday, and Joss was wondering if you knew where her mother and Kevin were.’ I thought it best to ask the question.

‘They’re still here,’ he said buoyantly. ‘The social worker phoned and said Kevin could stay until Monday as long as we supervised Linda with him and didn’t let Eric have contact with him. Let me say hello to Joss, and then if you put your phone on speaker I can tell you both what happened, save repeating it all.’

‘They are there,’ I said to Joss as I pressed the speakerphone button. ‘He can hear you now.’

‘Hi, Grandpa,’ Joss said.

‘Hi, sweetheart. How are you?’

‘Good. We went to the seaside yesterday. Mum and Kevin are still with you?’

‘Yes, they are, for the time being. After we spoke on Friday and Cathy told the social services they were here, a social worker telephoned us and asked lots of questions – about Nana and me, and your mum and Kevin, and whether we saw Eric. The social worker said that Kevin was going to be taken into care and I told her I wanted him and your mum to stay with us while everything was sorted out. The social worker phoned back later. It was nearly midnight and Kevin was in bed, and she said Eric had been found. She asked us more questions and then said that as it was very late it would be less disruptive for Kevin if he stayed the night with us. Then on Saturday another social worker telephoned and asked if we could keep Kevin for the weekend, as there weren’t any foster carers available. She didn’t seem to know that I’d already told the first social worker your nana and I wanted him and your mother to stay, but never mind, we got there in the end. So Kevin is with us for the rest of the weekend, and then tomorrow your nana and I are taking him to school in the car. After that, we’re going to the social services so I can speak to a social worker in person and try to get this sorted out. I don’t want you to worry, love. I’ll take care of everything.’ Again, I hoped he was right and wasn’t giving the children false hopes.

‘How’s Mum?’ Joss asked. ‘Is she feeling a bit better now?’

‘She’s very low, pet, but we’re helping her all we can. I’m sure she’d like to speak to you. Have a chat with Nana and Kevin first, while I go and see if she’s awake. She’s having a lie down.’

‘Thanks, Grandpa. I love you,’ Joss said.

‘I love you too, lass. Here’s Kevin.’

Kevin came on the line. ‘Joss.’

‘Hi, Kev, how are you doing?’

‘Good. I miss you.’

‘I miss you too, but you’re having a good time at Nana and Grandpa’s,’ Joss said, upbeat.

‘Yes. Grandpa plays games with me and shows me card tricks, and Nana makes chocolate cake and ice cream.’ I smiled.

‘That sounds great,’ Joss said, keeping the conversation light. ‘Lucky you. You’ll never guess where we went yesterday – to the seaside.’

‘Wow. I wish I could go.’

‘We will when we’re all together again – you, me, Mum, Nana and Grandpa.’

‘Like we used to with Dad,’ Kevin said.

‘Yes,’ Joss said with a sad smile. ‘But you don’t remember that, you were too young. You were only three or four the last time we went.’

‘I do remember it!’ Kevin said indignantly. ‘I buried Dad’s legs in the sand, and then yours and Mum’s. You all looked so funny.’

‘Yes, you did,’ Joss said, surprised. ‘There’s a photo at home of us all. It was the last time we all went on a family outing before –’ She stopped, and then said, ‘We will go again, Kev, I know we will.’

They chatted for a while longer, mainly about what it was like living at Nana and Grandpa’s, but Kevin also said they were taking him to church later while Mum had a rest. Then his voice fell. ‘I may have to go into foster care, like you,’ Kevin said. ‘Grandpa told me he’s going to try to make it so I can stay here, but if he can’t I will have to live with a foster carer.’ It was sensible of Andrew to prepare Kevin for this eventuality, painful though it must have been for him to do so. ‘I hope I don’t have to,’ Kevin said. ‘I told Grandpa to tell the social worker that if I can’t live with Mum, I want to stay here with him and Nana.’

I think Joss knew it wouldn’t be that straightforward. ‘Don’t worry, Kev, Grandpa will do all he can. And if you do have to go into care, it’ll be fine – we will still see each other.’

Joss changed the subject and asked Kevin what card tricks Grandpa had taught him, and they talked about those for a while. Then Kevin said he had to go and get ready for church, and that Nana wanted to speak to her now.

Joan’s voice came on the line and she asked Joss how she was. She then said they were doing all they could to try to persuade the social services to allow Kevin to stay with them, and Joss too, if she wanted. ‘Grandpa thinks it’s best if we go and see the social worker in person tomorrow,’ Joan said, as Andrew had done. ‘So once we’ve taken Kevin to school, we’re going straight to their offices.’ I hoped they wouldn’t be disappointed, for I knew social workers’ diaries filled quickly with meetings, home visits and court cases.