My Body-His Marcello (7 page)

“
I’m
taking you to Japan with me for work and pleasure.”

“
Oh? I
thought we were skipping the honeymoon.”

“
Why
did you think that?”

“
Well,
you only just mentioned it.”

He massaged my
right ear as we talked. “You could’ve asked,” he said.

“
You
expect a lot from me. I should know when to ask and yet you hate
answering.”

“
What
gives you the idea I hate answering interrogations?” he said,
smiling.

“
You
always get mad when I ask you questions. How about that?” I
countered, rolling my eyes.

“
Depends on the questions, I guess, and I still owe you one.”
He gave me a sly smile.

“
That’s right, you do. And I have one.”

After we had
first moved in together, Luke promised to answer five questions of
mine. He let me save one of the five for future use.

“
Fine,
anything, I’ll answer.”

“
Truly?”

“
Hit
me,” he said, taking a strand of my wavy brown hair and wrapping it
around his finger.

“
What
did Janice want you to do that ended the relationship?”

“
You
had to ask that? Don’t you want to know something else?”

“
Are
you giving me more than one question?”

“
No.”

“
Then
no. I asked what I want to know.”

“
Fine,” he said. He sat up in bed. “It wasn’t one specific
thing. It was her need to be punished all the time. There was no
balance between making love and fucking. She would continually try
to anger me so I would discipline her. I no longer enjoyed our
relationship. We talked about it a couple of times but the truth
was that we weren’t a good match. Not like you and me, who are
meant to be together.”

“
Wow.”

“
Yes,
wow.”

That day stayed
indelibly marked in my memory as one of my best and worst. The
beating I took at the hands of Janice, orchestrated by Marcello,
and approved by Luke made it the worst in my life. But afterwards,
as Luke cared for me, for the first time I felt married, connected
to another person. I believed Luke when he said that he knew we
were meant to be together. I no longer worried that he really
wished he’d married Janice or any of the other women in the photo
album. He chose me. He married me.

There were still
two mysteries: the garter belt in one of his files and the blank
spaces where photos had once been at the end of the album. I had
stopped worrying that he would find out about my unsanctioned
snooping in his office in our old apartment.

I don’t mean to
imply I’m proud of the fact that I went through all Luke’s files
and cabinets after he told me where to find the key to his office.
But the phone kept ringing every hour and waking me throughout the
night. Once I’d opened it, I couldn’t bring myself to lock the door
again. I was desperate to know more about Luke and I let my
curiosity lead me astray.

* * *

Luke pampered me
as an apology for the wedding and the aftermath. He worked little
and we made love in the gentlest of ways. We opened our wedding
presents sporadically during that time. We received several serving
platters and vases, which must be the go to gifts when someone
doesn’t register. It never occurred to me to do so and Luke hadn’t
mentioned it. Christian’s gift stood out amongst the rest—a
multi-purpose device made of cloth and Velcro latches.

“
What
is this for?” I asked Luke, holding up the purple
material.

“
Must
be one of items from Pandora’s Box. Looks like it could be used as
a blindfold …” he said as he switched the folds of the material
another way. “This is rather clever. You can use it for handcuffs
or as wrapping device for restraints.”

“
Oh,”
I said, taking it back from him and writing the gift description
next to Christian’s name for thank you cards.

“
Make
sure you pack this for Japan since we can’t try it out tonight,” he
said and winked.

“
Lie
down on your stomach so I can look at your back. You seem to be
healing up nicely,” he said as applied the salve that offered me so
much relief.

A few days had
passed and I felt ravenous for him. “I miss having you inside me,”
I said, shifting onto my side to look into his eyes.

“
As do
I, love, but we leave shortly for Japan and I don’t want you
uncomfortable on the plane.”

“
Can
you at least hold and kiss me? I can climb on top, so only the
front of my body will be against you.” I pouted my lip in the way I
knew he loved.

He chuckled and
said, “Okay, you win, but don’t get used to it.”

Quickly
disrobing, he lay down next to me on his back and helped me to
maneuver on top of him. He couldn’t wrap his arms around me so he
held my face as we began to softly kiss.

“
You
are so beautiful.” The love radiated from his eyes and his energy
seemed to crackle around us. “I can’t wait to show you my life in
Japan. I have an apartment in Tokyo and we’ll travel to other
places as well.”

“
I
don’t have much experience traveling abroad. I can’t wait for you
to show me everything.”

I wanted more of
our kissing. Our passion ignited and I couldn’t help wriggling my
hips against him as his cock grew beneath me. My juices had me
sliding back and forth over his erection. I tilted my hips at an
angle trying to work his member inside.

Luke laughed and
said, “What are you doing, naughty girl?”

“
What
does it feel like? I would think you of all people would know
what’s about to happen,” I said, caressing his cheek with my
hand.

“
Are
you sassing me, my Jane?” he said with deep affection.

“
You
know it, my husband. Now please help me!”

He tilted his
hips and slid home. The gentle lovemaking had me moaning out loud
as he gripped my arms to slide me up and down on him. He continued
the dance of his tongue and lips on my mouth, breathing me in,
biting my lower lip ... The sweet friction of our sex coupled
with his complete control over our pace left my clit rubbing back
and forth over his pelvic bone, bringing me to searing orgasm just
before he bellowed out his release. With his cock still embedded in
me, I wrapped my arms up around his neck and fell
asleep.

When I woke the
next morning, he had already started his routine. Four days after
my ordeal at the hands of Janice, I was able to run slowly on the
asphalt by the beach. The short run didn’t feel great, but I needed
to use my body. As I stretched gingerly, I reflected how I would
never be able to run in just a sports bra again. The rings in my
nipples were too obvious.

I think I put on
two whole pounds over that time, thanks to Luke’s cooking and no
running. I might still look back upon that time as golden … had it
not been for what was brought to light soon after—the day before we
were supposed to leave for Japan.

“
What’s this?” he said as he thundered into my room.

I looked up from my computer. “Looks like a file to
me,” I said in an even voice, even though my heart had dropped
straight down into my stomach. Heat shot out to the surface of my
skin and I felt as if my accelerated pulse could clearly be seen
pounding in my throat.

“
You’ve been in my files. The pictures in this file belong in
another, Jane. Would you care to tell me how that happened?” The
look on his face told me the discipline for that betrayal of trust
would be impossibly high.

I didn’t know
what to say. I thought of lying, but we both knew I’d done
it.

“
I
wanted to tell you but I was scared you’d kick me out. I regretted
it instantly. It was during those phone calls—”

“
What
I don’t understand is why you didn’t tell me before we were
married, Jane. You lied to me on the very day I proposed to you
when you confessed you’d checked out my website. You had the
opportunity to come clean then and yet—”

“
I
felt petrified you would take back your wedding proposal, and I
couldn’t chance losing you.”

“
But
that’s exactly what you did with your lies and silence. I don’t
want to hear any more excuses. I’m calling Marcello. Apparently he
was right and I was wrong in regards to your need for further
training.”

“
Luke,
no,
please
! You can use the spatula paddle on me. Please
don’t send me to Marcello,” I said. I got down on my knees in front
of him. I clutched the legs of his jeans and looked up. “I could
never go there.
Please
, Luke.”

He leaned down,
pinched my cheeks between his fingers and said, “When will you get
that it’s not up to you?” Pushing me roughly away, he stormed out
the door.

I lay on the
floor in a state of shock, too terrified to cry or scream or even
think. All that kept running through my mind was,
It’s over,
completely and totally over
. We had been closer than ever to
living in bliss. I would never willingly go to Marcello’s for an
hour, let alone a weekend.

I had no idea how
much time passed, but after a good long while Luke came back into
my writing room.

“
Get
up off the floor,” he said, in a voice void of compassion. “Unpack
your bags for Japan and pack an overnight bag.”

“
Where
am I going?” I said. I didn’t budge.

“
You
know where you’re going. Now get off the fucking floor.”

“
I
can’t go there, Luke, please don’t do this. Please let me
explain.”

“
There’s nothing to explain. You cannot be trusted. I will have
to put a lock on my office door as well as my files. I’m doubting
myself at this moment, and I hate anything or anyone who makes me
doubt myself. I was sure you were the one and now I don’t
know.”

His last
statement released the flood of tears that had accumulated in the
pit of my stomach and beneath the lump in my throat. He seized my
arm with force and lifted me into the chair.

“
Get
yourself together and do what I say or get the fuck
out.”

“
Please
, Luke!” I was wailing. “
Please
just
listen to what I have to say. I’m different now. Things have
changed radically between us. I’m no longer jealous. Please don’t
push me away.”

His laugh was
bitter and angry. I hoped I’d never hear anything like it again.
“
I
pushed you away? I don’t think so.”

The tears still
streamed down my face as I just sat there, staring at him. It was
as if the Luke I had come to know no longer existed. I couldn’t
feel our connection. His eyes appeared darker and I shivered in the
chill of their harsh judgment. It was as if the devil had arrived
to transport me to hell.

“
Now
, Jane,” he commanded. His contemptuous eyes
dismissed me as he left the room.

I didn’t stir
right away. I knew what I had to do, but I didn’t know if I could
do it. I willed myself to rise and stagger the short distance
between my writing room and the bedroom. I was like a prisoner on
the way to the gas chamber. I ignored the suitcases packed for
Japan and went to
the
closet. I gathered what I would need for a few days. I threw all of
my toiletries into the bag and closed the door. For the first time
I dressed in my running clothes while in the bedroom.

Back in my
writing room, I loaded the computer into my backpack. I passed
Luke’s office without looking in. Grabbing the keys off the counter
in the kitchen, I left through the front door. After I loaded my
heavy pack onto my back—wincing at the pain—I had no idea where to
go. My mother’s place was out of the question, and I was too
mortified at the thought of proving my friends right by running to
them. Getting in touch with Scott crossed my mind, but Luke had
forbidden me to have contact with him. In case there was any chance
of reconciliation with Luke, I didn’t want to commit any other
unforgivable acts.

I started toward
the boardwalk where I usually ran. Halfway there I realized I had
left my cellphone on the charger. I knew Luke would leave for Japan
tomorrow. I could go back to the house then to get more of my
things. For a while I paused, then shuffled back and forth trying
to make up my mind. I was paralyzed with worry because Luke
wouldn’t be able to contact me if he reconsidered sending me to
Marcello’s. I thought of going back to the house, but my fear of
Marcello and of Luke’s anger and disappointment kept me pressing
forward.

Hiking the ten
blocks to the usual spot where I began my runs, I went into one of
the t-shirt shops to ask if they could keep my stuff behind the
counter for a while. Then, dodging the crowds on the boardwalk, I
ran until I was spent. I didn’t care who saw me and I didn’t care
how much it hurt my healing back. Rather than dwelling on the
enormity of what had just happened, I tried to formulate a plan for
the immediate future.
Where should I go?