Shadows (Black Raven Book 1) (49 page)

“Now,” Skye whispered, over Spring’s sobs, managing to be calm when she wanted to cry just as loudly as Spring. “Go. She’ll never understand.”

He slid his hand underneath Spring’s, and gently closed her fingers so that the jellybeans were no longer visible. “You keep the red ones for yourself.” Bending, Sebastian gently touched his lips to Spring’s forehead, and whispered, barely loud enough for Skye to hear. “Goodbye, beautiful girl. You take care of your sister for me, okay?”

Without glancing at Skye, he was gone. His absence immediately created a void through which her heart fell. When her sister rushed into her arms, crying as though her world had shattered and would never be whole again, she knew exactly how Spring felt. For once in her life, Skye bent her head on her sister’s shoulder, and cried with her.

“I know, honey. It hurts,” she whispered after long, long minutes when they held each other. “But we’ll be okay. I’ll make us okay.”

If she said it enough, she’d believe it.

Sebastian stood for a moment in the doorway of Raven One. A few lights shone from a nearby hangar at New Orleans Lakefront Airport, and in the distance the city lights shimmered against the black night. The headlights of Brandon’s black sedan turned on, as Sebastian walked down the stairs of the jet. He’d told his friend the 4:30 a.m. pickup was unnecessary, but Brandon had insisted on being there. The air was damp and chilly. Tiny drops of moisture fell on his black leather jacket, as he walked across the tarmac. After placing a small duffel bag and his backpack in the trunk of Brandon’s car, Sebastian opened the door to the passenger side of the sedan, dropped into the seat, pressed the button that would push the seat back, and sank deeply in. “Thanks for the lift.”

Brandon said, “You’re welcome. You doing okay?”

“Never better,” Sebastian said, sarcasm flag high in his tone.

His friend shot him a worried glance, studying him before putting the car in drive. Seeing his own unease reflected in Brandon’s eyes bothered the living hell out of him.

“Save the empathetic looks,” Sebastian said. “I’m either going to be fine, or I’m not. I’m okay, either way, as long as you and Zeus don’t leave me hanging somewhere in between, unable to do a goddamn thing for myself.”

Brandon nodded as he drove out of the parking lot. “Doctor Cavanaugh says there’s going to be some tests this morning, you have to sign consent forms, and you get to meet your surgeons. By nine, you’ll be done with the preliminaries. You’re going to have some time on your hands until the surgery, which is scheduled for two p.m.”

“Correction,” Sebastian said, as Brandon stopped at a red light on Downs Road. Sebastian glanced at a bar with a full parking lot and patrons spilling out of it. The area was five steps below skid row and known for drug deals. It hadn’t changed in Sebastian’s lifetime. He doubted it ever would. “Surgery’s at 10 a.m. I want it done and over. ASAP.”

“Well,” Brandon said, “I just talked to him. Five minutes ago. He’s on his way to Ochsner now. I told him you had actually arrived, when I saw Raven One’s landing lights. I don’t think he was really counting on you to arrive, until I gave him confirmation. He gave me the tentative schedule, which he’s now firming up.”

“Son of a fucking bitch-”

“It’s brain surgery, Sebastian. Not an annual physical-”

“I’m aware-”

“Given that you decided on this yesterday, and you’ve cancelled at the last minute before, you’re lucky he was able to pull all of this together so quickly. Cancel this time, and he’s sworn to give you that lobotomy he’s threatened.”

“Hell.” Leaning his head on the headrest, he stretched his legs, exhaled hard, then inhaled again.
Hell, hell, hell
. For the last week, the frenzy of activity involving the aftermath of the prison break and the operation at Trask Enterprises had been nonstop. Equally pressing was the logistics of what he and Ragno had dubbed Operation Acquire Barrows. Constant attention on high-urgency projects had been required, and the steady, unending work had been the only thing keeping him on course.

Yet it didn’t matter how hard he focused, or how serious the problems were, he had wants, needs, and aspirations. All intensified the more time he spent with Skye. He wanted her so badly he could imagine how her body would feel, when he wrapped his arms around her.

What he had wanted to do, with every fiber of his being, was go to her and tell her that he needed her in his life. He wanted to build a life with her. Wanted to hold her at night, and wake with her curled in his arms in the morning. He wanted to smell her skin and see her smile. Every fucking day. Not only when they were on high adrenaline alert. But in the quiet, calm times, too. He wanted it all.

And his “all” contained Skye Barrows.

When he slept each night he dreamed of her, what they could be if they were together, how his life would change with Skye in it. Each day, he expected the need to become less palpable, less urgent, but his dreams–ridiculous dreams of starry nights, making love in front of a fireplace, celebrations with Spring’s colorful creations, laughter, and  having children, the kinds of things other people had but he had never craved—played tricks on him, because each morning the need to see her had intensified.

Maybe the surgeon could cut out that part of his brain, because seven days after seeing her for the last time, when he’d delivered the dog to them, he’d never felt so much like he was making a mistake, that he was slamming a door he never should have shut.

She was less than an hour away.

The thought rattled him, but proximity hadn’t been the reason he had stayed away. He was mobile. Could be anywhere, in just the stretch of time it would take a fast car or Raven One to get him there. The problem was deep within him, a fear of getting close to women. That fear was borne of a bad childhood and an abusive father, a deep-rooted belief that he had inherited from his father a toxic capability of hurting others and, in the process, destroying something that should have been enduring and beautiful. Even with knowing he’d made a mistake by walking away from her, he had no plans to do a damn thing about it. An hour away? Irrelevant.

“Anyway,” Brandon continued, not realizing that all of Sebastian's needs, wants, and love life were being mentally debated. “Think about what you’d like to do in the downtime. Michael and Taylor want to see you,” Brandon said. Michael was Brandon’s one-year-old child, who was Sebastian’s godchild, and Taylor was Brandon’s new wife, “Zeus will be here later this morning.”

As Brandon pulled onto the interstate, Sebastian glanced at the distant lights of the New Orleans skyline. “I don’t need you guys to babysit me.”

“Leaving you alone and giving you time to worry about this surgery wouldn’t be the friendly thing to do,” Brandon said. “Especially when you’re in this situation because of me and Taylor.”

“I’m not worried about the surgery.”

“Well, what the hell are you worried about? Each time I’ve talked to you this week, you’ve sounded less and less like yourself.”

“My agents died. I had funerals to attend.”

Brandon nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. You’ve done that before, though. You're the one who always counsels the rest of us. Have for years. It's part of the job. A part we all acknowledge every day.”

“It never gets easy.”

“I’ve known you all your life. There’s something else,” Brandon said. His eyes reflected the lights of the dash as he shot a glance over at Sebastian. “I think it involves what happened between you and Skye.”

“Drop it.” Apparently Brandon had gotten an earful from Ragno. Brandon had asked him earlier in the week what had happened with Skye. Sebastian had brushed it off.

“Oh, come on, Sebastian. This is me you’re talking to. I know how monumental it was for you to cross that line.”

“Yeah. And it never should have happened.”

“Then why did it?”

“Proximity, the rude awakening of a dormant libido,” he paused, “she’s gorgeous and,” he paused, “hell. She was willing. A gunpowder situation. High-stress situation. Mutual attraction. One spark set it off. That’s it.”

“You sure that’s all? Because the stress is over and I know you well enough to know you’re still thinking about her, because I’ve never seen you this cranky in your life.” Brandon paused. He added, in a quiet, gentle tone, “You’re not your father.”

Sebastian’s heart raced at the mention of that man. Brandon and Sebastian had bonded as children, in part, because Brandon’s house had provided a refuge from the horrors that went on in Sebastian’s home. “Why the hell are you bringing him up?”

“Because you’re not him, and there aren’t many people around who would dare to bring him up to you and remind you of that fact.”

“Fucking bastard destroyed everything he ever loved,” Sebastian said.

“And he’s been dead for years. You’ve won, Sebastian. You’re protecting the world from anyone who resembles him. Don’t you see that? You’re doing a damn good job of protecting others, but he’s still getting to you. Don’t let your father do his number on you.” Brandon shook his head. “Don’t let him win this one. Have some faith in yourself. Don’t be afraid of falling head over heels in love. Figure out a way to make it work between you and Skye.”

“Fuck off,” Sebastian said. “I’m not talking about her.”

Brandon shrugged as he turned into the hospital’s valet stand. “Fine. For the record, though, I’m not buying your explanation about her. By the way, congratulations. Black Raven now officially has the brainpower of Richard Barrows. It’s either a great move on your part, or, considering the amount you’re agreeing to pay him over the next decade, insane.”

“He’s worth every penny, I assure you. My gut says it’s one of the best moves I’ve ever made.”

Brandon reached in the backseat, grabbed a briefcase, and handed the keys to the parking attendant. “You think so? A brilliant, paranoid conspiracy theorist who now has a mother lode of post-traumatic stress?”

“Well, Ragno and Zeus agree wholeheartedly,” Sebastian said, grabbing his bags out of the trunk, then eyeing Brandon. “Aren’t you just dropping me off and going to work? I’ll be in tests for a few hours.”

Brandon waved his briefcase at Sebastian. “I’m going to work from the hospital, to make sure you don’t run away. Most of what I’m doing this morning is Black Raven work, anyway; talking to Barrows’ attorney and looking at the terms of the employment contract. Ragno’s given me strict instructions not to involve you in any way. She’s worried that if you focus on work, you’ll change your mind about the surgery.”

Barrows had followed his advice and hired an attorney, who had immediately secured a reduction to his remaining prison term. Sebastian and Zeus had met with Barrows the morning before, before his release from Sentara Norfolk General Hospital. Ragno had been with them via a conference call. Richard Barrows had been profoundly grateful to Sebastian for rescuing him and Spring. Denim blue eyes that were the exact shade of Spring’s had given him a once over, and said, “Spring told me all about you.” In the face of his silence, Barrows had added, “Odd, but Skye wouldn’t say a word about you.”

Given his abrupt departure from their lives, Sebastian didn’t know what to say about that. The man had given him a pointed, assessing look, then his hard gaze softened. “You saved my family. In exchange, you not only have my profound gratitude,” he paused, “you’ll have my brainpower. There are limits, of course, as to what I will do for you. I need to explore your views on surveillance, on the depth to which you will go-”

“My view is we do enough to get the job done,” Sebastian had interrupted. “Like what we did in your case.”

“Well, there are gray areas that you might not see.”

“Then I’ll let you educate me with your considerable brilliance.”

Barrows had chuckled. “My brainpower is not quite something that’s ever been regarded as a national resource, but,” he had smiled, and his eyes lightened, “perhaps it should be.”

“It will be at Black Raven,” Sebastian had answered.

After their meeting, the marshals had transferred Barrows to the U.S. Medical Center for Federal Prisoners in Springfield, Missouri, where he’d be for at least one month. News of Barrows’ reduced prison term had coincided with news of his official transfer into federal custody. Footage of Barrows’ fans, with their foil-lined caps on their heads along the road leading to the medical center, had streamed throughout the day on news shows. Once the techno-scientist was released from the hospital, his term of imprisonment would end and a two-year term of supervised release was to commence. During his supervised release, he’d start working with Black Raven’s technology team.

Ragno was ecstatic.

***

Four and a half hours after arriving at Ochsner, Sebastian had been poked, prodded, imaged, tested, and had signed his life away on more consent forms than he could count. When he had shaken the hand of the man who was going to be cutting into his brain, the reality of it left him momentarily speechless, then clarity hit him with a lightning flash.

One life.

He had countless opportunities to fuck it up, but all he was ever going to get was one life. Skye had something he needed in his one life, and if he died on that fucking table she’d never know how he felt about her. He shouldn’t have run from her. He had treated her like all the other men in her life had treated her. She deserved better from him. She deserved to at least know how profoundly she had affected him.

He’d have loved a few moments by himself, but Zeus and Brandon were waiting on him in his private hospital room. Their heavy silence as he walked in after the battery of tests, told him exactly what they’d been talking about before he opened the door. “Have you decided who’ll deliver my eulogy?”

Zeus gave him a slow headshake, his dark eyes serious. “Not funny.”

“I thought you weren’t worried about the surgery,” Brandon said.

“I’m not. You two, though, look like you’re figuring out where to scatter my ashes. Crescent Beach on Compass Cay.” He gave Brandon a smile at the mention of the island in the Exuma region of the Bahamas that he and Brandon had discovered years earlier. “You’d at least get a boat trip out of it.”

Sebastian ignored the hospital gown and a blue cap folded neatly on the bed. He wasn’t putting that shit on until the last possible minute. Though he’d tried to move things up, there were some things Sebastian couldn’t control, and surgery was still scheduled for two p.m. Technicians were going to start working on him at one. He glanced at his watch. It was nine thirty. He had three and a half long, long hours to kill.