This Christmas (5 page)

Charlie had always been careful to keep the box hidden, scared it would be taken from her, but she now she didn’t care if anyone knew she had Mom’s stuff. Charlie went to her closet and pulled it out, taking the contents out of the box and laying everything on her bed one piece at a time.

When she first found the box, she had no idea what it all meant. There was hockey jersey and a t-shirt. Some pictures and a notebook that mom had written all kind of stuff. There was a photo album that said “Daddy’s Little Girl,” on the front and it was filled with pictures of Charlie growing up.

There was a memory book that had all the things she’d done since she was born. Mom had one in her room, too.

Then today at the rink, everything clicked into place when Charlie met Jake Killen. His pictures were in the box. His name was on the jersey. And it didn’t take Charlie long to figure out that he was her dad.

But now she didn’t know what was going to happen. She wondered if he would come to see her; wondered what her mother would do.

“Charlie?” There was a tap at the bedroom door. “Sweetie, are you...”

The door opened before Charlie could say anything. And while she thought she didn’t care if her mother knew she had the box, she really did.

“Oh, good, you’re dressed. Nona made—” Mom sucked in a breath when she saw everything on the bed.

The two of them were staring down at the contents of what Charlie called the “dad” box, but Charlie didn’t look at her mother. She couldn’t.

“Where did you get that?” Mom’s voice cracked a little, like she might cry.

“I found it in your closet.”

“I see.” Finally, Charlie looked up and saw her mother blinking back tears. She wasn’t crying, but she was trying hard not to. Mom sat down on the bed, next to the box, and instead of yelling, she reached out. Charlie walked into her mom’s arms and put her head on her shoulder. “You should have said something to me the minute you saw this.”

“I didn’t know what it was then,” she sniffled, wiped her eyes. “I wasn’t sure until today.”

“Why did you take it then?”

“I don’t know. I guess I hoped it was my dad’s. You have the photo album and the scrap book... I mean. I guess I knew, but I wasn’t really sure. Are you mad?”

“You took something that didn’t belong to you, and you knew you shouldn’t. So, yeah, I’m annoyed.” Mom reached out and gently tugged her hair letting Charlie know she really wasn’t
in
trouble, but this wasn’t going to be easy. “You should have said something to me.”

Charlie nodded, but she wasn’t the only one who kept something secret. Mom’s was way bigger. “You should have said something, too.”

The shock that spread across her mother’s face made Charlie wonder if that was the moment she was going to get grounded. She’d done a lot of things wrong, including taking something that didn’t belong to her, and now she was sassing her mom.

“Sorry,” she muttered.

“You could tone down the attitude, but you do have a right to say that. I should have said something. I shouldn’t have left things for you to find out on your own. That wasn’t right.”

“My father. Um... Jake. He looked really surprised.”

Mom pushed her hair back. “He was surprised. You weren’t the only one I should have talked to.”

“Oh. Uh.” She twisted her fingers. “Is he mad?”

“More than likely.”

Charlie bit her lip when she felt it start to tremble. “So I won’t be, like, meeting him or anything.”

Mom turned to her and looked confused. “Of course you will. Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know. Because he’s mad about me.”

“Oh, no, no, no.” Mom pulled her close. “He’s not mad
about
you. It anything he’s angry
with
me for not telling him. It’s not you. Personally, I think the two of you will hit it off.”

“Really?” That surprised Charlie.

“Yes. It’s going to be very awkward, but don’t worry about it—you have hockey in common.”

All she could do was nod. She didn’t know how many Christmases she’d wished to meet her father and this year it happened. It really happened.

“Let’s get some dinner in you. Nona made lasagna...” Mom poked her side. “Your favorite.”

Charlie smiled. “Okay.” But neither moved. “Mommy, do you think he’d go to the father-daughter dance with me?”

“I guess you should ask him.” Mom didn’t sound too sure about the idea. Maybe Charlie shouldn’t. He probably wouldn’t want to go.

“He’s probably busy.” Charlie didn’t know if she had the nerve to do the asking. The father-daughter dance was a big deal at school for the fourth and fifth grade girls. Everyone dressed up and made a big fuss over the December holidays. Grandpa was going to take her this year, but now, she hoped maybe Jake Killen would want to.

“Like I said, I think you should ask. I’ll see if Uncle Ryan can get in touch with him so you can meet.”

“You don’t have his phone number?”

“Not anymore. Not for a long time.”

Her mom finally stood up and Charlie could see her mother wasn’t telling her everything. Her mom was always so happy and funny, but now she was upset.

Feeling bad, Charlie stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her mother’s waist. “I’m sorry I took the box.”

Mom hugged her tight. “It’s okay. Most of what’s in there should be yours anyway. Or your dad’s. I put those books together for him.”

“I really want to meet him... you know, as my dad.” Charlie was never so sure of anything in her life.

Mom nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.”

B
ree didn’t know what to make of the exchange with Charlie, but there was some relief in facing the truth with her. The child amazed her at every turn. She was too old for her years most of the time, but at that moment, Sabrina had never appreciated her maturity more. The road they had to travel was not going to be free of bumps, and she had no doubt her girl was going to have a lot of questions, but they’d get through this. That was certain.

When she entered the kitchen, her mother was putting the food on plates, her father was filling a glass carafe with water, and Jade was grinning like she had a secret.

“Here’s your phone,” she said innocently. “It’s been buzzing like crazy.”

“What? Why?”

Her friend beamed. “Many, many text messages.”

That could only mean one thing. Kara, Elena, and Cass had been told about what went down today, and based on the way Jade was smiling, she was responsible for spilling the beans.

“Give me that.”

Bree keyed in her password and sure enough. Her friends, sisters really, were all over her. The wanted details and Jade wasn’t giving any information. “Why didn’t you just tell them what happened?” Sabrina snapped.

“Oh, no. That wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun as watching you navigate this.”

Jade was normally so cool, so polite, so considerate, but there were times she really enjoyed watching other people squirm. This was one of those times. She kept on typing, glancing up from time to time to smile sweetly.

Bree scrolled through the texts, which were group messages, and the reactions went from figuring out ways to hide Jake’s body, to concern for Charlie, to planning some imaginary wedding.
Sweet baby Jeebus.
She finally sent a text that all of them needed to shut up.

It was all very funny, and at the same time, sad because she didn’t know how this was going to affect her daughter. What she did know was, teasing aside, every one of Charlie’s aunts would be there to help her through. Bree stopped scrolling when a message from a strange phone number landed in her inbox.

She tapped her thumb on the screen and froze.

Oh no. Oh no.

“It’s Jake. Come outside.”

“This can’t be happening.”

This time when Jade looked up, her face sobered immediately. “What’s wrong?”

Bree showed her the text and Jade’s eyebrows shot up as she considered the new development. “He doesn’t play around, does he?”

“Not about this, he doesn’t.”

“What is it? What’s going on?” Her mother asked.

“Nothing. I need some air.”

“Air?” Mom blocked the door, holding up a large stainless steel ladle like a weapon. Vincenza Gervais may have been a well-respected family lawyer in her day job, but at home she was an Italian mother who would protect her family without hesitation. “Why do you need air?’”

“Mom...”

“Sabrina, what’s going on?” Mom motioned to her dad. “Ed, go with her...”

Grabbing the doorknob, Bree who had put on her winter coat, turned back and kissed Charlie on top of the head. Her poor baby was so confused. “I’ll be back in a minute, sweetie. Stay put, okay?” She glared at her parents. “Everyone stay put.”

Walking out the back door, Sabrina took a deep breath of cold, salt air. The coast was different in the winter. For obvious reasons, there wasn’t the same hustle and bustle as summer, but it was more than the weather. Winter was darker—isolating—almost like a curtain was drawn around the town, hiding it from the rest of the world. Maybe that was why there were always so many lights strung up around the holidays—people craved the light, needed it, to feel less alone. God knew she did.

Turning toward the driveway, she saw a big Tahoe parked next to her Jeep, but Jake wasn’t there.

Come outside
, he’d messaged.

It was the same message she’d received over and over ten summers ago. The one she’d sit on her window seat and wait for. The one that, just like now, made her heart beat too fast and her breath catch in her chest.

Come outside.

Back then, when she left her room and crept through the dark house, Sabrina would meet him by a cluster of trees near the dock. Now there was only one tree left, all the others having fallen victim to one storm or another, but the remaining one wouldn’t give up. To honor its fortitude, her father had set aside hours each of the past few years to completely cover the branches in white lights. It was her father’s way of celebrating life. Of celebrating strength in the face of overwhelming odds. And standing next to it, in the spot where he whispered that he would always love her, was Jake. He was illuminated from all sides, almost in a cocoon of light, while the darkness from the beach was his backdrop.

He was staring off into the distance, out at the wide, dark bay, and as Sabrina approached, she didn’t know what she was going to say to him. After he’d left, Bree remembered a deep ache in her chest that wouldn’t go away. The feeling that she’d cried all she could, only to cry more. The discomforts of pregnancy were nothing when compared with the pain of a broken heart. The only way she got through had been to block him out. To stay focused on school, and then on Charlie. Jade, Cass, Kara, and Elena had kept her from drowning in her own sorrow. If she really thought about it, they were still doing it.

But now the ache was back, along with the longing, and a slew of questions she didn’t know if she wanted answered. The truth didn’t always set one free, sometimes it hurt like a bitch. “Don’t let him get to you. The only person in this who matters is Charlie,” she said to herself. “Stay focused. Don’t cry.”

She’d cried way too much for him, and while Bree could accept her responsibility in this, she wasn’t going to take all the blame. He’d left her and there was no way around that part of it.

She walked toward him, wondering if she should say something or if catching him a little off guard was best. Maybe it would give her the upper hand. She thought for a moment and came to the realization she would have the upper hand for about twelve and a half seconds.

“Just breathe,” she whispered.

“I’m not gonna bite,” he said firmly making Bree stop short. So much for keeping him off guard.

“Maybe not, but I’m not used to being
summoned
anymore.”

He stuttered, unsure of what he wanted to say, which was unusual for Jake. He possessed such a big personality and could engage anyone in a conversation. For Sabrina, who had been painfully shy around boys, he’d been a miracle. He’d made her feel alive and comfortable for the first time in her life.

“Where’s the lighthouse?” He nodded toward the beach, but really, he was looking far beyond. The Holly Point Lighthouse was a town treasure. The harbor light, in one form or another, had guided boats for almost two centuries. But like so many small lighthouses, it was no longer needed. A foundation had been formed to save the lighthouse, which had fallen into disrepair over the past decade, but they hadn’t raised enough money to do anything.

“The light’s been dark since right after you left. Upkeep is expensive.”

“Wow. Really? I remember seeing it from my bed in the apartment. I always felt like it led me here.” His blue eyes shone, reflecting the twinkling lights in the tree. They locked with hers and the meaning of his words weren’t lost. They were hollow, but she understood he was trying to find some common ground. Too bad it wasn’t working.

But in spite of all of her conflicting emotions, his words sparked a tingling awareness because she also remembered the view from his bed. Long, beautiful nights that they’d lain together after making love, sometimes dozing in each other’s arms looking out at the light in the distance. She remembered the times they’d talked tentatively about the future—a future that never happened. She’d gone to him often that summer, with no one suspecting what was going on between them.