Hopeless For You (13 page)

"Just take them off!"

I would have laughed if I wasn't so cold. "You just told me I didn't have to take them off."

"I did. But I changed my mind. Because then only I'd benefit. Your f-freezing too. And I'm bossy like that. So do it."

He was right. These clothes were seeping the life from me. I stripped down reluctantly. First the rain jacket. Then the sweater and shirt. The boots. The jeans. I wrung out the water from each piece and set them out to dry besides Kade's own clothes. I was left with nothing but my bra and panties and the ring I always wore on the chain around my neck.

I felt Kade's eyes on me and I covered the ring with one hand.

"What are you looking at?" I said, my teeth chattering.

"I'm looking at you." He lay down near one of the pines and beckoned me close with trembling hands.

Freezing, I lowered myself down beside him and then rolled into him in a huff.

"Whoa, slow down there, sailor," Kade said.

I felt the warmth as he wrapped his arms around me. My breasts, shielded by the thinnest layer of fabric, pressed into his pecs. Our heads lay side by side and my ear rested on his.

His powerful chest moved in and out, alternately pressing into and receding from my body. I could feel the heat of his breath against my neck. I could hear his every inhalation and exhalation. If ever there was an intimate moment, it was this. I was warming up in more ways than one.

The ring at my neck dangled over his shoulder, and as my shivering subsided, I squeezed my hand around the precious piece of jewelry. The metal comforted and grounded me, reminding me of what I had lost and why I could never be with Kade, even though I was in his arms at this very moment.

"When did it happen?" Kade's voice was soft and even without any hint of mockery.

He knew. Somehow he knew. Kade could see right through me.

I took a deep breath, glad he couldn't see my face. "About a year and a half ago." I stared into the forest, watching the rain weep from the pines. "Drunk driver on New Year's Eve. Devon died two days later."

I thought his arms stiffened a little around me. "That's terrible, Ash."

I nodded. The pain had faded over time but it still hurt deep inside. I wasn't sure I wanted to tell him more. I'd only ever talked about this with Gina, my folks and the therapists. Definitely hadn't said a word to another guy. Somehow, though, I felt I could trust Kade with this. He seemed to know me better than myself at times.

"We started dating in high school. We were together three years. Do you know what it's like to be with someone that long? We were so in love. It was like part of him existed inside me even when we were apart, which was never for long. We did everything together. Everything." I stared at my hand. The hand that had once held Devon's in mine. The hand he had kissed, the finger he had slid my engagement ring onto. "He proposed a little after our third anniversary, on Christmas Eve. He was only my fiancé for a week. Seven whole days." My eyes lost focus and I was in another time, another place. A sad time. A sad place. "It was my fault. I insisted on having our engagement party on New Year's Eve. The drunkest night of the year. He'd gone out to get me a bottle of White Gold because I'd forgotten to pick one up. He didn't have to go, but I wanted everything to be perfect. White Gold was
our
drink. I had to have it. I... it was just a stupid drink." I scrubbed a palm over my face, fighting the knot in my throat that threatened to choke me. "He never made it to the store." I closed my eyes. "I felt so guilty because we'd been fighting almost every day that week. Mostly about the wedding. How big it was going to be. When we were going to have it. I never had the chance to apologize. Do you know what that's like?" For some reason I was smiling, but it felt so wrong on my face. "I was in the deepest slump of my life for months after that. Utterly depressed. It was only Gina who got me out. Gina who saved me. I owe her everything."

When I finished, neither of us said anything for a long time.

Kade broke the silence. "I'm really sorry." His voice sounded so gentle. I was worried he'd do the "It's not your fault" monologue everyone else I ever told this to did. Because it
was
my fault. Devon wouldn't have been on the road alone that night if it weren't for me. He would've caught a ride with his folks.

Thankfully, Kade didn't say a word.

That was when I noticed his erection pressed against my inner thigh. Heat seemed to radiate outward from that point. I felt myself getting turned on. It was only natural when you put two bodies, male and female, so close to one another that those bodies would become aroused. Still, I was embarrassed, especially after what I'd just told him.

"I think we're warm enough." I pushed off him and instantly regretted it. My upper body felt so cold but I wasn't going back into that embrace because if I did I might never let go.

I felt the clothes beside me. "Still wet."

"What did you expect?" Kade went to the nearby pine and shook the branch, trying to get rid of as much trapped rainwater as he could. Then he grabbed our clothes and started to hang them on the branch one by one.

I crossed my arms and hopped from foot to foot, hoping I wouldn't start shivering again. I'd warmed up enough to get my modesty back and I felt exposed, standing there beside him like this. My pits were unshaved. And my legs, too, but a quick glance told me it wasn't all that noticeable. Kade must have sensed my unease because he seemed to be doing his best to avoid looking at me while hanging the clothes.

I realized something. He'd just saved my life and I hadn't said...

"Thank you."

He was adjusting my pants on the tree branch and glanced over his shoulder. "You're welcome. But hanging clothes is pretty easy."

I smiled patiently. "No. I meant thanks for back there. For saving me."

Kade nodded. "Ah. Welcome. You'd have done it for me, or anyone else for that matter. It's the right thing to do."

"It is." I didn't like how he made it sound like he'd do it for just anyone. I guess I had a little fantasy that he'd swum out into the river because he actually cared about me.

"Do you still have the GPS?" I asked him. It felt a little silly to me, having a conversation when we were both in our underwear. He still had a massive erection in his briefs and I was very careful not to look at it. Didn't want to give him any ideas. My eyes kept darting back to his pants against my control, though, so I finally had to turn right around.

"It was in my backpack." Kade's voice sounded amused. Had he noticed me staring at his crotch? God, I hoped not. "And I lost the backpack in the river. But we don't need it. If we follow the shore we'll eventually reach the pine bridge again."

"How far do you think we've been dragged?"

"My best guess?"

"Sure." I frowned. He was delaying. Delaying usually meant bad news.

"Judging from the water's speed, I'd say we've been pulled downriver about twenty miles, give or take five in either direction."

"
Twenty miles!" I said, turning around to look at him. I kept my eyes far from his crotch. "We have to walk twenty miles to get back?"

Kade just shrugged.

There was something else I wanted to point out. "We're also on the wrong shore. At least you could've swam us to the side with the Jeep."

"Ash, come on, you know that's a little harsh. Just be happy we made it to the bank in one piece."

I was happy. I really was. Just not thrilled by our circumstances. "Great. Just great." I thought of something. "Blaine and Gina will meet us on the way back right? Maybe in the Jeep?"

Kade shook his head. "They'll have to walk. No riverside roads here. Blaine will only cover three or four miles before he heads back. As far as he's concerned, we could've been swept out all the way to the sea. He doesn't have enough supplies for a search like that. The best move on his part would be to drive back to the center and call in a chopper. It can cover more ground, faster."

"And how long will that take?"

"A day, maybe two."

I didn't like it. Stuck in the woods for one or two days alone with Kade? Not that it was him I was worried about. He wasn't a bad guy once you got to know him. We'd talked a lot these past few days and I knew the woods brought out the best in him and that he truly felt at home here and he'd never hurt me. If anyone could get me through two days in the woods without food, it was Kade.

No, it wasn't him I was worried about but myself.

My eyes drifted to his erection. Yup, this was going to be an interesting few days.

"Okay, well, let's get started." I went to the clothes. They were still damp but I
knew that the best way to stay warm was to keep moving. "The clothes will just have to dry while we wear them." I pulled on my wet shirt, cringing at the cold. Next came the socks and pants. I felt less exposed now that the ring at my neck was covered up. I guess it helped that I wasn't dressed in just my bra and panties anymore, too.

I folded the sweater up to carry it while we walked and I threw the rain jacket across the crook of my arm. I tied on my soggy boots. Those felt squishy and gross inside.

Kade was already dressed by the time I was done. At least I didn't have to look at his erection anymore. I have to admit I kind of missed the sight. I felt my cheeks reddening just thinking about it.

"Well," Kade said. "We're a bit soggy but none the worse for wear. Let's go."

We began the long march back, keeping a good distance from the bank. The insides of my boots sloshed with each step. Yup, gross.

"Seriously, thanks for saving me," I said. Just in case he didn't get what I was trying to say earlier.

Kade frowned. "Don't read too much into it."

"I won't." Oh, he got it all right. And he didn't care. It felt like he struck me.

But why should it matter? I didn't want to get with him. I didn't want him to care about me.

The sky remained overcast and threatened another storm. My body heat combined with the slight breeze to dry my clothes so I didn't feel wet after a while, which was nice. The boots still felt squishy, though.

After about half an hour we found one of the abandoned backpacks—it had been snagged by debris along shore. Kade fished out the pack and laid out the contents. Turned out it was his, which meant we had a tent again. The coil of spare rope was intact, as well as a few coffee mugs, but the water had ruined the GPS and the digital camera. His waterlogged drill was equally useless. There was no bear spray, which was in Blaine's backpack. My own bear spray had been lost in the river. I wasn't worried about protecting myself from Kade but rather actual bears.

Kade squeezed out the excess water from his sleeping bag and spare clothes and then pitched the tent. We let everything air dry for a few minutes before repacking it all and setting out again.

Kade led at a brisk pace. I widened my stride but the past three days of walking had taken a toll and I had to hustle to keep up. My calves ached and not for the first time, I wished I'd been born with longer legs.

The ground began to get steeper and soon we were hiking along a ravine. The swollen river tore past around thirty feet below.

"I know exactly where we are." Kade didn't seem too happy, for some reason.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. We're just a bit farther than I thought we were."

I crossed my arms. "Farther? Like how far?"

"We probably won't make it back to the tree bridge until early tomorrow."

I rubbed my neck. "Great."

Kade took off his pack and set it on the ground to sit on. "This is as good a spot as any for a rest."

It began to rain again, though it was just a light drizzle.

"Wonderful." I pulled on my hood. I stepped closer to the edge of the ravine and looked down the steep bank at the rushing water below. "What happens when we get to the bridge? We cross the fallen pine again?" I wasn't looking forward to repeating
that
.

"With luck, we'll have rescue workers standing by when we get there. Hey, careful, Ash. The banks are unstable. They've been undercut by the river."

I turned and saw Kade coming closer to me.

"Undercut? It looks
—" The wet soil and gravel I'd been standing on suddenly shifted and the world fell away beneath me.

I felt Kade's strong arms pull me away even as the ground collapsed. I stumbled and fell backward but most of my body hit solid ground. My legs were left kicking out into empty air.

I scrambled onto the stable earth, my heart pounding in my chest, my breath coming in gasps. Kade had saved my life yet again. I twisted around to thank him.

Except he wasn't there.

The only sign of him was the backpack he'd left perched on the grass in the rain.

"Kade?" No answer. "Kade!"

I glanced at the edge of the ravine. I couldn't see the bottom from here and I dreaded what I'd find when I looked over. Maybe he had a broken neck. Maybe he was impaled on something. Maybe he was completely buried and I wouldn't see him at all.