My Only - Alex & Jamie (5 page)

I gotta be smooooth, he thought.

“Alex, how bad is your pain?” Her voice sounded like it was getting farther and farther away.

“What pain? I don’t feel anything.” He could barely keep his eyes open. But he didn’t want to stop looking at Jamie. Mmm, his Jamie.

He knew he was starting to float away once again. But before he let himself drift back into the sweet abyss he had to tell his Jamie something. Just as he felt his eyes drooping shut, he called out to her.

“My Jamie.” He was not completely sure if any words had actually left his mouth.

He forced his eyes to open once more.

His Jamie moved closer to him and he felt the soothing contact of her hand as it rested lightly on his forearm.

“What?” He thought he heard her say but she sounded so far away, like she was in a tunnel.

He moved his arm from underneath her touch and wrapped his fingers around her wrist once again as he pulled her closer to him.

She leaned down so that she was at eye level with him and he got an up close and personal view of her eyes for the first time. Wow, they looked like pools of rich caramel lined with a milk chocolate ring. He wanted to swim in them.

“Damn, I could get lost in those eyes.” His voice sounded strained.

He heard a small gasp escape as her lips parted. His eyes shot to her mouth. Mmmm, her lips were full, plump, bite-able. He wanted to suck her lower lip between his and trace his tongue along it.

He felt a silky soft sensation sweep across his bicep. As he turned to look he saw that her shiny golden brown hair was brushing against his arms. He liked it.

She still wasn’t close enough, so he tugged her closer to him once more. As she moved nearer, his senses were once again overwhelmed by the clean, fresh, citrus smell. It was addicting. He could get high off of it.

She stared at him, and he noticed that her breathing looked to be a little labored.

Still not completely convinced that this wasn’t a dream. He decided he needed to stop and take a moment so he could remember every detail of this perfect creature. To take inventory of all of her. Being this close to her was like sensory overload.

He loved her eyes. He loved her lips. He loved her smell.

He heard himself breathe out an audible sigh before saying, “I love you.” The words floated out of his mouth. He closed his eyes as a feeling of contentment wrapped around him like a warm blanket.

--- ~ ---

“What is it with you Sloan men popping the question first and declaring your love second?” Chelle teased.

Laughter filled the room and Bobby, the youngest brother (she thought) chimed in, “Hey, not all Sloan men. Some of us know how to do it right.”

“You know that’s right!” Jason said as he reached out his fisted hand to Bobby, giving him a pound in solidarity.

Katie and Chelle laughed.

“Yes, you sure do,” Sophie said dreamily as she gazed adoringly up at her husband.

Riley smiled as he quickly readjusted his arms around Chelle, lifting her and pulling her onto his lap, “I really thought you already knew I loved you. You know me better than I know myself most of the time.”

A wide smile spread across Chelle’s face as she shook her head, “Nice try, but the fact remains that - no matter what – 'I love you' is definitely something a girl likes to hear
before
getting proposed to. We are not mind readers.”

“Ohhh, I wish I could read minds! That would be awesome,” Katie enthused.

There were several comments about how Katie having that particular power would be dangerous. Katie, however, did not seem to think that was the case, and playfully argued the point.

As the couples continued to joke around and visit, Jamie moved quickly back to her post in the corner. She sat and pretended to be going over Alex’s chart. Actually, she was just taking a moment to try to ground herself in even the tiniest sliver of a reality.

She seriously needed to get a grip on this situation. She felt completely out of her depth. She had to get on some solid (mental) ground before she completely lost her footing.

Jamie was not a
romantic
by any stretch of the imagination. Her life had not been a fairy tale. She had never been one of those girls who dreamed of Prince Charming riding up on a white horse and coming to rescue her. She always knew that was never going to happen.

And she certainly wasn’t operating under any kind of illusion that she would ever have what the couples in this room shared. There not only seemed to be unconditional love and support between each couple individually but also...Good Lord, the way the three brothers looked at their respective wives was…well, suffice it to say that several times she had been tempted to teasingly tell them to ‘get a room’ but luckily – so far – she had been able to refrain from making any such smart aleck remarks.

She was relieved that she had, at the very least, been able to remain professional on that front. Not that she deserved a brownie badge for her behavior or anything, but she was just happy that she did not have one more thing to be embarrassed about.

Still, she definitely had been tempted several times to join in when they were all sitting around shooting the breeze, which was 100% out of character for her. Sure, she loved being able to keep patients and their families company, whether that meant providing some distraction from the nervousness about a loved one’s surgery, or keeping a patient’s mind off of the pain and discomfort they were in while recovering from illness or an operation.

But she
never
tried to insert herself into patients’ lives when they had a support system, and certainly not into their actual support system itself! That was completely unprofessional. But, still – professionalism notwithstanding – several times over the last few hours she had had to stop herself from doing exactly that. It freaked her out.

Couple that with her totally inappropriate reactions to the patient, and she honestly felt like she was losing her mind.

She would love to say that her disproportionate reactions to Alex Sloan were all purely physical.
That
she could understand.
That
she could compartmentalize.
That
, while unnerving, was still totally logical. Come on, he was beyond tempting.

But, unfortunately, her physical responses - which were
intense
- were the very least of her worries. She was much more concerned with the emotional reactions she was experiencing whenever she had any contact with him. They made no sense whatsoever.

So far, she had woken him four times, and each time she had been completely caught off guard by the almost magnetic pull he seemed to have on her. Between the patient checks she had really tried to prepare herself for the onslaught of whatever unwanted response her body decided to have to his voice, his eyes, his smile, his body, and (God help her) his touch.

But, without fail, every single time she had any interaction with him, no matter how ‘prepared’ she thought she was - he seemed to effortlessly bulldoze right over any defensive barriers she had carefully erected…and he was high as a kite. She couldn’t begin to imagine how badly her mind, body and heart would betray her if Alex Sloan was actually lucid and laying that degree of charm on her.

A delicious shiver raced through her body just thinking about it.

On the bright side, at least now she was beginning to understand all the tears and dramatics from the ladies outside, holding a vigil in the hall. Thankfully, she hadn’t had too much trouble with any of them…yet. However, she did think that her lack of push-back, when she explained that Alex was allowed only restricted visitation whenever one of them would pop in, was due greatly to the fact that she still had back-up in the form of Alex’s brothers and their wives, who had not left yet. But she knew that they would be heading home soon, and then it would be up to her to keep the room ‘groupie’ free.

The door opened quietly, causing Jamie to be pulled out of the tornado-of-self-reflection whipping through her brain. She stood - in full bodyguard mode - but there was no need for alarm. It was just Thelma coming in to let Jamie know that she was there to relieve her for her break.

Perfect timing! She needed to get out of this room for a little bit to regain her bearings. She felt as though she had been sucked into a vortex of intense-confusing-rioting emotions that she had no idea how to navigate her way through.

As she stepped out into the hall, she checked her watch. It read 10:15 p.m. Her heart sank. It was too late to call Joey.

Since she couldn’t talk to him then she would do the next best thing. She pulled out her phone and started scrolling through pics of him. It was her go-to move whenever she was missing him. Just seeing his face always made her feel better. And (bonus!) it would also pull her head out of the clouds and place her feet back firmly on the ground where they belonged.

Joey. That’s
all
she needed to worry about. She just needed to keep him, as always, in the forefront of her mind. He was her priority. Nothing else mattered.

Jamie pulled into the upper deck of the employee parking lot just in time to catch a brilliant view of the sun was setting over the river, causing it shine as if thousands of tiny, glittering diamonds floated just below the surface. The trees that lined the flowing waters, all rich shades of green and gold, were blowing gracefully in the wind as if they were dancing an intricately choreographed ballet.

Jamie sighed contentedly. Harper’s Crossing had such natural beauty. As she parked, she took a moment to soak it in. She felt content, and she let the loveliness of the view seep into her consciousness, one more piece of validation that she had made the right decision in moving here. She let the picturesque landscape, backlit by the setting sun fill her soul. Since she was twenty minutes early for her shift (which in Jamie-world was really code for ‘on time’ but nevermind that right now), she could spare five minutes to sit back, relax and enjoy the view.

And, if she was ‘keepin’ it real,’ she might have been stalling. Yes. If she was honest, she had to admit it. Juuuuust a teensy weensy bit.

She hadn’t been back to the hospital for three days. In that time she had really tried to gear up (emotionally-mentally-physically) for her next shift, just on the off chance she was still on ‘Alex Sloan’ duty.

She had heard through the grapevine, i.e. people gossiping at The Grill, that he was doing much better. At the restaurant there had practically been minute-to-minute ‘Alex Sloan’ updates over the last few days. And if the rumors were true, he was up and about. The staff was even having a hard time keeping him in bed resting. That very afternoon she had heard from the bartender, Chris, that Alex was threatening to check himself out of the hospital against doctor’s orders.

Wait a minute, she thought as she nervously sat in her car trying to put off the inevitable, maybe he had done just that! Maybe in the time that had elapsed between her waitressing shift ending three hours ago and this very minute...he had decided to leave and go home. She hadn’t really talked to anyone other than Joey since she left The Grill, so it was a possibility.

She shook her head, smiling sardonically. Nah, probably not. If that had happened there would have probably been some breaking news story on the local talk radio station detailing his dramatic departure. Or, at the very least, she would have seen the inevitable skywriter spelling out the message as she drove in.

Taking a deep, fortifying breath she looked down at her scrubs. They were plain lavender. She had almost worn her light blue Garfield ones, but had decided to change at the last minute. Actually she had changed
three
times that afternoon into
three
different pair of scrubs. Scrubs, for God's sake! Something was seriously wrong with her.

One last check in the rearview mirror revealed that (big surprise!) her hair was not cooperating with her today. Ugh. She had decided that, instead of wrestling with the unruly waves that had appeared because she hadn’t had time to straight-iron it, she would just throw it up in a ponytail holder and not give it a second though
t. That was the plan, at any rate…but this was the umpteenth time she had checked it since then. Clearly the plan had failed.

She had also made sure that she left time to carefully apply, not one, but
two
coats of mascara. Not to mention the four coats of lip gloss she had applied in the last half-hour.

Sure, she wore lip gloss and mascara on a daily basis. But she was not one of those girls who brought her make-up with her to re-apply it throughout the day. Nope her morning “beauty” routine consisted only of blow-drying and then wrestling her hair into submission for approximately twenty minutes, followed by quick swipes of mascara and gloss - and then she was out the door, without giving another thought to her appearance for the rest of the day.

She had never really cared about make-up and fashion, even as a teen. During those years, she had had bigger fish to fry. Little, insignificant things like keeping a roof over her and her mom’s head, putting food on the table and the making sure the electricity stayed turned on.