Landchester Amish Love: Sarah (Amish Romance) (Landchester Amish Love Series Book 1) (2 page)

“You are so talented,
Dochtah
,” Laura watched Sarah as she sat at the kitchen table making her Amish dolls.

“
Danke, Maemm
. But it would be so much better if I could give them hair and put faces on them. Give them expression.” Sarah’s face clouded over as she looked at the drabness of her Amish dolls. All she could see in her mind’s eye was her perfect doll in the barn, locked away.

“You know our ways. There’s a reason for that. You know the story of the Amish father whose
dochtah
got a doll with a face and he removed it saying only
Gott
can make faces and replaced the head with a plain one. Whether that story is true or not, we are plain because we believe that is what
Gott
wants for us. If we put faces on dolls, what happens if we have expectations that we should be better than we are. We are made in
Gott’s
likeness so it isn’t right to put a face on a doll. We should accept ourselves for who we are.” Laura put her hand on Sarah’s shoulders. It bothered her to see her
dochtah
so worked up. She really was talented, so why wasn’t that enough for Sarah? She had found a way to make extra money.

“But you really don’t believe that, do you
Maemm
? If I am created in
Gott’s
likeness and he has given me this gift, what is wrong in making that face or giving hair to a doll? Is
Gott
not working through me?” Sarah’s knew her mother would not be able to answer her.

“
Nee
, it is wrong to be put face and hair on a doll. It will make a child self-conscious.” Sarah knew by her mother’s tone that the conversation was over.

So why did Sarah feel insecure if she had dolls with no faces or hair? No one could answer that or reason why she couldn’t use her talents to the maximum. From Sarah’s perspective, people felt unhappy or insecure from inside, not from what their dolls looked like. She was the perfect example of why that argument of faceless dolls didn’t make sense.

She so longed to put her name on her dolls. But that wasn’t allowed either. The doll makers were anonymous. Another ridiculous rule, Sarah thought to herself. But my new dolls will have a label with my name on them. I’ll be so proud, not in a vain way, she corrected. But because my creations are recognized. The shop owner had told Sarah that her creations were the best sellers he had. Why couldn’t she be proud and happy with that news? Sarah knew better than to tell her mother or even Ruth. If she and Ruth argued, Ruth could use this information against her and Sarah would be scolded for being proud.

Her mother really had no idea of what went through Sarah’s mind as she sat there quietly. Sarah’s mind was on her doll in the barn. She would try to get out there tonight. Sarah smiled at the pile she had made. She really could make these Amish dolls with her eyes closed. She longed for the more intricate work of making faces but she had to settle for these now. She’d keep one to put with her face dolls so she could see the difference. Part of her wanted her faceless doll to know what it was like to be pretty and look different. That was it was okay to stand out.

But the long working day doing chores, and her evening making Amish decorations, was taking its toll. She wasn’t able to work too long into the night on what she really wanted to create. However, Sarah was sensible enough to know, there was no point in pushing herself until she found a shop to sell her new dolls. Then she could up production. She’d need to buy some material for labels but for now she could sew them very neatly into the dolls’ feet.

Ruth joined Sarah at the table.

“Can I help you with anything? It’s a great collection. You are very talented, Sarah.” Ruth had picked up the dolls to look at them.

“
Danke,
Ruth. If you could sew the hats on these two, that would be great. I’m almost finished now.” From an early age, like other Amish girls, Ruth and Sarah had been taught how to sew. Ruth was skilled but was outclassed by Sarah.

“
Nee,
Ruth, do it like this one.” Sarah’s perfectionistic trait was rearing its ugly head. She put an example of how she wanted the work done in front of Ruth. Ruth was annoyed as she thought her work had been quite acceptable but held her tongue, this was Sarah’s work.

“Sarah what other kinds of things would you like to make?” Ruth kept her eyes on the doll she was working on.

Sarah looked at her, had she read her mind? How could Ruth know what she was thinking?

“Of course, doesn’t everyone want to expand on their craft but I accept the parameters I must work within. Why do you ask?” Sarah was very suspicious of her
schweschder
.

“No reason. It’s just you are really
gut
. The flower garlands look lovely too.” Ruth stopped her sewing to pick up one of the flower garlands Sarah had made. Her work was exquisite. It was such a pity there wasn’t a greater outlet for her work. She knew Sarah just had the one shop stocking her creations. Her handiwork needed to be admired by others. Ruth knew the
Englischers
were obsessed with the Amish way of life so anything Sarah made was bound to sell well.

As their mother was out of earshot, Ruth asked Sarah outright about her plans, “Don’t you ever wish to sell more products and do more with your talent?”

Sarah wasn’t sure whether to admit to it or not and took a chance.

“
Jah,
of course, I love each doll I create and wish I could do more for them.” She said no more as their mother had returned. But the supply for the store was ready now and Ruth helped Sarah to pack the dolls into the baskets. Sarah would make her delivery the following day. For now, she had to be satisfied with her only retail outlet.

Jacob was in a bad mood. It was so cold, he couldn’t feel his hands despite wearing gloves. His
familye
owned this furniture and craft store that showcased the Amish community’s talents. It wasn’t his ideal way to work but needs must and he had to help out his
familye
. But he hated the cold morning starts. He was struggling with the wood stove, it didn’t feel like working today. Today of all days, Jacob was exasperated.

He ran around as a way to heat himself up, opening the shutters and doors. He really needed some
kaffe
. He went back to the wood-burner. Now, it was starting to light up and he could put the kettle on top. Jacob looked so out of place in the store. He was big and muscular and looked like a bull in a china shop. He would have been happier to be working in the fields or making the furniture, not trying to sell it but on the cold mornings, he was happy to be under cover. As he had the place to himself, he sang songs he really shouldn’t be singing but it was a great feeling to sing out loud and it made him forget about the cold.

Jacob was quite a sight, singing and waving his arms around the place.

“Come on, stove, I need my
kaffe
. Boil water, boil!” Jacob was still jumping about. He saw a couple walking towards the store. He loved telling tall tales to the
Englischers
. They really were gullible. He could never understand why they thought the Amish were somehow backward. This couple looked no different. They pushed open the door and shouted out to Jacob:

“Young man, we need a gas station.” The
mann
was screeching at him as though he was deaf. The woman then pointed to their car and tried to motion something about gas but her
mann
interrupted her.

“He won’t know what that means. These people don’t drive cars.” He then turned to Jacob and asking loudly if he knew what gas was. The woman had noticed a rocking horse and they were really annoying Jacob now and he walked to the woman and put on the best fake accent he could muster.

“
Da childer make toy in shed
.
Need moola to feed families. Locked in barn until work done
.” The woman nodded as he spoke and called her
mann
over and relayed the conversation about the poor Amish
kinder
being locked in a barn to make toys. He was feeling very proud of himself and couldn’t help but snigger at how stupid they were being. How dare they act like he doesn’t know
Englisch
? If they weren’t sure, just ask. But to talk loud? If he didn’t speak
Englisch
how would he understand them?

The woman didn’t like how loud Jacob was being. She felt uncomfortable. Yet had taken no notice of her husband’s behavior towards Jacob. She was admiring the craftsmanship of the items she could see and was whispering to her husband.

Jacob’s character was broken when Sarah came in with a basket of her dolls,

“Jacob, I’ve got some dolls for you and there’s more in my buggy.” She hadn’t seen the couple and was taken aback as they looked at her and then at Jacob.

“Sure, leave them by your table and I’ll get the others from your buggy.” The couple glared at Jacob as they heard the perfect
Englisch
spoken between them.

The
mann
began to shout at Jacob for being rude to him and his wife. How dare he behave like that? But Jacob was prepared and never said no to any argument, “You two came in here, talking loudly as though I was a fool. You never asked if I spoke
Englisch
, you just assumed I didn’t and then carried on like I couldn’t understand. How dare you treat me like that? Get out of my shop.”

“We’ll tell the owner about your behavior. That’s no way to treat a customer.”

“You too are not customers. You wanted directions to the gas station-look over there, there’s a big sign that screams “gas”. For your information, I’m the owner of this store. Treat me like a fool and that’s how I’ll treat you. Get off my property.”

The couple went back to their car and turned towards the gas station.

“Jacob, that wasn’t
gut
customer service. We depend on them to buy our goods.” Sarah scolded him.

“Let me tell you what they did. It just annoys me, Sarah.” Jacob told her what had happened and Sarah began to laugh. It was very funny.

“Sarah, have some
kaffe
with me? It’s just brewed. Those idiots. I don’t like those kind of
Englischers
. You have a great supply of dolls today.” Jacob gave her
kaffe
and she sat on the stool.

“
Jah,
I got
gut
work done.” Sarah was pleased.

“Your dolls sell really done. I assume
Daed
has told you that. Your attention to detail is excellent. I can see you take great care in making each doll.”

Sarah blushed but he was right. Each doll deserved attention and Sarah gave that to them and hoped they’d be bought into good homes. Jacob had quietened down now and was leaning on a table as they drank.

“Sometimes I think I’d like to make prettier dolls and more decorative items.” She kept her eyes down as she spoke. It was the first time she had spoken out loud to another person about her dolls.

“They are perfectly pretty now as they are. Beautiful dolls like their maker.” Jacob turned away as he spoke. He had to pay Sarah for her dolls. Her face was burning up. She felt very self-conscious. Why would he say such a thing? Was he teasing her? Yes, that was it, Jacob was teasing her. It was what he did. Or was he? Sarah’s mind was in turmoil.

Jacob reached out to give her the money and as their hands touched, she felt a spark. It was as though her body was taken over by a rush of feelings. She did what she was did when she was unnerved, Sarah retreated.

“
Danke
, Jacob.” She turned and wanted to get away as fast as possible.

“But Sarah, you didn’t count the money to see if it was correct.”

Sarah knew her brain had turned to mush. She couldn’t count money with all these feelings racing through her body. She had to get out of there. Jacob watched as she walked out.

“She’s a strange one, that Sarah Moore. But she is talented.” He returned to taking care of the store.

Sarah walked to the little
kaffe
shop down from the store. The lady who owned it collected material scraps for Sarah as she wasn’t able to buy the colored material herself. She used the scraps to make her dolls with faces.

“
Gut
morning, Sarah. Here you go.” Sarah didn’t stay long. She would trade a doll or flower garland for the scraps of material. It was a good arrangement for Sarah. She couldn’t very well be seen in a drapery store buying material.

With her business completed, Sarah headed home, more confused than when she left. That Jacob Beiler was very strange.

On her way home, Sarah came up with a plan. While she was waiting for the
kaffe
shop owner, Sarah had looked in the Yellow Pages to locate some craft stores. There was one in the next town over. Sarah was sure if she could just get her product to them, they would sell them for her. She’d reach a bigger audience too. That was decided. She’d make a couple of dolls with faces and save her money to get a taxi to the next town. It could work. It had to work. She wanted to break free of being told what she could and couldn’t make.

Then Jacob came into her mind. Tall and loud Jacob. He had said her dolls were beautiful like their maker. Had he meant it? But she wasn’t sure about Jacob’s intentions. He was such a joker. But there was something about him that made her mention her dolls. Had he drawn her out of herself? She didn’t know for sure. She had heard the expression “opposites attract”. But it was just wishful thinking on her part. Jacob was attractive and Sarah felt she was just blah.

None of the Amish boys had shown any interest in her romantically speaking. Whether it was her own lack of confidence or the fact no one was interested in her, Sarah had closed herself off. She didn’t feel like she belonged. But would she fit in anywhere? At least in the community, she had her
familye
but if she left and went out into the world, she would be alone.

It was a struggle for Sarah. She just wanted to be like the other girls. She wanted someone to love her. Sarah always found an excuse, it was her looks. If only she looked prettier, if she was blond and taller. Her dolls with faces were the ideal she aspired to but of course, this just served to make Sarah more miserable. She certainly would never be allowed to dye her hair from black to blonde. At this rate, she would never be married.

Sarah had never struggled with her faith, it was her confidence and lack of interest from the opposite sex that caused the most upset for her. She was quite content to marry and have
boppli
but it wasn’t on the horizon. If the young men didn’t find her attractive now, then she would never get the opportunity to find love.

She prayed to
Gott
to relieve her of this pain. But her mind constantly worked overtime.  She had seen her
bruder
, Caleb, struggle with his faith but he had Anne and he stayed for love. And they were happy. Anne was pregnant with their first child. And when their
boppli
arrived, Sarah would have to face the truth that she would never have a
familye
of her own.

She had arrived home and put her horse and buggy away. She’d be back tonight to continue her on her second doll. Sarah went to her room and read her prayer book. She trusted that
Gott
would look after her but he was taking his time and she was getting frustrated at having to wait for love.

When she finished her reading, she lay down on her bed and thought about her dolls with faces and how she could develop that side of her business.
Jah,
if she could get them stocked elsewhere, away from Amish eyes, she could make good money. The
Englischers
always praised the Amish for their workmanship and her dolls would be no exception. She was feeling excited. Sarah had a plan.

With her perfectionistic tendencies, Sarah made a lot of plans. They gave her mind a focus and she was determined by nature. Not all of them worked out but she was always hopeful that the next plan would work. Sometimes one just needed a little support. But something held her back in talking to Ruth. She knew Ruth would help her but the fear of someone in the
familye
knowing her secret was too strong. But Sarah was reaching breaking point and something would have to give.