On Thin Ice 1 (5 page)

We sat there in silence
for a minute. I looked at Daniel, and he looked at me. I could feel
my heart pounding in my chest, my body aching for him. I wanted him
so much, he was so perfect. Just as I didn’t think I could take any
more, he leaned in and kissed me.

It was like fireworks
went off inside of me. It was like I had been in a deep sleep for
all these years, leading up to this very moment, which suddenly
awakened in me a passion, a deep seated desire that I had never
known.

I closed my eyes as
Daniel’s lips explored my own. My lips parted slightly to allow him
better access. His kiss was confident and strong, but his lips
still soft, sending fire coursing through my veins. His hands found
my hips, pulling me to him gently as I wrapped my arms around his
shoulders. I wanted this so badly. Ever since I had first laid eyes
on Daniel I had wanted this.

“You’re amazing,
Kylie,” Daniel murmured quietly before kissing me once more, his
hands making their way up my body. I could only moan in reply, my
body so overtaken by passion and desire that words wouldn’t form in
my head.

I wanted Daniel so bad,
I could feel my nipples pressing hard against my sports bra,
wanting to press against him. I threw my chest against his body,
shivers running through me. Subconsciously I spread my legs open
against him, wanting Daniel in so much more than my mouth, and he
replied by pulling me to him even harder, slipping his tongue
inside of my mouth.

I didn’t realize how
much I had
needed
this. It was like a cold drink for a
thirsty man in the desert. Daniel’s hands moved to the hem of my
shirt, and with a single quick motion he ripped it up over my head
and off me, letting it fall to the floor.

“I have to have you. I
have to have you right now” Daniel murmured, the desire in his
voice evident.

“Oh yes! Oh God yes!” I
exclaimed as his mouth moved down to my neck, his hands finding my
sports bra. I could feel the tingling all over my body. My blood
felt like lava, boiling inside of me, like I was going to combust
if Daniel didn’t take me right away.

Suddenly, there was a
noise like a door slamming nearby and we pulled away from each
other, both of us realizing what we were doing.

We stared at each other
for an instant before I quickly reached for my discarded shirt and
threw it back on.

“Shit, shit, shit,
shit,” I muttered. I knew the rules. If Daniel and I were caught
here, we would both immediately be kicked out of the center.

“We can’t do this, can
we?” Daniel asked. I could hear the pain in his voice, the
frustration in his tone.

I shook my head. “No.
Not without getting kicked out. And I don’t think either of us can
afford that. I’m sorry, Daniel” I told him, before getting up and
practically sprinting to the women’s change room, hoping he
wouldn’t see my tears.

I turned on the shower,
leaving it as cold as I could stand and sat down on the floor, my
tears mingling with the water. What the hell was going on with me?
I had been so happy with Daniel. He made me feel complete, he made
me feel whole, he made me feel
something
for the first time
in a long, long time. I wanted him more than anything, and yet I
knew I couldn’t have him. Not without getting kicked out of here,
and I knew I wasn’t ready for the real world yet. I also knew
Daniel wasn’t either. He had just started here, he needed to heal.
I couldn’t take that away from him.

* * *

I don’t know how long I
sat in the shower for, letting the water rush over me, but when I
finally came out again Daniel was gone. I was alone in the gym. I
went slowly back up to my room, hoping not to meet anyone along the
way. I didn’t think I could handle human contact right about
now.

These last few days had
been so confusing. Here I had thought I would wallow in depression
for the rest of my life. I knew I was never going to be happy
again. I didn’t deserve to be happy, and I didn’t want to be happy.
And yet, when I was with Daniel, my heart felt like it was going to
burst with elation. I felt an unimaginable bliss just being with
him, just being able to talk to him.

I didn’t know his
entire history. I had gotten a glimpse of it when he told me about
his knee injury. I hadn’t told him my entire history either, but I
knew there was a connection there. Daniel understood me, and I
understood him. I knew exactly where he came from when he told me
the fire in him had disappeared.

And yet, we couldn’t be
together. Not like that, anyway. Maybe it was better for me. After
all, I didn’t want to be happy. I didn’t want to have those
feelings of passion, of desire taking over me whenever I saw
Daniel. But another part of me, I guess the human part of me,
did.

I spent the next few
days doing my best to avoid Daniel. I ate breakfast before anyone
else was up and dinner after everyone else had gone to bed. I spent
my days in my room, on the computer, reading, anything to avoid the
common areas. For the first time in a while I pulled Gray’s Anatomy
from the shelf, trying to read as much as I could about the human
knee. I knew Daniel needed surgery and there was nothing I could do
for him, so I wasn’t really sure why I did it, but it made me feel
better somehow. I knew Daniel couldn’t come and visit me here,
visitors of the opposite sex weren’t allowed in each other’s
residential areas. In a lot of ways this center felt like high
school all over again, where boys and girls weren’t really supposed
to interact privately.

Unfortunately for my
plan, however, there were still mandatory activities to attend. The
first for me was sports. I had skipped so many sports sessions,
making up so many excuses as to why I didn’t want to join in with
everyone, that this time Doctor Emma wouldn’t accept it when I
asked for yet another reprieve.

“Kylie, I know you’re
going through a lot. But these sessions, this sports work is good
for you. It’s designed to help you in every aspect of your life.
Unless you have a physical problem hampering you from attending,
I’m afraid I can’t let you skip yet another session.”

“It’s not physical,
Doctor Emma. It’s a mental thing.”

“Sports are good for
the brain. There’s a ton of science proving that. Please give it a
shot Kylie. You aren’t going to heal if you don’t try.”

That’s why I ended up
still having to take part in the group sports for the first time in
nearly a month. Daniel was already there when I arrived, and again
as soon as I looked at him I felt that pang of desire in my chest.
He was so sexy, standing outside in the grass with the sun shining
down on his face. Everyone else on the field looked so incredibly
inferior, Daniel was like an Adonis, standing alone on Mount
Olympus, his beauty and strength dwarfing that of the mere mortals
standing around.

I had planned on
ignoring him, on hoping Daniel wouldn’t come and speak with me, but
I knew my body was going to have none of that. On top of that, when
he saw me, Daniel came over.

“Hey, sorry about the
other day,” he told me in a low voice so no one else could
hear.

“Don’t worry about
it.”

“Can we talk after
this? Maybe I can join you at dinner?”

“Yeah, sure.” I tried
to keep my voice calm. I knew at dinner I was going to have to tell
Daniel this wouldn’t work. That we couldn’t be together so long as
we were in this situation, that neither of us could afford to get
kicked out of this program. The thought of saying no to a man like
that, a man who elicited such delicious reactions from my body
absolutely devastated me.

We played soccer as our
exercise for the day. It was fun enough, but I didn’t enjoy it
nearly as much as the day I had spent with Daniel in the gym. The
entire time I could only focus on Daniel, who ran circles around
everyone else in the group, until finally the trainer Adam banished
Daniel to playing goalie so that the teams could play more evenly.
Not that it mattered, Daniel had scored eleven goals for his team
compared to the one we had managed to get through. I noticed him
wincing with pain once or twice, and I wanted to scold him about
refusing to get the surgery that would heal him, but I kept my
mouth shut.

When the game finished
and everyone headed, exhausted, back to their rooms, Daniel caught
up with me.

“Hey, see you at dinner
tonight? I’ll be down around 7 or so.”

“Ok, for sure,” I
replied, trying to smile. I could smell the slight aroma of his
sweat and musk on his body and it sent shivers running through me.
I wanted to grab Daniel, take him to my room, rip his clothes off
and have him ravage me on my bed. I wanted his hands to discover
every inch of my body, I wanted his shaft inside of me, pounding he
harder than anything I’d ever experienced, I wanted Daniel to bring
me to realms of pleasure I could only imagine.

As I watched him walk
away towards the men’s residence area, my legs felt weak. Oh, how I
wanted him. And yet, at the same time, I didn’t want him. I tried
to force those thoughts to the back of my brain. I wasn’t going to
be happy. I didn’t get to be happy anymore. Being with a man like
that wasn’t in my future.

Nonetheless, I was
sitting down with my dinner at the same table at which we had eaten
the last time at ten minutes to seven. Daniel was right on time,
sitting across from me, a smile on his face as I looked at the
monstrous pile of food in front of him once more.

“Why do you keep
working out if you’re never going to play hockey again?” I asked as
he sat down, not sure why the question had suddenly popped into my
head.

“Well... you know, I
think it’s just a force of habit now. I’ve been doing it for so
long, it’s become a habit. Exercise is my release, too, I think.
It’s my way to escape the world, to just focus on myself for a
little while.”

“Ok. Thanks, I was just
curious.”

“Hey, no problem. Have
you been back down to the gym since our day there?”

I shook my head. “No, I
had fun that day, but it’s the sort of thing that I just don’t
think would have been the same without you.”

“That’s too bad. You
should try it. But hey, I wanted to talk to you. It’s pretty
obvious you’ve been avoiding me, is that right?”

“Yeah. It is.” I
decided to be honest. “After we made out in the gym, I knew I had
to avoid you. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before, and I
don’t want to act on them. If it’s discovered that we even did what
we did we will both be kicked out of the center. We both need this
place, you especially, and I don’t want to screw it up for either
of us. So yeah, I’ve been avoiding you, for the good of both of
us.”

“I completely
understand, Kylie. I don’t want us getting kicked out of here
either. I just wanted to ask if we can be friends. There’s no rule
against that.”

I thought about what
Daniel was saying. Obviously there were no rules about members of
the opposite sex being friends. Hell, Fiona and Sam joked about
their game “dates” all the time, and no one ever gave them any shit
for it, since everyone knew they were just kidding about the dating
thing. Maybe this was an option. But was it a good option? Was I
going to be able to hide the fact that every time I saw Daniel I
wanted to grab him, push him against the wall and rip his clothes
off right then and there? Was I going to be able to hide their
reaction my body had every time I set eyes on the man? Or was this
just an idea that was destined for failure, something that would
guarantee that Daniel and I both got kicked out of this
program?

“I’m not sure. I’d like
to Daniel, I’d really like to, but you saw how I reacted to your
body. You saw what I want to do you. I just don’t know if I can do
it.”

“Well, why don’t we
give it a try? It doesn’t have to be forever, it doesn’t even have
to be for longer than a week or so. All I ask is that we try it,
let’s try being friends.”

“Okay, that’s fine.
We’ll give it a shot, and either one of us can call it off if we
decide it’s becoming too much for us.”

I smiled, happy with
the decision we had eventually come to. This way I had a shot, I
could always try and just be friends with Daniel, and if it became
too much we could call it off.

“Good. So, new friend
of mine, what have you been doing the last few days?”

“Avoiding you, mainly.
Sitting on my computer, reading old Agatha Christie novels, not
doing much really. How about you?”

“I think you know I
spend most of my days in the gym. I’ve come up to the lounge room a
few times, which has been okay, a few the women around here have
been basically throwing themselves at me though. Oh here comes one
of them now, I think she’s going to come and sit with us.”

I looked behind me and
saw Fiona coming towards us with the big tray of food.

“Hey, mind if I sit
with you guys?” she asked, putting her tray down without waiting
for an answer. I laughed at the complete obviousness of her
flirting with Daniel as she sat in the seat right next to his and
immediately turned to him and began to chat.

“What am I here Fiona,
chopped liver? I thought we were supposed be friends,” I
teased.

“Oh, sorry Kylie, I
just wanted to catch up with Daniel first for a few minutes.”

As she continued to
chat to him, Daniel glancing at me from time to time with the
worried expression on his face, as if to silently beg me to get the
crazy lady away from him, I started off bemused, but as the
conversation continued I actually found jealousy creeping up inside
of me.

I hadn’t been jealous
in years. It had been so long, since I’d really truly felt
jealousy, I think the last time I really experienced it was in high
school. I had a friend, Anita King, who was just naturally so
smart. She never had to work for any of her grades, she did
extracurriculars, she breezed through every assignment we were ever
given and almost always had better marks than me. I was never down
by any stretch of the imagination, but there were a few courses
where in order to keep my marks high, high enough to get accepted
into the best university program I could, I had to really work
hard. And still, I could never catch Anita’s grades. I thought it
was so unfair at the time, and while we moved on and were still
actually pretty good friends (although I hadn’t seen her in months,
I basically fell off the face of the earth to my friends after that
fateful night), I still remember that jealousy that I felt.