Journey From the Summit (14 page)

Chapter Nineteen

It was the day before my birthday. Sal had called to see if I fancied going out for a few drinks to celebrate, but I just wasn’t feeling like it at all. I knew it would probably do me good, but I didn’t have the energy to try and have a good time so I declined.

I suppose no matter how good your friends are there are only so many ways they can try and bring you out of the depths of your despair. Eventually, even your best friends have to get on with their lives and leave you to your gloom. I must have been dreadful company too: after all, did anyone, with the best will in the world, want to hear you go on about the same thing all the time? And it was so hard to talk about anything else, as my mind had only one focus. They would talk of other friends, the next party, what they did last weekend. How had I spent my weekend? Sitting in and reading Saul’s letters, feeling sorry for myself! I knew I risked losing my friends if I didn’t make an effort, but I didn’t have the desire to do anything about it.

I was expecting a phone call from Saul’s mum to tell me how they had got on in court the day before. Although I knew the chance of any change was very slight, I still sent out prayers of hope to any god that may hear me. Saul had spent eight long months in prison, it felt as if he was never going to come home.

My expected call came at the same time as always – early morning for them and lunchtime for us. My boss had answered but handed it straight to me, telling me it was an international call. I took the receiver waiting to hear Saul’s mum’s voice, wondering if maybe she had any different news for me. I couldn’t help but always hope.

But the voice I heard down the line was not Saul’s mum’s!

“Flossie! Flossie, it’s me! I’m coming home to you!” cried Saul excitedly down the phone. I could barely believe my ears! I was so shocked I could hardly make out what he was telling me. He was free! His case had been acquitted, thrown out of court due to insufficient evidence; they were letting him come home. Finally the process had exhausted itself and the judge had declared the case over.

“Book the church, Floss,” Saul laughed, “I’m coming home to marry you!”

I felt my legs give way beneath me and fell to the floor as a wash of emotion flooded over me like a tidal wave. All the pain, all the stress of the last eight months left me as wave after wave of euphoria hit me. When I could finally feel my legs again I danced around the office, jumping for joy. My boss knew without a word from me what had happened, and gave me the rest of the afternoon off, knowing I would be pretty useless to him that day!!

I rang Sal. Suddenly I was in the mood to celebrate my birthday tomorrow after all!! She shrieked down the phone almost perforating my ear drum when I told her the reason for my change of heart!

What a celebration we had! Sal had got quite a few friends together in the local pub, telling them the good news, so everyone was on a high – but no one more than me. For the very first time in months I could feel happiness running through my veins, like a river flowing through a desert following a much longed for rainfall.

The next few days passed in a whirlwind. I had been promised the best birthday present I could have wished for and now couldn’t wait to receive it. I was the most excited I had ever been in my whole life. Saul was coming home in just under a week and I needed to find us somewhere to live. I wanted him to be able to come home and for us to live together immediately. We had been apart for so long, that I knew that the moment he returned we would not be able to endure being separated again. I hunted and searched all the papers and finally found a room in a shared flat that was just big enough for both of us. I didn’t care if it was a cardboard box, as long as we could be together. To me that room would be a palace, as it would be our home.

I floated through the next few days smiling at everyone I saw, and feeling as though I had returned to my life after being shut in the dark for so long. If I felt like I had come back into the sunlight, imagine how Saul must be feeling!! Walking free, not having to answer to anyone; being able to wake up when he wanted after a good night’s sleep on a mattress; eating what he liked, and going where he pleased; looking out of a barless window where he could see the stars, and know that if he chose to he could walk out of that room!

Saul called me again before he was due to leave, just so we could chat on the phone! It was magical! He and Daniel were celebrating in Goa with Joe and Antony, the two local guys who had helped us so much. All the westerners had left now, so Goa was quiet.

“They took me out for dinner the first night, babe. It was wonderful being able to choose what I wanted to eat for the first time in months! I felt like a kid in a sweet shop. The cobra beer has been flowing freely, and damn it tastes good!” he laughed. “Flossie, I cannot wait to be with you! The flights are booked now, so I’m on my way home! Are you ready for me?” he teased.

Ready? I had never been more ready for anything in my life!!

The night before Saul was due to return, I lay awake allowing myself to fantasize about our reunion. I had had to shut away the part of myself that permitted me to dream of his fingers caressing my skin, the feeling of his lips as they connected with mine. While the deepest part of me craved it like the desert craves the rain, another part of me felt a delicious nervousness, a sweet anticipation that made me tingle all over. I hadn’t allowed myself to have these thoughts for so long, as I had known they would only add to the torment of being separated from him, but now I let them come flooding into me like a tidal wave of desire. In my imagination it was both romantic and sensuous and at the same time passionate and raw, as we took each other in wild abandon. But in reality would we be awkward and embarrassed, would we remember that deep connection that had so naturally defined us before? Had too much time passed for things to be the same as they were? Would he be too troubled, too disturbed, too exhausted to still want me in the primal way he did before this happened? What if things had changed for us? Was I setting myself up for disappointment? I knew I would wait for him if he needed time to adjust, I would be patient if he needed time just to be with me. I just needed to be with him. I settled down, hugging my pillow, smug in the knowledge that soon I could replace it with him, and began to drift off.

But just as I began to lose myself to my slumber, my mind jolted me awake again with more worries, pushing sleep away from my overworked brain. What if they didn’t let him come home? What if they rearrested him as he tried to leave India? What if they changed their minds? I felt my stomach contract with the stress of these fears. I turned over, uncomfortable now and wide awake. I knew I couldn’t be totally happy until I saw him arrive at Heathrow. Only then, when he walked through that gate and into my arms would I know that my life could truly begin in earnest. This was silly, I had to stop distressing myself! I needed my sleep; I wanted to look my best tomorrow, not turn up looking wretched from insomnia! I forced my eyes closed and made myself begin to count as I tried to empty my busy mind of my anxieties. At last I felt my thoughts losing their grip on me as sleep claimed me.

Finally the day arrived that Saul was due home. I was a ball of excitement, and wound up like a tight spring. What should I wear? How should I have my hair? I wanted to be perfect for him. I hadn’t seen him for so long, I was trembling with anticipation, nervousness even! It was like going to meet someone on a first date who you had always dreamt of dating, but both of you knowing it was the first date of the rest of your lives.

Eventually I pulled on a bright orange sheath dress that I knew Saul loved, and left my hair to tumble, its unruly curls falling down my back. I glanced at my reflection and noticed my coin necklace, its coppery glow winking in the mirror. I touched the smiling face; it was time for true happiness at last.

The drive to the airport seemed to take forever. The wait in arrivals was eternal, each second dragging itself heavily and slowly into the next one. Would he really come home? Could I really be so lucky that he would walk through that gate? It was all I had longed for, all I wanted. We had been separated for a little short of a year; it seemed impossible that I would get to hold him and not have to let go again.

At long last I saw Daniel walk through the gate, grinning and waving. I felt my heart leap knowing at last that my man would be right behind him.

Finally came the moment I had waited for, dreamt of, planned and rehearsed: Saul walked through the gate! He scanned the faces before him and as his eyes met mine his face broke into the biggest smile I had ever seen. I felt tears of the happiest kind spring into my eyes and spill over onto my cheeks. We flew into each other’s arms and I knew we would never let each other go. I had dreamt of this moment for so long, and it was the finest moment I had ever had in my whole life.

With our arms wrapped around each other, we walked out of the airport into the September sunshine to continue our journey from the summit of our mountain into the rest of our lives, together.

Epilogue

It was a blisteringly hot day in August almost a year after Saul came home. As I walked into the cool church on my proud father’s arm, Saul turned around to look at me, and his face lit up with his beautiful smile. Daniel stood beside him, as his best man, an honour he had truly earned. Adam, who we had asked to be one of our ushers, stood to Daniel’s right, his mischievous grin, relaying the happiness he too felt at our union. All our friends and family had come to share the most special day of our lives – the day when Saul and I would finally be joined together forever.

During the next two years we went on to have two beautiful sons, who we love with all our hearts and feel proud of every single day.

Almost twenty-five years later, we still love each other with as much fervour as we did when we first found each other. There is never a day that passes when we don’t acknowledge our love for each other; never a moment when we take what we have for granted. Maybe our love is so strong because of what we went through, or maybe it would have been anyway. Perhaps it makes us appreciate each other in a way that we wouldn’t have if we hadn’t had to face the challenges that we did. Maybe it was life’s way of ensuring that we would always love each other like we do. Either way, we know we’re lucky to have found love like ours, and both of us know with every moment that we live that we were put on this earth to be together.

Life is a mountain,

A steep incline,

An uphill struggle,

A tedious climb.

All paths come together

Whichever you choose,

Although it seems hard

There’s no way you can lose.

Right from the moment

You’re put on this earth,

Your journey’s mapped out

From the day of your birth.

Friends will climb with you

Sharing your load,

And lovers may walk

For a while on your road.

But someone is sharing

This climb with you,

For it is their mountain,

Their destiny too.

When you arrive at the summit,

Where two paths combine;

Your lives form a union,

Forever entwined.

L.A.Ereira