Tear Stained Beaches (5 page)

Turning into a completely senseless human being, I returned downstairs to my laptop, logged into our joint cell phone account and pulled up the phone call records. First, I clicked on incoming/outgoing calls and searched for the area code. At first, it showed up just a few times, but as I clicked the pages to the most recent dates, the number of times seemed to increase dramatically. He had called that number every night over the last two weeks on his way home from work. It was the last call he would make before he came into the house for the night and the first call he made when he left for work in the morning.

Clearly this person was important to Chase and I was anxious to figure out whose number this was. Once I clicked on the text message report, I had to look twice at the number of texts exchanged on his phone. In just two weeks, he had exchanged 2800 text messages. As I scrolled down the screen, it was obvious at least three quarters of those were back and forth to this number.

“Babe, I’m going to hit the hay, I’ve got an early Saturday morning workout planned with Alex. You coming up anytime soon?” I jumped a good two feet off the couch, flinging the laptop in the air.

“Uh, yeah. I just want to clean up some things down here. Don’t wait up, I’ll be in soon.”

“Alright. Goodnight beautiful.”

I shivered. Did he think I was stupid? The sooner I found out what was going on, the better I’d be in the long-run.

I sat downstairs until I no longer heard him rustling around in the bedroom. I wanted to make sure he was in bed before I made my way into his office. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but I needed more information. I knew something was wrong, something was going on and I refused to be played for a fool.

I rifled through all of his drawers, my hands shaking as they sorted through papers, pushing things from side to side, trying to find something; anything. I pulled out invoices for work, airport-parking receipts, and then I came upon a current credit card statement.

5/1/11 - Relaxation Spa- Charleston, SC, $165.00

6/8/11 - 1800 Flowers              , $77.50

7/12/11 - Bistro 491- Augusta, GA, $110.89

8/1/11 - Kay Jewelers- Charlotte, NC              , $1250.61

Bile rose to my mouth. I never got any spa treatment, let alone in Charleston, and I certainly didn’t remember any flowers delivered or jewelry gifts given. I also never remembered Chase talking about making any sort of trip Georgia. Where the hell was I? My accusations were holding more water, but I had nothing concrete he wouldn’t try to lie his way out of. I made a copy of the credit card statement, willing the copier to go faster, and tucked the page into my purse. I was meeting with the girls tomorrow morning and was planning on telling them of my suspicions.

It’s funny how everything you find out, no matter how close it is staring you in the face, you will hold on to the denial until the very end, until you no longer have a choice and the lies have nowhere left to hide. I made sure everything was back where I found it; I turned off the lights and headed up to bed to a man I wasn’t sure I knew anymore.

Chapter 10

Saturday morning, and it was time to brave breakfast with the girls at Beverly’s house. Beverly thought that having a close-knit community was important; so even though attending was optional, everyone felt compelled to go.

Beverly was like the ringleader of the group. She organized all neighborhood parties, tried her hardest to get everyone to march to the beat of her drum and always had to make sure she knew what was going on in everyone’s life. She was the one who’d been in the neighborhood the longest. Unlike the other houses that had switched hands a few times before we all finally settled in, Beverly and her husband Mike had built theirs from the ground up.

              Beverly greeted me at the door with a high-pitched squeal of excitement. “Haylie, so happy you could make it.”

              “Always a pleasure Beverly.” It took every ounce of energy I could muster to fake a smile.

She escorted me into the sunroom where the rest of the girls had gathered. My desire to tell everyone about my problems was waning, and I barely heard the conversations chattering on around me.

I guess my nerves were quite obvious as Katie questioned my demeanor. “Hayles? Are you ok?” I didn’t answer right away as I was still searching for the right words. “If something is bothering you girl you know you can tell us.”

I didn’t know where to start, so I just blurted out, “I think Chase is having an affair.”

Beverly gasped as she placed her hand on her chest. “Oh I’m so sorry honey.”

“I’ve been suspecting it for quite a while. Things just haven’t been right. And last night, well, I found this.”

I pulled the piece of paper out of my purse and showed them the credit card statements. They had all been so nice to me over the years and despite our differences; I was looking forward to their support. I really needed them right then. Beverly looked at me and took my hand.

“Honey, I’m so glad you came to us for this. We know exactly what you’re going through. We’re all here to help in any way we can.”

“Thanks Beverly. I’m really struggling on how to bring it up to him. I mean, do I just hand this to him and ask for an explanation?”

“Bring it up to him? Now why on earth would you do that?” She looked at me as if I had just asked if I should wear a pink blouse with a red skirt.

“What do you mean why would I do that? What am I supposed to do?” I asked.

“Take it from a woman who knows. Take that piece of paper and throw it away. Forget you ever saw it and move on with your life. Am I right ladies?”

She looked around at our breakfast companions: they were all nodding. My heart hollowed as each woman turned against me.

“What do you mean forget it?”  I stood up and pulled my hand from hers.

“Haylie, do you know how many women would kill to be in our shoes? This kind of life comes at a price, and we all have to pay for it in some way. You have to learn to turn your head to these things.”

Allison, Alex’s wife, chimed in, “I know it may not be something you expected, but it will hurt you more to find out the truth. Trust me; I know Alex is not meeting with clients until all hours of the night on a weekly basis. It may sound foolish, but look at what he’s given me: two wonderful kids, a roof over my head, freedom to do whatever my heart desires. If I don’t ask, he doesn’t tell, and what I don’t know won’t hurt me.”

“I’m sorry,” my eyes were wide and I couldn’t keep the anger out of my voice, “are you telling me that you know Alex is having an affair with another woman, and you’re ok with it?”

Beverly leaned across and whispered to me, “
women
, would be the proper term sweetie.” If I’d had a glass cup in my hand at that point, glass would’ve shattered everywhere.

“Women? You mean there’s been more than one?” The look on Allison’s face confirmed it. “I don’t even understand how you can be accepting of this. That is not what a marriage is supposed to be! A husband is supposed to love his wife and be loyal, honest and caring.”

“Haylie, calm down,” Allison said. “Life doesn’t always work out to be the fairytale we hoped for. Sometimes love dies, but that doesn’t mean that Alex and I don’t have mutual respect for each other; because we do.”

“Ok, I really have to go.” I threw my crumpled napkin onto the table and snatched my purse from behind me.

“Haylie, please don’t leave.” If anyone could have gotten me to stay, it would’ve been Katie. But there was nothing she could say to me right then that would change my mind.

“A man who respects his wife, does not sleep with other women. And a woman who respects herself does not allow her husband to get away with it.” That was the last thing I said before I headed out the door.

I was more determined than ever to find out the truth. How could those women fully acknowledge that their husbands were having affairs and just go on being married to them? I was not going to let that happen to me. I moved away from a great job, family and a town I loved so Chase could go after his dream. How dare he treat me like this. There was no way in hell I was going to live my life with a cheating husband. It was time to act.

Chapter 11

Chase was gone most of Saturday and didn’t arrive home until bedtime. He had worked out with Alex, and after that they’d hit the golf course for their third weekend in a row then they’d gone out for drinks. At least that’s what he told me. Honestly, I didn’t know any more. What I did know was that I’d had enough of being treated this way and it was time I’d talked to him about his inconsiderate behavior. He promised he’d be home at a reasonable hour and once again he wasn’t here.

I was on the couch watching a Lifetime movie when I heard his key clicking in the door. I could see him hanging up his cell phone, trying to hold his wallet and gym bag while trying to close the front door. Unsurprisingly, just as the door slammed, everything fell to the floor.

I sprinted over to help him and noticed a few cards had fallen out of his wallet. I reached down and picked them up. Trying to organize them all in the same direction, one of them stood out from the rest.

“A hotel key to Harrah’s in Atlantic City?” I questioned. “When did you go to Atlantic City?”

He hastily grabbed the cards from my hands and then told me some story about how he had almost forgotten about it. It was from forever ago, when he went to his friend Shawn’s bachelor party in New York City. I remembered the weekend he’d flown up there, but never remembered him mentioning a stop in Atlantic City.

“And you still have it in your wallet? Why would you save a hotel key?”

“Jesus Christ Haylie, what do you think, I’m lying to you? I guess I just thought I lost it and never turned it in.”

“That’s your story is it?” I didn’t want to tell him all the things I knew, but I was getting fed up with all his excuses.

“It’s not a story, it’s the truth, and I don’t appreciate all your accusations.”

“First of all, I didn’t make any accusations Chase, and second of all, I was just pointing out the obvious.”

“And what would that be Miss Know It All?”

“That you never mentioned any bachelor party taking place in Atlantic City, and that it is random to have a key to a hotel room hanging out in a wallet I bought you only six months ago.” The color drained from his face as he searched for something to say. Once again, the only thing he could do was turn on his defense mechanism and make me look like the bad guy.

“You know, you’re being a complete bitch right now, and I don’t feel like dealing with it. I’m good to you, I take care of you and this is what I get for it? I’m going to bed.”

“Whatever,” I spat, and watched him stomp up the stairs. I knew he hated that word, but at that point, I didn’t care.

I peeked into the bedroom, about an hour after he’d gone upstairs, to make sure he was asleep, and found him snoring. It was time I discovered some irrefutable proof, something he couldn’t deny. I felt paranoid and guilty digging into his personal life, but not so guilty that I wouldn’t do it. I felt like I was going insane. This woman I’d become, I didn’t know her. Continuously stressed out, wondering at all times where my husband was, if I was making something out of nothing, it was becoming too much for me, but I knew. I knew something wasn’t right. My gut was telling me the man I married was sharing his time and affections with someone else.

What was it going to take for to be able to find the “Smoking Gun” I’d been looking for? No matter how much it might hurt, I needed to find the truth.

I crept downstairs into his office, sat behind his desk and started to type. Whatever came to mind I typed in. I’d known him for almost 10 years; I should’ve been able to figure out what his password was. I typed in my name, his first dog’s name, the street he grew up on, our university mascot and so much more; but no luck.
Password incorrect, try again
popped up over and over. After about twenty minutes, I could see goose bumps on my arms. My entire body was shaking in fear. Fear that any minute he was going to walk in and find me, fear that I was never going to find what I needed, but most of all, fear that I would.

“Think Haylie,” I whispered. I leaned back, looked up to the ceiling, and prayed. “God, I know I’ve asked you for a lot in life, and I know this probably isn’t high on your priority list right now, but I need your help. I’m going crazy here. I don’t eat, I can’t sleep.” Tears coursed down my cheeks and it was hard to say the words. “I just need some answers. I can’t live like this anymore. I’m begging you, please help me.” My final words slurred together as I succumbed to my sorrow.

What a mess I had become. I closed my eyes and tried to focus. This time I typed in the name of his law firm, his birth date, and our honeymoon spot. None of them worked. I kept trying. His mother’s maiden name, the town she was born in; nothing. Then I got creative. I typed in his birth state of California backwards, San Diego backwards; still nothing. I had almost given up hope. I was running out of options. When I was about to stand up and call it a night, I looked up at the bookshelves that covered the wall across from the bay window: and there it was, his favorite movie of all time, The Sandlot. I typed it in and hit enter. This time, the entrance screen disappeared and his desktop popped up. I couldn’t believe this is what my life had come to. Breaking into my husband’s computer, not even knowing what I was looking for, but hoping that whatever it was I would find it. I started clicking through folders, opening and closing documents, all while the voices of my friends muttered through my head. I could hear them telling me to just let it go, be happy with the life you have, turn your head and just keep doing what you’re doing. In a way, I did want to just brush it under the rug, what I didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me, but in the end I knew I couldn’t live like that. It just wasn’t in me. I was better than that, and I deserved better than that.