Tied Up In Heartstrings (7 page)

The girls are back from their shopping adventure. Although, I’m still pissed that they didn’t take my card and are walking in the door with
bags
and
bags
of crap. It was nice spending time with Garrett talking about music, life, and everything in between.

“Seriously, I’m going to a wedding, not freaking getting married! What the hell is all that?” I ask as they walk into the room with huge smiles, completely ignoring me. Kelsey walks to Garrett and tells him he needs to get lost for a few hours. She returns his credit card, letting him know she did some real damage. He laughs, replying, “Glad to hear it!” Real damage…shit! What in the world are those idiot best friends of mine thinking? I know what I’m thinking. I’m going to kill them all with very little remorse! UGH…

He walks over to me, and bends to kiss my cheek. I feel the stampede again. “Don’t be mad, sweetheart. They want to spoil you and take care of you as much as I do. Humor us for a minute, okay?”

Okay, let me say when he looks at me like that, I think I’d agree to anything he wants. I lift my arms and wrap them around his shoulders, giving him a tight squeeze, before willing myself not to stay there too long. Embracing him is so comfortable it takes all I have not climb up his body and hoist myself into his arm. “Garrett, thank you for whatever’s in those bags,” I say, trying to be appear nonchalant, “but mostly, thank you for hanging out with me all day instead of the other more important people you need to spend time with.” He sacrificed his day to be with me, and although, I do feel a bit guilty, I really am grateful. Today I forgot how hard the last eighteen months have been. I remembered myself, my hobbies,
my friends. I saw more than just a glimmer of the old Alexis. She was here…front and center, hanging out. It was a great day!

After Garrett leaves, I not so successfully chastise my best friends for taking advantage of Garrett’s generosity and buying out Nordstrom. They must have spent thousands of dollars. There are multiple dresses, shoes, outfits, handbags, and all kinds of cosmetics. I don’t even wear much make up, only a little gloss and some eye shadow. Ugh, these girls are going to be the death of me.

It doesn’t take long for me to get ready. If I must say, the girls chose the perfect lace, fitted and flared, sleeveless dress in taupe with a black velvet belt around the waist by Adrianna Papell. They bought a pair of Jimmy Choo wedge pumps in black. My hair is in soft curls, tied low, and draped over my shoulder with a beaded hair accessory. It’s all beautiful, comfortable, and I feel very pretty in it. It’s me, not too dressy, but girly and fun.

I make sure to call Sierra before leaving, since I’m not really sure when I’ll have a few minutes to talk to her later. I promised I would call. I’ll never break a promise to her.

Garrett knocks on the door to escort me down to the wedding ceremony, which is being held on the beach, while I’m still trying to calm myself in the bedroom. I’m really nervous. I’m not sure completely why, but part of me knows that I don’t come close to measuring up to the actresses and models I’ve seen him with in magazines. I’m not sure it matters. It’s not like he wants me beside him as anything more than a friend from the past. He’s definitely not charting a course to get in bed with me. I’d never compare in that way.

I walk out to the entry room where Kelsey and
Cami are chatting with him about the events of the evening. Whit takes my arm and whispers in my ear, “Whatever happens tonight let it be. Don’t try to evade feelings and emotions you know you can’t avoid.”

I look to her and stop and whisper, “What are you talking about, Whitney?” What does she see? It’s obviously clear to her, yet not at all to me.

“Sweets, that man is all wrapped up in you, and you deserve to be happy and treated like a princess. Try not to think to overthink this. You have a tendency to self-destruct when you’re scared.”

Wrapped up in me? Doubtful. He needed a date. I happened to be here. We like talking and hanging out, but this is a friendly thing. I’m not sure my brain could handle if it were more, but my body is another story. It warms at the sight of him.

I walk over to Garrett, who looks at me with those beautiful grey eyes that light up the room when he smiles. “Look at you, beautiful girl. Wow. I guess I won’t have to be worried at cameras pointing at me tonight.” He says. The girls all laugh.

“You like, Garrett? Money well spent?”
Cami asks, knowing he approves from the look on his face.

“Ladies, I’m pretty sure a hefty sack would look like a red carpet gown on this beautiful girl. Thanks for taking care of her today while she and I spent some time catching up,” he says to the girls, as he takes my hand and escorts me from the room.

When we’re walking down the hall toward the elevators he looks over his shoulder to verify we’re alone. Then he sweeps me into a little hall off to side. “Lex, I can’t wait, not another minute. You’re beautiful and these lips…” he says, running the tip of his finger around the edge of my bottom lip as I’m pressed against the wall by his hips. “I’m going to kiss you now. Any objections?” he asks. But my voice box is broken. I can’t muster any words. So after several seconds he says, “I take that as acceptance.” And he launches an assault on my lips. It’s aggressive and fiery, but precious and tender at the same time. My body comes alive. Like it’s been comatose for years and is finally waking up. He’s makes me feel like a real woman, a little bit strong and more myself by the minute.

When he finally releases me from his captivating kiss, he brushes his finger down my face and looks me directly in the eye. “
Lex, you’re amazing, but if I don’t put a little space between us for a second, I’m not sure we’ll make it to this wedding.” But he hasn’t stepped away. I’m still pressed firmly between his hips and the wall.

“Okay, that starts with taking a step back.” He does, but groans under his breath as he retreats. He takes my hand in his, kissing it, and we walk hand in hand toward the beach.

The ceremony was beautiful. Garrett’s family has been very nice and accommodating. His parents seem a bit over zealous, but it’s apparent their only child is the love of their lives. They ask a lot of questions about Sierra and me in a conversational way, not interrogating. I can tell they’re genuinely interested.

When we finally make it through the crowds of people waiting to say hello to Garrett, we go directly to the banquet room. Garrett and I are singing the song for the first dance,
then we can enjoy the rest of the party with the other attendees. Although, I’d rather be alone with him. After that kiss, the one I knew I wanted, but hadn’t imagined how amazing it would actually feel, I can’t wait to be alone with him again.

This is my last night here. We’re packing up after brunch tomorrow and heading back home. It’s bittersweet. I can’t wait to get my hands on my little munchkin, but it’s been so nice reconnecting with Garrett, too. I’m not really ready to say goodbye for God knows how long.

I want to ask Garrett to keep in touch with me, but I don’t want him to feel the pressure of one more person wanting something from him, even if it is only a phone call or text every once in a while.

We perform the song. They’re all very pleased to hear Garrett sing, and they thank us, telling us how much they liked it as we work our way through the room to a table in the back. I suspect Garrett chose this table for a quick escape. I’m learning he doesn’t really like crowds, which is funny since he performs at venues with tens of thousands of people all the time.

The rest of the evening passes with us eating, drinking, and sometimes dancing. Garrett likes to slow dance. He’s not much for breaking it down with anything fast. That’s okay. I like dancing to the slower songs, with him holding me tight in his arms. I’m dying to lean up and kiss his face, but I know that’s not appropriate since there are so many eyes on us constantly. It’s been a long time since anyone has held me, dancing. Jed didn’t like to dance. He actually didn’t really like to listen to music, unless he was in the car. He preferred television, movies, and video games. I wasn’t much for that type of noise.

That’s one thing that has changed drastically in our house since Jed passed away. Now it’s always filled with all kinds of music. Sierra loves to sing and dance with me. She still watches her favorite shows, but mostly we like to listen to music and read.

The night is coming to an end. The girls don’t really expect me back early. I thought they might be upset with me for ditching them to hang out with Garrett all day, but they weren’t. They were happy to see me doing
‘something out of the ordinary’
, as Whit says. I guess this is yet one more glimmer of my real self coming back to life. It’s just something else to be grateful to Garrett for giving me.

It was really great singing with him again. I’m not really a fan of performing publicly, but it was worth it to be on stage with Garrett. I love singing, but I would never want it to be my life. I want a family life. Even after losing Jed and my happy ever after, I still see myself with more kids someday, and a husband who thinks the sun and moon rises and sets behind me. That dream is still there living vividly inside me. I know it sounds as farfetched as, ’I wear Cinderella’s slippers, have no wicked step-sisters, live in a big castle with prince charming, and we all live happily ever after.’ I need to lower my expectations on what my new life will really look like. Otherwise, I’ll be setting myself up for failure, and likely heartbreak, at my unachievable dreams.

We say our goodbyes to Garrett’s family and friends, leaving the party behind a bit earlier than I expected. I walk a couple steps ahead of Garret toward the elevators.

“Alexis, can we go sit on the beach for a little while? I really want to spend these last few minutes of our night alone with you.” Alone, yes, I want more time alone with Garrett.

“I’m only too happy to oblige, Mr. McKenna,” I say, highlighting my good southern girl drawl. “Thank you, sir,” I say with a curtsy.

“Why are you thanking me, sweetheart?” he asks, sweeping me in the opposite direction, toward the beach. I love it when he calls me sweetheart. I’ve never had a pet name like that. Jed always called me Alexis, or sometimes honey, but not very often.

“I guess I wasn’t really ready for the night to end. I was thanking you for reading my mind again, Mr. McKenna. You seem to be able to do that often.”

We walk out to the beach and sit on one of the double beach loungers overlooking the ocean. We’re back to the comfortable silence for a bit before I hear Garrett clear his throat. “
Lex, I need to tell you something.”

I look over at him, mentally preparing myself to hear all the excuses as to why he can’t keep in touch with me, but instead he says, “Sweetheart, seeing you these past two days has been the best thing to happen to me in a long, long time. Now that we’ve reconnected, I’m not sure I can let you walk out my life. I really need to know in what capacity you have space for me in your life. I’ll take whatever you have to offer, darling. If I can text or call every once in a while that’s great, but really I want to see you. I want to visit you and you visit me. I want to hear your voice on the phone when I’m on the road, and I really want to meet that beautiful little angel of yours. But I’m at your mercy. Tell me what I role can have in your life.”

I feel excitement welling in my stomach. This weekend has been magical, but I’m a bit unsure of how it will translate in my real life. This is vacation life. It’ll be really different when I’m home. I have responsibilities. I have Sierra, and there’s no way I’ll ever allow anything into her life that could cause any harm. She needs me, and it takes every ounce of time and energy I have to fill the role of two parents. This situation, although it’s wonderful, exciting, and fun, isn’t real. Not for me. This is a happy ending for someone else. Someone whose life is more suited to his. I feel tears burning in the back of my eyes, but I refuse to allow my fear to overpower this situation. I want to enjoy this time.

He makes me happy with his words. No wonder he’s a famous songwriter and performer. He’s really good. I can’t believe this man has brought me to happy tears twice in the same day. “Garrett, I’m so glad you said that. I don’t want to lose contact with you either. You’re a very important friend. I have missed you terribly, but I need you to know my life is complicated. With that being said, please visit
me…and Sierra. If we can ever make it work, we would love to visit you. She loves horses and would love to visit your ranch in Nashville.” Then in my effort to keep things fun, I slug him more gently in the stomach this time, since I hurt my hand on his bicep this morning, and say, “I did tell you this morning I would sing to you about caterpillars and butterflies if you needed me to.”

I’m laughing even through a few happy tears that have escaped my eyes. He’s smiling when he pulls me onto his lap to hug me and hold me close. We sit looking at the ocean with my back leaning into him and his chin resting on the top of my head. I’m listening to his breath, feeling the strength of his
heart beat on my back. It’s comfortable, making me want so much more. Even though, we’re so close, it’s not enough. It’s dark out here, and the beach is thankfully empty, because before I even realize what I’ve done I’m turned around grabbing his face and pulling his lips back to mine, desperate to taste him.