Tear Stained Beaches (4 page)

“Hey babe, how was your day?” He asked

“Oh the usual. Nothing too exciting here. How is Chicago?”

“It’s definitely windy; that’s for sure. Been great though.”

“Tell me more. What did you do today?”

“Listen babe, I’d love to talk more, but I don’t really have the best service here. You’re cutting out kind of bad.”

“Oh alright. Well have a good night honey. Love you.”

“You too. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

He hung up the phone. I tried to ignore my fears. Even though he had been absent lately, I’d seen nothing that would make me doubt he was telling the truth. He’d never done anything in the past to give me reason to believe anything other than he was on a business trip with a bunch of guys from work. That was, until I ran into his colleague Jay at the grocery store the day before Chase was scheduled to return. I waved at him from a distance. He made his way over to the produce section where I had begun to frivolously search for the perfect bunch of bananas.

“Hey Haylie what’s going on?” Jay asked.

“Oh you know. The usual weekly grocery trip. How about you? Do anything exciting this weekend?”

“Just brought the kids to the park. Trying to teach Emma how to ride a bike. Had her head-to-toe in protective gear, and she still gets hurt,” He laughed.

Chuckling at the thought of it I replied, “Gotta love kids. Well, tell Helen I said hi and have a great rest of the weekend,” My smile was forced. His weekend activities clearly didn’t include Chicago. I tossed the bananas in my cart and went on my way.

I never mentioned that encounter to Chase, but when he came home the next day I tried to nonchalantly get out of him who had accompanied him on the trip.

He was vague, and never said anyone’s name. Just told me it was the usual group of guys. I didn’t necessarily think, at that point, it was another woman, but I did worry that Chase was getting tired of me, that for some reason he just didn’t want to be around me anymore. 

Chapter 7

I promised myself that when Chase got home from Chicago I was going to really try and put our marriage back together. We just didn’t seem to be connecting anymore and I was determined to fix it. I wanted him to be attracted to me again, to want to spend time with me and rekindle the flame that had dimmed over time. I had planned, for the following Friday night, the date night we’d neglected for so long.

Work went by faster than I thought it would. I called mine and Chase’s favorite Chinese restaurant. I went by and picked up our order on the way home. Chase’s silver Mercedes wasn’t in the driveway when I pulled up, so I assumed he was running late, again. When I got out I could see Katie in her usual spot on her front porch. I gave a quick wave as I hurried towards the front door. I hope she’d get the hint I wasn’t in the mood for a neighborly conversation tonight. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect for Chase’s arrival.

I set out the Chinese food onto the coffee table in the living room. The one thing Chase and I always found enjoyable, was the way we always ate our meals on movie nights. We cuddled on the couch in the living room, plates in front of us with our movie of choice on the flat screen that hung over the gas fireplace. That was something we hadn’t done in about two or three months. He was rarely home for
dinner, and if he was, it was usually after I got tired of waiting for him. I was almost afraid that tonight wasn’t going to be any different, but just as I was about to sit down and search through the list of current movies-on-demand, familiar headlights flashed through the kitchen window.

He sat in the car for some time after the engine died. I pulled the curtain in the living room back just enough to see through to the driveway. He was on the phone, laughing and smiling, which was unusual for a business call. I’d seen plenty of those. His face was emotionless, stern as could be, when talking to clients. He had always told me a poker face was much needed in his line of work. Once you got emotionally involved, you were of no use to your client. It was about ten minutes later when he finally walked in the door.

He kissed me on the forehead as he breezed by. “Hey babe, sorry I’m late. I’m a little behind at the office, had to catch up. What’s for dinner?”

“I got your favorite. Sesame Chicken, lo mein and crab rangoons from Yeung Chi. Thought it might be a good way to end a stressful day.”

“Sounds great, I’m just going to go wash up and change. I’ll be fast.”

“Ok, I’ll order the movie while you’re up there. Don’t be long,” I pleaded.

I wanted a night alone with my husband. I’d been longing for him to hold me, to just be with me, to try. I needed reassurance. Chase was a huge Adam Sandler fan and so I ordered
Just Go With It
. I thought it would be the perfect choice for a night like tonight.

Chase was quick in the shower; he came back down in his gray flannel pajamas and a solid navy t-shirt. He sat right next to me on the couch, the food was all set out and movie just waiting to be played. He put his left arm around me and pulled me in closer as he grabbed his fork. I hit play and our romantic night began.

It was off to a good start about half hour into the movie. Dinner was put away and Chase and I had laughed simultaneously at every other scene. At that point, Chase had laid us both down on the couch. He put his arm around me as I rested my head on the pillow. I almost forgot about all my concerns over the last few days, as everything at that moment was perfect. Unfortunately, that moment didn’t last long. It was abruptly interrupted.

Chase pulled the phone from his pocket. “Sorry babe, I’ll turn off the ringer.”

I rolled my eyes with the back of my head facing him. For the rest of the movie, Chase’s phone must have gone off half a dozen times, if not more. Even though he had put it on silent, I could still here the sounds of his fingers pushing the keys. I couldn’t see his face, nor could I see the cell phone, but I was greatly annoyed that he chose not to ignore whoever it was for another hour while he spent time with his wife.

“Really Chase?” I finally said with a scowl.

“What?” He asked

I turned around and glared at him. “Are you even paying any attention at all to the movie?”

“Yes I’m paying attention. What’s with the attitude?”

“You have been on your phone for the last half hour. Don’t think I don’t notice just because I have my back to you.”

“Haylie calm…” He started to speak but I interrupted.

“No, I will not calm down. This is supposed to be our night. We haven’t spent a night alone together in so long and you have to ruin it by texting. I mean who could you possibly be talking to?”

“Oh Haylie really? What are you trying to get at now?”

It really was a waste of my breath. I knew that. No matter what the situation, I was always the crazy one. The one who overreacted and made something out of nothing. So with his last comment, I fought the urge to retaliate and rolled back over towards the flat screen.

I felt him squirm behind me as he placed the phone back in his pocket. “Look, I’m putting the phone away now, ok? My attention is one hundred percent on you.”

I didn’t answer; just lay quietly watching the movie. I had tried so hard, but to no avail. Chase continued to drift further and further away from me.

Chapter 8

Moments like that continued for the next couple of months. Chase would come home and sit in the car for about 10-15 minutes with the phone to his ear. When he did finally come inside, he would text until the time he went to bed. The only times that phone ever left his hand was when he’d jump in the shower before bed. And even then he’d bring it into the bathroom with him and sit it on the countertop.  Sometimes I would make a snide remark about how ridiculous it was that his phone never left his hands. Chase would get angry, call me crazy, and ignore me the rest of the night.

One night, on a rare occasion he was home for dinner, the ringing phone interrupted us. At first he ignored it, but when it rang for a third time, he excused himself from the table and went outside. Of course, being paranoid, I tip-toed to the front window to see what I could hear. No part of the conversation came out clear as he was standing too far off the front porch, but I swear I could hear the voice on the other end of the line. As he turned to walk back up the porch, the voice became clearer. It was a woman’s voice; there was no mistaking it.

I hurried back to the dining room table before he’d notice I was spying, and sat down. By the time he’d walked back in, I had thrown a bite of food in my mouth. I stared at him, and waited for him to share his conversation. He didn’t look up; just looked at his plate, and cut
his chicken into the perfectly even pieces he needed before he would take a bite.

I rolled my eyes and stabbed my fork into the grilled chicken on my plate and then asked, “Important phone call?”

“No. Just Alex making sure we were still on for tomorrow.”

Alex was one of the husbands in our cul-de-sac. He was married to a petite brunette named Allison. This was her second marriage. She was thirty-four and he just twenty-five. They found out they were having their first child about six months into their relationship. Alex proposed just a few months later and they had married in a small garden ceremony two months before Allison welcomed Austin into the world. They had a little girl named Madelyn a year later.

Alex had started coming around more and more lately, as apparently, he realized a little too late, that he wasn’t ready for the whole kid thing just yet. He needed time away and would ask Chase to head to the local pub for a beer. He was also Chase’s main workout buddy. Every weekend they made it a point to hit the gym in mornings before doing anything else. However, I knew better. The voice on the other end of the line was not Alex. I knew contradicting him would just end in another fight. Lately, that phone seemed to be core of all of my anxiety, but I didn’t say a word.

We went to bed that night like nothing happened, and the next morning I woke up to an empty bed. Chase was already at the gym with Alex by the time I awoke. It was my one Saturday of the month I had to work at the country club, but with all the stress I’d been under I had woken before my alarm had gone off. 

I distracted myself with housework for the next hour, trying to ignore the fact that Chase hadn’t even woke me up to kiss me goodbye. I vacuumed all the bedrooms, dusted the dressers, mopped the tile floors and threw in a few loads of laundry. I rearranged the furniture on our wrap around front porch
,
and sat down to pay some bills that were due the next week. By that time I had to get ready for work.

All day I kept thinking about the voice on the other end of the line. Who could Chase have been talking to, and why was it so important for him to lie about it? Was he really capable of cheating on me? His secrets, distance and excuses had begun to set in, and my paranoia had officially begun. I checked my phone regularly, but didn’t hear from Chase all day. When it was time for me to lock up and head home, I called to see where he was; but no answer. This was not the kind of life I thought I would be living. My marriage was failing and it was the worst feeling in the world.

“Dammit.” In the midst of repeatedly dialing Chase’s number, I dropped my purse onto the pavement and all the contents scattered over the ground. I heaved everything back in and walked to the car. The car shook when I slammed the door. I shoved the key in the ignition and stomped on the accelerator.

After arriving home, I called Chase a few more times, with no success. Finally, just as I was about to relax in a bubble bath, my phone rang. I picked it up

“It’s about time.” 

“Hi babe, sorry I missed your calls earlier, but I don’t really have service in here.”

“Where are you?” I demanded.

“Alex and I decided to go out for a few beers in the city. I hope that’s ok. I won’t be home too late.

I shook my head in disbelief. I felt hopeless and was tired of always being angry. I didn’t argue his boys night out, I just hung up the phone and poured a tall glass of wine. I sunk into the bubbles of the Jacuzzi tub and let the warm water relieve the tension that had built up in my muscles. The name Alex was really starting to get on my nerves.

I tried to relax and drown my sorrows by blaring Nick Lachey’s
What’s Left of Me
CD. Even the lavender bath oils couldn’t calm me. After awhile my eyes grew heavy. I drained the tub and dressed for bed. Sleep was a while in coming, but when I succumbed it was deep and blissfully numbing.

Chapter 9

Later that week, after missing another one of our planned dinners, Chase returned home late. I was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher when he came in. I didn’t have to say a word.

“I know, I know, late again. I’m sorry baby, but you know I can’t help it.”

He slid his hands around my waist and kissed the tip of my ear. I pulled away abruptly as I pulled the dishes from the sink.

“Alright, well it’s been a long day. I’ll see you in bed.” He squeezed me a little tighter before he let go and headed upstairs.

After finishing my evening chores I made my way upstairs. I dressed into my pajamas and headed into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Right in the middle of it, I saw Chase’s phone light up. I had tried on multiple occasions to take peek at his phone when he was in the shower. I told myself it was just to ease my mind and confirm that all the worrying was for nothing. To my surprise, he had password protected it and I couldn’t get in. It never stopped me from trying
,
though I had no success. This time, however, I didn’t even have to try. I looked down at his phone, just in time to see a text come through. It quickly scrolled across the screen, but I caught all of it.

Counting down the days, I’ll call you when I get out.

Counting down the days to what? I didn’t remember Chase telling me about any event coming up; if he had I would have put it on the calendar. The number wasn’t assigned to a contact, but the area code was not a local Carolina number, and that’s what caught my eye. Once the phone went black, I could not longer access it without the password, so I made sure not to forget the area code.