Star Fish (8 page)

– Thirteen –

Pisces:
The cosmic whistle is calling full time on a past encounter. Dry those eyes, hold your head up high and face the future with pride.

Once I had managed to control my mouth I felt tears stinging my eyes. For there, right in front of me in the candle-lit dining room, was the one and only James Crook. Fate had played her part in my life before, but this was incredible.

‘Boy, girl, boy on this side of the bench,’ I managed to spit out. My heart wasn’t racing. Instead, a dull thud had gone through it with the awful prospect of having to spend an evening with an ex-boyfriend.

‘Liv, let me introduce you to James Crook,’ I almost whispered.

Liv sat bolt upright. ‘Oh, hi there, James. Pleased to meet you.’

Bless Liv, she had never met James before but knew the trauma that he had caused me, and she was being polite, sensing immediately how shocked I must be feeling.

She went on, ‘Excuse me one moment, I must powder my nose. Amy can I borrow that compact of yours?’

I took this as my cue for a toilet break. I muttered, ‘Back in a minute,’ to James and dutifully followed Liv out of the dimly-lit room into the cramped, pot-pourri scented loo.

‘Oh my God!’ Liv shrieked. ‘This is so unreal! What do you want to do, Amy? Do you want to leave?’

‘Do you know Liv, I feel quite calm. This is an ideal time to have a chat, as he can’t flare up if there are other people here and it was years ago; we can surely talk as adults now. This is my final chance for closure. I’ve always felt we left things slightly unresolved.’

‘OK, but if I see you distressed in any way, we’re out of here!’

‘Thanks, mate. And can I just say one thing?’

‘Sure, Ames, what?’

‘I’d rather you slept with Lion Man to my left, than Slug Man to your right.’

‘Ha, bloody ha! I’d rather sleep with Rosalind.’

I caught James’s eye as I sat down. He had amazing brown eyes that you could drown in. Memories starting flooding back.

‘Pregnant! You can’t be! I thought you were on the pill?’

‘I was, but I told you I was having a break and we must be careful.’

And as if he hadn’t even been there during our passionate encounters he asked

‘So were we careful?’

‘Yes, as far as I know but I guess withdrawal is not very reliable.’

‘Amy, Amy, I can’t believe this!’

‘James, we are twenty-eight years old, we are adults. I will get maternity pay.’

‘I don’t want this baby, Amy.’

I suddenly saw red. ‘How can you say that? It’s like saying you don’t want part of me.’

‘Well maybe that
is
what I am saying, you’ve trapped me.’

James Crook was a prize wanker in the wanker stakes and thankfully I did realise that now. In those days, my low self-esteem had kept me glued to him, but this was too much to bear. Huge teardrops started to fall slowly down my face.

‘That’s right, feel sorry for yourself, you stupid cow. Well, you had better deal with it, hadn’t you?’

‘Yes I had – like I’ve had to deal with everything throughout this pitiful relationship,’ I screamed.

‘I doubt if you can be sure it’s mine anyway!’

‘How fucking dare you, how dare you! You are despicable! In a way I wish it fucking wasn’t. Imagine another one of you gracing this earth!’

James lurched towards me; I had been stupid to give him this news when he had just got back from the pub. I could feel his lager breath on my face. ‘I don’t want you and I don’t want your baby.’

‘Our baby, James –
our
baby.’ I ran sobbing to the bedroom.

‘That’s right, stick your head up your arse under the sheets and the problem might go away.’ I was shaking with fear and sobbing. A drunken irrational man is very frightening, and even at only seven weeks’ pregnant I felt a sudden urge to protect my unborn child.

When I heard James slam the door and go out – obviously back to the pub, as it was still only 10 p.m. I got up and went down to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. It was then I felt the first pain. It was just like a normal period pain to start with. I calmed myself; my stomach was hurting because I’d got myself in such a state, that was all. It was then I felt wetness in my knickers. I ran to the toilet. I was bleeding.

In fact, blood was pouring out of me. I had to phone Anna. I got to the phone doubled up in agony. The pain in my stomach was intense, flowing through me in great big waves. I thought I was going to pass out. I also fleetingly thought this must be just a fraction of the pain you get when you give birth.

‘Anna, you’ve got to get round here, I’m losing my baby.’

I woke up in hospital, my sister at my bedside. Anna told me that I had been heavily sedated and yes, I had had a miscarriage. She said I should have told her before but I explained that I had wanted to tell James first. ‘I’m sorry Ames,’ Anna went on compassionately, ‘But I had to tell dad. You’ve got to have an operation to check there is nothing left inside of you and I knew he’d want to be here for you.’

I cried all the way down to the operating theatre and then cried for an hour when I came round. I had just about cried myself to sleep when I heard a familiar voice.

‘Amy, I am so, so sorry. You do know how much I love you really. I was just shocked last night.’

‘James, we are finished. I’m due home tomorrow. I want you to be gone when I get there.’

‘You’re just being irrational – your hormones are obviously still all over the place.’

‘No, James,
you
are all over the place and this is it. I’ve finally seen the light and I want you out of my life for ever.’

He moved out and the next day, just as I was about to go to bed early, the phone rang.

‘Amy, it’s me, James. Life won’t be the same without you. I’ve cashed in a savings plan. I will take you anywhere in the world you want to go. I promise that I will change. I promise that I’ll stop drinking.’

From that moment on I promised myself I would never, ever have anything to do with him again. My love for him died, as did part of me when I lost our child.

‘So how’s it going, Amy?’ James said breezily.

‘Can’t say I’m surprised that you’re still a singleton. Ha ha.’ I suddenly saw red.

‘Do you know what, James Crook? I would rather be a singleton for the rest of my life than end up with a complete wanker like you.’

I then proceeded to tip a whole bottle of red wine over his head. Closure! ‘Liv – get your coat. We’re going.’

And in true best-friend style, even though she was now making eyes at Slug Man, Liv headed towards the door. Rosalind started flapping like a hen in the hallway.

‘Was there something wrong with the food, girls?’

‘No, no, Rosalind, just a nasty creature in the red wine!’

– Fourteen –

Pisces:
If it’s your birthday this week you’re in for a big surprise. The number 2 signifies bad luck today.

‘Slut Helpline?’

‘Happy Birthday, Minger! And can I just say you’re looking older, I didn’t realise crows had feet that big!’

‘If anyone asks, I’m thirty-one, OK.’ Sam as usual salvaged the situation

‘Happy Birthday, Ames. You will always look twenty-one to me, so take no notice of Liv. Your present is on your desk, by the way.’

‘Bless you, Sam. They look very phallic – now let me guess?’ I laughed ‘cos I just knew it would be two red candles. Sam had bought me candles for the past two birthdays.

‘For your love corner, Ames.’

‘Thanks. I’m afraid I will have to kiss you in public for these.’

‘Don’t slip your tongue in or Mr P might fire me!’ Sam joked. Liv’s extension flashed up again

‘Birthday Slut Helpline?’

‘I beg your pardon, Amy?’

‘Shit, I mean sorry, Mr Parkinson.’ I hadn’t seen him come out of his office and sit at Liv’s desk.

‘I just popped out to say Reception have just called and there is a package downstairs for you.’

He was smiling. I knew he had wanted to know what caused such hilarity when Liv or I answered our phones and now he knew. I also knew that the package in Reception would be flowers from Mr P as usual. He really was very sweet.

I took the lift down just the one floor as I was rebelling against fitness again this week, and made my way to Reception. In front of me was the largest bunch of yellow roses I had ever seen in my life. Yellow roses – my favourite; they beat pink or red any time. I was very surprised as Mr P usually got me a general, mongrel bunch. I then got a lurching feeling in my stomach.

The only person who knew I liked yellow roses was James Crook. Oh, and Carl now, of course.

My heart then started to pound even harder as I suddenly remembered fleetingly mentioning to the false Declan that I really liked the hotel reception flowers, yellow roses, but no it couldn’t be. I ripped open the envelope faster than I had ripped off his shirt in Room 301.

Yellow roses for a beautiful fish. Happy Birthday. Love Carl

I was disappointed. I had received a huge bunch of yellow roses from the lovely Carl and I was disappointed? No wonder I was single.

By 3 p.m. the receptionist hated me. She would just ring my extension and bark

‘More.’

I loved the buzz of receiving flowers at work and on every date I must have slipped that little fact in.

Lilies from Laurence Smith-Bourchier, ha ha. Happy Birthday, Amy. Let’s meet again soon.

There were freesias from my father.

Happy Birthday, Daughter Number Two
.
Love, Dad
xx
.

Christopher and Cordelia even sent a card from Starr & Sun, and of course the obligatory bunch arrived from Mr P with the usual.
Good work, Happy Birthday from all in Marketing.

I have to say I was completely overwhelmed.

‘Helpline for sluts who have never received any flowers ever at work on their birthday!’ I trilled when the phone rang the next time.

‘If you weren’t so old you might be funny,’ Liv retorted. ‘Just checking if you want eggs with your chips tonight, sweetness. I’m off now to prepare your sumptuous feast.’

‘Yes please. I shall bring a bottle and a sick bag! See you at eight.’ I replied chirpily and added, ‘I’m really excited, is Brad bringing his new man?’

‘Think so. Laters, Ames.’

‘Yeah, laters.’

It was refreshing to know that I was meeting up with all my dearest friends tonight and not having to feel the jitters of a first date. At home, I bathed and then slung on my comfiest black trousers and because it was my birthday, a black silky halter-neck top.

Liv cooking was so out of character, bless her. I pulled together a bouquet for her from the beautiful flowers I had received and rang for a taxi to take me the short distance to Marlborough Avenue.

As I went to ring the bell at Liv’s flat Sam flung open the door. He nodded towards his car that was parked right outside. ‘Change of plan, Birthday Girl.’

‘I knew Miss Party Pants wouldn’t be cooking. Where are we going?’

I was really excited, as I love surprises. I dumped the flowers inside and got into Sam’s car.

As we pulled up outside my favourite restaurant I actually felt a little tearful. Liv might be a raunchy old bag but she was always thoughtful. Here we were at The Curry Castle, where I always got greeted by name and they served the best Chicken Korma I have ever tasted.

Liv came running out to meet us, dressed in a leopard-skin top with her breasts oozing over the top as usual.

‘Come with me, my cherub,’ she shouted as she dragged me to the back of the restaurant. It was then that I did actually shed a tear ‘cos sitting right there was my dear old mucker, Katie Cook.

‘I nearly did a video diary saying sorry I couldn’t be with you this evening as I was filming in Lanzarote, but thought I’d much rather be here in the legendary Curry Castle with you!’

‘Katie, you are a gem, it’s so good to see you. You look fab, so brown and you’ve lost loads of weight.’

‘Where’s Ice Man?’

‘I’ve left him.’

‘Oh God no.’

‘I’m fine Ames. In fact, I’m looking for somewhere to crash for a few weeks.’

‘I’ve always told you Layston Gardens is open to any of my friends. I will obviously need to check whether Penelope will be happy to give up his bed to a Canarian refugee but I’m sure we can persuade him!’

Anna, Sam, Liv and H all then proceeded to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ at the top of their voices and it was only 8.30! I could see this evening turning into a debaucherous affair. How wonderful! I then suddenly realised that somebody was missing.

‘Where’s Brad?’ I asked. He was usually so punctual.

‘He’s bringing the new boyfriend, so I expect he’s preening in front of the mirror as we speak,’ giggled Liv.

‘Trust him to be accompanied the only night we are all
un
accompanied.’ Anna put in.

We were well on to our third bottle of wine and poppadums when my mobile bleeped. It was a text from Brad.

SORRY SO LATE, ON WAY. IF YOU LIKE HIM SAY CHUTNEY, IF YOU DON’T SAY RAITA!

God, that boy was so funny.

‘Ready to order Miss Amy?’

‘Yes please. I’ll have Chicken Korma with Pilau Rice and Onion, onion…’ I was suddenly speechless.

‘Ames, are you OK?’ Sam looked at me, concerned.

No, I wasn’t OK at all, as out of the corner of my eye I noticed Brad walking through the restaurant door, accompanied by none other than the false Declan!

‘Hi sweeties, sorry I’m late. This is Sean. Sean, let me introduce you to the motley crew, starting obviously with the beautiful Birthday Girl herself, aka my good friend Amy Jane Anderson.’

Brad kissed me on the cheek. The emotions running through my body were intense. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. My heart was beating as fast as that of a frightened bird and that is exactly what I was. A frightened bird. I had not only slept with a gay man; I had slept with Brad’s boyfriend! This was dreadful! There was no logic in my thinking. Surely somebody who was gay could not possibly have been so aroused and passionate with me? Why would someone take on a totally different name and seduce me in such a way? He must be one sick person.

‘I believe we’ve already met,’ I managed to whisper. ‘Never forget a face, me.’

I then let out a nervous laugh. Everyone looked at me oddly, as they knew this laugh was reserved purely for flirtation or panic and neither fitted on this occasion.

Sean looked at me as if I was completely mad. Then in his gorgeous Irish lilt he said, ‘Amy, Happy Birthday, but you are definitely mistaken about us meeting before. I’ve been living in America for the past four years and met Brad at a club last week, the day after I flew in.’

I couldn’t believe how convincing he was. How dare he be so dismissive! We had made love, God dammit! This was the situation from hell and it needed to be handled carefully. How could he be living such a blatant lie? Poor Brad – I had to let him know what he was dealing with.

As the wine flowed I did begin to doubt myself. It was him, it had to be him – same eyes, same hair, same height, same voice – unless he had a double!

‘Chutney or raita, sweetie?’ Brad asked me.

‘Neither, thanks.’

‘Oh come on Amy. You always have either
chutney
or
raita
,’ he stressed, thinking I had forgotten his game. I just couldn’t answer: I was lost for words. I vowed to really try and keep my usually quick temper under control and carry on with the evening as normal for Brad’s sake. However, the more I drank, the braver I became.

‘America – which part, Disneyland, I expect,’ I taunted.

‘I actually live in Sarasota – beautiful beaches and plenty of golf courses. I give golf lessons for a living.’

‘Amy!’ Brad exclaimed, hurt by my attitude.‘Poor Sean, stop interrogating him!’

Every time I fired a question at Sean I’m not sure what I expected back, but I kept looking into his eyes hoping to just maybe get a flicker of recognition. But there was nothing there for me. No feeling whatsoever. How dare he!

By the time we had all eaten our dinner I was bursting to confront Sean. Loyal to Brad, I couldn’t say anything outright and then I had a cunning plan.

‘Let’s carry on chaps,’ I said expansively. The night is young and Pinks will still be open.’

‘You have to be young and nubile or mutton dressed as lamb to get in there,’ winged Anna.

‘Exactly,’ smiled Liv. ‘Let’s go!’

I was drunk and fuming in the taxi. Luckily H, Liv and Katie insisted we go in one cab and the boys go in the other. Anna, bless her, had already sicked up her Chicken Tikka in the alleyway next to the curry house and had decided to walk home as she only lived up the road.

‘What is it with you tonight, Ames?’ slurred H. ‘Brad’s boyfriend is drop dead gorge and seems like a really nice guy and you seem to be slating him.’

‘Nothing’s up, just a bit pissed. Reckon that first bottle must have been Chardonnay.’

That explanation was enough to shut everyone up as they had all been on the wrong the end of one of my Chardonnay-induced mad moments on some occasion or another.

The two bouncers looked us up and down as we arrived at the neon-fronted club. Liv managed to sidetrack them both, by virtually pushing her breasts into their faces, so that Sam, wearing
strictly forbidden
trainers sneaked through the big black double doors.

‘A request for Birthday Girl is obviously required. What do you fancy my sweet?’ asked Sam, who had been momentarily sidetracked by the two semi-naked dancers writhing in a cage next to the D.J.

‘It has to be “Staying Alive” I reckon!’ I replied. This was my chance!

‘Sean, Sean!’ I shouted. He was chatting to Brad intently at the bar. I had to be sure it was the false Declan before I caused any sort of scene. I had to dance with him alone.

‘Sean, let’s dance, baby!’ I dragged him away from Brad and proceeded to the dance floor. ‘Ah Ah Ah Ah Staying Aliiiivvvvveeeee,’ I drunkenly bawled over the din. I then started seductively pushing myself against ‘the impostor’ and began to undo the top button of his shirt. Brad was actually quite amused at this performance and ‘the impostor’ was playing along. Liv, H, Sam and Katie were beginning to get worried. When I was a party animal, I was most definitely a Tiger!

‘The impostor’ smelt gorgeous. Just being so close to him brought back memories of writhing around in Room 301. I pushed his shirt back off his shoulders and continued to gyrate against his groin.

‘Staying alive, staying allliiiveeeeeee!’ I continued to shriek. I then circled around to his back, pulled his shirt down further and looked at his left shoulder.

For one small minute I felt sick and sober at the same time. It was bare; there was no shamrock! The music changed swiftly to a dance number and Sean and I were ushered by the girls to a side-bar for fear of what I might do next. We luckily all managed to get a seat.

‘You can dance, I’ll give you that. Not bad at all for a girl!’ laughed the impostor.

‘So did I ask you what brings you over to sunny England, Sean?’

‘Amazingly you didn’t,’ he said nicely. ‘My twin brother is getting married next Saturday and I’m to be his Best Man.’

‘Yes, and I’m going to the evening do,’ Brad said proudly.

Sean had now hit the Jameson’s in a big way and suddenly slurred, ‘You must all come to the evening party! An Irish wedding is one not to be missed, to be sure.’