Up High in the Trees (19 page)

You did it, she's saying.

Jackson sits down next to me and gives me the five dollars.

Here, take it, he says, what did you write?

I can hear my heart beating in my ears.

I tell him that I wrote, I WAS HERE.

Jackson's laughing at me, but I don't care. He keeps laughing and Shelly tells him to stop it right now.

You idiot, Jackson says to me, nobody knows who
I
is.

You stole that five dollars from Mom and I know it, says Shelly.

You don't know anything, Jackson tells her.

Shelly looks at me. Her face wants me to believe her and I do. I don't want the five dollars anymore. I sit up now and hand the money back to Jackson, but he won't take it. I try to drop it on his lap, but he jumps up fast and the five dollars lands on the grass. Jackson runs away.

Come on, Shelly says to me and she starts running, too. I don't want to sit there next to the five-dollar bill, so I run.

Jackson runs past his blue house and we follow him.

Slow down, Shelly yells, but Jackson won't slow down.

I run past her so I'm right behind Jackson now. We're running far, far away from the five-dollar bill. Jackson is running the way you go to get to the post office. I know this way.

You guys, Shelly yells from behind us, but we won't stop.

It's easy to run now. We go all the way to the park.

Jackson climbs up the clown-head jungle gym and sits at the very top. I climb, too. You can tell the jungle gym used to be painted blue, but now a lot of the paint is chipped off and it's just metal color.

There are two kids on the swings. They don't say anything to us. I watch them. They're pumping hard with their feet and swinging high. The swing chains make a moaning sound, like they might break.

Shelly's coming now. She's walking, not running.

I knew you'd run here! Shelly yells at Jackson.

He doesn't say anything.

The kids on the swings are a boy and a girl and they have white blond hair. The girl sticks out her tongue at us and I don't like how she stares. My stomach feels tight inside and I have to pee, but there's nowhere to go!

Shelly climbs up the jungle gym and tells Jackson to move. She pulls on his leg because she wants a turn to sit on the top, but Jackson shakes his head no.

Slowly, very slowly, Jackson pulls his feet up so that he's squatting on the clown's hat, and then with his arms straight out, he stands. The boy and girl on the swings are pumping and looking at Jackson.

Shelly pinches me on the back of my arm. I turn around and look at her.

Don't, I tell her.

Hey, says the girl on the swing. She kicks off one of her shoes and it flies at Jackson but doesn't hit him. Then the boy on the swings yells at us.

Get the HELL out of here! he screams. He has almost the same face as the girl. He kicks off one of his shoes and it flies way up high over our heads.

Let's go, Shelly whispers to me.

I want to run, but I hold on tight to the jungle gym.

Come on, Shelly whispers.

Shhhh, I tell her. I look up at Jackson.

He's staring at the boy and girl on the swings.

Screw you guys, Jackson says. He doesn't say it very loud.

Then he jumps up and twists around in a whole circle so he lands facing the same way. Shelly claps for him.

Good, Jackson, good, she says.

I know something bad is going to happen now. The girl on the swings kicks off her other shoe and it misses Jackson again.

Damn it, says Jackson. He squats low on the clown's hat.

Then I see the blood. His nose is bleeding down his face and dripping onto his shirt.

Jump down and run, Jackson says in a low voice. Try to get their shoes, he says to me. Shelly, just run, he says. Okay, ready, GO! Jackson tells us and we go.

I land hard on the ground and fall forward. My hands feel like they're burning. The boy and girl jump off the swings to get us.

Chickenshits! the girl screams.

I grab a dirty white sneaker and run.

You asshole! the boy yells. Give me back my shoe, you dick! You four-eyed dick! he yells. Does your dick have four eyes too?! You bunch of assholes!

I'm running as fast as I can and it's not easy now. It feels like tripping, like I'm going to fall. I have to keep going. Jackson's running next to me and Shelly's in front of us. I don't look back.

You assholes, the boy and girl are saying, we're going to beat the living shit out of you!

I can hear their voices behind us. Jackson's in front of me now. His blood is dripping and making spots on the sidewalk.

Come on! Jackson yells.

I can't go any faster. I have to pee really bad now and it hurts to run.

Follow me, he says and passes in front of Shelly.

Keep running, I'm saying in my head, keep running.

We go across a street and through a gate into the backyard of a brown house and then we have to climb over a fence to get out. It's a brown wooden fence and there's a hole in the wood where you can put your foot to climb up. I have to throw the dirty shoe over first and then I put my foot in the hole and climb. It hurts my hands to hold on to the top of the fence and I slip going over so my leg scratches on the wood. The scratch feels hot on my leg and burns like my hands. I pick up the shoe and run.

We're running behind the houses, following Jackson. He opens a white gate into another backyard. After Shelly and I are in, he slams the gate shut.

We lost them, he says and breathes hard. There's blood all
down the front of his shirt and he's pinching his nose to make the bleeding stop.

You're dying, Shelly says to him.

Jackson lets himself fall down on the grass. We lie there in the backyard of a tall white house and catch our breaths. My hands are burning and the scratch on my leg is burning, too. I still have the shoe.

Holy shit, says Jackson.

I lift up my head to look at him. He's lying on his stomach.

Are you okay? I ask.

Shit, he says again.

Shelly sits up. Her face looks wet and splotchy red.

His nose bleeds when he gets nervous, she tells me.

You don't know anything, says Jackson.

I know about your nose, she says.

I sit up next to Shelly.

Close your eyes, I tell her.

Why? she asks. She pulls out a handful of grass and looks at me.

I look away. Please, I say.

Shelly drops the grass and then pulls up another handful.

You're really weird, she says and then closes her eyes.

I go behind a tree where she can't see me anyway. My pee makes a loud sound on the grass. I can't help it.

You're peeing, she says.

Don't look, I say.

She's looking when I come back from behind the tree.

You peed, she says and starts laughing.

I sit down next to her.

She keeps laughing and Jackson's still lying on his stomach, not saying anything.

Jackson, look, I say. I hold up the stupid shoe for him to see.

He lifts up his head.

You stopped bleeding, says Shelly.

Yeah, Jackson says and puts his head back down.

We'll bury the shoe, he says, we can bury it here.

I sit with Shelly and we wait for Jackson to get up.

Let me see your glasses, says Shelly. She grabs them off my face and puts them on.

Hey, I tell her, don't.

Everything looks blobby, she says and takes them off, then hands them over to me.

I don't say anything. I want to go back to the white house now and be with Dad.

It's getting dark, says Shelly.

Jackson sits up then and looks around the yard. The blood on his face is dry and crusty.

We'll bury it over in the corner, he says and points.

We dig the hole with our hands.

I can't do it, Shelly says. She stops digging.

My hands are red and stinging from sharp pieces in the dirt.

Just put it in, says Jackson, and we'll cover it up.

I drop the shoe in and Jackson pats down the dirt on top.

Then we stand back and look. You can tell that something's there.

Dear Ms. Lambert,

Dad says that Mother burned all the pictures of her face. In Mother's box, I only found one picture of her. She's laughing with her eyes closed and she's holding a baby. Dad says that the baby is Cass. Mother's laughing and she's leaning forward with the baby in her lap and her dark brown hair is long and shining. Behind Mother is a window that's white with light. Dad says that Mother had to keep this picture because the baby in it is Cass and Mother couldn't burn a picture of Cass.

I'm there in the picture, too. I'm a part of Mother, floating where nobody can see me. I can hear Mother laughing. She's laughing at Dad, who's behind the camera. Dad's singing the funny song “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” in a high, shaky voice, because Mother likes him when he does that.

I know that the picture of Mother is my favorite thing.

Bye, Sebby

I can't find Dad. I told him to stay inside, but I can't find him anywhere. I'm looking in his room and in the kitchen and also the bathroom. Maybe Dad's lost in the house or maybe he went outside again. He's not answering me.

I keep calling, Dad, Dad, Dad. I think he could be gone.

Then I look under his bed and there he is all the way back against the wall with the cat.

Dad, I keep saying.

He's not answering me. He's petting the cat and won't look at me.

Bye, I tell him and run away, downstairs and out of the house. I slam the door shut behind me as hard as I can.

Outside, I hear a bird squawking.

Be quiet! I yell at the ugly bird noise.

I run all the way to the blue house and ring the doorbell. I ring it again and again because I don't want to wait.

Just a second, their mom's voice says and I listen to her steps coming closer. When she opens the door, she's holding Baby Chester. He looks at me and then turns away, like he doesn't want to see me.

Hi, Sebastian, their mom says.

I follow her into the house.

They're playing upstairs, she tells me, unless they killed each other. Then she puts Chester down and he can walk by himself. She holds his hand and he takes tiny, wobbly steps.

I watch them walking together.

It's good that you moved here, she tells me, there aren't many kids in the neighborhood and Jackson and Shelly have done a fine job of scaring away the few who are around.

I don't say anything.

You must be a brave boy, she says.

I nod.

Well, she tells me, you can go on up.

Okay, I say. I run upstairs to the playroom.

Jackson's sitting on the floor eating peanut butter out of the jar.

Hi, he says. He licks off the spoon and then puts it back in his mouth to suck on.

I look around. Everything is the same as before except the fort in the corner is caved in.

Where's Shelly? I ask him.

He takes the spoon out of his mouth and looks at it.

How should I know? he asks.

I'm in my room, Shelly's voice screams at us, and I'm not coming out!

I sit down next to Jackson and cross my legs like his.

So, says Jackson, what do you want to do?

I shrug. Nothing really, I tell him.

Here, he says and hands me the peanut butter jar. Just use your fingers.

The jar's almost empty, so I have to stick my whole hand in to get the peanut butter out from the bottom. I put all four of my fingers in my mouth to lick it off and that makes
me choke a little, but I don't care. The peanut butter tastes good.

You want to watch TV or something? Jackson asks.

I'm sucking on my fingers.

Okay, I tell him.

Come on, he says, we have to go to my mom's room.

His mom's room is at the end of the hall. Jackson runs in and jumps up on the bed. It's a big bed with a puffy blanket that has blue and white stripes. The curtains on the windows have the same blue and white stripes. I climb up with the peanut butter jar and sit down at the bottom of the bed with Jackson.