Teach Before You Fuck (Before You Fuck #1) (6 page)

Lunch came and after I dropped off the kids at the cafeteria, I briefly considered swinging by the office to say hello. I dismissed it immediately. He was going to have to seek me out.
I am not desperate
. Plus, his office was always full. Worse than not getting to talk to him, would be making eye contact with him while he was with other people and not being able to chat. I’ll wait for him.

I ate at my desk, which I didn’t do very often, but I still needed time to process everything that happened. Before I knew it, lunch was over, I returned to get my students from recess and the day continued on and on.

Tick. Tock. DING!

The 3:00 pm dismissal bell rang and my students left after hugs and high fives.
I have such a nice class.

I went back to my desk to check my email and work on paper work. Teachers walked by my door on their way out. I continued working.

There was some movement in the hallway and looked up to see that someone was in the doorway.

Nick.

I felt the pit of my stomach ball up. He was wearing another dark suit and put his hand high up on the door frame. I knew he was six feet tall, but he looked like a giant standing there.

Nick didn’t say a word but he came up to my desk and kneeled down, putting his hands on the rim of my desk.

“Hi Laura,” he looked into my eyes and I saw his eyes sparkling as we locked on each other.

“Hi,” I smiled and bit my lip on the inside so he couldn’t see. I could feel myself trembling.

“I just wanted to tell you that last night was….”I thought he might finish that phrase with
the best fuck of my life
, or the
moment I knew we would spend the rest of our lives together
. I couldn’t help myself.

“…special to me,” he put his hand on my hand, “but I took it too far. It was highly unprofessional of me to do what we did. I want to apologize.”

“Nick, it’s okay. I wanted that to happen, too,” I replied.

“No, it’s not okay. No boss should…well…do what we did. It could be a career-ending mistake for either of us,” he replied.

Or a night like that could be a relationship-starting spark…

“Nick, thank you for saying that. I wanted to…” I was cut off because of some noise in the hallway. We both turned to look out the door of my classroom, but the kids were gone.

“Laura, here’s my cell number. Can you please text me your address? If it’s okay with you, I’d like to come over tonight so we can talk about this, in private.”

I took the number with shaky hands.

“Okay, sounds good.”

He squeezed my hand and walked out of the room.

I put my hands together and put my head on my desk. I might have almost passed out having him that close to me.

Chapter Twenty-Three

I got home and threw my keys on my kitchen table. Do I stay in my work clothes or do I get comfortable like I usually do?
Fuck it, I’m just going to be myself
.

I was planning on making baked salmon so I turned on the oven and grabbed a pan and lined it with foil.
If he’s coming to my house, it will smell incredible
.

I went into my bedroom and kicked my heels into my closet. I grabbed my favorite pink t-shirt and my yoga pants.

Normally I would bounce around with my usual energy, but I was feeling a little deflated. I didn’t know what tonight would bring. It could go one of two ways. Either Nick will tell me that he saw us as a couple or he thought that what happened yesterday was a huge mistake.

Win or Lose. Odds: 50/50.

Ding! The salmon was done and it came out of the oven. I took it off the pan and put it on my plate, pouring some of the leftover olive oil and lemon juice over it and sprinkling it with cilantro and chopped scallions.

Ding! I must have forgotten to turn off the timer.

Ding! Ding!

Oh, it’s my door bell.

I ran to the door and opened it find…Nick.

“Oh hi,” I smiled, “Sorry, I thought that was the oven.”

“It smells amazing in here,” Nick continued, “What are you making?”

“My usual weekday salmon. You want to try some?”

“Sure.”

He came in and awkwardly took off his jacket. I grabbed it and smiled as I hung it over the back of one of the high-backed stools in my kitchen and motioned to him to follow me into my dining room nook area. He headed over to the table walking in large strides. He moved so quickly that I kind of felt like running into the kitchen. That nervous feeling in my stomach spiked.

I got out the plates. “Do you want some wine?” I asked as I poured myself a little Pinot Noir.

“Sounds good, Laura.”

My name in his mouth felt like a lightning bolt in my body. I had to shut my eyes for a second to recalibrate. Then I turned towards the table with the plates and then quickly returned for the wines.

I sat down and looked up at Nick as he was tasting my salmon. His eyes closed.

“Mmm, that melts in my mouth.”

“If I wasn’t a teacher, I would be a chef. Food is my other passion,” I said tilting my head to the side.

Then there was silence as we continued to eat. There was nothing to say until I knew where he stood.

“Laura, I don’t know what to say,” Nick started, “You’re an amazing woman,” he reached out, grabbed my hand, and squeezed it.

I looked down at my plate, but then I realized I had to make eye contact with this man and hold my head up high.

“I like you, Laura,” Nick stared into my eyes, “I like you a lot.”

He took my hand put it between his. He pushed back his chair and he hung his head and bit his lips.

“I would date you in a heartbeat if this was any other situation. I’m your boss.”

“Okay,” I said, feeling the tears coming.

There was nothing for me to say. He didn’t say I was not for him. He was saying that circumstances were in our way.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I started crying. I couldn’t help it.

“Wow, what a mistake I made,” I said, shaking my head.

“Laura, no. Please don’t cry,” Nick reached out for me, “Come here.”

He opened his arms to me and I just fell into him. He walked me over to the couch.

He sat me down on the couch and then he kneeled in front of me putting his hands on my knees.

“Laura, look at me.”

“You’re the complete package. I want you so badly,” Nick grabbed my shoulders lightly.

“I know. I just don’t know how we can make it work,” I said.

And then I lifted up my head and looked him straight in the eyes.

“But Nick, I want to try.”

“Wow,” Nick replied.

“Whether we’re dating or not, I’m going to resign my position at the school – but I’ll finish out the school year. I know how hard it is to find people mid-year.”

“Oh Laura, what a loss for the school. I want you to know that I’m either going to request a transfer or resign my position, too. I don’t want you to have to job search. It’s much easier for me to find another job.”

“Nick, the rest of the school year is going to be stressful even if we don’t start a relationship. We have to see each other every day,” I said, feeling myself trembling at the thought, “I just think we need to give this a shot.”

I pushed myself away from him and wiped my eyes. “So what’ll it be?”

Nick looked at me, deeply in my eyes. Then he cupped my face gently in his hands and kissed me softly on the lips.

“I can’t resist you. Look at you. You’re everything I’ve wanted,” and he leaned in for another kiss, “But the right thing to do is to take some time to think about this. Laura, I want you to know that I am in relationship right now –“

I interrupted him, “Nick, I am kind of too.”

“Laura, what I have with her, Julie is her name, has fizzled out. We don’t have anything in common. And I’ve never had the chemistry I have with you in that other relationship.”

He took the words right out of my mouth.

“I feel sparks for you that have never existed in my previous relationship, Nick.”

Nick started kissing my lips and then I felt his tongue enter my mouth. I responded by letting my tongue lick one of his lips and he bit my lip playfully.

Nick leaned me down on the couch and he moved his hands down my front. I could see he was getting hard and I wanted to feel him inside me again.

“I want you to carry me into my room,” I said to him, laughing and reaching for his shoulders.

“I want to fuck you so bad,” Nick leaned down and kissed me deeply. I felt the weight of his body on mine. Proportionately, his body was so much bigger than mine.

“I can’t believe how small and delicious you are, Laura,” but then he lifted me back up and sat my butt back on the couch. “Before we jump into the next stage, we should do the right thing and end our previous relationships.”

“Nick, I know you’re right,” I rubbed my forehead with one hand. Nothing was going to happen tonight and we both had homework: break up with our significant others.

Nick leaned in for a hug and we embraced. He was so much bigger than me, he could have crushed me with his big arms.

“This does not have to be a tough night,” I said, “Why don’t we finish dinner? I think we’ll both feel better after we eat.”

We walked back to the table and started eating again. The tension had disappeared and we started chatting. It felt amazing to talk and laugh together just like a normal couple.

“Laura, this was delicious,” Nick said, staring at me with his icy blue eyes, “If I’d gone home, I probably would have had a frozen pizza.”

“Julie doesn’t cook for you?” I asked, baiting him.

Nick hesitated, “Well, Julie is a few cities away. She’s also a principal so we only see each other on the weekends.”

I gulped. The competition was fierce.

Sensing my nerves, Nick continued, “Julie and I have been together since our college days. We’ve both been career-focused and haven’t made time for each other. But we’ve drifted apart and our connection has diminished. It really was only a matter of time.”

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it again, “I’m happy you’re the reason it’s over.”

“You won’t bring me into it, I hope.”

“Oh no, I’ll tell her I’ve moved on and I think it she’ll be okay with it,” Nick leaned over the table and kissed my hand, “I want to kiss every little part of you right this moment.”

A bolt of electricity shot from my hand straight up my spine. I wanted this man in every way.

“I could give you a tour of my place,” I said, gesturing towards the rest of my apartment, which really was primarily the bedroom.

Nick seemed to falter in that moment and stood up to get his feet under him. I just wanted to feel him next to me and relax together, but I could tell that until he wrapped up the issues with “Julie,” he wouldn’t feel peace with me.

“No, I really should be going. I’ve got to suck it up and dump Julie,” Nick looked down, “I just want to be done with one relationship before I…” he trailed off and looked straight into my eyes.

Before we fuck each other stupid again?
I wanted to say, but I refrained.

“Laura, I…” and he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me softly on the mouth. His lips were like warm velvet.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, pulling myself away, “I also have someone to dump. It could take a little while, Nick. Just so you know.”

“Okay, of course.” He opened the door and we said bye. Then he was gone.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Alex came over the next evening and so I cooked him his favorite dish: Cashew Chicken and Edamame fried rice. “Girl, yum, you cooked me my favorite dish!”

“Anything for you Alex,” I said, “I need you to help me straighten out the mess I’ve made here.” Alex set the table as I put the two dishes on large platters on the table so we could help ourselves and pig out, if need be.

“You haven’t made a mess. You made a love connection!” Alex told me.

“I see you are feeling better about this than when I first told you. What turned it around for you?” I asked.

“Well, I can see you really like him and I think he’s better for you than Jonathan,” Alex said.

“I know you never liked Jonathan,” I said.

“Yep, I never liked that rich bastard. Nick might be rich, but I’m gathering he didn’t come from money. He worked his way into it. He’s probably making what? $120,000 a year as a principal?”

“I’m sure he’s making good money, but I like him because we have an incredible bond. I feel like this is going to work out. I don’t say that every day.”

“Laura, that’s no joke. You pretty much have been celibate this whole time so I’m going to go out on a limb and trust you. If you were willing to do the nasty with him, he had to have earned it.”

I laughed. He was right.

“Laura, I know you have not wanted to bring someone new into your life. I never told you this, but I think that you are scared about losing another guy in your life, just like you lost your dad. I need to you to know that no matter what happens with any of the men in your life, whether they stay or go, you will make it. It really is ‘better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.’”

I gasped audibly when Alex brought my dad into his analysis of my phobia of relationships. Of course, it had to have been in the background of my relationships with men. Alex leaned in for a hug and continued, “Jonathan has been hanging around because you really don’t care about losing him. Even though you let him in, you don’t care what happens to your relationship, long-term.”

I burst into tears. He was right.

“Laura, I’ll always be here for you. I’m the guy who will never leave you,” Alex paused, “But I won’t date you. You can be my forever fag hag.” 

We laughed together and then I cried for a long time on my couch. Alex would always be there for me. Even if I never found anyone, I could rely on him. Who needed Jonathan’s proposal that we could be together if we didn’t have anyone at age thirty? I had my BFF Alex.

“I can’t put my finger on it, but something is different with Nick. I had a feeling about him when we made that connection when interviewing way back when.”