Her Darkest Road (Roughneck #4) (2 page)

Chapter 3

6 months later

Damn, it had been a long night. I was lucky that I got to come home every morning, but that rig move was wearing my ass out. I struggled to keep my eyes open as I drove down the highway. Just a few more miles and I could crawl into bed and get a little sleep. Samantha was a morning sleeper these days, so I could get a little shut eye before she woke up. Belinda was quiet lately, but overall, things had been good. And I was thankful for it.

As I drove down the dirt road off the highway, I noticed something on the side of the road. Was that a body? I rubbed my eyes with the pad of my thumb and index finger, convinced I must be seeing things. I was dog tired and my eyes must be playing tricks on me. But as I drove closer, I realized that it was a body. It was a cool morning, and I saw a pair of pale legs tucked in a ball with matted long blond hair. I recognized that flannel shirt. Jesus, no.

I slowed my truck as I got closer, and realized it was Belinda. She was rocking slightly as she lay on the gravel road. She was moving, thank God. What was she doing?

Where was Samantha? My mind started to race. I jumped out of my truck and rushed to her side.

"Bells!" I yelled as I ran to her.

"Belinda!" I repeated as I squatted down beside her.

She was whispering, but I couldn't understand what she was saying. It was slurred and too quiet to understand.

"Belinda, answer me!" I yelled as I grabbed her chin, and forced her to look at me.

"They won't shut up," she mumbled with her eyes squeezed shut.

"Who?" I asked, trying to keep my body from trembling, and then my eyes noticed the bottle of Vodka beside her. Son of a bitch.

"Where's Samantha?" I asked her as I scooped her up and carried her to the car, kicking the half empty bottle into the ditch as I walked past it.

I sat her down in the passenger seat and slammed the door before running to my side of the truck. I had to get to the baby. Please, God, let her be safe.

We weren't far from home, so I slammed my foot on the gas and headed in that direction. I glanced over in her direction. She had her hands wrapped around her matted hair, gripping her scalp. Her eyes were squeezed shut and she was whispering.

How could she do this? I've never seen her act this way.

But I've also never seen her after downing half a bottle of Vodka. She never drank. This didn't make any damn sense.

I slammed on my brakes and jerked the keys out of the ignition as soon as I pulled into the driveway. I knew she was going to need help getting out of the truck, but I had to check on my Angel first. I heard her screams as soon as my feet hit the porch. Panic took over as I tried to find the house key, my hands trembling, but then realized the front door was already open. Son of a bitch. I ran through the house, following the cries of my baby girl.

Please be ok. Please be ok.

I ran into her bedroom and over to her crib.

"Are you ok, Angel?" I whispered as I scooped her into my arms, and squeezed her little body against my chest. She rested her head against my chest and her cries began to quiet. She was soaking wet from head to toe. Her tears, her sweat and a soaked diaper. My chest tightened, realizing what my baby had experienced. How long did she cry and no one came to her? The thought of it made me sick to my stomach. Samantha's wails had diminished, but she continued to whimper and clawed at my shirt with her tiny fingers. Her body was shaking and her breathing was still quick as she tried to calm herself. I did my best to soothe her by rubbing her back and swaying back and forth.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," I whispered in her ear, and then kissed her head. Once she was calmed down, I put her on the changing table and got her cleaned up. She went back to sleep immediately, but my chest tightened as I listened to her breathing still jerky as she slept. How could she do this? What was she thinking?

I stood over Samantha until her breathing evened out and she was calm. I tried to keep myself calm as I walked back out to my truck. My eyes locked on Belinda. She had her head propped on the dash and I heard the incoherent whispers as I got closer. She was starting to scare me. I opened the door, waiting for her response to my presence, I didn't get one.

"Belinda, let's go inside," I said quietly. She didn't raise her head.

"Belinda," I repeated, with my voice more stern.

"She was here. She tried to get me to eat. I didn't want to eat. I told her I wasn't hungry," Belinda said quietly.

"Who?" I asked. Who was in my house? What was she talking about?

"I’m not hungry; I kept telling her I wasn't hungry. She wouldn't listen," Belinda said with a slur as she grabbed a handful of her hair, and pulled it.

"Bells, stop," I said as I pried her hands out of her hair.

"Let's go inside," I said as I scooped her up, and slammed the truck door with my elbow. Her body became rigid and she started to hum. She was worrying me. I had never seen her like this before. We had dealt with her sadness and her anger at different times. But this, I didn't even know how to deal with this. Once I got her inside, I put her in bed. Her eyes were closed and her humming got slower and quieter. I stood over her until I was sure she had passed out.

"What the hell is going on with her?" I mumbled to myself, with my face in my hands, as I sat in the rocking chair of Samantha's room.

As I sat in the chair, trying to collect myself, calm myself, my eyes were drawn to the corner. There was something silver poking out from behind the oversized teddy bear in the corner.

I stood up and started to walk in that direction, but the quiet squeak from the rocking chair caused Samantha to stir. She started to grunt and tried to put her fist in her mouth. I grabbed her pacifier and put it to her lips. She opened her mouth, the suction soothed her immediately. I patted her back until I knew she was completely asleep. My mind went back to the corner. I walked quietly over to the bear. There was something silver under the bear’s leg. I reached down and grabbed it.

Duct tape.

What the hell was duct tape doing in the baby’s room? I lifted the huge bear off the floor and noticed another smaller bear behind it. It was the bear I bought for Samantha when we first found out she was on the way. But it was wrapped in the duct tape. The whole body covered. None of this made sense. I walked into the living room, my eyes scanning back and forth between my bedroom and the baby’s room. I started to peel the duct tape off of the bear, the sound of it making my stomach turn, not allowing my mind to wander. I didn’t want to think about why she might have duct tape in our daughter’s room. I knew Bells was going through a hard time, but I refused to think she would do anything to harm the baby. When the bear looked normal again, I walked back into Samantha’s room. I placed the bear on her top shelf, in the corner. With the duct tape in my hand, I went to throw it in the back of my truck. It usually went in the tool box in the garage.

Not anymore.

Chapter 4

“Belinda,” I said quietly as I paced around our bedroom. I needed to head to the rig, but I felt lost. She had slept all day, while I took care of Samantha. I was running on about an hour of sleep, which I caught while the baby napped on my chest.

“Belinda,” I said, with more authority. “You need to wake up, we need to talk.”

“Joe, please. I’m tired,” she whispered as she rolled over.  I walked to her side of the bed and sat down.

“That makes two of us,” I muttered. “I have to get to work, I need you to wake up so we can figure out what to do.”

“What do you mean, what to do?” she snapped as she sat up, her blonde hair a wild and tangled mess.

“You left her alone,” I said, trying to keep my tone calm. But the truth was, it pissed me off.

“It was an accident,” she said as she rubbed her temples.

“You accidentally drank a bottle of Vodka and left our baby home alone while you tried to go God knows where.”

“Don’t talk down to me!” She snarled at me and stood up quickly.

“I’m not talking down to you!” I snapped back. “I’m trying to figure out what the hell is going on!”

“Just drop it, Joe,” she whispered as she stared at the floor.

“I can’t,” I said as I walked closer to her. “I think you need to talk to someone,” I said, trying not to let my hesitation show. I had thought about it before, but this morning settled it. Something was wrong - something I couldn’t fix - and I couldn’t let this go any longer. It wasn’t just us anymore.

“Fuck you, Joe. I’m not crazy,” she said as she walked past me, slamming her boney shoulder against me.

“I didn’t say you were. But I think you need help,” I said as I followed her into the kitchen.

“Do you think you’re going to lock me up somewhere? Keep me away from the world? Away from the baby? It won’t happen, Joe. I swear to you,” she said with a dark look in her eyes as she stared at me. Her eyes used to be such a vibrant, bright blue. But the color had dulled through the years, and now they just seemed empty and surrounded by dark circles. Her eyes began to flutter, and then she squeezed them shut and gripped her scalp with her fingers.

“I didn’t say that!” I said.

“Shhhh!” she said loudly, with saliva flying out of her mouth.

“Shut up. Shut up,” she whispered.

I knew I couldn’t leave her alone, especially alone with Samantha. It put me in a tough position to call in. You didn’t get an unexpected day off in the oil patch. You had your scheduled days off and that’s the only ones you got. But I didn’t have a choice. I had to figure this out, whatever the hell this was.

I grabbed the cordless phone off the receiver and walked into the hallway, closest to Samantha’s room. I looked over my shoulder and saw Belinda with her head resting on the bar shifting her weight from one leg to the other. I poked my head into Samantha’s room and was relieved that she was still napping. I dialed the rig number and waited for an answer.

“318” A deep voice answered the line.

“Hey, this is Joe Montgomery, is boss man around?” I asked.

“He’s on the floor bitching at the new hand, hang on just a minute.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Yup,” he said before I heard a click.

I walked over to Samantha’s crib as I waited on hold. It was time for her to wake up soon and have dinner. Right on time, she started to stir and rub her eyes with her fist. I rested my elbows on the side of the crib, watching her while I waited for my boss to pick up. Samantha pried her eyes open, and gave me a toothy grin when she spotted me. She flipped over on her back and raised her hands in the air, waiting for me to pick her up.

“This is Jack.” A voice came over on the other end of the phone.

“Jack, this is Montgomery. I know that it’s short notice, but I’ve got some personal stuff that’s come up and I can’t come in tonight.”

“Don’t usually work that way, we TD’d and need you here.”

“I understand sir, but it’s out of my hands,” I said as I scooped Samantha into my arms.

He let out a loud sigh, but then there was silence. Shit.

“Ok, man. We’ll make do. Get your shit figured out, and your ass better be here tomorrow.”

“I will,” I said, relieved. I had never missed a day the entire time I’ve worked on rigs. I was reliable, and I liked it that way.

“Alright, I gotta go. This new fucker is tearing shit up by the second,” he said with a groan as he hung up the phone.

I changed Samantha’s diaper as my mind raced, trying to figure out my next move. Once I got her cleaned up, we headed into the kitchen and I put her in the bouncer so I could get her dinner ready.

“What are you doing?” Belinda asked, confused. She didn’t even look like herself anymore. She was so thin, and her hair was matted and wild. It put a knot in my stomach to look at her. How did I miss how thin she was getting? Work was busy, and I paid so much attention to the baby once I got home, I hadn’t noticed. But I was sure she had lost at least 10 pounds. It was weight that she didn’t need to lose, and it showed.

“I’m making us dinner,” I said, as I focused my attention on getting a jar of baby food out of the pantry, and then walked over to the freezer to grab some hamburger meat.

“You have to leave,” she said, very matter of fact.

“No, I called in. I told you we need to figure this out.” It was all I could say. I didn’t want to fight with her, not in front of the baby, not at all. I just wanted to fix this.

“Sit down, I’ll get dinner started,” I said as I put the frozen meat in the microwave to thaw.

“Why?” she said with a glare. Her eyes jerked from me to the microwave, back to me, and her pupils got wide.

“Because you need to eat, Bells,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

“I’m not hungry,” she snapped, but it wasn’t anger in her voice. It was fear. I recognized it.

“Belinda, you haven’t eaten today. You need to eat.” I said softly, not wanting to mention how thin she was.

“I’m not eating
that
,” she mumbled as she stared at the microwave.

“You like spaghetti,” I said as I got a pot from the cabinet. But when I looked over my shoulder at her, she was rapidly shaking her head no, over and over.

“I’m not hungry, I’m not hungry,” she whispered.

I wasn’t going to argue with her. If she wanted something else, I would make her something else. The squeal of Samantha’s voice jerked me out of my thoughts. She was kicking her legs and chewing on her rattle as she squealed with excitement. I couldn’t help but smile at her. I was so glad she was unaware of what was going on right in front of her. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Belinda pacing back and forth, her arms folded at her chest.

“Please sit down, Bells,” I said as I walked over to her, and put my hand on her shoulder. She pulled away from me instantly, and my heart sank. We couldn’t continue like this. She needed help.

“I told you I’m not eating that,” she said with wide eyes.

“Then I’ll make you something else, please,” I pleaded with her.

She walked over to the counter and picked up the jar of baby food. She brought it close to her face and inspected it, turning the jar and staring at it. I watched her closely, waiting for what was coming next. She clenched the jar of baby food in a tight fist, and then put it at her side as she walked towards our bedroom.

“What are you doing?” I asked, confused.

“Eating,” she replied as she shut the door behind her, and then locked it.