The Day I Shot Cupid (8 page)

W
orking out with a regular trainer has
saved my life. Having a friend, female companion, and motivator has proven to be my best decision yet, especially in matters of my heart. Yep, that love thing again. Working out really helped me through it. Stevie, my fabulous trainer, was kind enough to share her secrets with all of you. So start the healing process and let the makeover begin!

—JLH

There are generally three ways to go after your heart has been run over: (a) down Ben & Jerry’s Lane, (b) Alanis Morissette’s
Jagged Little Pill
, aka the “get back/female empowering anthem route,” or (c) the least popular, last house on the left, “take good care of yourself, honor your loss, and forge a foundation of self-esteem.” What on earth am I talking about here? You’ve got to move AND you’ve got to sweat! Even if it’s just for twenty minutes a day. I vote for motion vs. no motion. Every little thing you do for yourself counts. You count. I try to use these unhappy but inevitable “opportunities” to fine-tune myself from the inside out, so that I may emerge from these situations stronger, more together, and healthier.

Love always teases me about my affection for Einstein, boring medical journals, and other areas of science geekery, but check this out. Low endorphin and serotonin levels make us reach for calorie-dense, sugary, fat-rich foods. Endorphins and serotonin are hormones that our body naturally manufactures. When the levels
of these hormones are too low, besides the overwhelming food cravings that occur, we get stressed, anxious, and irritable. When we have enough of these hormones, we feel calm, confident, and balanced. It’s really no wonder that we reach for the comfort foods we do during emotionally charged times. We seek to regulate our moods. These sugars and fats give us those same feelings of ease, satisfaction, or anesthesia that those hormones do, EXCEPT they begin a constant cycle where we crave them, seeking out those initial feelings of comfort. So really, comfort foods aren’t so comforting in this format.

So, without breaking out my pointer with the little black tip from grade school, the BEST way I know to get these natural chemicals flowing, for us to feel better all around and put our hearts back in our chests where they belong, is to get moving!! Exercise and exorcise!!

Find a friend. Find a buddy (dog or cat). Find the time!

Things are easier with an accomplice—I mean good friend. I got through a world-class
awful breakup with the help of my pals Wendell Hooper and Chris Zwirner. We got ourselves some running shoes (get some appropriate workout shoes), signed up for FUN group fitness classes at our local gym (go find something physical AND interesting in a group format), and took to our local parks (again, get out of the house!).

We didn’t care how far we went or how fast we ran or what we looked like doing it. That doesn’t matter. We laughed, we moved, we cried sometimes, and then started to feel better! I STARTED TO FEEL BETTER. Moving around starts a beautiful but slow upward spiral of positive effects. Not to say I didn’t still get moments of sadness, frustration, and, the less pleasant to admit, anger. But the times I did feel them got fewer and my self-esteem grew stronger. Admittedly, my legs and booty weren’t looking too shabby either! Nothing says “revenge” better than looking and feeling healthy and beautiful (not that I condone harboring such feelings, but it DOES feel good
when you run into your ex and you look really happy and healthy from the inside out!).

THE BUDDY:
Numerous studies (here I go again) have indicated that petting your dog or cat reduces stress and lowers your blood pressure. It’s true! The interactive touching is nurturing and soothing. It’s essential that we maintain a feeling of intimacy with another living thing while we are mending our hearts. If you don’t have a buddy or aren’t able to in your place, seek out your local rescue or animal shelters and volunteer to walk or care for the animals there. You would be surprised what even as little as a few hours a week will do for you, not to mention how happy the animal you are comforting would feel. Personally I feel compelled to mention that my dogs have seen me through two houses, one marriage, four births, three funerals, and a parade of irritating dating scenarios. As living things, we heal each other. Our health is the sum total of our minds, our bodies, and our spirits. This wonderful feeling of connectedness fills all three.

THE TIME:
In short, make the time to move around. Take a crowbar to your schedule if you have to, but treat yourself like an honored and welcome guest. Make sure you put good energy back into your life. If you find yourself with possibly too much free time because your former partner isn’t there anymore, it’s doubly important to have something with equal physical and emotional value in its place. Too much free time leads to the refrigerator.

THE “WORKING IT OUT” WORKOUT:
Here’s my favorite workout, which will get you feeling and looking strong and beautiful. Do this three days a week, in the gym or at home.

GOOD, LOUD MUSIC

A mat

A jump rope

A set of hand weights (5–10 pounds)

A dodge ball ($3.99 in the toy department), or wad up a bath towel

A chair (or a bench if you’re at the gym)

A tiara! If Love can take bubble baths in one, we can work out in them as well. She’s right—you actually do feel lovely wearing one!

NOTE: YES I DO THIS AND NO I’M NOT KIDDING AROUND!

This is a pretty thorough training session. It should take about an hour or so, depending on your speed. Once you get acclimated to the routine, you can really go through this efficiently. Go at a manageable pace. Take a short break when you need to. And smile—it opens up the doors to your heart.

10-minute warm-up run on the treadmill or take it around the block!

Part One—
UPPER BODY

Grab a heavy set of hand weights for the next five exercises.

Keep your core engaged (tighten your tummy) when performing these!

Do this block of exercises two or more times!!
Push-up position, please! Don’t forget to jump rope after each set. It will help shake things out. (“Things” are what I refer to as tight muscles. It’s in the same category as “thingamajiggy” and “whatziewhoozies.”)

FITNESS INTERMISSION
10-minute jog on treadmill or take it around the block again—say “hi” to neighbors this time.

Part Two
—
LOWER BODY

You may hold on to hand weights during these exercises to make it more challenging.

Repeat the lower-body section 2 more times.

FITNESS INTERMISSION
10-minute light jog for the last time, taking it around the block. Your legs should feel heavy, but do it anyway—they will loosen up.

20 Basic Crunches—
Keep your chin up and gently lift your chest off the ground, about 4 inches up and back.

20 2-Part Lift Crunches—
Lift high, higher, and highest, then go back down all the way. You’re only lifting up about an inch and a half each time.

20 Bicycle Kicks—
Bring opposite knee and elbow in to the chest (almost close enough to touch) then switch. Go smoothly and
evenly. Make sure to extend the leg out when you’re switching sides, so it looks like you are “pedaling.” Count each of the kicks up to 20.

3 30-second Body Planks.
Lying flat on your mat, facing the ground, come up on your elbows and toes. Your elbows should line up below your shoulders. Your legs should be long, but not locked out. If this is too much weight to lift, bend your knees onto the mat. Again, this will be about 75 percent of your body weight. You can increase the intervals as you get stronger. This will strengthen your core and your back, and give you a light shoulder workout.

Clamshells!!!! Because really, jeans are expensive and it’s important to keep this area looking good!
Lie on your side, in what I call the TV position. Rest your head on your hand. Bring both knees up to where your belly button is, stacking the feet. You will look like you were sitting in a chair that fell over. Place
a light weight on your top knee and hold it there with your hand. Lift the top leg up and down. Make sure your foot also lifts up to the same height as your knee. (Just like a suitcase—one side doesn’t raise higher than the other when opening.) Do this 50 times at a comfortable pace. Folks, it’s going to smart…a lot. But this will shape up the booty in no time. Do the other side.