In the Distance (13 page)

My mom’s words filled me with warmth. I had too many friends whose parents had never accepted their sexuality and here my mom was not only accepting it, but she was my biggest cheerleader.

“Now, that’s enough fawning over my favorite son for one day. I think you promised me a lunch filled with all the local celebrity gossip. Heaven knows I haven’t gotten enough of it from the ladies at the club.”

“You’re incorrigible, Mom.”

“Says the pot to the kettle.”

We settled in to lunch, my mom having entirely too much fun debunking every piece of gossip I threw at her. It was nice to have a break from everything and simply enjoy laughing with someone who didn’t expect anything more from me than what I could give. Just like Tyler. I still wasn’t sure where we were headed or what the future held for us, but I was more determined than ever to find out. Whether it took a hundred more text messages or twenty more trips to the West Coast, one way or another, I was going to figure out just what was going on between Tyler and me before my brain imploded trying to decipher it from two thousand miles away.

Chapter Seventeen

Tyler
First weekend of February, Friday

Work was dragging along at a snail’s pace. It wasn’t that we weren’t busy. The restaurant was consistently crowded these days. But every time I glanced at the clock above Ethan and Jamie’s office, only a few minutes had passed since the last time I’d checked it. No matter what I did or how many stations I helped with, the clock refused to advance. I’m not sure if it was the scowl on my face or my impatient huffing, but Jamie eventually took pity on me and sent my ass home a full thirty minutes before my shift was due to end. Never, not in all the time I’d worked for Ethan, had I left work early. Tonight, I didn’t look back once I slipped through the door and headed to my bus stop.

I’d just finished putting the pizza in the oven to warm when the knock came. After my mad dash to Gino’s and then home to shower, I hadn’t had much time to think about Trevor coming over. Now that he was here, I was suddenly nervous. No matter how much I tried to rationalize what Trevor and I were doing, it all led back to the same question: What in the hell were we doing? Friends could hang out on a Friday night and eat pizza, right? Even friends with benefits did that. Outside of that, though, I didn’t know how to define what else we were to each other. I’d promised myself I’d take things one day at a time with Trevor. If I didn’t have expectations, I couldn’t get hurt. But each time I saw him, it became harder and harder to keep myself from wanting more.

Another knock, almost as loud as the pounding of my heart in my chest, finally brought me out of my haze and to the front door. My breath caught when I saw him standing there. In his black V-neck and jeans, I was reminded how stunning he really was. With his hair a little longer on the top and at least a day’s growth over his chin and jaw, he looked like he should be on the cover of a men’s magazine instead of standing in the doorway outside my apartment.

Trevor tilted his head. “Are you going to invite me in, or did you decide to keep the pizza all to yourself?”

I shook my head and opened the door wider to let him in. “Sorry, long day at the restaurant.”

Instead of coming in, he leaned against the door frame. “We don’t have to do this if you’re too tired. I know you must be exhausted between school and work.”

Shit!
I shook my head. “Really. I’m fine. I even went and picked up the pizza. It’s in the oven warming up, as we speak.”

My heart slammed in my chest as Trevor scrutinized everything from my face to my bare feet peeking out from the bottom of my jeans.

“Tyler, I won’t be upset if we need to take a rain check tonight. We can always go do something on Sunday. If you still want to.”

We’d talked on the phone, texted and even sexted over the past few weeks, but all of it paled in comparison to having him right in front of me.

With my heart pounding in my chest, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. Trevor groaned as he wrapped his arms around me and crushed our mouths together.

I had no idea how we’d moved from the doorway into my apartment, or how long he’d been pressed up against me, but when we finally broke for air, my head swam. I groaned as Trevor’s hands slid down my sides and lifted up my shirt. I wondered if having him, even just for one night, would be that bad of an idea. When the shit hit the fan, it wouldn’t be pretty, but life was never pretty. If I could have this, just once, wouldn’t it be worth it?

I slid my hand down his arm until my fingers twined with his and led him down the hall to my bedroom. Pushing every doubt and insecurity I had out of my mind, I released his hand and found the hem of my shirt. I paused just long enough to see his surprised expression illuminated by the light spilling in from the hallway, then tugged it over my head and dropped it on the floor.

“Tyler.” Trevor breathed out the word in a whisper as I found the button of my jeans, then slid them off. Standing there in only my boxers, I was more exposed to him than I’d ever been to anyone else. It was a risk to trust him with this, but I was so fucking tired of being alone. So tired of locking every piece of me away to avoid getting hurt again. Knowing full well I could end up another notch on Trevor’s bedpost, I tugged at the bottom of his V-neck, sighing in appreciation when I pulled it over his head. I’d always been all angles and bones. The tall, skinny kid in elementary school who had to stand in the back row in every group picture and who always got picked first for basketball games because my height obviously made me a better player. No matter what I did, I never bulked up. Trevor, though, was perfection. I couldn’t begin to imagine the number of hours it took in the gym to achieve the body that was standing in front of me. It should have made me embarrassed about my own body, but instead, I wanted to taste and touch every part of him.

Unable to resist, I dipped my head down and ran my tongue around one of his nipples. His answering shudder made me bolder, and I sank to my knees.

Trevor didn’t say a word. Not while I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. Not while I worked his jeans over his hips, tossing them to the side once they’d hit the floor. And not while I slipped my hands into his boxer briefs and slid them down his body.

He watched me as I leaned forward and traced the head of his dick with my tongue. He moaned and threaded his fingers in my hair, whimpering as he arched his hips forward. The knowledge that I did this to him, that I made him moan and beg for more, made me bolder. I shook off all my fears about not doing this right and focused on the man in front of me. I took my time, tracing the length of his dick from tip to base, closing my eyes and savoring the smell that was innately Trevor. Allowing myself to explore, I took my time, trailing my tongue over every inch of skin until I reached the head again, dipping my tongue into the slit, lapping at the drop of pre-come there.

Trevor tugged harder on my hair until I looked up at him. The intensity of his expression would have brought me to my knees if I hadn’t already been there. With a gentle nudge, he brought me to my feet and slanted his mouth over mine. His hands explored my body as we kissed, making me ache to feel every part of him against me. Breaking the kiss, I slipped my hand in his and pulled him into my bed. I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anything. In a single movement, I pushed Trevor onto his back and straddled his hips.

I breathed in the spicy scent of his cologne, then brushed my lips over the stubble on his neck. Whether it was the things we’d said and done over the phone, or the darkness of my bedroom making me feel brave, for once I tried not to overthink it and just let myself feel.

I froze when his body arched up toward mine, completely unused to the feeling of another man’s body in my bed. Needing to be closer to him, I leaned in, sighing in pleasure as his warm hands began to rub small circles up and down my spine. His breathing grew ragged as I explored his body with my lips and hands.

“Not that I’m complaining, but you’re killing me.”

I sealed my lips around one of his nipples and swiped my tongue over the tight nub, as Trevor’s fingers dug into my hips. A small part of me knew I could stop this at any time, but when Trevor breathed out my name in pleasure, I knew I there was no way I could stop even if I wanted to.

Trevor reached up and tugged on my hair to pull my lips off his chest. Even in the dark I could see the rapid rise and fall of his chest. I was the one who had caused that. I stretched to lean down and kiss him, but he cradled my face in his hands until I looked at him.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Right now, I didn’t give a damn what the next hour, day or month held. I wanted him, all of him, regardless of what tomorrow brought. Trevor lifted up just enough to tug my chin down so my eyes were once again level with him, his voice softer, but no less serious.

“Tyler, you should be doing this with someone who’s special to you. We don’t—”

I kissed him, silently urging him to let me in. When his lips finally parted, I poured all my need and desire into that single kiss. Trevor’s fingers tightened around my jaw, and when I lifted my head, we were both breathing hard. I’d never been good with words or telling people how I felt. I’d learned the hard way that sometimes not speaking up was safer or easier. But with Trevor’s body underneath mine and those brown eyes holding so much concern, I found the right words.

“You are special. The only thing I want right now is you, here, in my bed.”

Chapter Eighteen

Trevor

I froze, trying to process Tyler’s words. I’d heard the second part too many times to count, so I pushed that aside to focus on the first part. “
You are special.
”

Those three cut deeper than anything else Tyler had said to me. There had been no doubt in my mind earlier when I’d told Tyler I wanted to stay, not just in his bed, but with him. Now, though, those three words made all of this so much more, and it terrified me. The urge to bolt bubbled just beneath the surface, but as I looked up at the man hovering over me, I focused on the only thing I could control: being with Tyler right here, right now.

Staying meant risking a part of me I’d only ever risked with Jamie, but even the fear of getting hurt like that again paled in comparison to what Tyler made me feel. The moment our lips met again, I could feel something shift between us. Gone was the tension, the awkwardness that existed between two people who were still little more than strangers. As soon as his lips parted, allowing me to push deeper inside and explore, everything else faded away.

I wanted to explore every inch of him, to have all the time in the world to discover every dimple, every freckle and every ridge of muscle. Instead, we had one night. Usually I couldn’t get out of someone’s place fast enough after sex. With Tyler, I was afraid one night wouldn’t be nearly enough.

“You okay?”

He nodded, but wouldn’t meet my eyes. Instead, he leaned in and kissed my neck, his hands curling around my hips to pull me closer.

“Tyler, are you sure about this? I don’t want to do anything you’ll regret in the morning, and I have a feeling having sex tonight might be something you’d regret.”

He pulled back, a look of surprise and embarrassment on his face. “I want to. It’s just, I don’t know.”

My heart tightened as I watched Tyler struggle to complete his sentence, so I finished it for him. “You’ve never had sex before.”

When he wouldn’t meet my eyes, I placed my fingers under his chin and tilted his face to mine. “That’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

He looked down, his body tensed as if ready to scramble off the bed at any moment. It had been too many years since I’d been on the flip side of this conversation, but I still remembered with crystal clarity how mortified I’d been when the guy I was with had found out I was a virgin.

Pulling back, I tilted his chin back up and met his gaze. “There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, Tyler. At all. Considering my past track record, I’m the last person to judge other people over what they want to do or not do with their bodies. So, tonight, I’m going to let you decide what happens. As incredible as it feels to be here with you like this, I won’t push you for anything more than you’re comfortable with.”

He studied me for a moment, then skimmed a finger over my bottom lip, his previous insecurity morphing into something bolder.

“I’m exactly where I want to be, Trevor.”

I leaned forward and let his finger slide past my lips, cutting off anything else he was about to say. Tyler struggled to keep his eyes open as I swirled my tongue over the pad, letting my teeth graze it before I slowly pulled back.

“You have no idea how badly I want you right now.”

Tyler’s next kiss was demanding and needy. I rocked my hips against him and moaned when my cock rubbed along his thigh. The thin layer of his boxers was the only thing that separated me from him.

I slid my hands down his chest as I moved down to the foot of the bed, pausing only to run my thumbs along the top of his boxers. I hesitated, realizing this was the last barrier between us that would change what we were doing from something casual to something more. But Tyler didn’t hesitate at all, pushing the boxers down just enough to free his straining erection. I looked up to make sure he was okay, but the only thing that shone in his eyes was that he wanted this just as much as I did.

I darted my tongue out, letting it slide around the head of his cock, and was rewarded by a soft moan. It was hard not to dive in and feast on his body, but I pulled back just far enough so I could see his face. After a few torturous moments of no contact, Tyler finally opened his eyes to stare down at me. His glare would have almost been comical if it hadn’t been laced with pure need.

“Tell me what you want, Tyler.”

His body instantly tensed under mine. It might have been years ago, but I remembered what it was like not having a clue what I was doing or what I wanted done to my body. Tonight, there were two of us in Tyler’s bed, and I refused for this to all be about me.

“Do you want me to suck your cock? It really is a fucking gorgeous cock, just sitting there against your body without anyone giving it any attention. It seems a shame to ignore it.”

“God, Trev.”

Tyler’s whimpers went straight to my own cock, and I had to fight off the urge to reach down and start stroking myself. Right now was about Tyler. I’d take care of myself later.

“Tell me what you want, Tyler. I need to hear it. Do you want to wrap your hand around your cock and pump it yourself? Or, do you want me to slide my mouth so far down your cock so you will feel every hum and swallow I make?”

Slowly, the embarrassment left his eyes. In its wake was nothing short of desire and need. He opened his mouth to answer, his voice only slightly cracking.

“I want you to suck me.”

Silently crowing in triumph, I took the entire length in my mouth, savoring the musky taste of him as I slowly slid my lips down the length of his shaft. Tyler found my rhythm, and soon he was thrusting inside my mouth each time I slid up and down his cock. I slid my hand lower, grazing his balls with my knuckles, but didn’t stop until my finger was poised over the entrance just behind them. Ever so slowly, I circled his hole, not pushing, but not retreating. When his hips came off the bed with a strangled whimper, I pulled back until he relaxed.

“Tell me what you want. Talk to me, Tyler.”

I could see him war with himself over voicing his own needs, but when I kept my lips away from his straining body, his need won out.

“I want to touch you.”

My own cock was throbbing as Tyler writhed under me, his hands exploring every inch of skin he could reach. I swirled my tongue one last time around his glans, then scooted back up the bed and slanted my mouth over his. Tyler cupped my ass to pull me down harder on top of him, and we both groaned as we ground against each other. It felt amazing, but it was nothing compared to when Tyler’s fingers trailed up and down the cleft of my ass. I rolled my body off his and lay on my back, spreading my legs wide in invitation.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Trev.”

Goose bumps broke out over my chest and arms, as much from his words as from his lips as they trailed over my collarbone. I lost the battle to keep my eyes open and let them drift closed as Tyler grew bolder. One hand flicked and rubbed my nipple, while the other hand glided down my chest and abs.

“You asked what I wanted. This,” he said, moving his hand lower, “is what I want.”

Before I could even process what was happening, Tyler’s palm was wrapped around the head of my dick. Each twist of his wrist sent me higher and higher, until all I could think about was being inside him.

Using every ounce of restraint I had, I pulled him back up my body and plundered his mouth with my tongue. We lay like that for a few minutes, never breaking the kiss as our hands roamed over each other’s bodies. When we broke to catch our breaths, I watched his face, looking for anything to tell me this was a mistake. Anything to let me know we’d gone too far and we needed to put the brakes on.

He stared back, apparently searching for an answer of his own. After a minute, he seemed to find it, and rolled over to pull open the drawer of his nightstand. He passed me a small bottle of lube and a condom. Even in the dim bedroom, I could see the blush blooming on his face.

“They give these out free at the shelter. Well, not the lube. Just the condoms. The lube I bought. At the store. Fuck. Just kill me now, okay?”

I took the items from him and silenced him with a kiss. When I felt him relax again, I pulled back and smiled. “Every guy has lube at his place. Every single one. Anyone who tells you differently is just too embarrassed to admit it. Never be ashamed of your body or enjoying what feels good.”

He nodded, but my own doubt over what we were doing reared its head again. The question wasn’t whether sex was on the table. The lube and condom in my hand had answered that. No, the question was: Should we? I wanted to, God knew I wanted to, but a stronger part of me wanted to wait. No matter what he’d said, we needed to figure where this was all going before we took this next step.

Decision made, I tossed the condom back on the nightstand and flipped the cap on the lube. Tyler’s eyes went wide as he looked from the condom back to me. “I know using condoms sucks, but I don’t think we should risk it.”

Reaching down with my slick hand, I slowly began to pump his now-flagging erection. “Condoms do suck, but they’re necessary. We don’t need one, though, because we’re not going to risk anything.”

“I don’t understand. I thought you wanted to.”

I settled between his legs and braced myself above him on one arm. “Trust me, I want to. More than you know. But I think we should wait a little longer.

I could tell he wanted to say more, but the moment my cock brushed his, his eyes closed and all he could get out was, “Oh my God.”

I let out a breath I hadn’t even known I was holding. “My thoughts exactly.”

Tyler’s eyes closed as I wrapped my hand around both of us and stroked our cocks together. I wanted to close my eyes, but watching Tyler was worth the struggle. He moaned when I stroked from base to tip, but he arched his back and bit his lower lip whenever my fingers brushed over his balls. He tried to stay still, but soon, Tyler’s hips rocked with the motion as his breathing deepened and caught.

“Breathe, Tyler.”

“Trying.”

I changed the motion of my hand, enjoying how he froze for a second and shuddered. I licked my lips, which were suddenly dry. My cock ached in my hand. Going this slow was killing me, but I’d be damned if I didn’t make this amazing for him.

“Good?”

“Mmm-hmm, but so close.” He gasped, his hips bucking, and I grinned. I stroked us both together, searching for a rhythm that would bring us both over the edge. I wanted to speed up, but the thought of this being over too soon kept me from rushing it. I bit my lip in concentration as our hips rocked together.

“So good, Tyler. You feel so fucking good.”

His fingers burrowed into my hair, tugging as I pulled back far enough to glance between our bodies, slick with sweat and lube.

“Watch. I want you to see how fucking amazing we look together.”

His unfocused gaze followed the motion of my hand around our cocks, the slick sound of the lube and pre-come, was sexier than anything else I’d ever heard. I tightened my grip, moving my hand faster as my own breathing grew ragged. We ground together sloppily, all semblance of a rhythm gone. All I could think about was making Tyler come, watching him lose all control.

He gasped as he pulled my head down for a desperate kiss.

I twisted my hand, squeezing firmly as I felt my balls tighten. I barely caught Tyler’s eyes roll back before I slammed my eyes closed, the effort of holding back almost painful. He gasped again as his cock twitched in my hand, covering us both with come.

His teeth snagged on my bottom lip, tugging sharply just a moment, and that was all it took to push me over the edge with him. I buried my face in his neck until the last of the spasms racked my body, then collapsed on top of him. A low moan escaped my lips when he began to rub small circles at the base of my spine. At this point, I was usually out the door faster than I could get my clothes on. Right now, I couldn’t fathom being five feet from Tyler, let alone two thousand miles away.

“Shit.”

Tyler rolled out from under me and jumped out of the bed.

“Um, Tyler? Is there something I’m missing here?” Tyler was shoving his clothes back on. What in the fuck was going on?

Tyler paused in his haste to throw on his clothes. “The pizza. Can’t you smell it burning?”

I tried hard not to laugh, but I couldn’t help it when he dashed out of the bedroom. A trail of highly colorful words filtered into the bedroom from the kitchen a few seconds later. Taking my time, I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and cleaned off the best I could before slipping my briefs and jeans back on. When I walked into the kitchen a few minutes later, Tyler was staring down at the sorriest excuse for pizza I’d ever seen in my life.

“Yeah, this is why I don’t eat pizza outside the state of New York.”

Tyler shot me a glare, then scrubbed his hand over his face. “You’d think I’d be better at this after all the time I’ve spent in the restaurant business.”

He was so dejected and so fucking cute, I couldn’t stop myself from walking over and pulling him into my arms. “Trust me when I say, after what just happened in your bedroom, I honestly couldn’t care less about the pizza.”

Tyler buried his face in my neck and said, “You’re just saying that to be a nice guy.”

I chuckled and placed a kiss on his head. “I’m not a nice guy, and I’m telling the truth. I’d be completely okay with starving if it meant spending more time in your bed.”

I could feel some of the tension bleed out from Tyler’s shoulders, but he kept his face hidden against my neck. “How about on my futon?”

“There, too. And the shower, and the table.” I paused. “Well, no. Not the table. But maybe my rental car.”

Tyler raised his head. “No table, but I’m good with the rest of your list.”

As I brushed my lips over his, I wondered how I’d let this twenty-year-old sous-chef sneak up on me like this. The more time I spent with him, the more of him I wanted.

We both had busy days tomorrow, but instead of getting my shit together and leaving, I pulled him closer and buried my face deep into the crook of his neck. I needed to leave, but I was even more afraid to stay, and find some way to fuck this up. I didn’t want any labels we put on this to somehow ruin this perfect moment. More than anything, I was afraid that if I stayed, I’d never want to leave.