The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (24 page)

If you’re going to be fisted, an enema is a necessity. When you’re talking about fitting someone’s entire hand inside your ass, hygiene is not your only concern. An enema will clean out your rectum including any stray fecal matter that could make the experience uncomfortable. Plus, since there is a greater chance of some trauma to the rectal tissue (including small tears), you want to make sure that you’re as clean as you can be. You should use either an enema bag or a shower attachment (rather than the bulb syringe or bottle) for deeper cleaning. Follow the rules of enemas from chapter 5, making sure that you leave two hours or more between your enema and your fisting date to give your ass a chance to recover and regenerate that thin layer of mucous that protects the delicate rectum.

Speaking of cleanliness, since you’re about to be using a whole lot of lube, it’s a good idea to think about another kind of tidying-up in advance. Whether it’s a bed, a bondage bench, or a sling, covering it with a towel or a disposable absorbent bed pad will protect it from unwanted spills and make post-fisting cleaning quicker and easier.
²
Also, keep a box of baby wipes nearby to catch lube spills and deal with any mess.

Contrary to some popular misconceptions, being anally fisted will not make you bleed excessively, damage your rectum, stretch out your anus, or rupture your intestines—if you do it correctly. It’s important for both partners to take certain precautions to protect themselves from discomfort or injury, as well as the transmission of STDs. The risks of STD transmission outlined in chapter 6 and discussed in chapter 17 for penetration with fingers apply to fisting; however, it’s much more likely that fisting could cause small tears in the rectal tissue and/or bleeding.

For the fister, it’s important to wear a latex or nonlatex glove, whether or not you usually wear gloves for manual penetration. Gloves will make penetration much more comfortable for the fistee, and protect both of you should any tearing or bleeding occur during fisting. Even though you’ll be
wearing a glove, it is critical that your nails be short and well-filed with no sharp edges. If you have long nails (real or acrylic) that you don’t want to sacrifice in order to fist someone, then remember to stuff cotton in the tips of the fingers or wrap your nails in gauze before putting on a glove. Since the average glove ends at your wrist, I suggest a longer glove for fisting. You can purchase gloves of longer lengths at medical, dental, and sex supply stores and websites. (See sidebar and Resource Guide for more information.)

Previously, some sex educators and organizations recommended wearing two gloves on one hand as a safer sex precaution (if a glove tore during sex, you were still protected by the one underneath it) or for quicker transition between orifices (you could go from ass to pussy without much interruption by simply peeling off the top glove). We know that wearing two condoms creates friction between condoms and increases the chance of a tear. Although gloves are made of a thicker form of latex or nonlatex material than condoms, there is anecdotal evidence that wearing two gloves can do the same: produce friction between the gloves that can lead to a higher chance of breakage or tearing. Stick to one glove at a time, but pay close attention, and change gloves immediately if you notice a tear or hole.

We’re back to that
C
-word again, the one we return to again and again throughout this book—
communication.
Communication is a fundamental part of anal fisting, since it is an intense activity that tests the limits of our bodies and minds. Before you actually try this erotic endeavor, it’s important to have an honest discussion about it. Tell your partner about your goals, expectations, and any fears you may have; get them out on the table so you can talk them through. Each partner should be clear about his or her level of experience with anal play and anal fisting. It’s okay to be a novice, as long as you let your partner know in advance. If you’ve tried it before, discuss what worked and what didn’t. The more information both of you have, the better off you’ll be.

Fisting requires trust, patience, and a substantial time commitment. Even with all the skill and patience in the world, the ass can have a mind of its own, and sometimes, it just doesn’t happen. Be prepared for that, so if you don’t get to the whole hand-chilada, it won’t surprise and disappoint you. It’s important for both of you to have realistic expectations, whether it’s your first try or your fourteenth. The less pressure you place on yourself and your partner, the more likely it will be to happen. But nothing will happen without verbal and nonverbal signals between you and your partner. As the fister, it’s important to continually check in with your partner, make sure she/he is comfortable, and get her
feedback about what you’re doing. The fistee needs to direct the action, tell your partner if you need to slow down or stop, and be clear about when it’s okay to proceed to the next step.

Some fisting aficionados swear by Crisco or other oil-based or vegetable-based lubricants—like Boy Butter, Elbow Grease, ID Cream, or Men’s Cream—for fisting (see sidebar on page 162 for more on Crisco). Oil-based and vegetable-based lubes are very thick and don’t dry up like their water-based counterparts. Although I cautioned against them in chapter 7, if your fistee is a guy, with one orifice, and you just adore this kind of lube, then it is safe to use for fisting him. Although it’s difficult to clean up, it will flush out of the rectum when he has a bowel movement. Just make sure you use nonlatex (nitrile, vinyl/polyurethane, neoprene) gloves and condoms on toys, since these lubes can break down latex. If tiny holes develop, they can cause the latex to weaken, break, and be ineffective. Sticking your hand in a can of Crisco (or a tub, which many of the lubes mentioned come in) will leave that container full of bacteria. With a clean spoon or scoop, scoop smaller amounts of lube out of the original container and into a separate one, which you can throw away after the fisting.

As I said in chapter 7, if the person you’re fisting has two holes, then you should never use oil-based or vegetable-based lube in either one. Since anal fisting requires so much lube, it’s likely that some of the lube will find its way to the pussy. When these lubes are introduced into the pussy, they are impossible to flush out. They become a breeding ground for vaginal infection.

My preference is for a thick water-based lube that is the consistency of hair gel. Just as these lubes are ideal for anal penetration, they work great for fisting. I prefer one that contains glycerin—brands like Astroglide Gel, Probe Thick and Rich, or J-Lube—since that ingredient helps the lube stay wet longer. If your ass is sensitive or allergic to glycerin, then try Maximus or a silicone lube.

If you’re a fan of silicone lubes, then I recommend Eros Silicone Gel or Eros Cream, since Eros Original and some other brands of silicone-based lubricant are far too thin and slick to do the job for fisting; they allow too much friction, which can lead to discomfort. Keep in mind that silicone
lubes are not compatible with silicone toys, so if you are planning to use silicone toys to warm up the ass before fisting, use a condom on them.

Some people like to combine two different kinds of lubes; for example, you can add a few drops of silicone lube to increase the staying power of a water-based lube while still getting the benefits of the texture of the thicker lube. If you add silicone lube to any water-based lube, then consider it a silicone lube and follow guidelines about not using it on silicone toys without a condom. Whatever lube you choose, never use one that contains nonoxynol-9, as it is more likely to irritate the rectal tissue and make fisting uncomfortable or painful.

You want whatever it is you’re using to penetrate someone’s ass—your fingers, a toy, your cock—to be coated in lube. Each time you introduce another finger, or readjust, add more lube. Be generous and remember that more lube equals more comfort and easier penetration for the fistee. In order to prepare the ass for what’s to come, I also like to make sure I get lube way up inside the rectum. Once you’re in the heat of the fisting, you don’t want to have to slide your hand all the way out, relube, then work on getting all the way back in again. This not only breaks the momentum, but it can stress the sphincter muscles as well.

There are several tools I use to shoot lube up someone’s ass so it’s waiting for me when I finally get my whole hand (or almost my whole hand) inside. The Lube Shooter is a disposable plastic syringe (with a flared base) that was designed for this very purpose. Simply remove the plunger, fill the syringe with lube, and replace the plunger. Before you put it in someone’s ass, push the plunger down a little to begin the flow of lube and let any air out. Lube the plastic tip of the syringe and gently insert it into the ass. Push the plunger down gently to release the lube. You can refill it and repeat. When you’re done, throw it away. Astroglide makes an even more convenient product called the Astroglide Shooter. It’s a soft plastic 5 ml tube of lube with a long neck for easy insertion. You don’t need to fill these and they can be more comfortable for some people since they are made of softer plastic than the Lube Shooter. Twist off the tab, lube the tip, and slide it in. You can also use disposable plastic irrigation syringes that come in different sizes (commonly 50, 60, or 100 ml) and are available at medical supply stores and some specialty sex product websites.

If you like the look of metal, are into medical toys, or simply want to use something that looks a lot more menacing than a small plastic syringe,
then I recommend a stainless steel syringe—often called an enema syringe or a lube syringe—which you can find on medical fetish and other specialty sex product websites. It holds a lot more lube than the plastic ones and has a decidedly more daring aesthetic. Made of polished metal, it comes with two interchangeable tips (pointy and rounded) and is available in several different sizes; the most common are 100 cubic centimeters (cc) and 200 cc (which are equivalent to 100 ml and 200 ml). The 200-cc syringe is the size of a large, thick dildo, so it should only be used on very experienced bottoms. To use it, pull back the plunger, then unscrew the top and fill the body with lube. Replace the top, then push the plunger down a little to begin the flow of lube and let any air out
before you insert it
. Then lube the tip, carefully insert it into the ass, and push the plunger down. To clean the syringe, take it apart, and wash it gently with warm water and antibacterial soap. Since this toy has a bunch of nooks and crevices, I like to go one step further and soak it for a few minutes in a diluted bleach solution (10 parts water, 1 part bleach). Make sure you dry all the parts completely, since if left damp, they can rust. (See Resource Guide for where to purchase these items.)

As with other anal activities, there are a number of different positions, each with its own particular benefits, for anal fisting. The ideal position for fisting is one that will allow easy ass access and give both fister and fistee the comfort to be there for an extended period of time. For doing it on a bed, I like to use firm pillows or Liberator Shapes, a unique brand of firm, supportive shapes that help to angle the body better for different kinds of penetration and stimulation. An overstuffed, comfortable chair can offer good back support and comfort for the fistee, and the fister can kneel or sit on a pillow in front of the chair. The slings and swings discussed in chapter 11 are also great for anal fisting. Fistees should position themselves in a sling or swing so that all parts of their bodies feel supported and nothing is constricted. Fisters can sit or stand between the fistee’s legs; you should adjust the height of the sling so that you don’t have to bend or slouch.