Guarded Hearts (9 page)

“B
ro, step on it. Don’t be a pussy,” I yell. I am fucking wasted. I feel like I am flying super high. We are going home after a party that was being held at this abandoned warehouse outside of town. It was a secret party since there was going to be a lot of underage drinking and drugs involved.

“Nix what if we get pulled over? I can’t get a fucking ticket, my parents will kill me,” Sky says, paranoid.

“Dude, my fucking father is the town judge. He will make sure nothing happens. Come on, there is a reason this car can go 180 mph. Step on the gas.”

“Fuck, this feels awesome, bro. We are flying,” Sky says, laughing.

I stick my head out the window, feeling the night’s air on my face.

“Fuck yeah, we are fucking seniors. Can’t wait to leave this place and start getting college pussy,” I scream into the night.

Then I feel the flames of hell consume me.

I wake up with startled. I am drenched in cold sweat, like I always am after one of these dreams. It has been almost three years since the accident and months since I last dreamed about it. The guilt has been eating at me since then. What a stupid kid I was, thinking that I was fucking invincible, fucking unbreakable.

The first few months after the accident I would take medication to help me sleep and keep the nightmares away, but I stopped taking them, because why did I have the right to try to forget the damage I had caused? My mother didn’t approve; she wanted me to get better and talk to someone. For what? To find excuses, to find a way to move past it, to forget? No, that was never going to happen. It was my fault we hit the embankment. Yeah, technically I was not driving, but I was the one telling Sky to accelerate, knowing full well we were both drunk. I had been too drunk and high on cocaine to help Sky out of the car, my coordination was off, and I couldn’t find the seatbelt’s release button to help him out before the car went up in flames. He was burned alive. Through my drug addled mind I had heard his screams before I blacked out.

I turn to the clock and see that it is 4:30am. Shit, I am not going to be able to go back to sleep, they don’t open the campus swimming pool until five; I need a couple of laps to clear my head. I know why the nightmares have returned, because of Olivia. I feel guilty at being able to feel something for someone and Sky can’t. It is my reminder as to why I can’t be happy. Why I choose to push everyone away. I was such a jerk to her, but it irritates me that she is just into partying and having a good time. Yes, I know I am being a hypocrite, because that is what I had been planning on doing when I arrived at college when I was a foolish kid. I know I’m going to have to apologize to her when I see her again.

I collect my stuff and head to the campus gym that’s open twenty four hours so the athletes can work out. Maybe I could get in some cardio before the laps. I decide to do some weights and some boxing. I start my iPod and “Eye of the Tiger” comes on, there nothing like hearing Rocky’s anthem to get you into some upper body conditioning. I finish my cardio then head to the pool, I need some cooling down. I see that someone is here already, her body sliding the underwater. I jump in and start swimming.

I start thinking about before, about all the foolish things Sky and I got into. The pranks we pulled in high school. The parties that we went to and the pussy we shared. When I first started using drug, hardcore ones. I can’t say that I had a bad childhood or that I turned to drugs for an outlet. Nope, I did drugs because I could. The feeling that you get when you are in that high is unbelievable. I didn’t want to think about anything after the accident. I did my laps just thinking about all the plans that we had, all the dreams we made.

I am completing my last lap when a movement catches my eye, so I pause. The other swimmer is leaving the pool. Just looking at her ass is making me hard. Since I noticed Olivia I think my hormones are overly stimulated. She takes off her swimmers cap, and glorious brown hair cascades down her back, just like in those fucking shampoo commercials, where everything seems to go in slow motion. I feel like I am experiencing something epic. I feel hot. I guess my dry spell is coming to an end. If I can’t have Olivia maybe this girl can help me out. She starts walking to the locker rooms. Shit. I swim to the end of the pool and get out.

“Stop,” I call out. She jumps. Great, I startled her.

“Fuck, you scared me,” she says as she turns around, her hand against her chest and her cap dangling from her finger.

Fucking A, its Olivia. Should’ve known nobody makes my body feel this alive but her. And here I thought I was cured.

“Stalk much?” she asks, lifting her prefect eyebrow at me.

“Aren’t we full of ourselves?” I shoot back. “It’s the campus pool, Olivia. I can come when I want to.”

“I use the pool every weekend at this time and I have never seen you before. Anyway, was there something you wanted?”

“What?”

“Well, you did say stop, so I just figured you needed something.”

“No, I just thought you were someone else,” I say.

“Okay, well, bye then,” she says as she turns back around again to head to the locker room.

I run my hand through my wet hair and across my face. Why did she always reduce me to a wimpy teenager? I am an adult.

A
ye madre mía y todos los Santos.
Nix without a shirt and wet. Can’t I catch a break? I feel my knees go weak and my breath becoming shallow. Good thing he is a few feet away and couldn’t hear my heart beat. It is literally coming out of my body. Those abs and tattoos, I have to freeze myself before I go over and start licking the water off of his chest.

He scared me because I am used to being here alone. I needed those few laps before I started my weekend. It helps me unwind from the week of stress. I could clear my head and just submerge myself in the water. So it was a surprise when I heard him yell for me to stop. I should’ve known it was him, because my body reacted violently to his voice.

I turn around to go back to the locker room. I turn back to him before I lose my nerve.

“Hey, Nix, Mandy told me that she invited you to Myrtle Beach later today. Hope to see you there.”

“Okay,” is all he says. I leave feeling like I really want him to know the real me.

I
can hear the commotion downstairs. The music is playing loudly and the girls are laughing, talking about the beach. It's almost time to go, and I have my stuff ready. I slip my bikini under my clothes, even though I doubt anyone was going in the water. It's beginning to get cooler out, which means a decrease in water temperature.

“Livi, what are you doing upstairs?” Mandy asks me while she looks at me lying on my bed. I've been lying here in the silence of my room staring at the ceiling and thinking about the club and my morning swim.

“Mandy,” I say, rolling up into sitting position so that I can to talk to her. “Do you think he'll come?”

“Probably not. He's not the type to go to hang out with the college crowd. He prefers to work on his music in his free time,” she says sounding like she's hiding something.

“You talked to him, didn't you?” I ask her accusingly.

“No. I only invited him to Myrtle Beach, I promise,” she says while holding out her pinky, extending her arm towards me. We pinky promise just like we when were little, and with that I take her word for it.

“Now come on, get your ass downstairs!” she yells, and I realize she's right. I can't let him consume me; no one will ever do that.
Olivia, have fun, laugh, live
, I tell myself as I head downstairs.

The atmosphere of the room is excitable. “It's going to be fun and cool,” I hear Kylie saying as she enters the room. I give her a smile and a nod in agreement. The energy is high; everyone is excited to have this mini vacation. I see one of the sisters peek out the window, noticing something, so I assume the boys are arriving.